A Final Year

Chapter 2 ~ Memories and Worries

~Tom~
As I entered the kitchen I could feel a small smile playing at my lips. I knew for a fact Mads would eat anything I put in front of her and she certainly didn’t have a rule about only breakfast foods in bed last week when we had a picnic in bed complete with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries.

That was one of the things I loved about her, she was willing to try anything. If I found a new recipe she was more than happy to take the first bite. When I mentioned in passing that I wanted to go skydiving one day she booked a trip for my birthday and we jumped out of a plane, even though she is a bit afraid of heights.

She is amazing when it comes to anything artistic. Ask her to draw or paint you anything and the results are breathtaking. Look through the memory card in her camera and each picture is composed perfectly. She writes heart wrenching scripts and soul-stealing novels. Sculpting, glass blowing, dance, hell she can even tie-dye flawlessly.

It is because when she was young she took a good knock to the head and so her right-brain runs the show while the left-brain is still trying to heal itself. As you can probably imagine, this cause serious problems while she was in school. Teachers thought she was autistic, dumb or just plain lazy; in all actuality she was brilliant, she just expressed herself differently.

She has been asking me to make my famous French toast for three weeks now so I decided that is what I’d make her.

When I walked back into the bedroom Mads was fast asleep. I set the tray with bacon, French toast, and orange juice on the bedside table and gently shook her awake. As she opened her eyes and blinked I couldn’t help the smile that grew on my face.

She was so childlike. I spoke softly to coax her awake, “You need to eat, then you can go straight back to sleep, alright Love?”

I sat next to her and put the tray on her lap. We both ate slowly enjoying the tastes of my stuffed French toast and bacon. As we took our last bites Mads made a contented noise in the back of her throat and wiggled down under the covers and fell back asleep. I returned the tray to the kitchen and began to clean up the mess I had made.

As I cleaned I thought back to one of the first few dates we’d had. I think it was the third date we had had in two weeks and Mads finally trusted me to see her home. As I walked into the flat I noticed a bunch of pillows and blankets placed in piles all around the space.

“I thought we could order in and turn my entire apartment into a blanket-fort castle while we wait for it to come,” she had said with a shy yet excited look on her face.

I had laughed out loud and couldn’t believe this gem I had discovered. She was a five-year-old trapped in an adult body. She certainly kept me on my toes. As I continued to laugh heartily Mads just got paler and paler.

“We don’t have to,” she mumbled, “just a stupid little idea.”

Her so was so dejected that I immediately felt bad for hurting her feelings.

“You mistake my laughter as negative, my dear. I would love to build a blanket-fort castle with you. Every princess needs a castle after all.”

It took us about an hour to fully transform the space. Half way through we ordered in and the food arrived just as we finished. The delivery boy gave us a strange look, but we didn’t care. We talked and ate for hours before We solely drifted off to sleep on the bed in our castle.

The next morning I offered to help take everything down and put it away. Mads looked offended.

“And ruin my lovely castle?” she questioned in mock outrage. Then in a normal tone, “I like it. I think I’ll keep it for a bit. Thanks for the offer though.”

I was smiling even bigger as I finished washing up. That silly girl had left our castle up for nearly three months. I would watch her trying to get ready for a date and have to struggle to get around with all the blankets and each time I would ask if she wanted help taking it down. She always said no and finished her preparations and we left.

The night of our three month anniversary I went to pick her up for a nice dinner out at a fancy restaurant, but she said, “Lets spend one last night in our castle and tomorrow we can file it away for a later chapter in our lives.”

When I walked back into our bedroom I realized that Mads was still wearing all he clothes and she tends to wake in pain if she sleeps in her bra. I moved to her and began removing her clothes. Once she was naked I carefully slipped one of her nightgowns onto her body and laid her back down. She hardly stirred through the whole ordeal.

I removed my clothes and slipped on a pair of pajama pants and climbed into bed. I gathered Mads to me and hugged her tight. There were so many thoughts in my mind and I couldn’t seem to calm them. They needed to be let out into the universe, but Mads didn’t need to hear them. I didn’t think she would wake, but just to be sure I spoke them in French so she couldn’t possibly understand.

So in a low murmur I let my thoughts escape, “Je le crains. J'ai peur de te perdre. Je crains que je ne suis pas assez fort pour cela. J'ai peur d'affronter le monde après votre départ. Je ne sais pas ce que je ferai si non, quand je te perds. Je t'aime plus que la vie elle-même et je ferai tout en mon pouvoir pour faire de votre temps restant parfaite.”

*Translation: I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough for this. I'm afraid to face the world after you're gone. I don't know what I'll do if, no, when I lose you. I love you more than life itself and I will do everything in my power to make your remaining time perfect.