All That Matters

“We need to get you a new car,” Sidney said as he hauled his fourth box of clothing into the large closet of the master suite.

“Babe, we just got back. Can we please take this one step at a time?”

“Fine, but before you know it, camp is going to be here and we will never survive the one car shuffle, especially after you start taking clients again.”

“I’ll handle it.”

“Bronwyn,” he sighed.

“Let’s just focus on the task at hand, shall we? We have about a thousand boxes to unpack before we’re officially moved into this house. The new furniture for the living room is set to arrive on Monday along with the dining room table. You also volunteered our house for a dinner party later this week, which means I have a crowd to cook for and we have no groceries to speak of and the contents of our kitchen are in boxes that are currently stacked in the garage.”

“We’ve got plenty of wine for the dinner, we don’t really need food.”

“I’m serious, Sidney. This is a lot to take care of in one week. The last thing I’m worried about right now is you spending too much money on a new car.”

He scoffed.

“Stop it.”

“Are you seriously mad at me right now?”
“I’m seriously getting there,” I replied in a warning tone.

I’d been stressed out since our flight back to Pittsburgh the day before. I’d been so relaxed during our last few weeks in Nova Scotia that the sudden influx of population and work that needed to be done was nothing short of overwhelming for me. I wanted to be relieved to be back in Pennsylvania, but that wasn’t happening for me. There were too many things that needed to be taken care of and worrying was something that I did far too well.

It didn’t help matters that I was officially the secret wife of one of Pittsburgh’s most beloved sports stars.

Somehow the press hadn’t found out. The internet didn’t have a clue. According to gossip blogs, the girl that Sidney had been seen dancing with the previous summer in Halifax was just some drunken hookup. Especially since she wasn’t pretty enough for him anyway. The woman who had dragged him out of Diesel wasn’t even a topic of conversation most of the time and not a single person had come out to tell the world that the woman in question had been wearing a sparkling bauble on her left hand. Neither woman was worthy of him as far as the fans were concerned and in order to spend any time with her, he would have to be wearing rose-tinted beer goggles.

I avoided those dark corners of the world wide web as the quiet rumors festered.

It all stressed me out to the point of absolute exhaustion.

“We’ll get everything done, honey. I’m sorry about dinner, I can call it off. I just got really excited about showing off the house…and my wife.”

He slipped up behind me as I tried to sort items into a dresser drawer. His hands slid down my sides, finding purchase on my hips as he pressed himself against me. He didn’t move as he held me impossibly close and distracted me.

“Want to break in the new bed?” he purred in my ear.

I wanted to argue, to tell him that we had too much work to do. I wanted to tell him I’d just made the bed and that he hadn’t been a bit of help in doing so. But at the same time, I didn’t mind the idea of shirking responsibility for a while. I didn’t want to think about the boxes that needed unpacking or the dinner that I needed to prepare in the middle of the week.

I just wanted to fall into our new king-size bed and get lost for a little while.

The draw of his skin on mine and the sheets with the astronomical thread count were too much to deny as he pulled me towards the bed, shedding articles of clothing along the way. It served as the perfect distraction because somehow, no matter how familiar I became with the landscape of my husband, there was always something that could pull me in in a way that I couldn’t escape.

The work still needed to be done when we awoke from a well-earned nap a couple of hours later. He held onto me as I tried to get out of bed. It was clear that he’d woken before I had.

“Nope,” he murmured as he held me down.

“Sidney, I have to get some of this accomplished or it’s never going to get done.”

“Tomorrow.”

“I can’t just spend all weekend putting it off.”

“Sebastian said he would come help you with it tomorrow.”

“When did he say that?”

“When I texted to say that his best friend needed his help moving into the new house. I may have also mentioned that the pool and the hot tub have yet to be broken in.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I’ve got so much coming up with press and camp. I’m a terrible help. You miss him too and it couldn’t hurt anything. Plus, he gets the way your mind works in a way that I can’t quite fathom. And when it comes to organization I think I would just be in the way most of the time. And don’t tell me I was out of line to ask because I consider him a friend as well.”

I sighed. I didn’t like the way he’d done it, asking Sebastian to get involved, but I knew that he had a good point in asking.

“Thank you.”

“So can we go car shopping now?”

“No. I will agree to waste part of the day in bed if you agree to lay off about the car. We’ll take care of it before the season starts. But we have other things to worry about first.”

“Like?”

“Making this house into a livable home and not a high-class storage unit. Not to mention going to the grocery store. We don’t even have milk and I have to feed a solid portion of a hockey team and their significant others on Wednesday night.”

“They’d be happy if we just ordered pizza.”

“Not the point.”

“What is the point?”

“We need food in this house and beverages too. We’re basically starting from scratch here.”

“We’ll go tonight and pick up Chinese for supper on the way home.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

We only remained in bed for a while longer before I convinced Sidney to at least help me tackle finishing the bedroom. He helped me remake the bed and turned on the radio to fill the quiet, just to add some background noise to the work we were doing.

“What do you think I should cook for Wednesday?” I asked as I started the process of loading clothes into the huge walk-in closet.

“Like I said, they’d all be fine if we just ordered pizza. You don’t actually have to cook.”

“I would feel like a shitty host if I didn’t do some cooking.”

“That’s not true. But if you really want to, pasta is always a hit. Your enchiladas are great too.”

We spitballed ideas for a time as our clothes made it onto hangers and the closet began to fill up. His side was much fuller than mine, his suits lined up from light to dark. The only things that I had more of were the shoes that I couldn’t seem to get enough of. But I’d never seen so many unworn hats in my life as were on his side of the closet.

“Whatever you decide, it will be fine, Wyn. Don’t worry too much about it.”

I’d discovered over the course of our short marriage that my husband’s answer to everything that left me feeling stressed out was to simply tell me not to worry about it. His heart was in the right place, trying to get me to let go of control and just relax, but it drove me absolutely insane.

He’d spent the entire summer stewing over their loss in game four, but I wasn’t supposed to worry about anything.

It was the least helpful advice I could imagine.

He hauled a few more boxes into the closet and stacked his tee shirts as I loaded my accessories into their rightful homes. The drawers and cubbies were designed for jewelry much more expensive than the pieces that I owned, but I wasn’t about to say a word of it around my husband.

The other rooms loomed over us as Sid broke down the boxes and piled them in a corner.

“We’d better get to the store if we don’t want to be in a big rush.”

My stomach dropped.

“Maybe I should go alone,” I suggested as I spun my rings on my finger.

“Why would you—“ He stopped short and glanced down at the rings on my finger. “Honey.”

“Is this the way you want the world to find out you’re married?”

“I really don’t give a shit how or if they do.”

“Sidney, if they see…”

“What? A ring on my finger? Me holding your hand? What is it that they can’t see?”

“I don’t want to argue.”

“Well that would make for the first time in fourteen months.”

I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms. “I’m going alone. Where are your keys?”

“You wouldn’t need them if you had your own car.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Sidney!”

“It’s true.”

“Enough! We had a deal, no car talk until we got everything settled. Now, give me the keys or I will walk to the goddamn store!”

I was fuming and he knew well enough to stop before I lost it completely. He pulled his keys from the pocket of his jeans and handed them over.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he murmured. “Just let me come with you.”

“No.”

I left, still worked into a lather. I was being a little ridiculous and I knew it. I could admit my fault where that was concerned, but I wasn’t the only one being as such. His obsession with buying me a car was getting to the point of aggravating me more than anything else. As was his need to show off his fancy new house and new wife.

He wasn’t a person who enjoyed the flashier things in life and the fact that he was getting so wrapped up in showing something off was enough to make me furious.

The store was quiet, and for that I was thankful. I wasn’t sure I could handle the stress that a crowd would induce. It was a Saturday evening and I’d expected more people, but I was glad to find that the rest of the inhabitants of Sewickley had better things to be doing with their time.

I loaded the cart with staples to fill the cupboards. The kitchen was empty when it came to food and I needed a place to start.

I hadn’t wanted to move any of my perishables when I moved from Boston, so they’d all gone to the food bank. The only thing that made the trip was my spice rack and that wasn’t even a starting point.

I stocked up on what I needed to make dinner for our guests on Wednesday, but I knew an actual trip into Pittsburgh would be necessary. The market in Sewickley just didn’t have enough of what we needed and I would have to make another list simply for a trip to Whole Foods.

But I managed to get a good start for a mere three-hundred dollars.

Sidney wouldn’t have flinched, but I nearly ralphed when I saw the number.

The cashier smiled at me as she checked the signature on the back of my credit card. I shoved my left hand into the pocket of my jeans to hide my ring as I questioned my decision to change my name to Crosby.

It wasn’t like Sidney was the only Crosby in the area, but I could assume that there weren’t too many in Sewickley. But I did know that he was certainly one of the only ones in his twenties with the dough to buy the rock on my finger.

“Stocking up?” she asked as she handed my card back.

“Just moved to town,” I said quietly.

“Well, welcome and have a good night.”

I thanked her and hustled as quickly as I could towards the SUV parked in the lot outside.

I’d never thought I’d be such a nervous wreck and I wasn’t even sure what I was so afraid of.

It wasn’t as if I was ashamed of Sidney. Even when he was being a total asshole, nothing could have been farther from the truth. Still, the thought of the world finding out that Sidney Crosby was married was terrifying.

Then it hit me; I was the source of my own fears. I wasn’t afraid of people finding out that Sid was married, I was afraid of how they would react when they found out he was married to me.

I hadn’t realized until that moment just how concerned I was about the way people would react to me.

I was officially a hockey wife and I was scared to death.

Sidney met me in the garage as I arrived home with the groceries.

“Please don’t be angry with me. I’m sorry I was an ass,” he said as I stepped out of the car.

The soft honeyed brown of his eyes as he begged me to forgive him was enough to send me over the edge. The tears started to flow and I couldn’t stop them. I was just too overwhelmed.

“Shit,” he muttered as I folded into his embrace. “Please don’t cry, Wyn.”

I couldn’t help it as my tears soaked through the fabric of his shirt.

“Seriously, honey. What the hell happened?”

“What if they hate me?” I blubbered.

“Who? What if who hates you? No one is going to hate you.”

“The fans,” I managed to mumble into his chest.

“Who gives a shit?”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not the kind of person who can sit back and say I don’t care what people think of me,” I replied as I pulled away from him. “I do care what people think of me and because of who I’m married to they will all have their opinions.”

“But I love you. I matter, they don’t matter.”

He looked a little hurt by the fact that in my state of mind the opinions of others outweighed his own.

He was by far the most important person in my life, and in all fairness his opinion should have been more important. He had the right to feel the way that he did.

“Go relax, I’ll get the groceries inside.”

“There are a lot.”

“I can manage,” he said before kissing me on the forehead. “Just go sit down for a little while and figure out what you want to order for supper.”

“I just went to the store, I can—“

He cut me off. “You’re not cooking. You’re resting. Just go inside.”

I handed his keys back to him and shuffled into the house.

I didn’t make it far, dropping onto one of the stools that sat around the gargantuan granite island. He kept a close eye on me as he shuttled the grocery bags from the car to the counter.

“Did you buy the entire market?” he asked as he dropped the final bag on the countertop.

I slipped out of my pocket and onto the counter in front of him.

“It’s probably only half of what we need to have a functional kitchen. Plus everything for the dinner party.”

“It’s not a dinner party. It’s just a get-together with some friends.” He glanced at the receipt. “Not bad.”

“Not bad?” I demanded. “I didn’t spend that in a month on groceries back in Boston.”

“You lived on eggs, ramen, and cereal. I’m surprised you spent three hundred in six months. Besides, it’s just money.”

I gave him a look.

“You know what I mean. We have it and we can’t take it with us. A big grocery bill won’t cripple us in the slightest.”

He knew I hated it when he was flippant about money. Regardless of whether we had money; it didn’t mean we needed to spend it all. Besides, I had my own concerns about spending too much of ‘our’ money; I wasn’t keen on earning the label of gold-digger.

It was something that Sidney didn’t quite understand.

“What else do we need?” he asked.

“More fresh items. I didn’t want to buy it if we wouldn’t use it this week. We could use some things to have in the freezer as well.”

“Good call.”

“Glad you approve.”

“Will you at least let me go with you to get that stuff? I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m completely useless.”

“And if people see us and do the math?”

“Then they do the math.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” he replied. “It isn’t a big deal if we don’t make it into one.”

“It feels like a very big deal,” I argued.

“How about,” he began as he sat down on the stool next to mine, “we take this week one very big deal at a time?”

“How do you propose we do that?”

“Very big deal number one; we finish moving into this amazing house. Finally. Big deal number two; we worry about dinner on Wednesday and getting everything settled for that. After that, we can worry about the other big deals.”

“What are they?”

“Being out in public with these damn beacons on our fingers, followed by you letting me help you find a car.”

“Sidney,” I warned.

“Not right now, but soon. Before camp. I don’t ever want you to rely on me in that way and your schedule should never be made to revolve around mine. You need your independence and in this city with our lives, that will require you having a vehicle.”

I sighed. He had a point. I needed reliable transportation and I needed it before his schedule got out of hand. Once his season was in full swing, I would be on my own more often than not and their schedule wasn’t exactly forgiving. It involved a lot of long stretches of games and travel. I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet or I would lose my mind.

I could only put it off for so long.

“Nothing fancy or expensive and I refuse to buy something brand new.”

“Who on earth insists on having a used car?”

“I do,” I replied as I hopped off my seat and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Now, let’s get back to work on putting things away. Then I promise we’ll order pizza.”

Sebastian arrived the next morning with his favorite label-maker in hand. He marveled at the house for a moment before he would step inside.

“Stop,” I muttered. “The neighbors will see you out here gawking.”

“So says Pittsburgh’s best kept secret.”

“Shut up or go home.”

“If I leave now you’ll have to do the rest of the unpacking alone. Plus, I’ll have to charge you for the gas money I spent to get all the way out here.”

“Just come in the house.”

He stepped over the threshold with a grin on his face. He enjoyed driving me crazy from time to time. It wasn’t his fault that I reacted and gave him reason to push my buttons. I watched him as he looked around the room and dropped his things on the rug.

“Damn, if I didn’t know better, I’d think that man of yours was batting for my team.”

“You can have the grand tour later; for now, take off your shoes and come help me in the kitchen.”

Sid was at the rink and I’d already been sorting things for two hours. I just had to figure out where everything belonged and hoped the fresh set of eyes that Sebastian had to offer me would make the whole process a little easier.

“Holy Lord on a bicycle,” Sebastian muttered as he walked into the kitchen. “I could fit my entire fucking apartment in this room.”

It wasn’t so far-fetched. Sidney had forgone the idea of a formal dining room and had opted for a large eat-in kitchen that opened out to the living room. The ceilings were high and the large windows flooded the entire first floor with light. It was perfect for entertaining which was part of his reasoning for our get-together on Wednesday.

“You done?” I asked as he gazed around the room.

“Not remotely. Where’s Hubby?”

“Working out.”

“Doesn’t he have like a state of the art gym in this place or something?”

“In the basement. But he wanted to get a solid skate in too. He just decided to do it all at the rink.”

“He just didn’t want you to put him to work.”

“We did plenty of work yesterday.”

“I’m sure you did,” he said with a wink.

I tossed a dish cloth at him as we set to work. Sidney was home by the time we’d finished the kitchen and moved on to the extra bedrooms on the second floor of the house. We went room by room making beds and setting out accessories in each room. He slipped off to the hot-tub to soak away some of his sore muscles as Sebastian and I staged each of the spare rooms.

“Why is the room closest to yours empty?” Sebastian asked.

“Sidney’s idea.”

“What the hell is it? Is there a secret door to Crosby’s Den of Sin or something?”

Sidney laughed as he wandered past the room towards the master.

“It’s ridiculous, Sidney,” I hollered as he walked past.

He stepped into our room for a moment before he returned and appeared in the doorway.

“What? Is it one of your superstitions?” Sebastian asked.

“Nope,” Sidney replied as he entered the room, pulling a shirt over his head.

“Damn,” Sebastian muttered, staring at Sidney.

“Mine,” I responded as Sidney blushed slightly.

“The room is empty because it would be silly to buy furniture and stage it all when we’re just going to use it as a nursery.”

“Is there something I need to know?”

Sidney chuckled as I rolled my eyes.

“Not yet.”

“Not for a while,” I added.

“So it’s just going to sit empty?”

“Until we need it,” Sid said with a grin as he caught the look on my face. “You’ll be glad when the time comes to use it.”

He wandered off as Sebastian and I admired our handiwork. I didn’t feel like talking about kids or any part of our future beyond the end of the week. Sebastian seemed to realize that I wasn’t interested in the conversation that loomed and he chose not to make mention of it.

We’d accomplished all we’d set out to do as I fluffed the final pillow on the bed.

“Well, I think it’s time to get my swim trunks out of my bag.”

“You really did this just to use the pool?”

“No, but I wasn’t about to turn my nose up with it was offered to me.”

He headed off and I decided that there wasn’t any harm in joining in on the fun. I slipped into a bathing suit that had returned from Nova Scotia with us and took the stairs quickly.

“Where you headed?” Sidney asked without looking away from the TV as I passed behind him.

I cleared my throat. A smile crawled across his face as he got a glimpse of me.

“You know, I was thinking that today would be the perfect day to toss some things on the grill. Steaks or something.”

“Mmhmm,” I responded. “Toss some chicken on while you’re at it.”

“Yes ma’am,” he replied with a little salute.

I walked the rest of the way swinging my hips a little more than was necessary, knowing that he was watching me as I went.

We spent the afternoon outside and only went back in after sharing dinner with Sebastian and seeing him out.

I spent much of the next few days working on the finishing touches that the house required in order to be ready for our friends on Wednesday.

I spent Wednesday cooking and it wasn’t until dinner was in the oven as I was attempting to clean up that Sidney decided to step in.

“I’ll do this. Go get ready.”

“But—“

“I’ve got it. Go on.”

He took over and I went upstairs to change into a dress that I had yet to wear. I slipped a pair of shoes onto my feet as I heard someone arrive. I rushed to finish getting ready as Marc’s laughter peeled through the house followed quickly by Vero’s laugh.

Veronique wrapped me in a hug as soon as I got downstairs. Before we could even begin to catch up, Kris and Catherine were ringing the doorbell. Catherine had always been quiet around me, but her smile was warm as the two of them stepped into the house.

By the time dinner was ready Pascal’s wife Carole-Lyne and Chris’s wife Maureen where throwing themselves into helping me finish up. Geno had arrived with Oksana in tow and I was just as confused by her as I had been the first few times I’d interacted with her.

She kept her distance and stared as the wedding picture hanging on the wall of near the table. Most of the other wives, including Rob Scuderi’s wife Courtney, didn’t seem too pleased to see Geno’s on-again off-again girlfriend present for dinner.

I tried not to get involved with the WAG politics, but I was sure that as the wife of the captain, there was only so long that my non-involvement in that side of things could last.

Most looked towards Vero for guidance.

She was the longest tenured, but she was quick to warn me against getting too comfortable playing second fiddle to her.

“From now on, it won’t be me,” she said as she gazed at me over the rim of her margarita glass. “Before it was because I was pretty much the one who has been here the longest, but now,” she added with her playful French lilt, “now it will be you.”

“You’ve still basically been here the longest.”

“But you’re the captain’s wife.”

I gulped.

“Don’t worry. Nathalie and I will have plenty of advice.”

“You’ll be fine,” Pascal assured me as he took his seat.

I looked to Chris for confirmation, but he simply shrugged.

“A lot of help you are, Kuni.”

Our friends chuckled.

“Vero’s right though, babe. You and the others up until now have deferred to her, but anyone new will automatically look to you.”

“I’m liking this plan less and less.”

“Geno protect you.”

“Thanks, G,” I replied as Oksana sent a cold gaze in my direction.

Vero snorted a laugh next to me.

“So,” Marc said in attempt to pull the attention away from the look on Oksana’s face. “I hear you won’t let Sid replace your old car.”

Sid slapped a hand to his forehead as I tried to reprimand him for involving his friends. I shouldn’t have been surprised. His teammates knew everything and he’d spent so long keeping me a secret that he seemed to prefer to overshare as if to make up for lost time.

Every man at our kitchen table probably knew my cup size.

“Shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that,” Marc said.

Still, his grin was unwavering.

“Nice job,” Kris quipped.

Chris and Pascal laughed. They’d been married the longest of the men sitting at the table and with their growing broods, they knew better than their teammates on a lot of levels.

“He’ll learn, Wyn,” Pascal promised.

“In about ten years,” Chris added with a soft smile.

“Comforting.”

Meanwhile, Carole-Lyne and Maureen both sent me looks that said I shouldn’t be fooled. Their husbands hadn’t even learned. I would simply be forced to grow used to it like every other married woman.

“So, Scuds,” Sid said, changing the topic again, “how does it feel to be back in Pittsburgh?”

“Promising.”

It was my first time meeting Rob upon his return to the team that had drafted him. But while he was new to me, I knew what he meant. His eyes were on the prize, and that stood for every man at the table. None of them wanted to see their chances slip away again.

From there, conversation was steered away from us and onto the house and the upcoming season. The others talked about their kids and Sid took time to show off the house, including the empty nursery.

It was late when they all left. Sidney lingered in the driveway to confer with Pascal for a few moments before he rejoined me in the house. I was wiping down the table as he reentered the house.

“You did so good!” he enthused as he wrapped me in a powerful hug, lifting me off of my feet and spinning me around.

“Thanks?”

“Seriously, everyone loves you!”

I smiled as his lips found mine and he lowered me back to the ground.

“Do you want the car for anything tomorrow?” he asked.

“Why?”

“Well, I’m going to practice early to work with Kuni and Dupes before anyone else gets there. If you want to run errands or explore the city, I can leave you the car and Pascal will stop by to pick me up.”

“Little out of his way isn’t it?”

“Yeah. But he’s easy. I buy him coffee and we’re good to go.”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind. I’ve been wanting to pick up some supplies.”

“For?”

“Art.”

He grinned. “I’ll text Duper. The rover is yours.”

I headed upstairs to get ready for bed, stopping outside of my art room first. The room was still light, regardless of the late hour. I wanted to buy supplies because the room had me inspired. I no longer felt the need to limit myself to digital work because I had a space to do everything that I loved.

I had a place to paint or break out the oil pastels that I hadn’t used since college. I could start throwing pottery if I wanted to, I had plenty of room to do so.

It was exciting and Sidney was excited for me.

He was gone when I woke up the next morning.

I found the keys in the kitchen with a note encouraging me to go crazy and get everything that I needed.

I did just that. I didn’t worry about what I was spending, just about the work that I could get done with the bags of supplies that I’d purchased over the course of the day in Pittsburgh.

I did a double take as the garage door lifted up and I pulled the car into the spot. There was a giant SUV parked in the usually empty left side of the garage with a dealer sticker still in the window.

“Sidney Patrick Crosby!” I shouted as I stepped into the house, leaving my supplies in the car. “What the hell is that monstrosity? We had a deal!”

“It’s a car,” he said as he sauntered towards me.”

“It’s a boat!”

“Car.”

“We had a deal,” I seethed again.

“And I didn’t renege on that deal.”

“What do you call that thing in the garage?”

“Mine,” he smirked. “Like I said last night, the Rover is yours.”

He didn’t say another word as he walked away.

“You sneaky little shit.”

I could hear him laugh as he walked away; victorious again.