Insanity

After waiting so long- well, four weeks isn't that long, but still- it was finally here. For the first time in X Factor history.
Rock Week.
This was my element. I was going to thrive. I'd pick my own song if I could, but unfortunately, that wasn't part of the rules. My fate was in Danni's hands once again.
"I had to do quite a bit of thinking," she told me, sitting on my bed once more. "And after hours of searching, I found the song that will help you turn the competition upside down."
I took the paper she'd given me, and my heart skipped a beat. This... this was one of my favorite songs in the world. And my mentor actually chose it as my song to sing on Saturday. I was beyond excited for this.
Though, at the same time, I was overwhelmingly nervous. This song was pretty hard and heavy, and emotional, in a sense, to top it all off. Not only that, but it was a huge risk. Everything about it was a risk.
Just as I was about to brush my hair in front of the mirror, Danni tugged me away. "Uh-uh-uh," she wagged a finger at me. "You, my dear, are getting a makeover for this performance."
A what-now?
"Don't worry," she chuckled at my blank expression. "We're not shaving it all off, or anything. Just a bit of a dye-job and a trim. You're gonna look amazing."
'You'd better be right about this, Danni,' I thought, 'Or else I'm gonna look like a fool on a week I'm supposed to finally shine.'
About two hours later, my mentor and I pulled back up to the gate of the house, where I saw that literally everyone was waiting for me by the front door. Danni opened my door and hid me behind her as she walked up to the gate. Stacey, Lucie, Jamie, Joe, Olly, and everyone else stood in a group, waiting for the big reveal.
"Ladies and gentlemen," she spoke, "Allow me to introduce... the brand new Elise McCready."
My mentor stepped to the side and allowed me to become visible. Not that it was anything too extravagant, but I felt like a model of sorts. My hair had been dyed and colored- instead of my faded auburn it once was, it was now a dark golden blonde. It had also been trimmed slightly- I now sported slightly choppy layers, giving my hair a permanent feathery look to it.
The girls ran over to me and starting gushing over my new hair. "Elise, that looks amazing on you!" Lucie shrieked, her hands flailing in delight at the sight of my now dark blonde locks. Stacey kept going on and on about how I looked like her now, but smiled as she said so, giggling every now and then.
Everyone took their turn ogling over my new appearance, and then- finally- it was Jamie's chance to step forward. His fingers ran through my newly colored strands, stroking my hair ever so gently, as if I was fragile. "Even with your new look," he whispered to me with a smile, "You're still so beautiful."
Curse my unpredictably pink cheeks. I just hoped he didn't see me blushing.

Countless times during soundcheck rehearsals, I had to excuse myself from the room so I could cry to myself without having anyone see me. I didn't understand why this was happening... this was Rock Week. This was the one time on the X Factor where I could shine above practically everyone else. So why was it having this big of an effect on me?
Stacey and Lucie found me sitting against the wall some feet away from the doors. "I have no clue how I'm gonna make this work," I told them, fighting back a sob. "This has to be the best song I ever perform and I feel like if I don't give one-hundred percent, it'll all be a failure."
The brunette girl hugged me and started playing with my hair. "Elise, this is your element. You're over-thinking this way too much," Lucie explained.
Still, I let out a sniffle and wiped my eyes, being careful not to smudge the little makeup I had on.
Stacey patted my shoulders before standing up. "I'm gonna go find Jamie," she spoke in a hush, making her way back through the doors. Lucie stayed by my side until my other friend emerged with him, then stood up and waited behind the entrance. As soon as my crush saw me in tears, he knelt down and brought me into his arms. "No, no, Elise..." he stroked my hair and cradled me to his chest. "Don't cry, love, it'll be alright."
HE CALLED ME 'LOVE'.
"...You sure?" I sniffled as Jamie wiped away my tears with his thumb.
He nodded. "I couldn't be more sure," he replied. "Besides, this isn't just your week to shine- it's mine, too. We're both going to blow the crowd away."
That made me smile. Technically, he was right. Jamie and I were both mainly rock-influenced musicians, so I wasn't the only one feeling some form of pressure to impress.
He sat beside me then, pulling me to him once more and kissing my head. "Tell you what," he started. "After the performances on Saturday, I'll have a little treat for you back at the house. Sound okay?"
I smiled with a nod, which caused him to chuckle. "Come on then, the judges might be wondering what's taking us so long."
He laughed when I smacked him on the arm.

Finally, the day had arrived. Tonight's performance would basically make it or break it for me. All the cards had been laid out on the table, and I had to seize the moment.
When Danni had told me that the makeover she'd planned would work for my new look tonight, she wasn't lying. Once more, my hair had been styled into the side-mohawk from week one, neatly brushed to one side and teased a little to show it off. I'd been dressed in an outfit that made me almost squeal in delight- a dark grey crewneck tank top, wtih bleach stains and red "blood splatters" in various spots, with a couple of rips on the front, back, and sides. Along with that were a pair of shredded dark blue skinny jeans and knee-high buckle Converse, a studded bracelet on my left wrist, and a necklace with a red charm shaped sort of like a human heart. It was the perfect image for my song, which was dark and heavy. I sincerely hoped I could bring something new to The X Factor tonight.
While practicing one last little bit of my song in the green room, I noticed a group of girls gathered in one part of the room. They weren't too scantily-clad, but they definitely had an aura about them that made me feel instantly uncomfortable. I assumed by their outfits that they were dancers for someone's performance.
At least mine were dressed to look decently presentable. Though... they were covered in a ton of dirt makeup. Like, literally. Dirt.
Making my way to the backstage wings with my "crew" following behind me, I sat on one of the boxes lying around for some spare equipment until it was my time to head on. Jamie must've been looking for me, since I saw him enter through one of the doors to the area and making his way over to me once he spotted my now dark blonde hair. For a while, he simply stared at me.
"Wow," he finally managed to whisper, taking the heart charm of my necklace in his hands while ogling over my appearance. "You look... you look great."
I blushed again. "And you, as always," I responded truthfully. He still wore the usual v-neck shirt, belt scarf and jeans, but this week's look was accented by a long leather jacket that brought out the rocker in him.
...Dare I say it made him look sexy?
Because it did.
"Oh, god... I'm so nervous," I blurted out, resisting the urge to bite my nails. "I don't wanna screw this up, but I'm so afraid that I will."
"Just don't think about that too much, then," he responded, reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze. "Live for the moment of being onstage, performing a song you love. Don't let the pressure get to you, okay?"
A smile made its way onto my face as I nodded. I could do that.
"Jamie," a female voice whined from the door as a figure made its way over to the two of us. I recognized her as one of the girls in that group in the green room. "Aren't you gonna come back to the green room with us?" she linked her arm through his and attempted to pout her lower lip out.
EXCUSE ME BITCH WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU.
Luckily for me, he held a palm out as a signal to stop. "No thanks," he replied. "I think I'll stay backstage with Elise, here." In response, the girl pouted again and sashayed away through the door.
THAT'S RIGHT YOU'D BETTER RUN.
"It's almost time for you to go on, right?" Jamie spoke to me again, to which I nodded. I felt a lump in my throat. He obviously sensed that the nerves came back, for he kissed my cheek and softly patted my shoulder.
I vaulted off the box as my friend took a few steps back and my "posse" made their way over to their spots on the sides of the stage.
The lights dimmed.
I took a deep breath in... and out.
Time to kick some ass.

The majority of the stage was still unlit, save for a few spotlights that flashed around in various spots in time with the song's introduction. I stood in the center, microphone held in both hands, parts of my hair shadowing my face.
"He wears his heart safety-pinned to his backpack, his backpack is all that he knows... shot down by strangers whose glances can cripple the heart and devour the soul..."
Almost immediately, the entire stage became brightly lit up with red and white lights while the back screens flashed with images of decaying nature and shattering glass mirrors. I let one of my hands go free from the mic, clenching my hand into a fist as I shut my eyes.
"All alone, he turns to stone, while holding his breath half to death... terrified of what's inside, to save his life, he crawls like a worm from a bird... crawls like a worm from a bird..."
Two of my "dancers" made their way over to where I stood, taking my arms and helping me move a few steps forward in a shaky fashion.
"Out of his mind, the weight pushes him, whispering, must have been out of his mind... mid-day delusions of pushing this out of his head, maybe out of his mind... out of his mind... all alone, he turns to stone, while holding his breath half to death... terrified of what's inside, to save his life, he crawls like a worm, crawls like a worm from a bird... crawls like a worm from a bird... crawls like a worm from a bird... crawls like a worm, crawls like a worm from a bird..."
With the softer interlude, the lights lessened their intensity and shone around the area slowly, allowing the other background people to crawl slowly towards the edge of the stage while some did the same towards me.
"All he knows, if he can't relieve it, it grows... so it goes, he crawls like a worm, crawls like a worm from a bird... out of his mind, the weight pushes him, whispering, must have been out of his mind..."
The strobe lights came back once again.
"All alone, he turns to stone, while holding his breath half to death... terrified of what's inside, to save his life, he crawls like a worm from a bird... all alone, he's holding his breath half to death... terrified to save his life, he crawls like a worm, crawls like a worm from a bird..."
The last part of the song was super intense, so I started taking long, slow steps forward towards the judges' table, my dancers doing the same on their hands and feet.
"Crawls like a worm from a bird... crawls like a worm from a bird... crawls like a worm, crawls like a worm, crawls like a worm from a bird...!"
At the sound of the last note dying out, I fell to my knees and brought my hands down with me, curling up into something like a ball on the floor as the lights went off. Surprisingly, the crowd went absolutely insane. They were cheering, screaming, applauding... all like no tomorrow. They actually liked my song? My performance? They did?
Instead of Louis, Cheryl was the first person to call my name as I stood up and made my way over. "Elise, darling, I was so worried that this performance was going to go wrong because of how nervous you were and with how heavy of a rock song this was," she began, "But I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised."
The audience roared in favor. "I love the look, it fit the song, and honestly, there was no need for you to be nervous. This was your time, this was your moment, and you stole the show. Congratulations."
I smiled wide and almost jumped up and down on the balls of my feet.
Louis spoke up this time. "Elise, although I did enjoy the performance you put on, I'm not a fan of the super heavy rock music," the crowd booed loudly. "But I loved your originality that you brought to this performance, dear. It was edgy, it was new, it was exciting. Though I'm not fond of the song you chose, I'm fond of the energy you bring to it. Good job."
I nodded to him as thanks. Of course, I figured I'd be getting some negative feedback. Not every week could be perfect.
"You know what I like about you, Elise?" Simon asked, leaning forward in his chair. "No matter what form of pressure is put on you, you take it with stride and tackle it head-on. You, my dear, are fearless." Once more, the crowd screamed and clapped. "The song was a risk, and obviously you knew that." I nodded. "Even so, you were dead-set on making this performance perfect. Rock is your element, and it definitely showed. You were top-notch tonight, and I applaud you for taking a risk no one else probably would have taken."
My smile grew as I thanked him and cheered to myself. I almost couldn't believe it!
Danni's grin matched mine. "Darling, you were superb tonight," she gushed to me. "I knew how much this particular performance meant to you, and I'm thrilled to say that you blew us all away. Wonderful job, Elise. I'm so proud of you."
I ran over and hugged my mentor tightly. Dermot did the usual congratulations to me, but everything beyond that was a huge blur to me. I couldn't even remember half of what I said due to my excitement getting the better of me. I had done it. I conquered Rock Week.
Rushing backstage, I found Jamie waiting for me- along with the group of girls, who thankfully, were some feet away from us- and he eagerly brought me into his arms, spinning me around.
"How did you do that?" he asked me with a wide grin on his face. "What was that? Where in the world did that performance come from? Elise, I didn't even know there was a side to you like that!" he laughed, taking my face in his hands and kissing both of my cheeks.
I swore I saw a number of the girls glaring at me.
I shrugged. "I just did what you told me," I giggled. "You on next?"
My friend nodded. "Indeed I am," he said to me. "Though my song isn't quite as hardcore as yours, per say." I ruffled his afro at that. "Wish me luck?"
"Always," I responded, standing on my toes to kiss his cheek.
The girls started getting into their places, and as I backed up to give Jamie some access to the back door, two of the girls tried shoving me aside as they walked past me. What was their problem?
I pushed it into the back of my head for now, waiting for Jamie to take the stage. Unfortunately, the first thing I saw when the lights came back up was one of the girls at the front, tossing her head back and forth with her mouth open before standing up and thrusting her hips, trying to walk in a sassy way over to the center where Jamie was standing.
'Oh great,' I gagged. 'A slut.'
What made it worse was that before Jamie starting to sing, she started almost grinding on him like he was a stripper pole.
UM EXCUSE ME BITCH WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.
"Dealers keep dealing, thieves, they keep thieving, talkers keep talking, hustlers keep hustling, cops, they keep on copping, hustlers keep hustling, bitches keep on bitching, lives, they keep on coming..."
I desperately tried to keep my eyes on Jamie, but they diverted back to the girl, who had wrapped her hand around his shoulder and almost rubbed her ass on his leg.
STOP BEING A WHORE PLEASE THANK YOU.
"Ain't no use in praying, that's the way it's staying, baby... Johnny isn't crazy, he's always got a line for the ladies... yeah, yeah, yeah... get your rocks off, get your rocks off, honey... shake it now, now, get 'em off downtown... get your rocks off, get your rocks off, honey... shake it now, now, get 'em up out of town..."
At the end of the first chorus, four more girls came out from the sides, strutting out and grinding on stripper poles while thrusting their hips some more.
GOD, IT'S INVASION OF THE SLUTS TONIGHT.
Right before Jamie opened his mouth again, I saw two more of them crawl out on their hands and knees, heading towards him.
OH DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE.
"Dealers keep dealing, thieves that keep thieving, talkers keep talking, hustlers keep hustling, cops, they keep on busting, hustlers keep on huslting and bitches keep on bitching, lives, they keep on going..."
By this time, the two girls on the floor had reached him and had wrapped their arms around his legs, running their fingers up and down the fabric of his jeans. All the while smiling contently and winking at the audience.
OH HELL NO. GET THE FUCK OFF MY MAN. RIGHT FUCKING NOW DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!
Did I mention that four more appeared and started dancing like there were invisible poles in front of them as well?
I WILL PUNCH ALL OF YOU SKANKS IN THE FUCKING FACE!
"Ain't no use in praying, that's the way it's staying, baby... Johnny isn't crazy, he's always got a line for the ladies... yeah, yeah, yeah... get you rocks off, get your rocks off, honey... shake it now, now, get 'em off downtown... get your rocks off, get your rocks off, honey... shake it now, now, get 'em up outta town... I said get your rocks off, get your rocks off, honey... yeah, yeah, yeah...!"
Despite the horrid background dancers I had to deal with, Jamie still sang an incredible song. I applauded from backstage, clapping enthusiastically. When it came time for the judges' comments, Simon, Danni and Cheryl all had positive things to say to him, but the one thing Louis said made a vein pop open in my head.
"Jamie, you're not a real rocker."
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?
It really seemed to visibly shake him up, for the usual smile he'd have on his face didn't come back. It vanished.
A voice broke my focus.
"So, who are you supposed to be?"
I turned to make eye contact with five of the girls that were dancers for Jamie's song. Hands on their hips, bright red lipstick and heavy, sparkly eyeliner.
I wasn't going to lie to them, but I wasn't going to show them any remorse, either. "I'm Elise McCready. X Factor competitor and Jamie Archer's best friend."
A brunette near the back scoffed. "Figured as much," she cooed. "He'd never go for someone like you in a million years."
Cue the raised eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"Face it, sweetheart," another girl sassed, flicking my nose. "If you were even half as attractive as us, then maybe you'd have a chance with him. But since you're nothing more than an ugly little duckling, you might as well consider your hopes of dating him useless."
The one in the front smirked. "So kiss your dreams goodbye," she winked. "You'll never be able to compete with us."
Then, they proceeded to laugh, shove me aside again and saunter through the door, gossiping to themselves about me again. That was too much for me to handle. I mean, I could handle just having to watch them for the sake of being part of a performance... but when they actually went to lengths of harassing me?
I didn't bother staying in the backstage area to wait for Jamie. I ran out the door and exited the building, not bothering to care if it was pouring rain outside.
I'd walk home.

Of course, me being the smart person that I was, failed to remember that the door to the house was locked, so I simply stayed outside on the front steps until someone showed up. It was still raining pretty hard as well, but I didn't mind that my clothes got soaked. I'd only be wearing them one other time, anyway.
I was shaken. Normally, stuff like this didn't get to me anymore. Sure, I'd been bullied in the past when I was a child- 'Who wasn't?'- but this time... that went too far. They didn't even know me; they just saw me interacting with Jamie.
Was it out of spite and jealousy because I actually had a real connection with them? Or did they just enjoy making someone miserable? Either way, it really, really hurt.
I curled up in a ball on the concrete, burying my face in between my legs and hugging my knees to my chest.
"Elise?"
A voice.
"Elise, are you there?"
A familiar voice.
"...Elise!"
Footsteps splashing through the puddles on the sidewalk, a squeaking of the fence, and a warm body pulling me close. I inhaled the scent and froze.
Jamie.
"Elise, love, why'd you leave the arena? Everyone's so worried about you!" he explained, his hands clutching the fabric of my shirt.
His hands left my back to rest on my arms. "Darling, you're shivering," he sighed, shaking his head. "You know you could end up catching a cold in this weather, especially without a jacket."
I remained still in his hold, shaking and sniffling. I couldn't meet his gaze, even though I knew he was staring at me.
His fingers took hold of my chin and tilted it up to meet his soft brown eyes. "Why'd you run off?" he asked again.
That finally broke me. I coughed and buried my face in the crook of his neck and shoulder, bawling my eyes out, not caring if I stained his sweater with my tears. He didn't even seem to mind either, for he embraced me tightly and stroked my hair. "No, no, no, Elise..." he attempted to shush me. "No, sweetheart, please don't cry..."
After about five minutes, I lifted my head up from his sweater, to which he cradled my face in his hands and ran his thumbs along the upper creases of my cheekbones. "Did you want to talk to me about it?" he asked.
I hiccuped, managing one word in a hushed whisper. "...Tomorrow?"
A slow nod from him. "Alright, then. Tomorrow it is," he answered softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead, then my nose, then each of my cheeks, and finally, a brush of his lips to the corner of my mouth.
"Here," Jamie murmured, slipping out of his sweater and draping it across my shoulders, pulling the soft hood over my head. "At least wear this."
Despite my tears, I managed a faint, tiny smile as he pulled me close to him in a tight, secure embrace. He sent Simon a text that he'd found me and that we were waiting back at the house. He'd stay with me to keep me company.

I pushed the words the girls had said earlier out of my head.
There was no reason to believe what they told me.
Jamie really, truly cared about me.

And that was all that mattered.