Status: Active
The Girl in the Spiked Collar
Part 7
6:53AM. I sit in the rocking chair to nurse my son. Not even a week old and he already looks like Marilyn Manson, his father. A pounding sound erupts from the door. “Goddamn you, Shadow! Let me in or I’m going to break the fucking door down!” My father screams. “Just a minute, I’m feeding the baby.” I answer, unattaching Alistair and sighing. The guy literally busts down. I stand, chest exposed. “Cover yourself!” He commands. “I told you I was feeding the baby, what’s so wrong with that?” I ask. He slaps me across the face as Alistair is crying on the bed. “It is time for school.” “Dad, I can’t go to school for at least another month, the doctor said!” I point out. “Well your mom and I have decided that you are going whether you want to or not!” He yells. “I just had a fucking baby 4 days ago, I think I deserve to stay home from school for a while.” I state. He grabs my hair and yanks me up the stairs. “Who’s going to watch my son?” I frantically ask. “He’s YOUR mistake; YOU figure it out!” Mom shouts as my father literally drags me to the car and into the school.
I come home when school ends 12 hours later like always. I hear hoarse cries coming from my room. “Shut up you stupid fucking disgrace!” My parents yell.
I run down only to find poor newborn Alistair sitting in his own filth from hours before, starving, cold and miserable. He is in the exact same place as I left him this morning. “Oh my god!” I say in shock. “Ali, honey, mommy is so sorry!” I say, cleaning him up. “I didn’t think he would ever shut up!” My mom exclaims. “Why didn’t you take care of him?” I demand, outraged. “Because you made that mistake, I didn’t.” She says as she walks away.
The next day I don’t even want to risk it, so I end up leaving the school at lunch time to take care of Alistair. It’s pretty bullshit that we have 12 hour days and I know my child will die if I am not there to care for him, so I get in my car and go home.
Alistair’s small cries pierce the air as I open up the basement window and slide into my room. “Ali honey, shhh.” I whisper, picking him up and cleaning the filth off him. Damn my family for not helping my poor son. With a fresh diaper and change of clothes, I cuddle and feed him whilst quietly singing. When I have three minutes until the bell rings to go to class, I abruptly leave and go back to the school. Alistair has at least been fed and changed. Now he lays sleeping in his crib.
I get back to the school at the exact time lunch ends. Everyone is going to class but a group of angry teachers await me. “What?” I ask. “Why did you leave?” You know it is against school rules to leave the premises!” Principal Richard barks. “Yup, well technically I shouldn’t even be here. I had a fucking baby 5 days ago and nobody is taking care of him. If I don’t go back to my house and care for him, he will die. So, you can all go to hell.” I calmly say. “It better not ever happen again!” One of the teachers shouts. “Fuck you.” I answer.
The next day I do the same thing but this time there are serious repercussions. A meeting has been arranged with the school, my parents and myself. “What the hell were you thinking?” My father screams when I get home. “I was just making sure my boy was taken care of since none of you will help me!” “He’s your fucking mistake, Shadow so you should just fucking deal with it!” Mom growls. “We should have smothered him in his crib when we had the chance!” Ronny erupts. I ignore him and his girlfriends. “Oh no, my son is no mistake, I wanted him. The child of Marilyn Manson and myself. You wanted to know why I ran away from the school trip to Colorado? There’s your answer. I was touring with Marilyn Manson as his own personal whore. I have video of it all.” I admit. She slaps me hard across the face as I tend to Alistair. He begins to cry as they keep screaming. “Now look what you did!” I state whilst cuddling Alistair to quiet him.
I couldn’t hide the fact that I was in fact very scared. The school environment depresses me anyways, but this just enhances the fact. I go into the principal’s office and slide into a seat with my child. My parents walk in and take their seats. “Why have you been leaving?” The counselor demands. “I already told you. Nobody is taking care of my newborn baby while I am stuck here for 12 hours a day, so I didn’t think it would be a huge ordeal if I take care of him during lunch break. It is surely no worse than all the drugs and child abuse Ronald does at home! And I’m never late or anything.” I confess. “Is this true?” She asks my parents. “Don’t you dare drag poor Ronny into this! And Yes, I told her that demon spawn is her mistake, not ours so we aren’t going to help him. I told you this would happen, that is why I suggested adoption or abortion.” Mom said. “Well, Marilyn Manson is the father to him, of course I’m not giving him up. I would never do that.” “Shadow, do you have DNA proof?” Principal Richard asks. I pull out the test results and Alistair’s birth certificate. “Here.” “I have video evidence!” My father spits. “My sex tape?” I blurt. They hook the device to the projector and very graphic images of Marilyn Manson and I having sex are displayed, along with audio. “Yes, it’s all here! All the sex we had, the drugs we did, fine, you caught me!” I say, covering Alistair’s little ears. “Shadow, have you ever considered that maybe you aren’t capable of taking care of such a, such a celebrity child?” The counselor asks. “Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I’m capable. I love my son and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.” I answer. “Well, if you were to sign away your rights, you could get potentially $250,000 for him, seeing as though he is a celebrity’s child.” She offers. “No, that is sick! No, I’m keeping him; he’s mine!” I shout. She pulls out a packet of papers and hands me a pen. “All you have to do is sign on the dotted line, just sign it and we will give you half the money and you won’t be expelled. “Oh, ok so now you’re going to expel me for being a good mother? Nice.” I sarcastically spit, getting up and walking to the door. My father jerks my hand to the paper and forces the pen down. I slide out of it and run with Alistair in my arms to my car. “I can’t fucking do this!” I say in tears of frustration and insecurity.
“You’re out! Get out!” Mom, dad and Ronald scream. “Oh don’t worry, I’m not fucking staying.” With that, I am dragged up the basement stairs and literally thrown out the door. “Don’t ever come back! We are disowning you!” Dad shouts. “Fine!” All of Alistair’s stuff is in there, I know I have to get it back. There is nowhere to go. Ali, dressed in his fuzzy skull one piece jammies, begins to cry. “Honey, it’s alright. Momma will figure something out.” I soothe.
Darkness has fallen and the bitter wind hits me in the face. Alistair is securely tucked inside my trench coat and shirt, right against my heart.. I hold him close and go to the town activity center where there is a horse stable. I find a clean stall and lay down, child in my arms. It’s 15 degrees out here, very cold but at least my son is warm.
~
The night slowly passes unto morning. 6:31AM. It is still cold but now raining. I get up with Alistair in my arms and look for a place to go.
I walk all over town, looking for something; anything. The rain hits down with force, like 1000s of stinging bees. My search ends when I find a small house with an old Ford Taurus in the yard. “$550.” Is written on the window. “Look, sweetie! We might not be out in the cold too much longer!” I whisper to my sleeping baby in my coat. Completely drenched, I step on the porch in notice of the lights being on all over the house. I ring the doorbell and am greeted by a middle aged woman. “Is that car still for sale?” I ask. “Yes.” “Can you wait for me to go to the bank and get some money?” “Sure. What do you have in your coat, there?” The woman questions. “My son. He is only 6 days old.” “What are you doing out here, then?” ‘It’s a long story.” I answer. “There’s time, come on in.”
I tell the woman everything that happened after Alistair was born. She listens. “So, that’s my story.” I finish. “If you want, you can rent this house. It’s pretty much ready, just needs a little paint if you don’t like white walls but I’ll give it to you for $250 a month. I know how hard is it to be a single teen mother, I once was one myself.” The woman said. “Oh, really? Oh thank you so much!” I exclaim. She smiles. “My name is Heather Robinson, just give me the money for the car today and a $100 deposit for rent and you can stay here, $250 a month.” “Thank you!” I say, out the door and headed to the bank.
I bring back all the money and Heather talks to me for a while before leaving. “Welcome to your new home, Alistair!” I whisper to the now nursing child as I sit on the floor. “We best go get our things back from the other house while they are in church.”
I set Ali in his little baby seat in the back of the vehicle, hitch the trailer to it and go to my parent’s house where all our things are. By sliding in through the basement window, I climb up the stairs and unlock the backdoor. It is 9:09, they won’t be home until 10:30. I get all of Alistair’s things and the majority of mine, leaving only what I don’t want, then go back to the new house and dump it all off.
The house is a one bed one bath with a living room and kitchen crammed in it. I go out to the back shed to find some paint for the bedroom, mostly because I don’t want Alistair’s first room to look boring. Lucky for me, there are a few cans of baby blue paint. I decide to use that on the bedroom walls.
After about 45 minutes, I finish and go to garage sales for some furniture and stuff. A couch, a recliner, dresser, writing desk, office chair, coffee table, full size mattress with bed, an older television, entertainment center, dvd player and some movies all for under $275.
By the end of the day, everything is set up and looks nice. I get back from grocery shopping and remember Alistair’s appointment tomorrow. “Busy day today, huh baby?” I ask him, changing his diaper and clothes. “You look just like your father, handsome boys.” I coo, laying down and snuggling him while an MM interview is going on my laptop. “See? That’s your daddy!” I whisper. Alistair sleeps and I think about things. I don’t know what to do now but at least we have a roof and a car. What if what the school said was right? Is it really in Alistair’s best interest to stay with me? I gently rub his cheek and think. I never expected life to bring me here.
I come home when school ends 12 hours later like always. I hear hoarse cries coming from my room. “Shut up you stupid fucking disgrace!” My parents yell.
I run down only to find poor newborn Alistair sitting in his own filth from hours before, starving, cold and miserable. He is in the exact same place as I left him this morning. “Oh my god!” I say in shock. “Ali, honey, mommy is so sorry!” I say, cleaning him up. “I didn’t think he would ever shut up!” My mom exclaims. “Why didn’t you take care of him?” I demand, outraged. “Because you made that mistake, I didn’t.” She says as she walks away.
The next day I don’t even want to risk it, so I end up leaving the school at lunch time to take care of Alistair. It’s pretty bullshit that we have 12 hour days and I know my child will die if I am not there to care for him, so I get in my car and go home.
Alistair’s small cries pierce the air as I open up the basement window and slide into my room. “Ali honey, shhh.” I whisper, picking him up and cleaning the filth off him. Damn my family for not helping my poor son. With a fresh diaper and change of clothes, I cuddle and feed him whilst quietly singing. When I have three minutes until the bell rings to go to class, I abruptly leave and go back to the school. Alistair has at least been fed and changed. Now he lays sleeping in his crib.
I get back to the school at the exact time lunch ends. Everyone is going to class but a group of angry teachers await me. “What?” I ask. “Why did you leave?” You know it is against school rules to leave the premises!” Principal Richard barks. “Yup, well technically I shouldn’t even be here. I had a fucking baby 5 days ago and nobody is taking care of him. If I don’t go back to my house and care for him, he will die. So, you can all go to hell.” I calmly say. “It better not ever happen again!” One of the teachers shouts. “Fuck you.” I answer.
The next day I do the same thing but this time there are serious repercussions. A meeting has been arranged with the school, my parents and myself. “What the hell were you thinking?” My father screams when I get home. “I was just making sure my boy was taken care of since none of you will help me!” “He’s your fucking mistake, Shadow so you should just fucking deal with it!” Mom growls. “We should have smothered him in his crib when we had the chance!” Ronny erupts. I ignore him and his girlfriends. “Oh no, my son is no mistake, I wanted him. The child of Marilyn Manson and myself. You wanted to know why I ran away from the school trip to Colorado? There’s your answer. I was touring with Marilyn Manson as his own personal whore. I have video of it all.” I admit. She slaps me hard across the face as I tend to Alistair. He begins to cry as they keep screaming. “Now look what you did!” I state whilst cuddling Alistair to quiet him.
I couldn’t hide the fact that I was in fact very scared. The school environment depresses me anyways, but this just enhances the fact. I go into the principal’s office and slide into a seat with my child. My parents walk in and take their seats. “Why have you been leaving?” The counselor demands. “I already told you. Nobody is taking care of my newborn baby while I am stuck here for 12 hours a day, so I didn’t think it would be a huge ordeal if I take care of him during lunch break. It is surely no worse than all the drugs and child abuse Ronald does at home! And I’m never late or anything.” I confess. “Is this true?” She asks my parents. “Don’t you dare drag poor Ronny into this! And Yes, I told her that demon spawn is her mistake, not ours so we aren’t going to help him. I told you this would happen, that is why I suggested adoption or abortion.” Mom said. “Well, Marilyn Manson is the father to him, of course I’m not giving him up. I would never do that.” “Shadow, do you have DNA proof?” Principal Richard asks. I pull out the test results and Alistair’s birth certificate. “Here.” “I have video evidence!” My father spits. “My sex tape?” I blurt. They hook the device to the projector and very graphic images of Marilyn Manson and I having sex are displayed, along with audio. “Yes, it’s all here! All the sex we had, the drugs we did, fine, you caught me!” I say, covering Alistair’s little ears. “Shadow, have you ever considered that maybe you aren’t capable of taking care of such a, such a celebrity child?” The counselor asks. “Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I’m capable. I love my son and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.” I answer. “Well, if you were to sign away your rights, you could get potentially $250,000 for him, seeing as though he is a celebrity’s child.” She offers. “No, that is sick! No, I’m keeping him; he’s mine!” I shout. She pulls out a packet of papers and hands me a pen. “All you have to do is sign on the dotted line, just sign it and we will give you half the money and you won’t be expelled. “Oh, ok so now you’re going to expel me for being a good mother? Nice.” I sarcastically spit, getting up and walking to the door. My father jerks my hand to the paper and forces the pen down. I slide out of it and run with Alistair in my arms to my car. “I can’t fucking do this!” I say in tears of frustration and insecurity.
“You’re out! Get out!” Mom, dad and Ronald scream. “Oh don’t worry, I’m not fucking staying.” With that, I am dragged up the basement stairs and literally thrown out the door. “Don’t ever come back! We are disowning you!” Dad shouts. “Fine!” All of Alistair’s stuff is in there, I know I have to get it back. There is nowhere to go. Ali, dressed in his fuzzy skull one piece jammies, begins to cry. “Honey, it’s alright. Momma will figure something out.” I soothe.
Darkness has fallen and the bitter wind hits me in the face. Alistair is securely tucked inside my trench coat and shirt, right against my heart.. I hold him close and go to the town activity center where there is a horse stable. I find a clean stall and lay down, child in my arms. It’s 15 degrees out here, very cold but at least my son is warm.
~
The night slowly passes unto morning. 6:31AM. It is still cold but now raining. I get up with Alistair in my arms and look for a place to go.
I walk all over town, looking for something; anything. The rain hits down with force, like 1000s of stinging bees. My search ends when I find a small house with an old Ford Taurus in the yard. “$550.” Is written on the window. “Look, sweetie! We might not be out in the cold too much longer!” I whisper to my sleeping baby in my coat. Completely drenched, I step on the porch in notice of the lights being on all over the house. I ring the doorbell and am greeted by a middle aged woman. “Is that car still for sale?” I ask. “Yes.” “Can you wait for me to go to the bank and get some money?” “Sure. What do you have in your coat, there?” The woman questions. “My son. He is only 6 days old.” “What are you doing out here, then?” ‘It’s a long story.” I answer. “There’s time, come on in.”
I tell the woman everything that happened after Alistair was born. She listens. “So, that’s my story.” I finish. “If you want, you can rent this house. It’s pretty much ready, just needs a little paint if you don’t like white walls but I’ll give it to you for $250 a month. I know how hard is it to be a single teen mother, I once was one myself.” The woman said. “Oh, really? Oh thank you so much!” I exclaim. She smiles. “My name is Heather Robinson, just give me the money for the car today and a $100 deposit for rent and you can stay here, $250 a month.” “Thank you!” I say, out the door and headed to the bank.
I bring back all the money and Heather talks to me for a while before leaving. “Welcome to your new home, Alistair!” I whisper to the now nursing child as I sit on the floor. “We best go get our things back from the other house while they are in church.”
I set Ali in his little baby seat in the back of the vehicle, hitch the trailer to it and go to my parent’s house where all our things are. By sliding in through the basement window, I climb up the stairs and unlock the backdoor. It is 9:09, they won’t be home until 10:30. I get all of Alistair’s things and the majority of mine, leaving only what I don’t want, then go back to the new house and dump it all off.
The house is a one bed one bath with a living room and kitchen crammed in it. I go out to the back shed to find some paint for the bedroom, mostly because I don’t want Alistair’s first room to look boring. Lucky for me, there are a few cans of baby blue paint. I decide to use that on the bedroom walls.
After about 45 minutes, I finish and go to garage sales for some furniture and stuff. A couch, a recliner, dresser, writing desk, office chair, coffee table, full size mattress with bed, an older television, entertainment center, dvd player and some movies all for under $275.
By the end of the day, everything is set up and looks nice. I get back from grocery shopping and remember Alistair’s appointment tomorrow. “Busy day today, huh baby?” I ask him, changing his diaper and clothes. “You look just like your father, handsome boys.” I coo, laying down and snuggling him while an MM interview is going on my laptop. “See? That’s your daddy!” I whisper. Alistair sleeps and I think about things. I don’t know what to do now but at least we have a roof and a car. What if what the school said was right? Is it really in Alistair’s best interest to stay with me? I gently rub his cheek and think. I never expected life to bring me here.
♠ ♠ ♠
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