The Girl in the Spiked Collar

“Minnie, surely this isn’t real. The only person I’ve had sex with was Marilyn Manson when I toured with him.” I said that night over the phone. “Shadow, I’ve been noticing you are putting on a belly. I just didn’t want to say anything.” She answered. “I suppose.” I look at myself in the mirror, finally noticing the difference. The bump was already very prevalent. Damn me for being slender! How am I going to explain it? I wonder.
That night after I tucked in Terry, I went down to my room. Eyeing my cigarette and alcohol stash, I put it all in a box and haul it up the stairs and outside. Everyone is in bed. I pour out all the alcohol into the grass and crush up my cigarettes, then bury them in the ground.
My first prenatal appointment was a few days after I got out of the hospital. Who I saw there shocked me. “Marilyn?” I ask. “Yes, it’s me. Call me Brian, please. How are you doing?” He questioned. We hugged and walked into the clinic, catching up. I filled out the paper work and wait for my name to be called. “Shadow?” The doctor asks. I stand up, Marilyn follows me. Dr. Black explains everything. I change into a paper gown with Brian’s help and sit on the table. “This is going to feel cold.” The doctor warned. “I want to do it.” Manson answered. “You may.” Dr. Black replied. I feel Marilyn’s hand rub cold gel across my tummy, the cold is surprising at first, but ok after a second or two. A strange device is held against the gel. A quiet ‘thud’ ‘thud’ thud’ sound comes from it. “Is that the heartbeat?” Brian asks. “Yes, it sounds perfectly healthy.” Dr. Black answers. That was extraordinary. Hearing my baby’s heartbeat for the first time, made it all that much more real. And just seeing it on the little screen was mesmerizing. “It appears to be a boy. You are going to have a son.” Dr. Black says. Manson squeezes my hand even tighter and smiles.
We walk out of the clinic. “Honey, please, please, keep the baby. I will send you as much money as you need, just please keep our baby.” Manson begged. “I know, I wasn’t going to get rid of it anyway. It’s our child; I would never do that.
We stood talking for a while until I offered to take him on a ride in my car. He got in and I started driving. “Brian, I’m worried.” “Why?” He asks. “I’m 16, I don’t have a job, I can’t even get one in Kingman and I don’t have anywhere to live, nowhere to go. As soon as my parents find out about this, they are going to either kill me or force me to get an abortion.” I state. He sighs. “Shadow, I’m sorry I put you in this position but I really want you to keep our baby. If you don’t want it, I will take it. Make sure and tell your parents that and if it gets too bad, I can hire a really good lawyer. They don’t have the right to make you do that.” He answers. “And what do I tell our son about you? He’s going to grow up without a father.” I point out. “Shadow, I’m only telling you this for your own good. I don’t love you, ok? I don’t want to be with you. Don’t get me wrong, you are a great girl, but that’s what you are. A girl. I will come around for the sake of my child but I don’t want anything to do with you. At the same time, I will send money for the baby and you, if you want to stay home with it. I’ll pay your bills and give you money to spend but I won’t be with you.” Brian bluntly stated. His words cut like a knife. I loved him so much. “I understand, I’m just saying every child needs a father.”
Straying from bad substances was hard, they were what calmed me, helped me through my difficult times but I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Dr. Black did a few amniocentesis tests to find out how the baby was doing and to get DNA proof that Brian was in fact the father. I made it to all of the prenatal appointments, I didn’t skip even one. Being a good parent starts before your kids are even born.
I noticed around 6 months, there was a lot of action in the womb. The baby moved around a lot and sometimes the only way to calm him down was to put some Marilyn Manson on. As soon as the song started to play, the baby calmed.
It turned out Manson wasn’t lying about sending money; he sent $2,000 in the mail. Good to have seeing as though I had to buy my own food and everything. At least this way I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to find a job.
Months went on, I saw Brian twice a month, he went shopping with me for baby things and he agreed our son would stay with me for a few years and visit him for a month at a time when he gets old enough for me to take him to California and leave him with Brian by himself for a month at a time.
Everyone periodically asked why I was gaining weight, nobody believed me when I told them until I showed them the DNA results and the video of Manson and I being nasty and obscene when I toured with them. My family believed I was pregnant but they thought I was lying about who the father is. Mom said the only reason I wasn’t kicked out was because they don’t want anyone knowing and if I’m homeless, people are bound to find out.
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(END OF FLASHBACK. NOW IN THE PRESENT)
I sit up in bed, finished thinking about my past and just stare up to the ceiling. I’m 2 weeks from the due date, but Dr. Black says I could potentially go into labor at any minute now. It’s only December 13.
It’s 10:03PM, everyone is in bed now. The pain set in an hour ago and it’s just getting worse. I stand up to go to the bathroom and something wet runs down my legs. “Oh no!” I whisper. My water broke.
I grab the prepared baggage and run up to my mom’s room. Surely she’ll know what to do!
“Mom?” I ask. “What?” She yells. “I think… I think I’m going into labor, my water broke and I’m contracting! Can you drive me to a hospital?” I ask. “Shadow, it’s YOUR mistake! You take care of it; I am not going to help you or that THING.” She yells. “Well, at least you know where I will be.” I whisper, genuinely scared. I run outside and pack everything into my car and take off into the night. The closest hospital is 47 minutes away and I’m freaking out. I’m all by myself and unsure of what’s going to happen.
I park in the parking garage, grab my bags and run into the hospital. “Ma’am I think I’m having a baby…” I tell the woman at the check-in desk. 10:58PM. She checks me in and I get settled into a room.
Dr. Black shows up and I am changed into an ugly green hospital gown. The contractions grow closer in time and get more intense. “Can I call Brian? I’ve got to call Brian!” I insist, scared. “Of course you can.” The nurse replies, handing me my phone. I call his number and he answers. “Hello?” “Brian, it’s Shadow. I’m in Wesley Hospital in Wichita. I’m in labor and I’m really scared.” I say. “Honey, I’ll be there as soon as I can, I’ve got to get my bags and I will start coming your way right now, ok? I’m in Los Angeles. “ok.” That’s when real nervousness sets in. Will everything go ok? What will happen?
Talking to the nurse calms me. She and the doctor let me play some quiet music from my ipod. Brian’s voice is so soothing in not just the songs but also the interviews and I start to instantly relax. There’s more movement and kicking. “I feel you in there, honey. I’ll get to meet you soon. I love you.” I talk to the child a lot like that and it proves to be effective in calming him as well. The nurse gives me some sort of drug to make me sleep. There are some complications and I will need to be sedated.

4:47AM. A knock comes from the door and a beautiful, tall gothic man steps through. “Brian!” I exclaim. “Did I miss anything?” He asks. “No, I’m still dilating.” He sits on the bed, holding my hand with one hand and using the other to feel the kicking baby. Manson begins speaking softly to it and it moves around as if trying to feel his hand. “I think he… already likes you.” I say between breaths, in pain from severe contractions. Marilyn kisses my cheek and leans his ear to my belly.