In My Liverpool Home.
1/1
Whether you're sad or upset, happy or ecstatic, looking out over the River Mersey at night is always a magical moment. Do not ask me why because I haven’t got a clue but it’s the only time when I can actually say that I feel like home. Standing on Otterspool Prom in between the Britannia and the flats, I feel home. I feel home, in a city that where I have never felt that I belonged.
But not tonight.
Tonight I feel like I'm about to be ambushed by my past in the worst upheaval known to man, and not one iota of me knows why the fuck I am here.
“Annie.”
Urgh, the sound of my name coming out of his mouth made me want to violently throw up all over him.
“Drake,” I nodded not looking at him but keeping my gaze on Birkenhead, my arms resting on the railings.
“Are you going to look at me or am I wasting my time?”
One, two, three, four...
“What do you want from my Drake? Why can’t you just fucking leave me alone?” I asked spinning to look at the shell of a man I once knew.
He looked down at his feet, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I just wanted to clear the air before Sophie’s wedding.”
A scoff escaped my lips before I could stop it. “Clear the air?” I asked, my eyebrows raised and my blood pressure soaring through the roof. “Clear the air? No, what you want to do Drake is make me out to be the bad guy once again after all these years because you’re scared of what people are going to think of you when we’re both in the same room together and I’m the success with the sob story and you’re the failure with a broken heart. Do not lie to me Drake because the reason that we’re stood here is because of you and your lies.”
“That was ten years ago Annie, you need to let it go.”
“I don’t need to let anything go Drake. Do you realise the extent of what your lies did to me? I tried to kill myself. I had to leave my job. I had to move country! I had to give up everything, every single thing because of what you did and you just think that you can come here and... I don’t know ‘cause you’re not apologising are ya?”
He looked out over the River Mersey, rubbing his face and brushing his shaggy hair out of his face. He was a mess. He looked like shit and, even though I knew it really shouldn’t, it made me happier then I felt on my wedding day because here was the man who ruined my life, standing in front of me like a shell of somebody I used to know.
“If I say sorry, that means I’m admitting I did something wrong,” he finally stated, giving me that condescending look he’d mastered many, many years ago.
I let out a light chuckle and bit my lip, kicking a bit of snow into the River. “Do you know what Drake? Just fuck off because you will never see what you did wrong and that’s the difference between you and me. I wasn’t a complete angel back then but do you know what? I can admit that but you still think that you’re perfect that you could never do anything wrong and you’re just living in this fucking bubble that makes you sleep at night and it’s fucking pathetic! You’re a 33 year old man act like that.” I went to walk away and stopped, turning round to finish my sudden speech. “But do you know what Drake? Thank you. Seriously from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Because everything you did made my life ten times better. I’m a lawyer! I own a house in America AND I own a summer home, a summer home!! I’m married to a doctor, I am happy! I have an amazing life and if it wasn’t for you... I’d be stuck in this dead town with a dead end job, JUST LIKE YOU! So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
I stopped to catch my breath, only just aware of his eyes on me. “I know,” he whispered. “And that’s what I’m sorry for. Because you’ve got everything, and I’ve got nothing.”
And with those words, I watched as he climbed over the railings and fell into the cold water below.
That spot never held that homely feeling anymore, he even had to destroy that for me.
But not tonight.
Tonight I feel like I'm about to be ambushed by my past in the worst upheaval known to man, and not one iota of me knows why the fuck I am here.
“Annie.”
Urgh, the sound of my name coming out of his mouth made me want to violently throw up all over him.
“Drake,” I nodded not looking at him but keeping my gaze on Birkenhead, my arms resting on the railings.
“Are you going to look at me or am I wasting my time?”
One, two, three, four...
“What do you want from my Drake? Why can’t you just fucking leave me alone?” I asked spinning to look at the shell of a man I once knew.
He looked down at his feet, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I just wanted to clear the air before Sophie’s wedding.”
A scoff escaped my lips before I could stop it. “Clear the air?” I asked, my eyebrows raised and my blood pressure soaring through the roof. “Clear the air? No, what you want to do Drake is make me out to be the bad guy once again after all these years because you’re scared of what people are going to think of you when we’re both in the same room together and I’m the success with the sob story and you’re the failure with a broken heart. Do not lie to me Drake because the reason that we’re stood here is because of you and your lies.”
“That was ten years ago Annie, you need to let it go.”
“I don’t need to let anything go Drake. Do you realise the extent of what your lies did to me? I tried to kill myself. I had to leave my job. I had to move country! I had to give up everything, every single thing because of what you did and you just think that you can come here and... I don’t know ‘cause you’re not apologising are ya?”
He looked out over the River Mersey, rubbing his face and brushing his shaggy hair out of his face. He was a mess. He looked like shit and, even though I knew it really shouldn’t, it made me happier then I felt on my wedding day because here was the man who ruined my life, standing in front of me like a shell of somebody I used to know.
“If I say sorry, that means I’m admitting I did something wrong,” he finally stated, giving me that condescending look he’d mastered many, many years ago.
I let out a light chuckle and bit my lip, kicking a bit of snow into the River. “Do you know what Drake? Just fuck off because you will never see what you did wrong and that’s the difference between you and me. I wasn’t a complete angel back then but do you know what? I can admit that but you still think that you’re perfect that you could never do anything wrong and you’re just living in this fucking bubble that makes you sleep at night and it’s fucking pathetic! You’re a 33 year old man act like that.” I went to walk away and stopped, turning round to finish my sudden speech. “But do you know what Drake? Thank you. Seriously from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Because everything you did made my life ten times better. I’m a lawyer! I own a house in America AND I own a summer home, a summer home!! I’m married to a doctor, I am happy! I have an amazing life and if it wasn’t for you... I’d be stuck in this dead town with a dead end job, JUST LIKE YOU! So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
I stopped to catch my breath, only just aware of his eyes on me. “I know,” he whispered. “And that’s what I’m sorry for. Because you’ve got everything, and I’ve got nothing.”
And with those words, I watched as he climbed over the railings and fell into the cold water below.
That spot never held that homely feeling anymore, he even had to destroy that for me.