Him

It has been a while. I didn't think I'd find myself here again. I'd forgotten about my collection of stories about all the Him's that have entered my life. But I've been reflecting lately. Because it has all come to the most wonderful conclusion.

Every broken heart at 4:15. Every muttered lie between the sheets. Every mis-spoken "I love you" and every missed chance. It's all led to this.

You were my brother's friend. The year before I met you I was broken. The last Him had shattered me, and I'd been in and out of hospital. I wasn't well. I moved back to my hometown because I could no longer take care of myself, and that was one of the hardest things for me to admit.

All these years I'd thought I was so brave and strong, letting all these Him's break my heart and shatter me, and continue to get up. I can see now how foolish I was.

The year before I met the very last Him was spent making myself better. Finding myself. Eat, pray, love and all that shit. I got better. I got a job I hated but that paid the bills. And then there you were. You crept up on me. You were always just my brother's friend. Until one afternoon on a riverbank, things changed. I don't know what it was. Everything seemed to shift. And then there we were, making out on that faded blue couch in my brother's house, Godzilla playing in the background.

And now here we are. On October 22, we will be married.

You didn't care about the person I was or the mess I'd made. Before you, I didn't know that someone could just like me. I didn't have the chance to paint the picture of myself that I thought you'd like. I'd always been myself and not cared, because you had always just been my brother's friend.

You saw me when I was invisible.

I can't wait to say I Do.