Loving Him Was Red

~And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?
Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need,
You're everything, everything.~

“EMMA!” She sighed and looked up from her cubicle in the direction of Christian’s office.

She stood up and lazily made her way over to him. “You know, they put phones at our desks for a reason,” she said, leaning up against his office door frame.

“Psh, I feel more like one of those roaring twenties newspaper editors when I’m yelling,” he scoffed. He motioned for her to sit down on one of the chairs in front of his large mahogany desk. “So, your boy is going to be back in town in a week.”

She nodded. “Yep, that’s accurate.” It had been about a month and a half since Patrick and the band had left the states again to do some more touring in Europe, and they were finishing it out with some performances at the Reading festival. The guys had made it back to the states, but they were readying themselves for the arena tour, so Emma decided that she would give Patrick some space before seeing him when they arrived in New York to perform at the Barclay Center. She felt that the time flew by faster than expected, but that was mainly because Christian insisted on keeping her busy around the clock. He was doing her a favor, he claimed.

“So, someone has to cover their concert. I hear that Travis McCoy from Gym Class Heroes will be there and possibly a Ramone?” He looked at Emma expectantly, as if she was supposed to divulge the band’s secrets to him.

Emma kept her poker face on. “Come on Christian, I can’t tell you any of that. I don’t want to spoil any surprises.”

“But you won’t deny it?” he asked her. She only shrugged. “Dammit, Emma, where is your loyalty!”

She laughed. “On this one, I have to go with Patrick. Sorry, Christian.”

“I should have had sex with you first, then it’d be different,” Christian muttered.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh come on Christian, you and I both know that that wouldn’t have been enjoyable for either of us and therefore not worth it.”

“You’re right,” he sighed. “Oh well, so what I was going to ask is if you would be kind enough, since you will be there anyway, to write up a review of the concert?”

“Yeah, sure, thanks Christian, make me work on the one day I get to see my boyfriend that I haven’t seen in a month and a half.”

She was only half-joking, which meant that she was surprised when Christian said, “You know what, you’re right. I’ll do it.”

She balked at him. “Um, excuse me, did I hear you right?”

“Yes, Emma Mann, I used to be a reporter, I know how these things work.”

“Yeah, like 15 years ago when I was still in high school,” she retorted.

“Whoa, we have to bring age into this?” Christian was grinning. “No, it’ll be good. Take the night off, I will handle it.”

“Are you serious?” she asked him.

He nodded. “I’d ask some of the other standbys, but they already bought tickets to go themselves and were very adamant with me that they did not want to work that night.”

Emma looked out into the writer’s bull pen. “Who is going?”

“Oh Ahmed, Terrence, a few others in their area and I’m sure they are dragging their girlfriends.”

“That’s cool, I guess,” she replied. He just smiled and nodded his head toward the door.

“Oh you want me to leave now,” Emma said bluntly and she stood up and walked out of his office. She still couldn’t believe that Christian wanted to report on something so small as the guys’ concert. She figured if he was going to put his name on something, it’d be something bigger, like the Anthony Weiner scandal.

As she walked to her cubicle, she noticed that Joel was coming back from his lunch break and she quickly turned left to walk through the art department in order to avoid him. He must have noticed because she saw that he started following her at an alarming rate. Since he came back from his three weeks of punishment, courtesy of Christian, she had tried to avoid him at all costs. Christian had switched his and Ahmed’s cubicles so that Emma didn’t have to see him every day, and everyone was treated to Christian’s scathing warnings to Joel about sexual harassment. She was pretty sure that no other male writer on the staff was going to try and date her now if she was single.

She tried to make it to the women’s bathrooms, but Joel had caught up with her. “Emma, wait.” He grabbed the crook of her elbow, stopping her.

“Joel, I really don’t want to talk to you. I am not sure if you have noticed that or not by now,” she said curtly, pulling her arm away from him.

Joel fixed his wired glasses and ran a hand, frustrated, through his dark black curls. “I know, I don’t expect you to. I just wanted to apologize.”

She gave him an impassive look. “Go on.”

“I should have respected your relationship and our friendship. It was wrong for me to try and use it to my advantage to hurt you or… Patrick,” he stumbled over his name. “I want us to be cordial again. I really think you’re a great writer.”

“Joel, I just don’t understand,” she started and then shook her head. “I just don’t understand why you would wait until Patrick and I were back together to say something .”

“Would it have made a difference?” he asked her sharply.

“No, it wouldn’t have,” she replied. “I can’t help the way I feel about Patrick. I’m in love with him, and I always have been.” Then in a gentler tone, she said, “Joel, you will make some girl very happy one day. That girl won’t be me though.”

Joel frowned. “So you and him are pretty serious then?” She nodded. “And he’s going to marry you right?”

Emma tried not to reveal her uncertainty over this particular topic. “One day, I’m sure we will get married. I know he’s in it for the long haul.”

Joel nodded. “Of course, isn’t that what you thought the last time?” That made Emma speechless. Joel just grunted. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Just promise me that you’ll guard your heart better this time around.”

“I’ll try,” she said. “Only if you promise to be more respectful about my relationship with Patrick.”
He looked disheartened, but said, “I’ll try.”

She nodded once and spun on her heel toward the bathroom, pausing half way around. “I don’t actually have to go,” she stated, “but I’ve made the commitment to come all the way here so…” she gave him small wave and walked into the bathroom.

She stood in the bathroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She poked at her skin, smoothed out her eyebrows, examined her split ends. Suddenly, her phone started vibrating in her back pocket and she pulled it out.

“Oh thank goodness, you are saving me from a very vain moment,” she said into the phone when she hit the Answer button.

“And exactly what IS a vain moment?” Patrick replied, laughing. She felt a smile form on her face at the sound of his voice.

“Oh you know, staring at yourself in the mirror and wondering what you could change about yourself all because you read an article in Cosmo that stated you weren’t perfect.”

“Lies, you are perfect,” he scoffed.

“You’re too good to me.” The bathroom door opened and one of the assistant art directors walked in. Emma gave her an apologetic look and sneaked out of the bathroom to give the girl some privacy.

“How’s practice going?”

“Great! The energy here is amazing everyone is just psyched about this tour,” he said in a louder voice. She could hear two people shouting in the background. “Okay, okay!” he said to them. “Emma, Brendan and Sarah want me to tell you hi.”

Emma leaned against the hallway wall and feelings of wistfulness filling her up. “Tell them hi back. I can’t wait to see them.”

“Yeah I believe the feeling is mutual,” Patrick joked. “Speaking of which, we should be in New York by like eight or nine in the morning on Saturday.”

“Good, so I can get some beauty sleep before you arrive.”

“You don’t need it though.”

Emma giggled. “You’re being overly complimenting today.”

“I’m trying to be more like Pete.”

“Oh boy, well when you start talking in weird poetic riddles and falling in love with Kanye West, we are going to have to have a talk,” she teased, and she could hear him laughing and clapping his other hand against his thigh. It made her happy. She asked him how the guys were and he started going on about each one of them. Emma could have listened to him all day if she could.

Soon, she heard someone calling to Patrick about getting back on the stage. “Okay, time for me to sing some songs,” he said.

“Okay, sing one for me,” she replied, her heart aching at the thought of him hanging up.

“Baby doll,” he said in a weird, deep Southern accent, “they’re all for you.”

She laughed. “Right.”

“I’ll see you Saturday,” he said to her. “I can’t wait either, it’s going to be freakin’ awesome.”

“Yeah? Christian has been bugging me about what surprises you have in store,” she replied, glancing in the direction of her boss’s office.

“Ah, well,” he paused as another shout came from the stage area. “Okay, yeah, they’re crying mutiny. I think they’re going to try and throw my cell phone out a window.”

“Go then!” she exclaimed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Emma sighed as she locked her phone. She couldn’t believe that she was ever able to go three years without ever seeing him or talking to him. All of those days seemed to blur together in one distant memory that was barely conceivable to her.

She went and sat down at her desk again and tried to work on her article. She was halfway finished with the ending when her phone started vibrating again. When she looked at it, her eyes blinked in surprise. It was Joe’s wife, Marie.

“Marie?”

“Hey Emma! What’s going on?”

“Um, not much? How are you? Are you with the guys?” she asked her.

“Oh, no, I’m still in Chicago, but I was going to come down on Friday. I have to look at a few places there. Didn’t Joe tell you that we were moving to New York?”

This took Emma by surprise. She knew that Joe and Marie were selling their condo in Chicago, but she had no idea they would be living in her city. “No, I guess I just assumed you guys were staying there. That’s great though, maybe we can meet up?”

“Uh, of course! I need an expert to show me around the city!”

They exchanged details and when Emma hung up, her phone rang again. This time, when she looked at it, Tracy’s name was popping up.

“Hey my chica, what’s going on?!” Tracy exclaimed in her breathy, husky voice as if she just finished a pack of cigarettes.

“Um, not much, Tracy, what’s up with you?”

“I’m heading your way on Friday. We need to catch up.”

Emma could feel her suspicion rising. “Um, yeah, Marie is going to be here too.”

“Oh I know, I figured I’d invite myself along,” Tracy said easily. “The three of us haven’t gotten to hang out together.”

“Okay, sure that sounds great?”

“Sweet, talk to you Friday then!” With that Tracy hung up. Emma stared at her phone, unsure of what exactly had just happened. She didn’t know why it all seemed strange to her. Tracy and Marie were both with one of Patrick’s band mates, and Emma got along great with both of them. She wondered then why Patrick didn’t mention their arrival in New York. She tried to shake off the feeling doubt and focus on finishing her last paragraph.

Later when her and Patrick talked again, she asked him about it. “Oh, yeah, I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in some of the performance issues that I completely forgot to give you a heads up,” he said, although he sounded just as confused as her.

“Patrick, why are they coming? I thought Tracy was in Italy doing some fashion thing and Marie never comes on tour.”

“Um, I don’t know,” he said, hesitating a bit. “I thought you’d want them to come?”

“Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong, I want to see them, I don’t know I just get this weird feeling about it. I mean, coming down the day before to spend time with me?”

“Oh Emma,” he laughed, rather awkwardly in her opinion, “It’s just Tracy and Marie. What could be weird about them?”

When they had hung up, Emma felt stranger about the whole situation than she did before.

So when Friday arrived, Emma was prepared to find out exactly why the two girls were up to. She had given them both her address and they arrived one after the other around noon. Each girl was so different in her own way. Tracy always dressed like a model on her day off (which she was) and Marie loved to look business casual. They both put Emma to shame, however, when it came to their outfits. She pulled together a loose fitting boat neck t-shirt with the word LOVE written in shimmery embellishments and a pair of cut off jean shorts. She felt like a teenager next two these two women who were nearly the same age as her.

Emma decided to take the girls to a small café near her house for lunch before they went to go look at some of the condos that Marie had scheduled to look at.

Once they had their drinks, Emma started in on them. “So, it’s really great to see you girls,” she began, taking a sip of her beer.

“It is REALLY great to see you, Emma,” Marie said enthusiastically, glancing at Tracy with a large smile.
Emma narrowed her eyes at them. “I was talking to Patrick the other day and I was just telling him how crazy it was that you were both coming to the show tomorrow.” She looked at Tracy. “I thought you had a photo shoot, and you have to work,” she said pointing to Marie.

“Well, for now,” Marie pointed out. “Once the move is finalized, I’ll be transferring to our firm here in New York. That’s why I was so eager to get out here today. I figured, I get to see you, look at houses and see Joe perform. Sounds like a win-win to me!”

Emma knew she had a point. She looked at Tracy who was slurping down her vodka and cranberry.

“They gave us a short break. Pete told me to come see him. When Marie said she was coming down early, I figured I would too. I never got to bond like this with both of you.”

Emma knew she was right about that too. Tracy and Pete didn’t start dating until a year after Emma and Patrick broke up and so it wasn’t like before when Emma and Marie would hang out together on the tours with Ashlee sometimes popping up. “That makes sense.” She exhaled slowly.

“Emma, do you think we’re hiding something from you?” Tracy asked her point blank.

“No, I just… I don’t know it all seems weird, you guys being here. But maybe it’s just weird because it all seems so natural, like this has always happened, but it really hasn’t.”

“Is that what it was like slipping back into a relationship with Patrick?” Marie asked her, grinning at her from the rim of her Long Island iced tea.

Emma blushed. “It’s even better than that.” Her and Patrick fit so well together that putting the relationship back together felt easy, especially once they aired out all of their past grievances. “I was worried at first that it was going to be hard, but we both had some… issues we had to get past.”

“Yeah, Pete told me about some stuff,” Tracy said breezily, glancing at Marie. She looked as if she wasn’t sure how much Emma wanted to divulge in front of her.

“Oh I already know it all. Joe filled me in,” Marie said with an easy smile.

Emma sighed. “Those guys, they just love to talk don’t they?”

“Yeah, you’d think they were girls or something,” Tracy joked. She then took another sip of her drink and asked Emma, “So, what kind of future do you see the two of you having?”

Emma shrugged and took a bite of her sandwich. “I don’t know,” she said through chews, “I don’t want to rush Patrick into anything that he’s not comfortable doing.”

“Are we talking about sex right now?” Marie asked, glancing at Tracy and raising an eyebrow.

Emma felt herself blush again. “No! God, Marie! I’m talking about marriage.” She saw the two girls exchange looks again. “What? I just don’t know if that is his thing. We never talked about before when we were dating.”

“Why not? Do you not want to get married?” Tracy asked her.

“One could ask you the same question,” Emma retorted.

Tracy waved her comment off. “Nah, not right now. Pete and I, we know we’re not ready for that. He recognizes that I’m still a little young and I agree. We’ll get married in a couple of years.” She pointed her fork at Emma. “So you can’t use me as a decoy to turn the conversation away from you.”

Emma looked between both of the girls. They looked genuinely interested in her response. “Okay, you can’t tell Patrick because I don’t want him to freak out. But yeah, I do want to get married.”

“To him,” Marie clarified.

“Of course to him,” Emma replied. “I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

“So why haven’t you told Patrick that?” Tracy asked her. Emma just looked at her dumbfounded. “Girl, you have to tell him or else how will he know?”

Emma really didn’t have a good answer for her on that. She honestly was afraid of Patrick running away scared, just as she was all those years ago. She never brought it up with him when they were dating before and when he had slipped into his depression, she was even more afraid of asking him about it. A part of her didn’t want to ruin the good thing that they had.

The conversation weighed on Emma the rest of the day while she and the girls went shopping and looking at condos and apartments in the city that Marie and Joe might want. It made Emma want to go house shopping with Patrick and she could feel the idea of marriage gnawing at her again. As the day came to an end, the girls had retreated to their hotel rooms, and Emma migrated back to her apartment.

There, she pulled on a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a tank top and curled up on her couch with some Girl Scout cookies that she had bought from her downstairs neighbor’s daughter. She flipped on her TV, deciding to use that night to finish her marathon of the first season of the Newsroom, thinking that it would help her get sleepy.

It certainly did the job, because she found herself jolting awake at 2 AM to the sound of her door knob jiggling. It took her a second to adjust her eyes because the entire apartment was dark. She was still on the couch and quickly reached underneath it, her hand searching around for the large butcher knife she kept under it for emergency situations. She then heard the lock turn and her heart jumped into her throat. Someone must have jimmied the lock, she thought, panicked. Her hand rested on the handle of the knife and she pulled it out, holding it up at eye level.

She had seen enough horror movies to know that she shouldn’t call out to the supposed robber, killer or rapist – she hadn’t made up her mind which it could have been yet. She slowly crept toward the door, stopping right behind the large support beam that separated the front door area and the kitchen. She placed her back against it, peering around it to the door. Although her heart was pounding in her ears, she could hear the lock click and the door creak open.

Oh my God, they are inside, she cried out in her head. It was then that she realized her fatal mistake: she left her phone over by the TV. There was no way she was going to be able to reach it before the intruder got inside so that she could call 911. She realized she was going to have to stop them herself.
She saw the intruder walk into her apartment and slowly shut the door behind them. She took a deep breath and then decided to use the element of surprise. She jumped out from behind the beam and screamed as loud as she could aiming her butcher knife at the intruder.

The intruder shouted, “Holy smokes!” in a loud and very familiar voice and made Emma stop short. Then the figure reached over and flipped her light switch on. “Jeez, Emma, what the heck are you doing?” Patrick stood there, staring at her with a mixture of amusement and shock.

She lowered the knife. “Patrick?” Her heart beat was still rapid, but this time it wasn’t out of fear. “I thought you weren’t coming in until tomorrow morning?”

He grinned and took off his fedora, as he walked toward her. “I kind of lied.” He reached her and took the knife out of her hand, setting it on the high top table. “I wanted to surprise you,” he explained, “but I didn’t expect you to get all Jennifer Love Hewitt on me.”

Emma just blinked. “You came into my apartment in the dead of night, what did you think I would have done?”

“I thought you would still be asleep, and then when you woke up, I would be here already,” he said lamely. “Obviously, I forgot you’re a light sleeper.”

Emma couldn’t believe he was there in front of her. Her mind instantly switched modes and she grabbed him and pulled him in for a kiss. “I am so happy you surprised me,” she said when their lips broke apart.

He raised an eyebrow. “You looked like you were about to kill me.”

“Well, that was before when I thought you were a rapist, robber or murderer.” He looked at her oddly. “I couldn’t decide which one you were going to be, so I had to be ready for all three.”

“Holy smokes, Emma, I don’t know if I should leave you alone anymore,” Patrick replied. I wish you wouldn’t, she thought, but she just smiled and kissed him again.

“Well, do you want to get to bed?” she asked him. She could tell by his expression that he wanted to go to bed, but not to sleep – at least not yet.

The next day, Emma woke up to the sound of Patrick’s phone going off. She wearily sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, and glanced over at Patrick. He was lying face down in his pillow, dead to the world. She reached over him and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. “Hullo?” she murmured.

“Emma!” It was Pete. “I was hoping that Patrick made it to your place safely. He didn’t answer my texts last night.”

“He, um, got a little tied up,” she said, grinning at her sleeping boyfriend.

“Figuratively or literally?” Pete joked.

“Like I’m telling you!” Emma said, swinging her legs off the side of the bed and standing up. “What’s up?”

“Well, I wanted to make sure Patrick was okay, and I wanted to remind him about our 3PM call.”

Emma walked over to the kitchen and started making some coffee for herself. “Okay, we’ll be there around 3,” she replied. “Um, question, did Tracy and Marie know you guys were coming in late last night?”

Pete remained silent on the other end of the phone for a second. “You know what, I have to go,” he said suddenly.

Emma rolled her eyes. “I am not sure what’s going on, but all of you guys are acting really weird,” she said.

“Nope, we’re not. At least not any weirder than usual,” he replied quickly. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later!” He hung up and Emma looked at the phone confused. It wasn’t like Pete to not want to joke around with her a bit before ending their conversation. She set Patrick’s phone down and started emptying out some contents of her fridge to make breakfast.

Patrick woke up around noon, which was what Emma had expected. He loved to sleep and sleep late if he could, but that was because he could stay up all night. She had decided to work on some research for a new article Christian had assigned her, to keep her occupied while Patrick slept without making too much noise. She placed her headphones in and turned on her playlist she used to keep her focused while she worked.

When she felt a pair of hands rest on her shoulders, she pulled the headphones out of her ears and looked up to see a tired Patrick smiling down at her, his light brown hair disheveled from sleep, his eyes twinkling at her through his glasses. “Good morning,” she said jovially.

He leaned down and kissed her head. “Good morning.”

“There is some fruit and cereal in the kitchen,” she said, and he started that way. “Oh and the Almond milk is in the fridge!” Now that she and Patrick were together, she kept some food in the house that met his new vegan diet.

Patrick came back shortly with a bowl of cereal. He sat down next to her and curled his feet up under him. “Whatcha working on?”

“Research for this new article on Krewella. They have a new album coming out soon,” she explained.
“Oh, I know,” Patrick said. “I flew out to their studio to record with them for it.”

Emma gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, they wanted to announce it on their Twitter account,” he said. “But I can see if they will let me let you leak the information. They are really cool and their music is amazing.”

“Yeah, I love it too. I can’t believe you got to record with them,” she paused. “Well, okay, I guess I kind of do. They’re from Chicago too.”

He nodded. “We native Chicagoans got to stick together.” Then in his best Ron Burgundy impression he said, “Chicoago-ENS?”

“Chicago-ITES,” she said, laughing, resting her head against his arm. “I wish you didn’t have call at 3.”

Patrick set his bowl of cereal down on the coffee table and scooped her up in his arms. “Me either,” he said, squeezing her tight. “I promise that once this tour is done, we’ll be able to spend more time together.”

Emma wanted to believe him, but with him being in LA, not only just living there, but recording there as well, she was worried that it wouldn’t be enough. Since when did that matter to you? she asked herself. She always prided herself on being independent and able to handle being away from Patrick in long spurts, but suddenly she found herself wishing that they didn’t have to be apart for those long spurts as often as they used to be.

Three rolled around quicker than expected, and Emma soon found herself hopping out the SUV that had picked her and Patrick up at her apartment, and stepping foot into the back parking area of the Barclay Center where all of the tour buses and production trucks were parked. People were milling about, a few of them stopping to say hello to them. Emma clutched Patrick’s hand firmly, unwilling to let him go until she absolutely had to. There were a lot more people in the backstage area than there were during their spring tour because Brendan and his band were there as well.

Patrick led her through the loading dock area where the crew was unloading all of the equipment for the show to include soundboards, extra drum sets, guitars, amps and everything else Emma could possibly see the boys needing for the performance that night. As they walked inside, Marcus nodded at them and then spoke into his Bluetooth to let the rest of the crew know that Patrick was coming.

When they stepped onto the stage, Emma admired the expanse of the venue. “I forgot how big this place was,” she said in awe.

Patrick squeezed her hand. “Yeah, it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.”

Suddenly a spritely thin, dark haired woman came bounding over to her. “Emma!” she exclaimed, rushing her and wrapping her into a tight hug. She pulled back and gave Emma a once over. “You’re blonde!”

Emma blushed and glanced at Patrick, who was just watching them with an amused look on his face. “Yep, I got tired of dying it the other way around,” she replied. “How are you Sarah?”

Sarah grinned and stuck her left hand out for Emma to see her engagement and wedding rings. “I am the proud wife of Mr. Brendan Urie! How do you think I am?”

Emma looked at her rings appreciatively. Man, I really want one of those, she thought, surprising herself by her reaction. She gave Patrick a sideways glance to see if he could tell what she was thinking. “There she is!” She looked up from Sarah’s ring and saw her husband, Brendan striding toward them, his hair flipped up in a modern styled pompadour look, dressed in a pair of tight black pants, white shirt and black tuxedo jacket. He gave Emma a tight hug. “It’s good to see you here, chick!” he exclaimed.

“It’s good to see you, and Sarah, here.” She felt Patrick’s hand move to the small of her back and she leaned into him slightly. “Love the new songs by the way.”

“Of course you do. I know you secretly love our music more than theirs,” he pointed to Patrick who laughed.

“You obviously have not woken up to her cell phone alarm,” he replied, making Emma blush again.

“Psh, I know where her heart truly lies,” Brendan teased. “How’s New York treating ya?”

Emma gave him and Sarah all of the details about New York living and working for the Stone. They both seemed eager to hear all that she had to say, but also a bit jumpy as if they wanted tell her something, but couldn’t.

“So how are you two going to do it then?” Sarah asked her point blank, looking from her to Patrick.

Emma thought she heard Patrick say something, but it came out as a cough and a mumble. She looked at him oddly and he pointed to his throat. “Tickle,” he squeaked out, his eyes fixed on Sarah.

“You might want some water for that,” Emma told him. Then to Sarah and Brendan, she said, “We’ll work it out.”

“Of course they will!” Brendan said, grabbing Sarah by the shoulders. “We’re just glad you’re back together. I made the unfortunate mistake of trying to hook Patrick up and I will never live that down I’m afraid.”

Emma stuck her finger at his chest. “You’re right. YOU’RE the one who dragged Natalie into all of this. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Brendan laughed. “I hear you held your own though and,” he winked at Patrick, “won out in the end.” He squeezed Sarah’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s go grab some food and chill for a bit. We’ll see you guys later.” He led his wife off the stage.

“They were acting weird,” Emma commented. Patrick looked at her skeptically, but she could sense something else behind his look. Was it worry? “Do you think they really aren’t happy I’m here?”

Patrick seemed relieved at that. “No, Emma, not at all. Trust me, they are really glad you’re here.”

“Finally, you decided to show up!” Pete, Joe and Andy had then emerged from the other side of the stage, ready for live check.

Patrick kissed Emma’s cheek. “Got to go.”

“Have fun. I’m going to see who else is walking around backstage.” She gave the other guys a wave and then started meandering toward the backstage area.

She headed toward the maze of beige concrete walls where all of the dressing rooms were located. She passed Travis in the hall and he stopped to give her a hug, and then pointed her in the direction to where Tracy and Marie were. While they were chatting, Emma couldn’t help but notice that Travis just stared at her as if he was trying to tell her something with his eyes. It was a bit unnerving, but not the first time she felt that way around other people that day. She didn’t understand why everyone seemed to be acting so strange. People kept looking at her funny, which made her stop in the bathroom every few minutes to check and see if she had something on her face or out of place on her outfit. Maybe it IS my outfit, she thought worriedly. Whatever it was, she felt as if she was being left out of some really big joke or secret. Even Patrick was acting weirder, a little nervous even, particularly as the time got closer to the start of their concert.

Just after Panic! Finished their set, Emma had walked up to Patrick who was talking quietly with Pete, their heads close together. He looked jumpy, in that he was literally jumping up and down and shaking his hands out.

“Whoa, save some of that energy for the concert,” she joked as she approached him. He whipped his head around, looking surprised to see her there. She gave him an odd look. “Are you okay?”

His face relaxed into a smile and he hugged her close to him. “Yeah, yes, I’m good. We were just hyping ourselves up for the show.”

She glanced at Pete who was just smiling large and wide at her. “Okay, ‘fess up!” she exclaimed. The two men glanced at each other. “Everyone has been acting weird all day, looking at me funny and smiling like an idiot.” Pete’s smile melted off his face instantly. “And you,” she pointed to Patrick, “have been acting strange around me, particularly in the last few hours.”

“Emma, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Patrick said, his face screwing up in confusion. “No one seems to be acting differently.”

“Yes, yes they are! Look at Pete’s face!”

“I think that’s his normal face,” Patrick laughed.

“It is, especially when I see you, Munchkin. You just make me happy,” Pete replied, grinning again.

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” Joe and Andy came up to them, both sipping on some water bottles.

“Emma thinks we’re hiding something from her,” Patrick explained.

“Whoa, Emma, paranoid much?” Joe commented, his eyebrow arched.

“No! I am not paranoid!” Emma stomped her foot. “Argh, you guys are terrible.”

“Hey, we just walked up here, we didn’t do anything!” Andy exclaimed.

She stared down all four of them, her eyes narrowed. “I will find out what you are hiding from me.”

“Patrick, I think Emma’s gone off the deep end,” Pete joked, nudging him in the ribs.

“Emma, trust me, nothing is going on,” Patrick said, but the way he said it did not convince her.

AJ came up to them then and announced that they had to get into places. Emma sighed. “This isn’t over,” she said pointing at each one of them threateningly. They all looked a little scared, Patrick in particular.

“Um, I love you,” he said warily before he went with the guys to take their places.

She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, but said, “I love you too.” She watched the lights on stage dim to near blackout and the guys all ran out on stage, Joe, Patrick and Pete with their guitars and Andy with his drum sticks.

Once the concert was underway, Tracy and Marie had emerged from the dressing room halls and flanked her on either side. Christian had also found her and looked haggard.

“Emma, I don’t know how you guys do it anymore,” he commented as he watched the guys performing on stage. “Keeping up with those crowds and noise…”

“Wow, Christian, are you saying your old?” she winked at him.

“Oh, I won’t admit that,” Christian said with a grin. He looked at Tracy and Marie. “So which one of you are with which one of those guys?”

Emma pointed to Marie and then to Tracy. “That’s Joe’s wife, Marie, and this is Tracy, Pete’s girlfriend.” She then gestured toward Christian. “Ladies, this is my boss, Christian.” They exchanged hellos. “So, enjoying yourself?”

Christian grinned. “You mean despite the fact that there are a bunch of screaming pre-teens in the audience and the music is too loud? Yeah, fun times otherwise.”

“I could have just done the article, Christian,” she replied .

“Nope, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

She looked at him curiously. “You wouldn’t miss a Fall Out Boy concert? I didn’t realize they were your favorite band,” she said only half joking.

“Emma, you have no idea,” he replied, winking at her. He then left them to go and meander about.

She looked at Tracy and Marie. “Why is he acting weird too?”

“What do you mean? That’s not how he normally acts?” Marie asked her, watching Christian walk away.

“Well, yes, actually, but I can tell there is something…” she paused. “Guys, is there something I need to know?”

“Huh?” Tracy turned her eyes away from the stage to Emma. “What are you talking about?”

“Everyone has been acting so strange today, toward me, in particular. They keep looking at me funny with crazy eyes and smiles.” She looked at both Tracy and Marie who were both wearing the exact look she was thinking of. “See? You two are doing it too!”

“Emma, are you feeling okay?” Tracy asked her, putting her hand up to Emma’s forehead. Emma swatted it away.

“I’m fine. It’s everyone else that’s acting weird! What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Emma. Nothing is going on. everything is just fine,” Marie said reassuringly. The way Marie looked at her, made her feel a bit better.

The concert went on and eventually Brendan and Sarah joined them in the wings, Brendan getting ready for his cameo appearance. Emma’s mind started to drift away from her fears and she started to focus more on the concert, enjoying herself. Maybe I am just being paranoid, she thought. It was possible that she was just nervous about Patrick leaving again so quickly and was coming up with fake scenarios in order to get her mind off that very real fact.

Soon, it was time for the acoustic set on the B stage. Travis was waiting in the wings for his cameo appearance by then too and Andy joined them because he wasn’t going to be in the acoustic set. She expected to hear Pete start a little intro speech on their song “I’m Like a Lawyer,” but instead she heard Patrick speak.

“So, we weren’t planning on doing this song acoustic for any of the concerts, but I asked the guys to make an exception for this one concert,” he began.

“That’s strange,” Emma commented to the small group around her. “What song is it?” she looked at Tracy and Marie, then Brendan, Sarah and Andy. They all just looked at her excited expressions. She rolled her eyes and turned her head back to the stage.

“This next song is actually my girlfriend’s favorite song off of our new album,” Patrick announced and the crowd started cheering loudly.

Emma turned back around to face all of her friends. “Um, what?”

“Emma, you should probably pay attention,” Sarah said, turning her shoulders back to face front.

“And it would be really awesome, if she would come out here and join us for it. What do you think guys?”

Emma felt herself retreating backwards, but Tracy, Marie and Sarah grabbed her, holding her in place. “I’m not going out there!” She exclaimed.

Andy stood in front of her and held his hand out. “Come on, I’ll take you out.”

“NO! Do you see all of those people!?” she could feel her nerves start to go awry.

“Hey Andy, can you bring Emma out here!” Patrick said into his microphone.

Emma felt Andy grab her hand and start to drag her out onto the stage, Tracy, Marie, Sarah and Brendan on her heels. “No, Andy, I’m going to stab you in the eye with one of your drumsticks if you bring me any closer to that stage!” Her heart was beating wildly. The last thing she wanted to do was get on that stage and sing in front of all of those people. He ignored her and kept dragging her, AJ handing him a cordless microphone as he walked.

“I’ve got her, Patrick!” he called out into his microphone, the crowd’s roaring increasing another volume level. Emma felt like a deer in headlights as she followed Andy onto the main stage area. “She’s pretty hard to get out here though. I think I’m starting to fear for my life,” he joked. Emma glared at him and then looked out into the crowd. She felt nearly blinded by the stage lights and all of the camera flashes aimed in her direction.

Why did he not tell me he was going to have me sing? She thought angrily. She was going to have some words with him after the show.

Andy led her down the small strip of stage that led to the B stage in the center of the audience. The other three guys were watching her, Pete and Joe looking wildly entertained and Patrick looked unusually calm. She kept glancing at the crowd then back at them shaking her head and mouthing ‘No singing.’

When they got onto the stage, Patrick stood up and set his acoustic guitar down, while Andy let go of her hand.

Andy then handed her the microphone and she quickly grabbed it from him.

Patrick walked up to her and stopped short just barely a few inches away. She stared at him, challenging him with her eyes. He just looked back at her with a smirk. “Hey Emma, how ya doing?” he asked her and she just stared at him helplessly. He then turn to the crowd and said, “So, guys in the audience, I’m sure you can relate to this; sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own world, you forget about the one person who is always there for you.”

‘What are you doing?’ she mouthed to him. She glanced at Andy who had taken Patrick’s stool and sat down, enjoying the show that she and Patrick were apparently putting on.

“Let’s face it guys, we can be assholes to the girls we love, right?!”

“Oh you’re so fucking right, Patrick,” Pete said into his microphone, eliciting more cheers from the crowd.

Patrick chuckled. “Thanks Pete. And somehow, they keep giving us second chances.” Patrick looked her in the eye then and said straight to her, “I just want you to know how happy I am that you gave me a second chance.”

Now, Emma was confused. She was expecting him to make her sing with him like they did back in the tour bus nearly two and a half months ago. Instead he was apologizing to her in front of almost 20,000 people. She looked at him queerly.

“So, anyway, a lot of you know that I can be a very shy person. But, sometimes, you have to push aside those fears and insecurities to tell someone how much they really mean to you,” he said. Emma could hear the crowd’s cheers erupt louder, and people started pointing to the main stage. She turned around to see the whole crew including Brendan, his wife, Tracy and Marie gathering on the main stage. Even Christian was standing there with a smug look on his face. The cameras were flashing in rapid succession and the crowd just kept getting louder to the point where Emma could barely hear herself think.

“What the hell?” she said out loud without thinking and she spun back around to face Patrick. But he wasn’t standing in front of her. No, he was kneeling, on one knee. She jumped back in surprise and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. “No way,” she gasped.

Patrick was still holding his microphone in one hand, but he had a small black box in the other, open with a diamond ring with one large diamond in the center and two smaller diamonds on either side of it. She felt a lump form in her throat as she looked in his eyes, wet with tears. “Emma Mann, I love you, and I want you in my life forever,” he nearly choked on his last words. He then took a deep breath and said, “Emma, will you marry me?”

She gasped, a few tears falling down her cheeks. It all suddenly dawned on her at once. The reason why everyone was acting so weird around her, smiling like idiots; the reason why the girls were asking her if she wanted to marry Patrick. They all knew he was going to do this tonight. “Wait a minute,” she said to him and he looked a bit taken back that her immediate response was not a ‘yes.’ “So I was right then? Everyone was hiding something from me, this, right here.” She pointed between them.

Patrick reddened. “Yeah, you were right.”

She smiled. “Not paranoid then?” he shook his head. She could hear the audience screaming and shouting, ‘say yes.’ She didn’t need their opinion though, she had already made up her mind about Patrick a long time ago. “Yes, Patrick, of course I’ll marry you.”

“Wait!” Pete exclaimed. “Say that into the microphone. I don’t think the peeps up in the top rows heard you.”

She rolled her eyes and lifted the microphone to her mouth. “The answer is yes, of course.” Then through the screaming and clapping of the crowd and the crew on the main stage behind them and the flashing lights, Patrick slipped the ring onto her left ring finger. He stood up and moved toward her, enveloping her in a long kiss. As they kissed, she whispered, “I can’t believe you did this.”

“Surprised?” he replied, grinning at her.

“And then some. You’re amazing, you know that?” she kissed his lips again. If it weren’t for the screaming fans and the cameras, she could have kissed him all night and then some.

She felt Pete grabbing her hand and holding it high in the air. “Let’s hear it for the future Mrs. Stump everyone!” he exclaimed.

Emma blushed and glanced over at Patrick who was beaming at her. She then felt Andy on her other side and she knew that it was time to go backstage so the guys could continue their concert.

“Now, Emma, you sure you don’t want to sing with us since you’re already out here?” Pete joked.

She shook her head and her hands. “Nope, I’m good,” she laughed. With that, Andy escorted her back up to the main stage, fans reaching for her and crying out as she walked past. She leaned down and gave a few of them high-fives and waved to a few others. When she reached the main stage, Tracy and Marie nearly tackled her in a group hug. She glanced back at the smaller stage as Patrick strummed the first note of her new favorite song and the crowd began singing in unison:

“I don’t know where you’re going, but do you have room for one more troubled soul…”

Backstage there were bottles of champagne and everyone who wasn’t required to keep the show afloat for the next hour had already consumed a few glasses. They had congregated in two of the dressing rooms. Every time another glass was poured, another toast was made. Emma fell back against one of the couches, giggling with Marie about a memory from their shared past.

“I can’t wait until Joe and I are here in the city, and then you, me Joe and Patrick can all go out for dinners and see concerts together. It’s going to be amazing,” Marie said, resting her head on Emma’s shoulder.

“What do you mean? Patrick’s still in LA, I mean I guess when he comes to visit… I mean, until we’re married and I don’t really know what will happen then…” she paused when she saw Marie’s confused face. “What?”

“Didn’t Patrick tell you?”

Emma glanced around the room. “Apparently, there is a lot he didn’t tell me,” she replied, making Marie chuckle.

“Wait a minute! Who had a party and forgot to invite these four handsome dudes!” Joe shouted as the guys walked into the dressing room. Their show had finally finished, and the four of them looked exhausted, beads of sweat gathering around their hairlines; yet they still exerted a sizeable energy when they walked into the room.

Everyone cheered them and Joe, Pete and Patrick soon had glasses of champagne in their hands, Andy, a bottle of water. Emma chewed on her lip nervously as Patrick made his way over to her. She stood up and moved into his arms, feeling his warmth resonating off of him. She nuzzled her face into his neck, not minding the dampness. “Good show,” she murmured into his ear. “A lot of unexpected surprises.”

Patrick pulled back so that he could kiss her forehead. “Oh yeah? Which one was your favorite, Ramone coming on stage or Travis?”

She laughed, “Oh yeah of course one of those two surprises.” She grabbed his towel from his back pocket and wiped his face with it. “So question for you.”

“Okay, shoot.” His eyes were dancing with glee, his smile wide and inviting.

“Marie said something to me just a few minutes ago about something else you may not have told me yet?”

He glanced over at Marie who was standing with Joe, Andy and Brian laughing about something. “Well, I’m glad she could at least keep the engagement a surprise,” he sighed. “Okay, there was one more thing. I know that you have been worried about how, you know, we were going to see more of each other.” She nodded for him to continue. “Well, now that we’re going to get married, I thought it would be, kind of ideal, you know, um, to live together.”

“You don’t say?” she jested, raising an eyebrow.

He let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, I know, crazy talk right? So, I had kind of asked Marie to scout some places out with you here in New York.”

“Wait, what? That’s why she came down early and drug me around to all of those condos? And why she was so eager to hear my opinion about them?”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah, she called me later and gave me the details on which ones you seemed to really like so I could make some calls.”

Emma felt another wave of shock hit her for the second time that day. “Patrick, are you serious? You’ll move here to New York? But, but what about LA?”

Patrick took a sip of his champagne. “It’ll all work out, Emma. It’s not like Andy and Joe are in LA and I already fly all over the place to record. You’re job is here, mine it’s transient.”

“You sound like a gypsy,” she laughed. “But, really, Patrick, you can’t,”

“Emma, let me do this. You have sacrificed a lot for my career over the years, I think I can handle moving my house of residence for my future wife.”

Emma rested her forehead against his. “I like the way you say that.”

“What wife?” She nodded. “Well, I like saying it.” He grinned and kissed her nose. “And I think I’ll keep saying it forever.”

“Hey everyone, everyone, quiet down!” Pete shouted. All of the eyes turned to him. “I know you guys have probably already toasted, but it’s not really a toast until I say it!” a few trickles of laughter came from the group. Pete raised his glass to Patrick and Emma. “I have seen a lot of relationships in my life and none of them are quite like Patrick and Emma’s. I have seen these two kids grow up right before my eyes,”

“Oh come on Pete, you’re only like four years older than me!” Patrick exclaimed, eliciting more laughter from the group.

“Psh, that’s like 20 dog years,” Pete replied. “Anyway, as I was saying. I have seen them both change, yet that change didn’t affect the love that was between them. It only made them both realize how much they belonged together. You two make me believe in true love and I am beyond stoked that you’re going to be spending the rest of your lives together. To Patrick and Emma!”

“To Patrick and Emma!” everyone exclaimed, clinking their champagne glasses together.

Emma took a sip of hers and glanced at Patrick, who gave her a loving smile and then kissed the top of her head as she rested it on his shoulder. She thought back to the boy she met all of those years ago with the trucker hat and long sideburns, doing impersonations to win her over. If you would have told that girl – a hopeful and awkward college sophomore – that she was going to marry that boy she had met all of those years ago, she probably would have laughed. For there was one thing that Emma was always terrible at; predicting the future. However, now, standing there in that room full of people who had supported her throughout the years, with her head resting on the shoulder of the man she was going marry, she started to truly enjoy the future that Patrick was finally giving her.