Reverie

Jordan stood in front of the large bay windows looking on as small children ran around the field, screaming and laughing playfully. He gave a soft smile but it wasn’t enough to shake the nerves in his body. If he had thought being nervous for the Stanley Cup was worse, he was wrong.

His tie was beginning to constrict and he could feel the room getting hotter by the second. He took a small swig of the bourbon his older brother Eric shoved towards him. The burning liquid gave him a warmth and comfort he had been searching for all morning. Jordan fixed his suit jacket for the fiftieth time, smoothing out the invisible wrinkles. A soft crinkle noise was heard as he ran his hand down the spot over his pocket again and again before reaching in.

“Jord, we gotta go.”

He merely nodded and waved everyone away watching as their retreating bodies leave the room one-by-one. Henry was the last to leave and Jordan wasn’t sure but he could have sworn he saw a flash of pride in his father’s eyes.

With one last look Henry left Jordan to his own thoughts, his attention squaring back onto the thin piece of paper in his hand. He let out a deep breath, fingering the corner to open the folded note.

Dear Jordan,

Hopefully you find this! I had Elise stuff this into your suit pocket this morning. This is super cheesy. I know that’s what you’re thinking right now but everyone insisted I write you a letter instead of a text or a worthless note… which you probably did. Don’t feel bad about it. I’m a girl with a lot of emotions and feelings.

I’m so nervous. This is crazy! Tell me I’m not the only one.

There is so much I want to say to you, to tell you. But I don’t know where to begin.

But I guess I could start with this boy I met a while back. I know you don’t to hear anything about another guy but he saved me from self-destruction. I was broken in more ways than one can imagine. But dad didn’t understand the impact this boy has in my life and he still doesn’t. He thought this boy was trouble from the start, ‘a no good hoodlum’ is what he called my savior. You know my dad, though – overruling, ignorant, and unbearable – and yet I still loved him because he’s my dad.

Maybe it was because the first time the guy met dad, he proclaimed his own version of ‘Our Father – ‘Our Father, who farts in heaven’ – Clever isn’t he? Mom was just as appalled as dad and I should have been too but the giggles overtook all sense I had in me. I just couldn’t stop. It was the first time in months something made me laugh.

My friends told me I was naïve for getting too close for comfort but I believed in chances. There were rumors about this guy – some good, some bad, and some utterly disgusting to put into words – though; it didn’t stop me from wondering why I felt a pull towards him.

He was different, regardless of his popularity with the female population of Thunder Bay.

Sarah Baker, remember her? Bubbly red headed girl that dated Colt Masters? Well, she dragged me to an ‘End of Senior Year’ bash that Colt was hosting at his home. I was being a brat all night and refused to drink and was just miserable. I walked around the house looking for someone I knew but no luck. It’s pretty comical when I think about it now. When I should have been acting like rebellious teenager I opted not to.

Later in the night, I got trapped against the wall by this big ogre who reeked of whiskey and body odor. It was enough to make me throw up and I would have if I didn’t get pulled away. I don’t know what it was, Jordan, but shocks erupted through my entire body from this mystery guy’s touch and when I looked up… there you were. My savior. Saving me yet again.

No one messed with me the entire night, mainly because you were short a couple feet away from me. You stopped drinking that night and drove me home. Quite the gentlemen. There was no wondering eyes, no pervy remarks. Was taking home the preacher’s daughter out of your element?

I knew then that the opinion of my parents and everyone in town about you didn’t matter. And it was crazy how much I put my trust into you.

You stopped right in front of my house, even though you knew my dad would see you. ‘Give me your entire summer’ – those are the first words you said to me that entire night. Who the heck demands that? You didn’t even ask. But like a curious fool I gave it to you. And I didn’t regret it.

Remember that game you made up for us? … Chaos. The crazy list of six different dares and the corresponding number we rolled with a dice we had to do?

Dare number 3. My first dare - skinny dip in the Graber’s pool. I was hoping so much that you would get this one but I was the unfortunate one. As much as you don’t want to admit it… you were incredibly sweet that night. You didn’t even look at me while I stripped down and waited until I was in the pool before turning back around. I know you caught a glimpse of me but you never said anything. Why?

Truth? I wished you did.

Mr. Graber wasn’t too happy to see the preacher’s daughter naked in his pool. As for you, I’m sure he wasn’t surprised to see that you were close by. I still can’t believe he called the cops on us! Dad wasn’t too happy then. He said I was letting temptations get the best of me.

I’ve never lied to you and I won’t start today. I wish he were here. I know you wanted his approval but he can’t let go of his pride. He still sees you as the boy that used to egg our house on Halloween. I always dreamed of having my dad walk me down the aisle, telling me how proud he was during our father-daughter dance but I’m more than happy that Henry offered. He’s been more of a father to me these years than my own dad has been. I can’t and I won’t give you up just because my dad can’t overlook the past. And don’t think for one second this is me saying I don’t want to marry you. I wouldn’t have said ‘yes’ if I didn’t.

Although, I don’t think we would be in the position we are in today if you didn’t stop by my house before you got on that plane to Pittsburgh. You were such an idiot! The end of summer and all I wanted was for you to comfort me and tell me that we’d keep in touch but you were so cold and distant that day.

I was ready to give up when you walked away from me at the dock. I figured my mom was right about us being a ‘summer fling’ but I knew it was more than that and I know you felt it too. I couldn’t tell you how many times I pressed your name to call and ended it before it started ringing.

I cried all night hoping you would call but it never came so it was obviously a shock to see you standing at the front door the next morning. I wanted to punch you, smack you, something! But I was more curious than upset.

I wanted to hate you but I couldn’t. I loved you then and I still love you now. You gave me chances like I gave you. I didn’t know I had it in me to just take a step back, breathe, and live. You opened me up in ways I didn’t know I could. You brought the fun Fallon, out. You helped me find myself.

‘Fucking fuck! I love you!’ that’s what you yelled in my face. Romantic? It was never really our thing but your execution couldn’t be more perfect. Definitely a Staal thing to do. And then you just kissed me. Just like that, like nothing was wrong.

I liked it though.

From there we just took off. You were mine and I was yours. Officially.

I knew I wanted you to be my forever during playoffs. I didn’t fully understand your love for the sport. Hell, I still don’t but it’s who we are. What we’re about. We came a long way from then. It definitely tested our relationship and as much as I wanted to beat your head in with your hockey stick I remembered how heavy you were so it would have been hard to drag you around without someone noticing.

Kidding.

You know that feeling of your heart dropping into your stomach? Not the bad kind but the kind where you don’t know whether to scream or cry because everything you dreamed for came true? That’s what I felt when you won the Stanley Cup. It might not have been my own dream but you and I are one.

Your dreams are my dreams.

I was so nervous that day for you. Clearly not as nervous as you but I knew the things you wanted to hear and the things you needed me to do and I followed every silly superstition… I mean, routine, you have. It drove me crazy but every waking second was worth it. If following your routines for the rest of my life means you winning the Stanley Cup again. Count me in!

So to wrap it up, stop being so nervous! I am too and that’s the thrill. This letter is a ‘JUST IN CASE’ kind of thing. What is she talking about? That’s what you’re probably wondering, eh? I meant, if you ever lose your way or feel alone just remember that I’m right here, right next to you. We’re not those little kids anymore and that’s what scared you away the first time. You didn’t know if I’d still love you for who you’d become… but I do. Whether you’re a big time hockey phenom, a truck driver, a lion tamer in a circus or even some beggar on the street (not really).

Fucking fuck! I love you.

Don’t forget.

I’ll see you soon,

Fallon

Jordan let out a chuckle. “I’m ready.”