Mike and Jeff Versus the Zombie Apocalypse

Thirty minutes later, Jeff and Julie returned with every hockey stick they could find at their place, as well as all the food and water and gatorade they could fit into Mike’s vehicle. Sarah met them in the kitchen and Jeff smirked at her as he passed with an arm full of sticks that he dumped in the living room.

“Shut up, ducky,” Sarah said.

“Didn’t say anything,” he replied with a grin.

Julie shook her head as she assessed Sarah’s tousled hair and rumpled clothes. “Your shirt is inside out,” she commented. Sarah blushed and pulled it over her head and correctly put it back on.

“Thanks for the free show, lamb, but I’m sure Mike got the better show,” Jeff added slyly. Sarah punched his arm.

“I told you to shut up.”

“Well not all of us got sex in the midst of a zombie apocalypse.”

“Excuse me but that was not sex. My husband made sweet, sweet love to me, you fucking dumbass,” Sarah grinned.

“You had sex?!” Dustin yelled as he walked in. “That is not even fair!”

“We need to focus on saving ourselves from zombies,” Sarah said diplomatically, turning away from the guys.

“Sarah and Mike had sex,” Dustin announced as Anze, Jarret, Dan, and Drew walked in.

“You're damn right I had sex with my wife,” Mike answered as he came into the room. “She’s hot, I married her, and it’s allowed, you know, in case we die. Furthermore, I know that face, Carter. You got a blow job. I swear to God if it was in my car and I find jizz somewhere I will kill you.”

Julie turned as red as a tomato and ducked her head. Jeff only grinned like a cheshire cat. “Can we focus now that we’re all caught up on our sex lives?” Sarah asked.

“If Mike dies, does that mean I get to sleep with you?” Dustin asked.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “No. I’m going with Kopi next.”

“If I’m dying though, will you at least make out with me?”

“Is Mike alive or dead?”

“Does it matter?”

“No; I’ll make out with you if you’re about to die just so you’re last moments are happy.”

“Yesss!” Dustin fist pumped. Sarah giggled as Dustin hugged her.

Mike shoved him away from her and pulled Sarah into his side. “What’s next, Julie?” he asked.

“We need to board up the windows,” she replied.

“We brought back every hammer and nail we could find at Drew’s place,” Jarret spoke up.

“And I brought what I could find at my place,” Jeff added.

Sarah pointed to the dining room table. “That’s everything Mike and I had.”

Julie nodded. “Okay, Jarret, Drew, Dustin, and Mike: you start with the downstairs. Board every window. Jeff, you, Dan, and Anze get the garage door secured. Sarah and I will turn the guest room upstairs into our safe room with the food.” The guys all nodded and started working as Sarah and Julie worked to move all the furniture in the guest room against the walls, clearing out the middle of the room. They stacked cases upon cases of water and gatorade in one corner and sorted all the canned food into rows. Sarah collected an armful of sticks and brought them upstairs also, placing them against the wall by the door. Jeff and Anze came up a short while later to board the window in the room.

Julie sat in the middle of the room wit h her laptop as the others slowly filed in an hour later. Mike held Sarah against his chest as she sat between his legs in the floor, Dustin stretched out on his belly on the floor beside them with Arnold, Anze and Jarret sat at opposite ends of the bed, Drew and Dan sat indian style in the floor beside Julie and Jeff paced.

“So apparently the zombies don’t like Kansas and it is operating business as usual. Survivors are being urged to make their way to Kansas. It’s too late to head out now though. Let’s get through the night and start out in the morning.”

“Should we sleep in shifts?” Jarret asked.

“You’re thinking about sleeping?” Sarah asked. “There are zombies out there!”

“You thought about sex.”

“Mike thought about sex; I just obliged him.”

“Same difference.”

“If it’s my last night on earth, I think I deserve to go out with sex with my husband thankyouverymuch.”

“That is a fair point,” Jarret conceded with a smile. “But what about the rest of us?”

“If you want to fuck Mike, by all means, be my guest. I just wanna watch.”

“Sarah!” Julie yelled.

“What? I’m just saying.”

“You’re always just saying.”

“I know. It’s why you guys love me.” Dan's phone rang and he stepped out to answer it.

“Can we discuss zombie strategy?” Drew asked to change the subject. “For instance, if the zombies get inside, who are we sacrificing to them? I vote for Kopi.”

“I vote for Dewey,” Anze immediately shot back.

“Nobody is being sacrificed to the zombies,” Sarah said. “You’re professional fucking hockey players and you whack around a tiny little puck for a living. Surely you can whack off some zombie heads to keep us safe.” Mike’s phone rang and he answered it. Everyone listened intently to his side of the conversation and when he hung up, he spoke to the group.

“That was Hartnell. Him and Wayne made it to Kansas an hour ago. He said it’s safe there."

Dan walked back in then. "Some of the Blackhawks are on their way to Kansas too. But they lost Kaner to the zombies.”

“Of course they did,” Julie said. “He was probably drunk, the hot mess.”

“Who made it?” Jeff asked.

“Tazer, Crow, Sharpie, Seabs, and Duncs. And their families."

“What about Claude? And Danny?” Sarah asked Mike.

“He doesn’t know. They got seperated. And the zombies got the Schenn brothers and Couturier.”

They all froze as they heard frantic knocking at the front door. Jarret crossed to the window and pulled back the curtain cautiously before peering out. “Holy fuck! Quickie and Brownie are down there!” He ran from the room with Jeff on his heels. Julie followed them as they opened the door.

“Are you guys okay?” Sarah asked from the top of the stairs.

“They got Greenie,” Dustin Brown said somberly.

“Fuck,” Mike muttered.

“Are you guys okay? Are you infected?” Jeff asked.

“We got away,” Jonathan answered.

“How can we be sure?” Julie asked suspiciously, stepping closer to Dustin to inspect him.

“Yeah...take off your shirts so we can check you for bite marks,” Sarah added.

“Why are you trying to get more people naked?” Anze teased her. She hit him lightly and stuck her tongue out at him.

“Shut up. That was all Mike’s idea.”

Dustin shook his head. “I don’t even want to know. Look, we only came to make sure you guys were okay. We’re leaving for Kansas. We talked to some of the Team USA guys; Callahan is there with Girardi and Nash but they got Hank.”

“Not Hank!” Sarah and Julie cried out.

“I think I’m going to cry,” Julie said sadly. Jeff rolled his eyes.

“Does anyone know if the Predators made it out of town? Didn't they stay after last nights game?” Sarah spoke up. “Because if there is anyone I want to be around for the impending zombie attack, it’s Shea Weber. Could you imagine him lining up and whacking the heads off of zombies with that slapshot? Talk about swoon...” Mike growled and held Sarah tightly against him.

“Only half the Staal’s made it,” Jonathan added to change the subject.

“This is really important, Quickie....which ones?” Sarah asked.

“Marc and Eric.”

“Okay, so the good ones then,” she grinned. “I bet Eric is putting all his prince charming good looks to good use and saving damsels in distress.”

“We better go,” Dustin said, glancing back at the mini van. “Call us, let us know you’re safe?”

“Only if you do the same,” Julie replied. The two guys waved and ran back for the vehicle before pulling out of the driveway and driving off into the late afternoon.

“But seriously,” Sarah said. “Did the Preds leave town? Because Shea Weber is more than welcome to survive the apocalypse with us. I think we owe it to his wife to take care of him."