Tied

We were at the foot of a wall, arrows raining down from above. I was yelling out encouragements to my soldiers, a banner hoisted over my shoulder. “Maiden, we must breach the walls now!” One called to me, voice muffled by his dinged helmet. I nodded, turning to the nearest group of men.

“Retrieve a ladder. We shall prepare to climb.” They followed my order immediately, crossing themselves in one fluid motion before setting off. “Soldiers! Men of God!”

Those around me fell silent, listening. “We are about to carry out God’s orders, to banish these English worms from our land. We are here to save France. We are here to crown the true king. We are here to follow Heaven. Do you hear the angels calling you? Will you put on the armor of righteousness and answer?”

The cheering overwhelmed everything, the clang of metal and the symphony of battle. I helped them to set up the ladder, leaning my banner against the wall. It is then that an arrow finally hit its mark, and I fell back, a cry cut short, falling falling falling-

There was a hand grasping mine. I wasn’t falling, I was flying-

I woke up in the dark closet, my shoulder aching, curled into the fetal position with Raven kneeling over me.
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I could barely repress yet another groan as I finally slunk into an empty seat on the bus. She had helped me up, and then we were so close, her eyes wide and staring right into me, and all I had wanted to do was close the gap.

Her lips had looked so soft, dark and there, right there, and I could imagine pulling her closer, one hand tracing her jaw, letting myself go.

But she had just turned and walked away. She didn’t even look back.

I couldn’t help but think that she had seen what was running through my mind, the desire, and had been disgusted. Why else had she sounded so rigid? She didn’t like me like that, that was clear. Calling her tonight would be a nightmare. Maybe I would call Aurore first and let her handle it.

I thought back to the dream, the hand that had kept me from falling. It had felt so real. So familiar. It must have been my imagination. Raven would never hold me like that.

Chad, some stupid jock from my English class who flirted with me incessantly, slid into the seat next to me. So much for a quiet bus ride. “Hey, Rhea,” he crooned, scooting uncomfortably close. “I need a bit of help with my anatomy homework. I know you’re in AP biology, so I thought maybe-”

“Of course.” I smiled coyly. He could be an escape. I had to stop thinking about her, before I completely destroyed our friendship. I took a look at his homework. It was a diagram of the mouth and throat. Real subtle, you idiot. “That right there is the oral cavity-”

“Show me babe,” he whispered, breath smelling like weed. He shoved his lips against mine before I could get out another word. I had the strong impulse to pull back and punch him, but I forced myself to return the kiss. Forget her. I heard a few other students whistling. Forget her and everything she means to you, because she’ll never look at you the same way.

It felt so wrong; I had been with boys before, I had liked them before, but now my mind couldn’t dismiss the desire for Raven. His lips were so chapped and gross. He didn’t know where to put his hands, didn’t know how to move his lips without suffocating me. I felt him try to force my mouth open with his tongue. That was not going to happen. And then he grabbed my chest, and I gave in to my earlier impulse and, jerking away, punched him.

Later that night, when Aurore answered her phone, I couldn’t even manage to say hi before breaking down and crying into the speaker.

All I had ever wanted was to be strong, unbreakable, just like Joan. After she got wounded in the same battle my dream witnessed, she had returned to the fight the same night to rally her soldiers. And when she was burned a few years later, she died with her head held high.

I must be so weak, then, for one stupid crush and weird dreams and a bastard boy to shatter me.