Same Mistakes

“Are you ever gonna come home?” Jesy asked as we drove to the restaurant to meet Perrie, Jade and Leigh-Anne.

I glanced over at her in the driver’s seat, “What are you on about?”

She shrugged, “You know, come home. To the house we share? You remember it right?”

“I’ve been home.”

“Yeah sure, to grab things for work, or a change of close. But you haven’t really spent a significant about of time there, or slept there since you got back from America with the boys, which was 2 weeks ago, by the way. You practically live with Liam now.”

“Not true.”

“It’s true, admit it.”

I knew she’d bring this up, which is why I wanted to drive myself, but she insisted. Well, more like guilted me into it by whining on the phone about how she hasn’t seen me in ‘ages.’ The bitch. Truth was is, okay so maybe I’ve spent a bit more time at Liam’s since we got back from the states. But… I couldn’t help it. I always wanted to be where he was, it was like some invisible pull and I don’t know what made it appear. When I was at work or wasn’t around him, I was thinking about him and I just needed to be wherever he was. I couldn’t wait to get to his house and talk about our day and cuddle on the couch, or cook dinner together. Even bickering with him was fun! It made no sense.

And even with all that, I couldn’t find it in me to tell him, out loud, that I loved him.

I sighed, “I just like being with him.”

“It’s called love Jazmine. We all get like that,” she smiled.

“Yeah, well I still can’t make myself tell him how I feel. I don’t know why I have this block and it pisses me off Jesy! What’s wrong with me?”

He sighed sympathetically, “You just put too much pressure on it. You just need to let go. It’ll happen when it happens. Don’t stress about it my dear.” She paused as she started pulling into the car park of the restaurant to park. “You’ve only been officially together for like, what, 4 months now? There’s no rush babe, even if in your heart you feel it.”

I was still so unsure of everything and her trying to help didn’t do much to be honest. “Okay,” I said timidly.

She pulled the car into a parking spot and shut off the car. “Just… just try and show how you feel about him through other ways. God knows you two can’t keep your hands off each other,” she smirked.

“Shut up!” I smacked her arm. “Now let’s get in there, I think we’re late.”

“I wonder what this is about. We rarely go out to eat together when we’re home.”

I shrugged, “Maybe they just missed girl time.”

“We could have just done this at someone’s house, like usual.”

“Yeah, well, we’re here, let’s go have fun.”

*****

We all saw it at the same time. We’d all settled at the table and our drinks had just been set in front of us and Perrie as made a big show of grabbing her glass with her left hand. “You’re engaged?!” Leigh-Anne shirked.

“Holy shit,” Jesy and I breathed out at the same time.

Jade grabbed her hand to get a closer look at the ring, “Oh my god! When did this happen?”

“Last night,” Perrie beamed.

“How did it happen?” I asked.

Jesy jumped in, “Tell us everything!”

We were having dinner with our moms last night and we were in the garden and he just dropped to his knee and did it! I freaked out and started sobbing! I was a mess!”

“Oh my god, Perrie!” Leigh cooed.

I was in shock. I mean, they’d only been together barely two years and now… now they were engaged! I thought Zayn’s tattoo of her on his arm was a little much, but this… holy fuck they were engaged! “I’m so happy for you!” I said through my shock. And I was, there was no denying how in love she and Zayn were, I saw it all the time.

But it’s just… maybe I was jealous? While they were moving along with their relationship- now engaged! I couldn’t even tell Liam I was in love with him. Actually, the one time it accidentally slipped out, I ran away.

“Do you have a date in mind?” Jesy asked pulling me from my thoughts.

Perrie shook her head, “God no. It’ll be a long engagement I think. But I’m just… I’m so happy you guys!”

“I think I’m gonna cry,” Leigh-Anne gushed.

“I already am,” Jade said whipping at her eyes.

“This is insane,” Jesy laughed. “In a good way, but holy shit.”

“I know,” Perrie agreed. “It feels like we’ve been going so fast our whole relationship, but it just feels right. Like I didn’t even hesitate to say yes when he asked.”

“But how do you know,” I found myself saying. “Like… how do you know he’s the one?” I was just genuinely curious.

All the girls turned to me, giving me sympathetic faces. Perrie smiled fondly at me, “I just know Jazmin. You just… feel it.” She bit her lip trying to hold back her smile, “You’ll know when you feel it.”

“I-um, yeah.” I wasn’t so sure I’d know when I felt it to be honest, but I didn’t want to argue with her. “Now give me your hand, I wanna see this rock.”

*****

-3 weeks later-

Perrie and Zayn were engaged.

I accepted it and yet I still couldn’t comprehend it. How did they know they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other?

Could I see myself with Liam forever? I honestly had no idea and clearly, that meant I had a lot to think about. But not being with him felt even more wrong.

Did I want to spend forever with him? I don’t know. But did I want to spend the foreseeable future with him? Yes, I think I did. And that alone spoke volumes to me.

I’d been through a lot with him. We’d gone public, officially, when we went to the This Is Us premier after party together. Though, Perrie and Zayn’s engagement shocker took center stage, I did got attention, mostly negative, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. As long as Liam kept smiling at me the way he did, nothing else seemed to matter to me.

I think that’s when I knew. I knew I had to find it in me to tell him.

Now, I’m not one for grand gestures. I mean, they always seemed forced, or fake or just plain cheesy, but I felt like I owed it to him to do something big. And to do that, I had to get help from the only other person I could trust to get Liam where I needed him to be at the right time.

“You owe me for this,” he snarled.

“Oh shut up Louis, you’re getting a holiday out of this.”

He scoffed, “Not much of a holiday when I have to lie to Liam the whole time and figure out a plan to get him where you want him. Why this place anyway,” he asked looking down at the address I wrote down for him.

I shrugged, “You’ll know when you see it.”

“You’re not even going to tell me?”

I shook my head, “Nope. Just in case you fuck up and spill the beans, at leas this will be somewhat of a surprise.”

“You’re one mental bird.”

I shrugged, “Maybe. But I need this to go as planned. He deserves it.”

Louis sighed and nodded, “Yeah, he does. And I’m excited you’ve finally found your balls.”

“Bite me.”

“Just don’t lose you’re nerve, yeah? No backing out once we get there.”

I shook my head, “Nope. I’m not. I’m ready to do this.”

He nodded, “Right. Well… I’ll see you in a few days then. I need to figure out how to convince Liam to come with me.”

I rolled my eyes, “Liam never says no to anyone, it’ll be cake.”

He laughed sarcastically, “Trying to convince him to go anywhere without you is such a joke now.”

I waved him off, “Whatever. I’ll be there to push him to go too, remember.”

“Right. Well I’ll see you. I’m excited for this.”

“Well good, cause all I feel is nervous.”

“It’ll be grand babe. Just breathe.”

I nodded, “Yeah. Alright. Now get out of here and convince Liam to go with you!”

*****

It honestly didn’t take me long to come up with this plan. I just started thinking about everything that’s happened between Liam and I since we first met, and it just came to me. Although I had vetoed it at first until the girls told me it was cute and I just had to do it.

So then the next thing I know, I’m calling Louis and telling him my idea and getting him to agree to be my wingman to get Liam where I needed him to be.

Which was Paris. The Love Bridge to be exact.

Kind of where it all started I think.

I was going to tell Liam I loved him by putting a lock with our initials on the fence and locking it there forever.

See, cheesy.

But I had to admit, I loved it. It was where we went on the first night we ever hung out, and it meant a lot to me, and hopefully him too.

Louis didn’t have too much trouble talking Liam into flying to Paris with him. I have to admit, that lad really knows how to think on his toes. He conned him into agreeing by giving him some story about finding Eleanor the ‘perfect birthday present’ even though her birthday was still months away. But Liam, being the good friend he is agreed to go with him, even though he was a little skeptical.

And that why I’m standing on the Love Bridge in Paris, just as the sun was setting waiting for the two lads to meet me. It was chilly and I was bundled up in layers but I was warmed by nerves and excitement. As I was bouncing on the balls of my feet, I got a text from Louis.

We’re around the corner

My heart rate spiked in anticipation. Any moment I’d see them and the Liam would see me and he’d know something was up.

I was gnawing on my bottom lip when I finally saw them. In thick coats and beanies pulled over their heads. From where I was Liam looked utterly confused as Louis yapped loudly next to him. Louis spotted me first. Stopping at the end of the bridge just as Liam looked up and saw me. He stopped in his tracks, the facial expression going from confused to shock to something in the middle.

Louis beamed in my direction before he clapped my boyfriend on the shoulder, saying something to him I couldn’t hear from the distance and turning around and walking back in the direction they came from.

Liam stood there for a long moment just looking at me before he must have shook himself from his thoughts and power walked over to me. “Jazmin?” He said my name as soon as he reached me, before grasping my hips. “What are you doing here? What’s going on?”

I had a whole speech planned in my head about what I’d say once he was in front of me, but now that he actually was, my mind went blank. “I um- I,” I stammered, shaking with nerves. “I kind of, planned this?”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Okay?”

I sighed, “I um, I know this is so cheesy and goes against like, everything I stand for but that’s how my life has been since I met you, you know?” I rushed out. His brows spiked in surprise, but I continued on before he could say anything. “Remember the first time we came to this bridge?”

“Of course I do.”

“You were trying to get me to understand this city and it’s mental infatuation with all things love, but I just didn’t get it.” I shrugged, “I didn’t understand how you could just put a lock on this bridge and throw away the key and just expect to be with someone for the rest of your life.”

“Jaz-”

“But I get it now. I understand wanting to have a future with someone. I understand wanting to lock yourself with someone, so a little piece of you will always be with them because that’s how I feel about you.” He tried to say my name again, but I was on a roll and I needed to get it all out before I lose my train of thought again. “When I’m not with you, I ache for you. I want to talk to you all the time, I want to hold you and I want you to hold me. I want to see that smile you give me when I’m being ridiculous and you don’t know how to respond to me. I want you to hold my hand and play with my hair and give me mind blowing orgasms forever!” I paused to take a deep breath and then blew it all out. “I’m in love with you Liam. And I know, the last time I said that I freaked out and ran, but I’m not going to do that this time. I know what I feel and what I want, and what I want is you and I am in love with you.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the padlock and sharpie I had, “And I want to lock us to this stupid bridge, even though I still think the idea of it is a bit ludicrous.”

He glanced down at my hand with the lock in it before looking back into my eyes. His eye brows were still raised high and he had that little pout on his lips that he got when he was in concentration. “You want to put a lock on the bridge?”

I huffed, “Is that all you got from that? I tell you I’m in love with you and you just-”

He cut me off with his lips, in pure Liam fashion. He grabbed my face and pulled me flush against him and captured my lips with his. His lips were so sure and demanding all I could do was move mine with his to try and keep up. One of his arms locked around my waist as he pulled his lips from mine, but not by much. “You’re in love with me?”

“I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do a big grand gesture like this for just anyone, so yes. I’m in love with you.”

He pulled his face back so I could see the massive smile on his face. “You got Louis Tomlinson to drag me to Paris so you could tell me you loved me on The Love Bridge.”

I pouted, “Yes. But now I just feel embarrassed.”

“You went from the girl who didn’t ‘get’ love to the girl who would ambush her boyfriend in Paris to tell him she was in love with him!” He chuckled, “Talk about character development.”

I glared at him, “Well now, I feel like the girl who wants to push her boyfriend off the Love Bridge.”

He chuckled against my lips as he pulled me into another kiss, “I love you too. I’ve known for a while actually I just didn’t want to scare you away.”

“You did?”

He hummed against my lips, “Yes. To be honest, when you told me you didn’t ‘get’ love I kind of wanted to be the one to show you.”

“You did not!”

He chuckled, “Well no, I don’t know. But I did know that I wanted to kiss you, even then.”

“So you were horny.”

“Maybe a little.” He kissed me again, “You mean it though?”

“Yes Liam. I’m in love with you.”

“And you’re not going to run away?”

I shook my head, my lips brushing against his, “Nope. You’re stuck with me, sorry.”

“I’m okay with that,” he kissed me deeply once more before fully pulling away from me. “Now should we put our lock on this bridge?”

I smiled at him as he took it from my hands but I stopped him from taking the pen. “Wait, let me do it.” He shrugged and handed it back to me.

I wrote ‘Liam + Jazmin’ and drew the infinity sign under our names. “Again, this is cheesy, but I’m not putting a date. Maybe we’ll be together forever, maybe we won’t, it doesn’t matter how long we’ve been together just that I know how I feel about you. No matter what happens weeks, months or years from now, I know that I’ll always love you, okay?”

In response he kissed me again. “Let’s lock it on, shall we?”

It took us five minutes to find a good spot for our lock. We found a tiny space on the fence and shoved it on there and then shoved close to it and took a picture. “We should go find Louis. He’s probably waiting to hear all about this,” I said as I slotted my fingers between his.

“I can’t believe he actually kept a secret. Today is just full of surprises.”

I bumped my shoulder with his, “Jerk.”

“Yeah, but you love me.”

A warm feeling spread through me and my heart fluttered. “Yeah, I do.”

We walked in silence for a moment before he tugged my closer, “So now that we settled that, should we talk about the other elephant in the room?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well half your stuff is in my house, so are you just going to admit we’re practically living together?”

My face heated in a blush, “We aren’t-”

“Babe, we are. We should just make it official.”

“This is the lamest way to ask me to move in with you.”

He scoffed, “And you’re way was any better? Just slowly bringing your stuff over like neither of us would notice? Babe, I noticed and I’d like you to just move it all over at once.”

“You’re serious aren’t you,” I stated.

“As a heart attack.”

“Liam-”

“Great, it’s settled.”

“Liam!” I whined.

He kissed my cheek as he pulled me along to where we were meeting Louis. “Don’t fight it babe. You love me remember.”

“Yeah, and I’m trying to remember why,” I huffed as we spotted Louis at the awaiting car to take us back to the hotel.

Liam ignored me and picked up pace, pulling be towards his band mate. “Louis, mate, guess who’s in love with me and is moving in!”

“Moving in? Wow, a lot happened on that bridge didn’t it,” he smirked.

“I’m not moving in,” I sighed. “He’s just being ridiculous.”

“No, ridiculous is having half your stuff at my place when you never go home,” Liam argued with a smile.

It was hard to give valid reasons when he looked so cute. I sighed, “We’re not done talking about this.”

“I ship this so hard,” Louis chimed in. Liam laughed and I glared but Louis just smiled at me and opened the car door, “Come on love birds, let’s go find something to eat.”

So, Liam and I still had things to discuss, and I knew nothing would be easy, but I knew I was happy. If you would have told me a year and a half ago, I’d be here- in love and thinking about living with a boyfriend, I would have called you mental.

But I’m glad I was wrong about love and about Liam, and I’m glad I took the leap because I’ve never felt more happy in my entire life.

So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me
'Cause you might look around and find your dreams come true, with me
Spent all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free
So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, me
It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me