My Understandings

After the signings were done we all went back to the bus. Only Austin and I sat down though. “Hey, we’re gonna go out. You guys wanna come?” Phil asked. I shook my head.
“Nah, I’m good. Austin you can go if you want. I promise I won’t wreck the bus.” I said and laughed. Austin laughed too.
“No. I’m kind of tired. I might go tomorrow though.” He said. Everyone nodded and said bye and they’d be back later. Austin and I said okay and just sat there when they got off the bus.
“So what did you do for fun?” Austin asked me. I shrugged.
“Party. Drink. Smoke.” I said. “And speaking of smokes I need one.” I said and went over to my suitcase. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and started smoking one. I blew out a puff of smoke.
“You smoke a lot?” Austin asked.
“Not a lot but enough.” I said. “I just get stressed a lot.” Austin nodded.
“Was your mom always like that?” He asked.
“No. Not until she divorced my dad and we moved here.” I said and put the cigarette back in my mouth.
“Why’d they get divorced?” Austin asked.
“My mom thought he was cheating and he wasn’t but now he has another wife and some step kids and one biological kid.” I said. It made me sad to think that dad had another kid besides me. Maybe he’d forgotten about me completely.
“Wow. How does that make you feel? If you don’t mind me asking.” He said. I smiled and laughed puffing smoke out as I did.
“No. I don’t mind at all Austin.” I crossed my legs. “It makes me feel like he forgot about me. Like he doesn’t care and I don’t mean anything to him anymore. His very first child doesn’t mean anything anymore but I don’t care much anymore. My life went to hell but that doesn’t mean his should too.” I said. I felt Austin put his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry you feel like that. Just know that even though I’ve only known you for a day, I feel like I’ve known you for years and I care about you.” He said. I looked up at him and smiled.
“Thanks so much Austin. For everything. I really appreciate it.” I said. “But speaking of my dad, I should call him and tell him what’s going on.” I said.
“How long has it been since you talked to him?” Austin asked.
“About a year now.” I said and flicked the cigarette butt out the window. I got my phone from my suitcase. I dialed my dad’s house phone number. It rang and then there was a click.
“Hello?” Said a voice on the other line. It wasn’t my dads. It must have been Courtney.
“Hi. Is this Courtney?” I asked.
“Yes it is. Who is this?”
“Hey, Courtney this is Callista.”
“Oh. Callista. How are you?” She tried to sound happy but I could hear the disgust in her voice.
“I’m good. Um, can I speak to my dad?”
“Oh yeah, sorry.” I heard her shout for my dad. I turned and looked at Austin. He gave me the thumbs up and I smiled and gave him a thumbs up. “Hello?” A new voice.
“Dad?”
“Calli. Hey. How are you?”
“I’m doing good.”
“How’s you’re mom doing?” I could tell her didn’t really care he was just being cordial.
“Um, that’s what I called to talk to you about. Uh, earlier today, I left home. I know mom’s gonna try and call you and tell you a bunch of stuff but I left because she hit me when she was drunk for no real reason and I just wanted to tell you that I left. But it’s not like you visit anyway.” I heard him sigh.
“Okay, thank you for telling me. But you know I can’t come visit you Callista.”
“No I don’t. Why can’t you come visit me for once? I’m your first born child dad!”
“Because Callista I have another family now! What would they think if I went to go visit you?” He was shouting at me. I couldn’t take this.
“I don’t care what they’d think!” I was screaming at him. “Why for once since you and mom divorced can’t you think of me? I am your child aren’t I?” My lungs were burning and tightening. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I started sniffling.
“Because I just can’t!”
“You are just like mom! I hate you!” I screamed the last words at him and hung up the phone. I put my face in my hands and sobbed. I didn’t care if Austin saw me or not. I didn’t think Austin would do anything but he did. He came up and hugged me. He pressed me tightly to his chest as I cried. I was getting tears on his shirt. He smelled like sweat but I didn’t care. I just wanted to cry like this. Austin rubbed my back with his hand.
“It’s okay.” He said. “You’ll be okay.” He kept whispering small things like this in my ear. It helped me calm down. In most situations like these I would be breaking things or throwing things. But right here and now I just wanted this moment to go on forever because Austin made me feel like I was loved. Like he loved me. Everyone on this bus made me happy and it was change. It was change I wasn’t scared of. I embraced it and it made me scared that I was changing again. Right now was a sign that I was changing. Instead of hurting myself or hurting someone else or breaking something, I was crying my eyes out in Austin Carlile’s arms. Soon I calmed down but Austin just kept me there. He was swaying a little and I put my arms around him. He looked down a me. “You okay now?” He asked. I smiled very faintly and nodded.
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.” He said.
“You’re very welcome.” He said. “Mind if I ask what happened?” Austin said letting go of me.
“He said that he didn’t want to visit me anymore because of what his wife would say.” I said summing it up. Austin nodded.
“That’s ridiculous. He’s a douche, you don’t need him.” He said shaking his head in disapproval. “Sorry but it’s the truth.” Austin said.
“You’re very right.” I said and laughed lightly. “So um, where am I going to sleep?” I asked.
“Oh, on any of the empty bunks or you can sleep with me in mine. I don’t mind.” He said and shrugged. I smiled at him.
“I’ll sleep in yours.” I said and he smiled.
”Fine by me.” He said. “So do you have to call in for work?”
“Oh yea, I do!” I said. I dialed the number for my modeling agency.
“Hello, this is the Florence Modeling Agency. My name is Kim what can I do for you today?” The girl, Kim had a Italian accent. I’d known Kim for a long time.
“Hey Kim, it’s Callista.” I said.
“Ah, Callista!” She squealed. “What’s up?” She asked.
“Nothing. But I’m calling in for the month. I’m in the process of moving out so can you get a substitute in for maybe the next month or two?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah of course. I’ll tell the manager! Thanks for calling!” She said.
“Thank you!” I said and hung up.
“Florence?” Austin asked. He must have heard Kim over the phone. I laughed.
“Yeah. My modeling agency is in Florence. They send me a monthly plane ticket to go model for a few days. Sometimes a few weeks so I’m pretty familiar with the Florence area.” I said.
“You are lucky.” Austin said.
“Hey, you get to tour the whole world.” I said. “I would kill to do that.”
“Why don’t you tour with us?” He said.
“I don’t wanna barge in on you guys like that.” I said.
“The guys like you and it wouldn’t be barging in.” He said. “You should stay with us.” He said. I shrugged.
“Maybe I will but for now I’m tired.” I said.
“Me too. Let’s go.” Austin said.
“Oh, I have to change you can go in first.” I said. Austin blushed a little and nodded. He climbed in the bunk and I changed into some pajama shorts and a tank top. I saw Austin take his shirt and shoes off in the bunk and when he was done I crawled in with him. “Night.” I said.
“Night.” He replied.