All That Matters

“Am I insane?” I asked Sidney as I attempted to write up the menu for our Christmas dinner.

“You married me.”

He was gazing at the ultrasound image on the refrigerator door, the same picture I’d insisted we take down before we had houseguests. He was fascinated by it, taking a moment to stare at the image. According to the doctor, I would hit the twelve-week mark on Christmas Day and Sid was more than willing to leave the picture on the fridge and see how long it took someone to notice it but I would make sure it was out of sight before his parents stepped foot in our house.

I headed for the living room and he followed, taking the place next to me on the sofa.

“You’re not funny.”

“It’s not that big of a deal. It’s Christmas and we agreed to host it this year.”

“That sounds like a very big deal to me.”

“It will be fine. It’s just our families.”

Our families.

Not only would we be hosting our parents and his little sister, but just three days earlier I’d received a call from California. My Aunt Maggie and Grandma Ina would be making the trip east for the holiday. I was actually looking forward to seeing them for the first time since the wedding, excited that they were willing to leave their little existence on the beach for the chill of the Pittsburgh air. I hadn’t gotten much chance to spend time with them during their brief trip to Nova Scotia for the wedding and I hoped I could get some quality time with them. But it was still a lot of added stress on short notice and it wasn’t something that I handled too well.

Adding another mess was the fact that Aunt Maggie was a vegetarian.

While the women of my father’s family didn’t know about the baby, telling them didn’t feel in the slightest bit daunting. Telling his parents was much more stressful and I’d promised Sidney that we’d tell them during the holiday, though I hadn’t specified when.

I’d had my first doctor’s visit the week before and before long found out that a certain team girlfriend had spilled the beans to a few of the other WAGs. I’d expected to be upset with her, but instead as I settled in with the rest of the wives for the game against the Devils, I accepted that nothing in our lives stayed private for long.

I just hoped that the internet remained in the dark for a long time.

Hell, Sidney was still refusing to release an official statement about the two of us, though he’d never denied being a married man. He didn’t confirm anything either.

People saw us in public. They saw the ring on his finger when he was off the ice and the rings on mine while I watched games in some of the most conspicuous seats in the house. People snapped pictures when we were out to dinner or in the grocery store. It was becoming our new normal and it simply went on while we lived our lives.

But still, officially, there was no information available.

They weren’t even sure of my name.

I was terrified about telling his parents, especially after the way Troy had acted when he thought we might be expecting during one of his previous visits. I was more stressed about that than I was about cooking dinner for our families and putting them up in our house for the week. It was especially stressful given the fact that they had an away game the day before Christmas Eve and one just two days after Christmas.

It was all weighing heavily and I knew that it wouldn’t even set in completely until the guest rooms were occupied and I was attempting to cook a holiday meal for eight people with different diets and tastes.

“I have a favor to ask.”

“No,” I replied quickly.

“You don’t even know what it is.”

He looked indignant, but it was one of the many times that I could read him like a book. When Sidney asked for a favor it was never something small. He didn’t need me to press a tie or pick up a prescription at the pharmacy. When he asked for something it was generally something substantial and usually put a kink into any plans I was making.

And I was knee-deep in making plans.

“It’s probably you inviting someone else to Christmas.”

He didn’t answer.

“You invited someone else to Christmas?!” I screeched.

“Not yet!” he defended. “I wanted to run it by you as I’ve learned I should.”

“Damn straight.”

He had been making a habit of saying things that he shouldn’t without my approval and I was at least relieved he hadn’t already done the inviting. He might have built the house, but I was the one who took care of it and made sure it didn’t burn down. I had as much say as he did in who would be present for Christmas dinner in the Crosby household.

“The thing is, with the road games on either side of the holiday, some of the guys aren’t going to be able to make it home. Some will, but there are a few stragglers still in Pittsburgh.”

“I’m not cooking dinner for an entire hockey team.”

“Just Beau.”

“That kid eats enough to sustain an entire hockey team.”

“Technically not the team he’s on.”

“Sidney!”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but I like the kid and he likes your cooking.”

“I made him enchiladas once.”

“And he continues to rave about them months later. The point is; he can’t make it out to California and back. His family can’t come spend it with him. He’s alone.”

“There are other players. Tons of other players.”

“I know, but they are other players with other plans and bigger families. Nealer is going to join Geno and I thought it was only right that I offer a spot for one of the other stragglers. Besides, he’ll be with two other Californians at our Christmas.”

“Fine,” I conceded. “But only Beau. No one else. I’ve already bought most of the groceries and I don’t need you throwing any other wrenches in my plans.”

“I promise. Just Sunshine. No one else.”

I gave him a disbelieving look.

“Seriously, Wyn. I’m learning how not to piss you off and you have to admit my record hasn’t been bad.”

“It has officially been two weeks since you royally pissed me off. That’s a pretty shitty record.”

“You haven’t slept in the guest room or at Sebastian’s in those two weeks though so I’m improving.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

He looked up at the clock and sighed. “Speaking of.”

“I’m not the one who flies to Ottawa tomorrow. That would be you.”

“Yes but I sleep better if you sleep with me. Or do other things.”

“Is this another ‘I score more goals when I score at home’ ploy?”

“No, but if it were would you buy it?”

“Not even a little.”

He ran his hand along the small of my back as I continued to lean over the papers I had spread out on the coffee table.

“Come to bed,” he cooed in my ear.

“I have work to do. This holiday will not plan itself.”

He placed his hand atop the papers. “Do it tomorrow.”

“I have work to do tomorrow as well, Sidney. Christmas dinner doesn’t prepare itself.”

“Tomorrow is the twenty-third.”

“It’s a process. Besides, your folks and my dad get here tomorrow morning. Maggie and Grandma get here in the afternoon. I have to make two separate trips to the airport and I have to finish shopping. There are still gifts that I haven’t wrapped and a couple left to buy.”

“Excuses, excuses,” he murmured as his lips brushed the sensitive flesh just below my ear.

“It’s true,” I replied trying to ignore his proximity and the warmth of his body pressed so closely against my own.

“I think I’m going to hurl.”

I jumped at the sound of Taylor’s voice.

“Fuck,” Sidney muttered as he fell back against the couch cushions and away from me. “How did I forget she was here?”

“I’m quiet. Like a ninja.”

“You’re sneaky,” he retorted.

“I was just on my way from hours of studying to get myself a refreshing glass of water. I wasn’t being sneaky at all.”

“Studying? School is out until January.”

“Yes, and I want to get as much done as I can early on so I can enjoy the majority of my winter break. And you, clearly, want to enjoy it as well.”

“I’m a married man, Taylor. I’m allowed to enjoy things however I please.”

“Stop it, you two,” I muttered as I shuffled the papers in front of me into a stack.

My attention had been shattered and I really had no choice but to give in for the night. Though after being caught by his eighteen year old sister, I wasn’t so sure I was going to have it in me to give in to him.

Taylor laughed as she made her way to the kitchen.

“It’s like she was put on earth to torment me.”

“You’re just mad because she killed the mood.”

“It’s like she took the vibe I was feeling and ran over it with a Zamboni. Multiple times.”

I laughed.

“Go to bed, Sidney. I’ll be up in a while.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

I wasn’t sure that I would, but he wouldn’t know any better. Though he claimed to sleep better when I was there leeching away bits of his body heat, that wasn’t always the case. He was generally asleep just a few minutes after his head hit the pillow and he’d be sound asleep before he could realize that I wasn’t there.

He kissed me solidly as Taylor stood in the doorframe with an eyebrow raised. She watched and hollered a goodnight after him as he headed upstairs. He paused only to flash a finger in her direction.

“Wow,” she said as she took up residence on the sofa next to me. “That is not the spirit of Christmas.”

“He’s mad, you harshed his vibe.”

“He was sucking on your neck, it seemed appropriate to break things up a bit.”

“He wasn’t sucking on my neck. And it’s called foreplay and he actually knows what he’s doing on that front.”

“Ew.”

“That’s what you get for sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“I’m his little sister. If I didn’t bug him when I was around, I wouldn’t be doing my job.”

“You have a point.”

“I know,” she said with a grin.

She’d arrived the day before and like I’d hoped, I’d gotten her to the rink in time to enjoy the Flames game in its entirety, though traffic near the arena had been hell. Still, she’d gotten there in one piece, the first of our family to arrive for the big holiday celebration.

Sidney had taken us out for lunch after practice and she’d spent the rest of her day locked away in the guest room she’d claimed as her own. There were plenty of sofas and beds to go around, but she wanted her favorite room and wasn’t willing to risk having it stolen away. The contents of her suitcase were spread across every surface, marking her territory with her belongings. Just in case.

“So,” she said, “what is it that you’re working on?”

“The menu for Christmas dinner. As well as a list of all of the things that I need to accomplish by the time we leave for mass on Christmas Eve.”

“You’re coming to mass with us?”

“I did last year.”

“Yeah, but you were in Nova Scotia. I just assumed it was because you were in our territory so you were going by our traditions.”

“It means a lot to your brother. And I may not be Catholic, but I actually enjoyed it last year. Who knows, Sid might want it to be a tradition for us too and I would be fine with that.”

“He lucked out with you.”

“He did. But you ruined his luck for tonight.”

“Is that you saying he isn’t going to get lucky?”

“That is precisely what I’m saying.”

“Hey, you’re grown-ups and it’s not like birth control is an issue…though it seems that it was before.”

She smirked at me.

“Very funny, Taylor.” I shoved her playfully.

“Seriously, feel free to go join him before he falls asleep and starts having weird hockey dreams. He told me once about this one that he had about the Stanley Cup and a zombie version of Pierre McGuire. I think he’d been watching crappy horror movies or something.”

“Like I said, you harshed his vibe. He’s now acutely aware of your presence so that’s not happening. And might I add that I’m glad I don’t ask him about his dreams or nightmares.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh well, I actually do need to get this list finished.”

“So you should be thanking me?”

“Don’t push it.”

She placed her water on the table and began to thumb through my mess of handwritten notes.

“This is a lot.”

“It certainly is.”

“Do you want me to help?”

“I would love that.”

She dug in, helping me organize the list to make things go as smoothly as possible. At least she’d made herself useful after nosing into my one chance to escape responsibility and hide away with Sidney for a while.

It was nearly midnight when we both gave up and headed for the stairs. I thanked her for her help before retiring to the bedroom. She smiled in response, her tiredness evident in her eyes.

“Sleep tight, kiddo.”

“You too, big sister.”

Sidney was sound asleep when I crawled into bed next to him. He rolled slightly towards me, not waking as I settled into my place next to him. I settled into his warmth hoping for a restful night’s sleep.

The previous night had been my first without any three-in-the-morning sickness, as we’d taken to calling my trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It was nice to stay in bed all night with Sidney and not feel the need to run for the bathroom. The stress had kept me awake, but there had been no throwing up. It had come as a welcome relief and while I’d been warned not to assume my battles with nausea were over, I was going to enjoy it as best I could while I could.

I made it through the night, my fatigue taking over as Sidney’s warmth pulled me down into sleep.

The sun wasn’t yet up when I awoke to the feeling of Sidney’s lips playing softly at the sensitive flesh of my throat, his weight resting gently atop my form, a powerful thigh wedged between mine. His lips crawled up towards my lips, marking bullet points as he went. My eyelids fluttered open.

“What time is it?” I asked softly, my voice struggling to find volume through the weight of a good night’s sleep.

“Early,” he hummed against my mouth.

“What are you up to?”

He smiled. “You just looked so beautiful.”

My hands found the back of his neck, pulling his lips tightly to my own. His lips parted, inviting me in in a way I hadn’t expected. Clearly his desire was left over from the night before.

“You have to get to practice. And you have a flight to catch.”

“We have time.”

It turned out we had time to take our time. It was nothing like the fever pitch of so many of our other encounters. It had become something of a regular occurrence between us in the weeks since our brief separation and reconciliation. I couldn’t be sure what it was, but in the time since Sidney had grasped the idea of my pregnancy, his fascination with my form had changed.

He’d slowed down. Sex became less about the rapid build and powerful release that had driven us. We didn’t crash together with the violence and force of a storm. The build was slow, the connection of two people exploring one another.

The closeness led me to believe that he could trace my veins from memory, like the lines of a map he knew by heart. But his hands and lips roamed as we rocked slowly against one another like the motion of a ship on the calmest of seas.

I’d always thought he’d be superstitious about sex in the way he was everything else, but that wasn’t the case. There was no superstition about games days or the night before a big game that would stop him if he wanted to be with me. I was the only one with the power to do that, to deny him. But I so rarely did.

I gulped as the warmth and butterflies rose into my stomach. Feeling him inside me, his movements measured and quiet was enough to push me on the slow climb towards my ultimate release. He’d make sure that I got there first before he followed me off that cliff and into the bliss that would hang over us until one of us found the wherewithal to move.

He was the first to give in, rolling out of bed and grabbing a few items to toss in his bag. He packed light for roadtrips. They’d only be gone for one game, flying home late to be back in the wee hours of the morning on Christmas Eve and there was no need to pack so much as a pair of jeans. He’d wear his t-shirt and track pants to Southpointe then change into his suit.

I watched as he loaded his laptop and a book into the messenger bag.

“Phone charger,” I reminded him quietly.

He snapped his fingers. “Thanks, would’ve forgotten. Drives Flower crazy when I borrow his.”

I smiled. I wouldn’t really have enough time to miss him, but in that moment I felt like I would. In reality though, that wasn’t the case. My day was packed from beginning to end, and while Taylor had helped me in the task of organizing my thoughts, that didn’t help with the execution of all that needed to be done. Even with her help, the day was going to be insane for me.

It wasn’t long before Sid was on his way to the practice rink and the calm serenity that he had left behind, left-over from our early morning love making, had been replaced by the hectic nature of the day.

“Sid seemed pretty chill this morning,” Taylor murmured around a slice of toast.

She’d woken later than planned and I’d forced her to eat her breakfast in the passenger seat of the car on the way to the airport. She was still in her pajamas and a hoodie that Sid had given her for Christmas the year before. She had one leg pulled up under her frame, long hair pulled back, and not a stitch of makeup upon her features. I’d done my best to put myself together but my hair still wound up hidden beneath a hat pilfered from Sidney’s side of the closet.

Taylor had taken the time the night before, likely why I’d had so much trouble rousing her come morning, to divvy up the guest rooms according to the needs of our guests. Including her need to keep the largest guest bedroom because it didn’t share a bathroom as the others did among the reasons for selecting the rooms she did for her fellow guests.

The three bedrooms that she wasn’t set to occupy would be divided between my father, her parents, and my aunt who would be sleeping on an inflatable mattress in the still empty nursery. My grandmother would get the sofa bed in Sid’s small den on the first floor while Beau had been relegated to the sleeper in the basement family room given the fact that he would stay the night with us on Christmas Eve so he wouldn’t have to be alone.

“We had a nice morning,” I replied as I navigated the early morning traffic near the airport.

She nodded, not seeming to catch any hidden meaning in my words. She continued to work her way through her breakfast, brushing away crumbs as they dropped.

My phone rang, the sound filling the quiet car. I hustled to answer, leaving the phone in its cradle. Whoever was calling would have to deal with being on speaker whether they liked it or not.

“Hey, babe.”

“Didn’t you just leave?” I asked.

“Pretty much. We just finished up with practice, flight is in an hour or so,” he replied before changing his tone slightly. “You know you miss me—“

“Before you go any further; you’re on speaker and Taylor is with me,” I said hurriedly.

Taylor giggled.

“So, you finally woke up enough to actually do something?”

“We aren’t all morning people like you, big brother.”

I glanced in her direction only to find her smirking at me. Sidney wasn’t a morning person, but he had been that morning and though we’d been quiet, apparently someone knew what we’d been up to.

“What’s up?” I managed to ask.

“Slight change of plans.”

“Beau is going to spend the holiday with Geno after all?”

“Not exactly.”

“How many?” I muttered.

I knew exactly what had happened. Someone else needed a place to spend their Christmas and feeding and housing them was about to fall squarely on my shoulders.

“Just Bortz. His plans fell through and he’s going to be in town.”

“Can’t he and Beau just do their own manly roommates thing?”

“Watch ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ and cuddle? Real manly,” Taylor said quietly.

“Come on, babe. Don’t be a Grinch about Christmas.”

“Did you just call her a Grinch or did I mishear something there?”

“Pipe down, pip squeak,” he countered. “It’s just one more plate.”

“That’s your plea? Just one more plate. One more bed. One more gift. I’m already stressing out as it is.”

“Don’t stress out, please.” Concern had colored his voice. “I don’t want you to be stressed.”

“Speaking of stress,” Taylor interjected. “When are you going to tell Mom and Dad that you ‘accidentally’ impregnated your wife?”

“Wyn, is there a way I can hang up on her but not you because I would like to do that right now.”

“Okay, both of you stop,” I hissed. “Sidney, Bortz can come, but that’s it. You are absolutely forbidden from inviting another soul. No matter how lonely they are, the inn is full. And Taylor, we will tell your parents in our own time and you are not to hint or otherwise help in any way. Understood?”

“Damn,” Taylor muttered. “You’ve already got this mom thing down. I don’t know what you’re so worried about.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her.”

“Did you assholes just politely gang up on me?”

They both laughed but neither claimed victory for their homeland.

“I’ll see you tonight, Wyn,” Sidney said softly.

“What about me?”

“I’ll see you in the morning, squirt.”

She made a face but didn’t counter.

“No more invites,” I warned.

“I promise, honey.”

“Seriously,” she said as Sidney hung up, “when are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

“I don’t know. Before you guys leave. We haven’t put a timeline on it and I don’t want to start telling the rest of the team so it’s best if Robert and Beau aren’t there for it.”

“The rest of the team?”

“Geno, Kris, and Marc already know. It slipped at dinner when I wasn’t drinking and they kept harping on us about it. Sid just couldn’t keep it to himself. Oksana told the other WAGs but as far as I’m aware it hasn’t spread back to the dressing room. At least it hasn’t made it back to your brother yet. It seems to me the secret is safe with them for now.”

“Why’d she tell?”

“No idea. She probably just gets off on making my life more difficult. She certainly doesn’t like me much.”

“Her loss.”

I smiled as we pulled into the arrivals area.

“Trip one of two,” I muttered.

It was interesting seeing our parents there waiting together. They’d flown together from Halifax, Dad having taken us up on out offer of using the house on the lake. I’d never seen them interact without one of their children somewhere in the middle of it all and I paused in interrupting whatever conversation they were having as they waited for us.

My father knew that Trina and Troy were in the dark about the baby and had readily agreed to keep the news to himself until Sidney and I were ready to make an announcement.

Taylor hopped out of the car and ushered my dad towards the front seat. I too stepped out and helped Troy load the bags into the trunk as Trina waited patiently to wrap me in a hug. Her arms enveloped me, her chin resting on my shoulder for a moment before she pulled away and smiled.

“We’ve missed you,” she said softly.

“We’ve missed you too,” I replied as I sent her a smile of my own.

The drive home was a flurry of activity, several conversations happening all at one time and people talking over each other. The second trip out that afternoon to pick up my aunt and grandmother was astoundingly quiet in comparison.

We’d taken the Crosby contingent home to let Taylor and her parents catch up and to allow Trina and Troy to settle in. Dad had gone along with me to run my errands.

He offered only quiet conversation without a hint of pressure. Frankly, it was what I needed. I appreciated his efforts especially once Aunt Maggie and Grandma Ina were in the car with us, squabbling over my grandmother’s cholesterol medication while they sat together in the back seat. Aunt Maggie was insisting that she had a tea that would do the job and Grandma was expressing her contentedness with the medication she had and didn’t have any of the side effects that Maggie seemed to enjoy nagging her about.

“Stop it,” my father warned from the passenger seat. “You two argue like an old married couple.”

“We wouldn’t have to if your sister would quit nagging me and leave it be.”

“You should tell Mom that I have a point about the risks, Charles.”

“I will put both of you back on a plane to California,” he threatened. “I am here to enjoy seeing my daughter and my son-in-law over a nice holiday and you two will not impede upon that.”

They both quieted for a time until it seemed the silence had started to get to Maggie.

“So, how much gas does this thing guzzle in a given day?”

My father groaned.

“I’d like to see you pick up your family at the airport on that scooter of yours, Margaret,” my grandmother countered.

The day passed quietly enough. Everyone got to know each other little by little and settled into the spaces that had been selected for them. Maggie turned down the inflatable mattress and elected to sleep on the floor. She expressed disappointment that she hadn’t thought to bring a hammock to sleep in and I watched my father-in-law struggle to contain his laughter to the point that he excused himself from the room for a moment to collect himself.

The game passed quietly as we all gathered in the living room to watch together. Taylor and I laid there on the floor, propped up on pillows as our elders spread themselves across the sofas and chairs that were spread about the large space.

By the end of the low-scoring, Penguins win, Sid had two points and Pascal had a short-handed goal. A fight in the second period led my aunt to decide it was all too brutal to take and she’d borrowed one of my pillows to hide behind. Every once in a while I would hear Troy’s voice rise up quietly to explain something to my grandmother when she asked a question about the game.

I awoke that night to Sidney’s lips pressed against my jawline just below my ear. Instinctively, I rolled towards him, finding myself pressed tightly to his form immediately. Clearly he had simply stripped out of his suit and slid under the covers au naturel.

“Good game,” I murmured into his chest.

“Okay game,” he shrugged. “So what was the survival rate of day one?”

I huffed a laugh before breathing in his warm, spicy scent.

“All guests were alive as last check. Grandma Ina and Aunt Maggie have been at each other’s throats all day, but that’s not new at all. They’ve been that way for fifty-plus years.”

“Number of secrets divulged so far?”

“Zero.”

“Sounds like a slam dunk.”

“No sports analogies as three in the morning, Sid.”

“Ace in the hole?”

“That one doesn’t even make sense.”

“No, but you’re smiling. You hate that you’re smiling, but you still are.”

He was right.

“If you only had an okay game, why are you so damn chipper right now?”

“It’s Christmas Eve, I’m in bed with my beautiful wife,” he peeked under the covers, “whom, as I suspected, is naked, and while it is the middle of the night, you aren’t in the bathroom puking.”

“All good things.”

“Very good things.”

I settled my head upon his chest, taking up the position in which we almost always slept. He nuzzled his way into my mess of hair, breathing in the vanilla scent of my shampoo.

“This Christmas is going to be amazing,” he murmured.

It became clear by noon on Christmas Eve that our visions of what made a holiday amazing differed.

Maggie and Ina Doyle, the mother and daughter pair from hell, were arguing non-stop. Beau and Robert, who had arrived not long after I’d gotten out of bed, were in a competition. The rules were unclear, but the winner would sleep in the basement where the family room television was larger than the one in the main living room. Taylor was spending most of her time teasing her brother’s teammates, attempting to egg them on and after Sidney caught Beau staring at his little sister, Beau was relegated to the basement and further questioning was quickly put to a stop.

Troy was uptight, growing visibly uncomfortable whenever my aunt commented on the inadequacy of the Feng Shui in our home.

My father seemed to be the only calm one in the bunch, though Trina wasn’t having much trouble keeping her cool.

“I like the collage in the living room,” my father said as he joined me in the kitchen.

I wasn’t really cooking, chopping vegetables that could wait until the next day just to get a little quiet time. I had decided to escape the tension in the other rooms of the house by hiding away in the kitchen while Sidney played the host to our guests. He hadn’t seemed to mind mostly because he owed me for setting extra plates and making sure there were enough blankets for those who’d be sleeping on couches.

“I gave it to Sid for Christmas last year.”

It felt almost impossible that it had been only a year since I’d nervously unveiled the pieces for Sidney in my old apartment in Boston. It seemed that we’d lived much more than a year in the time that had passed. I’d agreed to move to Pittsburgh and done so ahead of schedule. He’d been through the playoffs and faced disappointment that had impacted me more than I had expected. We’d gotten engaged and married in a matter of months and we were starting to settle into the idea that we would be parents around the time we were celebrating our first anniversary. It all felt like it couldn’t have been shoved into a year of our lives, but it had.

“Put some pictures of the two of you in it. Gusty.”

I chuckled. “I figured that even if he loved it, he wouldn’t keep it on display if we broke up. That would be a tough one to explain to the next in line.”

“Well, it seems that won’t be an issue.”

I smiled as he continued.

“Might have to make a new one, add some new pictures. A lot has happened since last Christmas.”

“Maybe. But maybe we’ll just add to the collection.”

We already had a huge wedding picture up over the fireplace. It was taken from a distance, the two of us out on the dock at the lake house. We were facing away from the camera and the photographer we had hired took it without our knowledge. Only when we saw it did we know that it outshone all of the posed pictures that had been taken that day. I could only assume that more of those moments would find their way onto the expansive walls of our house.

My conversation with my father turned out to be one of the few peaceful moments of my entire holiday.

It was just before ten in the morning on Christmas day when it all went to hell. Or at least it started to.

The gifts had been opened and we’d all eaten breakfast after Trina beat us all to the waking world and made a huge batch of pancakes. There was a Christmas movie on in the background as everyone admired their gifts.

Aunt Maggie was remarkably quiet; having stopped complaining about consumerism of major holidays as soon as she’d opened the pashmina that Sidney and I had gotten for her. Taylor was busy admiring the new goalie stick that Sidney had picked for her and Trina was already thumbing through a book that I knew she’d love.

Almost everyone was distracted when the smell of the slowly roasting turkey hit me like a kick to the solar plexus.

Sidney watched as I made a quick exit and he wasn’t far behind. I’d barely taken up residence on the tile floor of our bathroom when I felt his thick fingers delve into my hair and pull the locks away from my face as I lost the breakfast that I’d thoroughly enjoyed.

“I guess I spoke too soon with the puking thing,” he murmured as he used his free hand to rub circles on my back.

“It’s the turkey,” I muttered.

“Like as in poison?”

“Yes, I decided to poison our family for Christmas,” I sniped. “No. It’s the smell.”

I leaned back into his touch.

“Shit.”

“Tell me about it. That’s dinner and I can’t even stand the smell of it cooking.”

I was just getting used to what Vero called my pregnancy nose. I’d shoved Sidney away from me days earlier when he returned home from practice without having taken a shower. I wasn’t used to being so sensitive to smells and had never considered that poultry would be a problem.

“Plan B.”

“There is no Plan B, Sidney. There was only ever one plan and that was the turkey plan.” I cleared my throat. “I can tough it out. I’m feeling better.”

He gave me a doubtful look then stood up. I followed.

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. Go back downstairs. I’ll brush my teeth and be back in a little bit.”

“Orange juice?” he asked softly.

“Yes, please,” I replied as he kissed me on the temple.

I gathered my wits and headed back downstairs. Sidney handed me the juice and I found that we were somehow under the watchful gaze of both of our fathers. My father knew, his didn’t, but they were both looking concerned.

The smell came at me in waves and with the smell came the nausea. There were several other trips to the bathroom but I tried to slip off without being noticed even managing to get one under my husband’s nose when his teammates had him distracted with talk of strategy.

Christmas dinner was nearly ready when it hit me again. Trina was helping me carve the bird while Taylor supervised and surreptitiously jiggled the “pie” that Maggie had concocted without the help of dairy, gluten, nuts, or eggs. Our guests waited at the table.

My absence, sudden and conspicuous, didn’t go unnoticed and neither did my return to the dining room.

Beau made a retching noise directed at me. My grandmother gave him a withering glare for what she assumed was just a rude noise made by an overgrown child. Taylor giggled and Troy gave her a look of his own in warning.

“Why do they call it morning sickness when it’s one in the afternoon?” Robert asked from his side of the table.

There was complete silence for a fraction of a second. You could have heard a pin drop from halfway across the house. Then, without hesitation from any party involved, all hell broke loose at my dining room table.

“Who told you?” Sidney demanded of his teammates.

“It was a secret, moron!” Beau shot at his roommate through gritted teeth.

“Flower said something,” Bortuzzo defended. “He didn’t however say it was a secret.” He turned his attention to Beau. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a secret, asshole?”

Meanwhile Troy’s voice rose up above the others, but Sidney was too busy to notice his father shouting down the table at him.

“She’s…you said wasn’t! You swore you two weren’t!”

“I wasn’t at the time,” I shouted in lieu of a response from Sidney.

“Troy, you made them swear?” Trina asked quietly. “Why on earth would you do that?”

He ignored her.

“And you are now?!”

“Clearly!” I shot back.

“She is,” my father added, his volume slowly rising as he spoke. “And you should be happy for them.”

“Happy for them? You are insane! They aren’t ready for this!”

“Yes we are, Dad!” Sidney shouted.

“Mostly,” I said under my breath.

“Seriously, Bro,” Robert was saying. “Flower didn’t say it was a secret.”

“Everybody knows,” Beau added.

“Everyone?” I returned as Sidney glared at his father.

“Not Voky, but he has his own shit. So…”

“Why are they all shouting?” I heard my grandmother pipe up.

“It seems your granddaughter and my son are expecting,” Trina said almost serenely. It was odd given the insanity that surrounded us.

Her calm nature made Troy irate.

“How are you so calm about this?” he seethed.

“Grandbaby,” she shrugged.

“Exactly!” my father enthused.

“Stay out of it,” Troy groaned.

“Don’t speak to him like that,” Aunt Maggie warned.

“Can it, Margaret. Your brother can fend for himself. Besides, what are you going to do, throw one of your magical crystals at him?”

Taylor laughed at my grandmother’s response. She still hadn’t said so much as a word but seemed acutely aware of the way we were volleying back and forth in all different directions and all at once.

“Don’t get involved, Taylor,” Trina warned.

“Yeah, Tay. Why don’t you come over here and I’ll protect you?” Beau said calmly.

“If you so much as look at my sister I will chop your balls of and keep them in a jar in my stall,” Sid hissed in Beau’s direction.

“You’re going to be one of those dads who cleans his guns when your kid brings home a date for you to meet,” Robert quipped.

“Don’t start,” Taylor warned.

“Yeah, Bortz,” Beau added. “Don’t start.”

“You stay out of it, Taylor,” Sidney warned before turning his attention back to our only non-related visitors. “And I will send both of you fuckers home if you don’t watch it.”

“Sidney Patrick, language!” Trina admonished.

Taylor giggled but stopped after I shot a quick warning glance in her direction.

The melee continued. Once again, the smell of the turkey came at me and the nausea soon followed. I made a quick exit. When I returned a few minutes later, Taylor was humming a Christmas carol as the arguing continued over her tune.

It occurred to me that aside from Troy, who was still harping about our stupidity and the fact that we should have been using protection, not a soul in the room seemed to truly know what we were fighting about anymore.

“Alright!” I shouted. “That is enough!”

Heads turned and eyes focused as I pulled my hair back and secured it out of my face. The voices died down slowly, the decrescendo continuing until the last sound was the soft melody coming from the girl to my left.

“Stop singing,” I said quietly.

“Humming—“

“Stop.”

Silence hung over the table for a moment. Somehow in the commotion my grandmother was the only one who had managed to remain seated. Everyone else had risen to their feet at one point or another as if being on their feet allowed them to be better heard over all of the other voices.

“Sit.”

Chairs scratched across the hardwood as they lowered themselves one by one into their chairs. Sam had decided to come out of hiding and took up residence at the corner of the table between me and Sidney.

I remained standing.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” I began. “Yes, I am pregnant. We didn’t intend for anyone to find out this way, but apparently that’s how things happen in our lives. We didn’t plan for this and Sid and I are still settling into the whole idea that pretty soon we’ll be responsible for another human life so you’ll understand if we’re a little stressed out.

“Truth is we don’t want any opinions. If you say anything it may only be to express support or to offer a helping hand in the future.” My eyes fell to my father-in-law. “If you have anything else to say about it; just don’t. Keep it to yourselves like normal people.

“Boys,” I added, turning my attention to the two younger Penguins at the table, “from here on out, until Sid makes an announcement to the team, you aren’t to speak of it again. Bortz, I don’t know why they call it morning sickness, but they do. Currently I just refer to it as a major pain in my ass.”

I sat down.

“Now, dinner.”

“It’s cold,” Beau murmured.

“And you’re still green,” Sidney added as he reached over and squeezed my hand.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re out of things to vomit up and the only dinner we have is the thing that’s making you sick.”

“Sidney—“

“No arguments. Sunshine, Bortz; help me clear the table.”

“You’re joking, right?” Robert asked.

“Are you torturing us?” Beau added.

“This is a punishment, isn’t it?” Taylor said, sounding alarmed.

“No, it isn’t. For Wyn’s sake, we’re ordering pizza and calling it good.”

“On Christmas?” Maggie asked.

“I’d rather have pizza than that horrible toe-goo thing you’re trying to make me eat,” Grandma Ina countered.

“It’s tofu, mother.”

“I don’t think there’s much of a difference,” my father added.

Troy attempted to conceal a laugh behind his napkin as he was still trying to seem outraged but he too had been disturbed by the look of the pie she’d prepared and left on the counter to congeal.

“Babe, is the smell the turkey still making you nauseous?” Sid asked.

“Yes,” I admitted.

I hated to do so. I’d put a lot of work into dinner and Trina had helped immensely as well. If felt a ridiculous waste to let the boys clear the table and call the nearest Pizza Hut. But at the same time, I wasn’t sure I would get through dinner if I had to look at or smell that bird for much longer.

“Then it’s settled. Pizza it is.”

I mouthed my thanks as he stood and began clearing the dishes, directing his teammates on where to take items as the rest of the group simply looked on.

“Turkey goes in the garbage. Outside,” Sidney said.

“It’s snowing,” Beau complained.

Sidney glared at him for a moment before Beau headed for the door taking the whole turkey with him.

“Weirdest Christmas ever,” Taylor muttered while we waited for our dinner to arrive.

I couldn’t argue. It certainly had gotten off on an odd foot.

But as we settled in and dug into our unorthodox Christmas dinner, my nerves became less frayed. The voices of our family and friends had lowered, less aggressive as the conversations began to flow again.

Troy was remarkably quiet for the rest of the evening and was the last to linger in the kitchen as we dispersed into the living room to watch a movie and enjoy our dinner. The kid on TV was about to shoot his eye out when I noticed his absence. I nudged Sidney and gestured towards the kitchen. We took our plates with us, moving in unison and joining Troy at the island.

He was picking at a slice but it remained uneaten as I heard Trina enter the kitchen behind us with a sigh. Everyone else remained in the living room, unaware of our absence.

“Why are you out here all alone, Dad?” Sidney asked.

“Figured I ought to give you all some space.”

“You should join us, Troy,” I replied.

“He’s too busy feeling like a fool.”

My mother-in-law sat down next to him and placed her hand softly upon his forearm. He stopped fidgeting and sat still, her presence doing some good in relaxing him a bit. Sidney and I sat down across from him as he pushed his plate away.

“Trina, I know you don’t see things the way I do, but I just don’t understand how you can be so calm about this whole thing.”

He wasn’t angry anymore; his true feelings had managed to reach the surface as the house had grown quiet. He wasn’t mad at us, he was worried and it seemed that he was deeply so.

She shrugged. “It just didn’t surprise me like it did you.”

“You knew?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Taylor,” Sidney muttered.

“Not Taylor. If your sister knew, she didn’t let on.”

“Then how?” I began.

There was a soft smile playing at her lips as she looked at us from across the counter.

“I’m a mom. I saw it on your face the moment you got out of the car the other day, sweetie. You’ve got the glow going on. I suspected it then but didn’t know until I saw the way my son was looking at you yesterday morning after he got home. It was like the world suddenly revolved around you and everything else just fell away. That isn’t the way a newlywed man looks at his wife, it’s the way a man looks at the mother of his child.”

“But you said it, Trina. Newlyweds. They’re barely used to being married and living together.”

“They aren’t us, Troy.”

Her words jarred me.

“They’re older than we were. They aren’t twenty-one. They aren’t kids. They are financially stable and they aren’t going to have to come live in our basement to get on their feet. And you have to admit they they’ve been through a lot in a pretty short period of time. They’re going to be fine.”

“It if means anything to you, Dad; we’re happy about this. Surprised, but really happy.”

“We’ve had a couple of weeks for it to sink in. I know I’m still scared to death but I know this is a good thing,” I added.

“I’m scared too,” my husband confirmed.

“And that’s okay,” Trina affirmed. “I’m pretty sure that’s what Troy is so worried about.” Her eyes landed on her husband. “But he is going to have to get over that. Because at the end of the day, you two are having a baby and our only job is going to be playing the role of the loving grandparents.”

She got up and led Troy out of the room and towards the television to settle in with the rest of the family. I was certain it was the first time I’d seen her take such command over a situation. It was the first time that it seemed Troy had slowed and quieted down enough to let her do the leading.

We didn’t speak much until we headed for bed and it wasn’t until then that the weight of Trina’s words managed to hit me in a way that I hadn’t expected them to.

“You okay?” Sidney asked as a tear slid from my cheek and onto the bare flesh of his chest.

“I think so.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Just something that your mom said. It made me think.”

He let the words rest between us until I found the way that I wanted to explain myself.

“I’m just glad that our baby is going to have a grandmother like her since my mom can’t be here. I don’t feel like I had that.”

“Ina is a good lady.”

“I know, but I wasn’t around her much. They lived up at the cabin after my grandpa retired, and then after he died she moved out to California. We weren’t ever really close. This baby will really know our parents. Three of them anyway.”

“Dad will lighten up, you know. Even if it takes until the first time he holds this baby in his arms, it will happen. I’m looking forward to it. I want to see that side of my father. I want to see the way having grandchildren will soften him up, maybe make him look at the world a little differently.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you. Backing me up.”

“I will always back you up.” He kissed me firmly on the forehead. “Always.”

I slipped back towards thoughts of the days when I’d just been getting to know Sidney, when he was still new in my life. It still struck me the way his voice dropped when he wanted me to hear the sincerity that colored his words. I heard that tone, the one he used when he first said he loved me. I felt his sincerity in that moment, there to confirm that he was always in my corner no matter what.

It wasn’t long before the sound of his breathing and the feeling of his fingers running through my hair lulled me to sleep.

It may not have been the best Christmas, but it was certainly unforgettable.