My Annoying Celebrity Roommate

I scanned the fridge, and slowly took out the items -to prevent knocking over the stuff inside- required to make the pasta. After piling out small portions of mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower, capsicum and garlic, I decided on tomato sauce as the base flavour.

Grabbing a Chinese wok behind a shelf, I set to work. I scrunched up the long sleeves of my blouse and started chopping up the vegetables, as the pasta on the stove starting getting boiled.

Then, I stir-fried the veggies. In half an hour, the food was ready. It smelled amazing.

Maybe I should consider going on 'masterchef'.

I then shook my head in an admonishing fashion.

'Self-praise seems to be too forth-coming from you nowadays Kiara. Get a grip on yourself!'
I spoke in my head to, well…myself, in third person.

'I’m gonna have to admit myself to an asylum one day.'

Salivating slightly, I dished out the pasta into a bowl and grabbing a fork; I went to the living room, switched on the TV and plonked myself on the sofa.

I switched the channels lazily, and finally settled down to watch some psychological horror film. The ward. The movie got tantalisingly interesting, and I found myself sitting on the floor as the movie progressed. Finally, at the last scene, I let out an embarrassingly loud scream and I felt like I’d almost had a heart-attack.

“Damn, that was a good movie.” I said aloud.

I looked down at my bowl which had dried up with some sauce stuck to the side. I scraped it with my fork and licked it.

'Yummy!'

Heaving myself upright, I decided it was time to go to bed. The clock was nearing 12, and I was beat tired.

Plonking the dishes in the sink, I found a sponge and some dish-washing liquid and quickly scrubbed all the utensils clean. Once the dishes were done, I shuffled towards my room, grabbed some clothes, and went to have a shower.

The water was hot and comforting. By the time I finished, the mirrors in the bathroom had fogged up. I pulled on a blue tank top and some black shorts. Making my way to bed, I suddenly stopped, wondering if I should close my room door, then decided against it. If Liam forgot his keys and rang the bell, I wouldn't be able to hear it. And honestly speaking, it wouldn't be nice to let my well-doer remain stuck outside his own house.

The night was silent and I was dreaming about graduating from university, and starting work at some well renowned newspaper or magazine; maybe the ‘Telegraph’ or the ‘Independent’. My dream changed slightly, and I started dreaming about going back to the States and working too.

All of a sudden a loud sound like a door slamming shut made its way into my dreams. I could hear gasps and panting with small moans. Wait, what? Moans? My eyes sprang open.

The disturbing noises still continued when I pinched myself. Damn! Pants and moans only meant one thing...two people were doing the deed in the same house as me!

I was horrified at the prospect of having to witness human beings at their most intimate.

'Sheesh, seriously? I had to say “at their most intimate”? Can’t I even just say sex now?'

Groaning, I rushed to my door and locked it. Liam apparently did have the key and had got some other girl into the house too. Anyway, what did I expect? Some gentleman who would while his time away reading books? I was kidding myself.

With a sigh, I lay back down on my bed, thankful that at least the noises had died down. Perhaps he had taken her to his bedroom. Ugh, bedroom! I’m never gonna touch his linens I decided with conviction.

Shaking my head I decided to calm down my nerves by listening to some soft music. Plugging in my earpiece, I slept off to the soothing symphonies of Mozart and Tchaikovsky.

I woke up the next morning with streaks of sunlight trying to burst through the curtains. The birds were chirping and I pulled myself out of bed. Pulling apart the curtains, I looked at the scenery in contentment. Nothing could beat a view like this.

Smiling, I made my way to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, freshened up and pulled on some jeans with a short, long-sleeved white top. I opened my door and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast when I found two silhouettes making out on the kitchen counter.

"Oh God No!" I yelled in disgust.

This stopped them and they broke apart looking flustered. The guy was shirtless while the girl was thankfully still dressed –in a figure hugging black cocktail dress.

"Oh err, sorry?" the girl said, blushing slightly.

The guy on the other hand winked at me, stuck out his hand and said "The name's Tyler."

"If you think I'm going to shake hands with you after you put your hands in who-knows-where of her anatomy, you're wrong!" then I clasped my mouth. Oh darn, that was rude.

The two of them looked at me in shock then burst out laughing.

"Hahahaha, that was a good one! I like you!" the girl said holding her stomach. "By the way, I'm Liz, Liam's younger sister. Short for Elizabeth. And Tyler here is my boyfriend and Liam's best friend.” she said rolling her eyes.

"Oh, uhm, ok..." I didn't know how to react.

This awkwardness resulted in a staring match. The two lovers were still clinging on to each other on inappropriate parts while I was suddenly very interested in the patters of the ceiling beams.

'Interesting, I thought that guy would have been Liam- according to the sounds from last night. Sigh, screw this; I better talk before they start making out again.' I spoke to myself in my mind. Again. I do that a lot by the way.

“Ahem, uhm…” I started awkwardly, “You seem to know who I am. Liam must have told you I’ll be his roommate now.” I said, my voice going up at the end, making it sound like I was asking a question.

“Oh yeah, he did, but he never told us his new roommate was going to be so pleasing on the eyes.” Tyler said with a wink.

Liz giggled, and I smiled widely. It’s not every day you get a compliment from a good-looking guy is it? Even if well, in your opinion he’s just saying it to be polite, not out of sincerity.

All of a sudden, the front door slammed open and we were greeted to the sight of Liam.

"TYLER!" he yelled.

'Uh-oh!' I thought to myself inwardly.

The three of us stood, mouths hanging agape. Then, the inevitable happened; we burst into a peal of laughter.

Liam was a ridiculous sight to behold. He was drenched from head to toe. His tall frame was slightly hunched as he stood, growling like a grizzly bear.

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS LAUGHING? IT'S NOT FUNNY!" he thundered, glaring more at Tyler and Liz than me.

'If looks could kill, he would be convicted for manslaughter by now.'

"Awwww, come one bro, you look like a mess! It’s really funny! I've never seen you look so messy since we were kids!" Liz said, widening her eyes.

"Elizabeth, don't get on my nerves now. I know how I look due to the hundred mirrors down the corridor, and I do not appreciate the fact that it was because you decided to play a prank along with that idiotic boyfriend of yours!” he said glaring at her, then he continued on, directing his next few words at Tyler with a more bitter tone; “I don't even know why I let you date her Tyler! You were way more fun when you were still single."

I stood at the side taking in all the drama. The three main characters of my new drama, which was now running live in my head -through the retina-screen called my eyes- was disarmingly bemusing. While looking on, I unconsciously started staring at Liam, and his incredibly well-built abdomen. He had abs. The wet-shirt sticking to him defined it very clearly, and I felt my inner-chick jumping up and down.

"What?!" Liam yelled in my direction when he realised I was staring. He frowned then stomped off to his room without waiting for an answer, leaving a wide-eyed Tyler a still-laughing Elizabeth and a stunned me in the kitchen.