Mike and Jeff Versus the Zombie Apocalypse

“KOPI!” Sarah screamed before charging forward, brandishing her stick. She let out a Xena-esque roar as she swung and the head of the zombie enjoying Anze Kopitar as a snack rolled across the room.

“Fucking bitch,” Sarah muttered as she gave the girls face a good kick. “I always hated her.” She turned back around and high fived Dustin.

“Looks like you showed that girl who was boss,” he joked.

“Serves her right for going out with Mike during that whole shit show,” Sarah said with a jut of her chin.

It was three in the morning and they had been fighting off zombies in the house for the last hour. They had busted in the back door and as Jarret and Pekka boarded it back, everyone else smacked off zombie heads with hockey sticks, piling dead zombie bodies in the bathtub in the downstairs bathroom.

Sometime around four, they had broke down the garage door and began clawing at the door that led into the kitchen. The first zombie that had gotten through the door was the girl who lived next door. Anze had been protecting Julie when she had come from behind like a ninja and bitten him. Sarah had gone off like a shot, running across the house to beat the girl, standing victoriously over her dead zombie body before turning her attention to Anze.

“You know we have to kill him now, right?” Jarret spoke.

Sarah frowned. “You do it,” she told him. Jarret sighed but moved towards his teammate. “Wait!” Sarah yelled, holding her hand up to stop him. She knelt beside Anze and brushed the hair back from his forehead and kissed the top of his head. “Thanks for saving Julie, Kopi. You’re awesome.” He gurgled something unintelligible and Sarah stepped back, letting Mike hold her as Jarret finished him off.

It went like that for the next two hours, zombies straggling in from the garage and through the kitchen. They had run out of wood to board the doors again so they fought back, whipping their hockey sticks around, knocking off zombie heads left and right.

“Watch where you’re swinging that thing,” Drew said to Shea. “Your slap shot can kill humans too.”

Shea grinned. “If I knock your head off, we’ll screw it back on with duct tape.”

“Duct tape,” Sarah giggled.

“I hear duct tape fixes everything,” Pekka said with a sly grin.

“I have some moustache printed duct tape in the truck,” Jarret offered.

“They make duct tape with moustaches on it?” Sarah asked. “That is so cool!”

“I have NC State duct tape,” Julie added.

A parade of footsteps drew their attention back to the kitchen, where a gaggle of zombies slowly advanced on the group.

"Upstairs, NOW!" Jeff yelled at the two girls. They darted up, or rather Sarah darted up and Julie waddled up as quickly as she could, Jeff and Shea close behind. Mike, Dustin, Dan, Pekka, and Jarret came next and Drew last. As he turned to follow the others into their "safe" room, a zombie grabbed his ankle and dragged him back. Jarret reached for him, struggling to drag him away but the pack of zombies were too strong. On a shout, they dragged Drew and then Jarret into the garage as the others slammed the door closed behind them.

"We have got to get out of here," Dustin said. "We need a plan and we need to make a run for the garage."

"Peks and I will go down first," Shea offered. "Take out as many as we can, clear a path for the rest of you."

"Camille is going to kill me if you get eaten by zombies," Mike groaned.

"Didn't you know? I have a wicked slapshot. And Peks has stupid fast reflexes. Those zombies don't stand a fucking chance."

"Yeah, Mike," Sarah chimed in. "They don't stand a chance. But send Dan first, just in case."

"Hey!" Dan shouted. Sarah giggled.

"Don't worry, we got this," Pekka said, standing beside Shea with a grin.

Mike pulled his keys from his pocket and tossed them to Jeff. "You drive my car, I'll drive Sarah's."

"We loaded the cars with granola bars and energy bars, as well as water and Gatorade earlier so we should be good to travel with limited stops," Julie said.

"So Mike and Jeff will follow Shea and Pekka," Dan said. "They'll start the cars. Then Dustin and I will bring the girls down. Shea, Pekka, you ride with Jeff and Julie. Dustin and I will ride with Sarah and Mike."

"What about Arnold?" Sarah asked.

"If you can get him out, he can ride with us," Dan answered. Sarah nodded.

"Five minutes to regroup and then lets do this," Dustin said.

"Everyone hands in," Julie commanded. They all stuck their hands together in a circle and Julie grinned. "On three, team zombie killers."

"One...two...three... TEAM ZOMBIE KILLERS!!!"



“I can’t believe we lost Kopi, Jarret, and Drew,” Sarah said quietly as Mike drove. It was six thirty in the morning and for three hours they had defended their home from the zombies. They were now barreling through the deserted streets of LA, knocking off any stray zombies they came across. Mike’s phone rang and he pushed a button, the car soon filling with Scott Hartnell’s voice.

“Dude! Are you guys safe?” he asked.

“We’re driving to Kansas now. We’re okay.”

“Hi, Scott!” Sarah said cheerfully.

“Hey Sarah! How are you?”

“I fucking killed that bitch next door!” she exclaimed. “It was fucking awesome!”

Scott chuckled. “Glad to hear that. How many are with you?”

“Eight including me. Oh, and Arnold. We lost Kopi, Stollsy, and Dewey though.”

“If you lost three guys, how do you still have eight?”

“We picked up Shea Weber and Pekka Rinne,” Mike answered him. “They were the only two Preds to escape the zombie attack at their hotel.”

“The Blackhawks crew made it here....Johnny lost some toes in an errant shotgun blast before the zombies got Kaner though.”

“So what?” Dustin asked. “He’s like Johnny six toes now?”

“Eight,” Scott answered.

“Johnny eight toes,” Sarah giggled. “It has a nice ring to it.”

“It’s gonna take us all day to drive but we’re pulling shifts and going non stop. We’ve got supplies so hopefully we’ll be alright," Mike said.

“Godspeed and good luck. Keep me posted.”

“Will do.” Mike hung up and reached across and grabbed Sarah’s hand in his. She smiled up at him and he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “So we survived a zombie apocalypse.....”

“Yep,” Sarah answered.

“Think we can survive a baby?”

Dustin and Dan groaned. “You’re gonna talk about babies in front of us?” Dustin asked. “That is just gross!”

“I’ll name it after you,” Sarah answered, turning around to smile at him.

“The fuck you will!” Mike exclaimed. “That’s gonna be junior.”

“Ew! No! Her name is gonna be January.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No. January Richards. It’s pretty, right?”

“It sounds like a stripper name,” Dan spoke up.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “It does not.”

“In my experience,” Dustin added, “yes it does.”

“Both of you shut up. You’re not invited to this conversation.” She turned her attention back to Mike. “You want to have a baby?”

“With you I do,” he answered.

“So when we get to Kansas, as I imagine there will be nothing else to do, let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Mike pulled over abruptly and climbed out of the car and opened the door to the back, handing Dan the keys.

“You drive,” Mike said.

“If you two make it in the back of the car while Penner and I are in the front seat, I will never talk to either of you ever again.”

“Relax,” Mike told him. “We are not going to make it. I am going to make out with her though. Then, because I haven’t slept, I’m going to sleep, and it will be with her curled in my arms.” Sarah grinned and climbed into the back as Dustin got out and and into the front passenger seat.

“What the fuck are we doing?” Jeff yelled, coming to an idle stop beside them.

“Mike and Sarah have gone crazy,” Dan said, shaking his head as he got in the drivers seat and Mike got in the spot he vacated.

“Huh?” Julie asked.

Dustin grinned at them. “Mike has baby fever and Sarah is gonna give their daughter a stripper name.”

“What?!” Julie shouted.

“Mike wants to have a baby,” Sarah replied, leaning across Mike and sticking her torso out the window. “And when we get to Kansas I’m going to oblige him. Apparently, Mike thinks since we survived a zombie apocalypse we can survive a baby too.” She giggled as Mike slapped her ass and pushed her back.

“Get in the back,” he told her. She kissed his cheek and climbed into the back seat of her escalade. “We’ll stop in Utah and change drivers there,” Mike said to Jeff.

“Oh! Apparently Johnny ten toes is now Johnny eight toes!” Dustin yelled out. Julie burst out laughing.

“Johnny eight toes,” she giggled.

“It’s funny, right?” Sarah said, sticking her head out between the seats.

“Come on, let’s go,” Dan said, turning the escalade back on. Mike climbed into the back with Sarah and pulled her into his lap.

As Dan pulled back out onto the road, Mike grasped Sarah tightly and kissed her. “I love you, Sarah Richards.”

She held Mike's face between her hands and kissed him lightly. “I love you too, Mr. Richards. Thanks for protecting me from the zombies.”

“I’m pretty sure you killed one or two to save my ass.”

“Damn right I did. Zombies can’t have you. You’re all mine, sweet cheeks.”

“Best zombie apocalypse partner ever.”

“The best,” Sarah agreed as she snuggled against him. Mike pulled her down across the seat with him, holding her back to his front with a solid arm around her waist.

“I suspect this is going to be both the best and the worst sleep of my life but I don’t care, because I have you.”

“I love it when you go all sappy on me, Richie.”

“If you tell my teammates, I’ll deny it.”