Hate Unconditional

'You could find true love in even the darkest of times.'

I'll never forget what my mom used to tell me when I was younger, before Sam was born, whenever I asked about how someone knew when they were in love. Her answer was always the same, only each time she seemed to have a different example to show what she meant. She'd tighten the blanket around me and lay down next to me and start with the story softly.

'Everyone was gray to themselves, you know this because everyday you look in the mirror, you'd ask why you were so gray. Everyone is born gray, no one can see their true colors until the love of their life came around, even then you couldn't see the color yet. If you see photos from when your father and I first met, you can see the faint glow of color blooming like a small flower bud. I couldn't see that until he asked me to marry him, that’s when I knew I'd be with him forever.'

Everyone had slight glows to them when they've met 'the one'. Most happen when they were young without even realizing it. When my mom told me I was showing color, I remember how excited and happy I was.

The problem was, that happened my freshman year of high school and I was, now, half way through my senior year and I still don't know who it is.

I lived in a small town, where everyone knew each other, it was normal to bring a friend home every day. My mom was more then happy to say hello to her friends kids when I brought them home with me, she was always confused as to why I always brought home the people but Sam didn't bring home anyone. She started to get worried about him when she found skin mags in his bedroom.

I didn't know the whole story, I just remember her sitting us down and giving us 'the talk'. Her version of it anyways. She tried to be very subtle with her word choice, feeling like if our dad was still around he'd give them the talk and it would be a lot better and a lot less awkward.

After the talk was given she let us go, I instantly called Cas to come over because telling him the story over the phone wouldn't have been as fun as telling him it face to face. Even though Cas wasn't really smart when it came to getting my jokes and puns, I still kept him around. He was the only person who would talk to me, not including his family.

After my dads suicide, my mom thought it was best that we moved. I was fine with moving, the big problem was that Bobby wasn't going to be around anymore. Mom loved Bobby, she just wanted Sammy and I to get our minds off of our dad and a vacation was to expensive for us.

We didn't get to see the apartment our mom got until we arrived there, and it was probably the shittiest place we've ever seen. I took the opportunity to turn to Sam and say, “We ain't in Kansas anymore, Toto.” Lets just say his shirt was covered in Grape soda.

My first few days at that high school, Kripke high, really sucked ass. But it was the first high school I'd ever been to, and it was my first year so I didn't let it be completely awful. The people there are crazy though, huge families everywhere.

Before I met Cas, I met his cousin and older brother, Gabriel and Balthazar. They have like a million cousins but only a couple have been nice enough to talk to me. Then I met Castiel and I was going over there numerous times a week.

Cas had agreed to come over and to not bring anyone with him, I love Gabriel and Balthazar but I loved being with just Castiel a lot of the time. It was nice and we would relax together and watch some shitty '80's movie together because he was into the old stuff.

It took him maybe half an hour before he arrived at my house, having to beg his mom not to tell anyone where he was going due to the fact that they'd come over and annoy the shit out of them. But he was here and I felt better.

I didn't even need to drag him up to my room, he was just so used to it by now that I could just take his wrist and he knew where I was going. We sat down on my bed as usual, Sam on his laptop across the room paying no attention to us.

He relaxed against the wall while I sprawled out staring up at the ceiling.

“So,” I broke out the silence, hating when it gets silent. He admitted to loving it because it was comfortable. It wasn't awkward for us. We could sit in silence for hours on end just staring at a damn wall and it was awesome. Cas looked at me, I noticed his colored was glowing more then usual and I couldn't help but stare. “Have you any thoughts on who's glow is yours?”

Sam started giggling and I pushed myself up onto my elbows. “The hell are you laughing at?” My voice was meaner then I meant for it to be.

“I'm laughing at the fact that you still don't know who it is.” He shut his laptop and walked out before I could ask who's it was. My stomach dropped though, I wasn't going to admit that though.

I turned around and looked at Cas, he smiled a little and his face looked much softer then usual. “Do you know?” He didn't say anything though, instead his smile got a little wider and he nodded slowly. His hands were held together in his lap and his ankles were crossed.

I tried to probe more out with a look but I don't think he understood. “Well?” He tilted his head a little, not breaking his smile. He shrugged and laughed a little at my frustration as I threw myself down onto the bed, closing my eyes.

“Look Cas-” But I was cut off, I felt him move but I thought he was just changing his position. His hands held my cheeks when he leaned down and gave me an awkward spider-man kiss. His lips were soft and I wanted to hold him there forever.

I pulled away to breathe, sitting up and seeing how he glowed with color, I didn't even bother looking down before I pushed up lightly against the wall with my hands while I climbed into his lap. I hovered my mouth over his, rubbing his cheek with my thumb.

He kissed me quickly and pulled away, hovering again. I copied him, hovering again. I liked this, a lot. A lot more then I thought I would. I wasn't gay, was I? I mean, I always thought Cas was cute, I just never really saw me and him kissing.

Well, not while I was daydreaming. I couldn't admit to the multiple wet-dreams I'd had with him sucking me off or something.

I pushed my mouth so hard against his that his head hit the wall with a thud and I freaked out.

“Are you okay?!” He lifted his hands and ran his fingers through my hair. I relaxed a little, then he grabbed a fistful and forced our lips together.

He grinded his hips up against mine and I couldn't help but pant against his mouth. I was now thankful that Sam closed the door behind him. “Caaasss...” I moaned, pulling away and leaning my head back so he could kiss my neck.

His hands went down to my ass, he gripped and pushed and breathed heavily against my throat. Essentially we were dry humping, but not getting off.

We slowed down and began kissing lightly again. I smiled and laughed against his mouth and his hands met my hips.

“Dean...” His voice was rough. “Look at yourself.” I pulled farther away and looked down at our bodies that seemed to be intertwined.

I got used to seeing Cas colored, but not myself. I turned my head to look at the full body mirror that was hung up on the closet door, Cas followed my eyes and we stared at each other, how our colors looked together.

Blue eyes ; Green eyes.
Black hair ; Brown hair.
Almost pure white ; Tanned like my father.

I couldn't help but smile when he put his face into my chest, holding me closely. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed his head.

“I love you, Cas.”

“I love you, Dean.”