Insanity

The following morning, I asked for Danni to give me the song choice for the week right when I woke up, though I didn't explain to her the real reason why. Even so, she smiled- almost knowingly- and handed me my song and lyrics.
Do you want me to be perfectly honest with you?
I've literally never heard of the term 'big band' until today.
But I decided not to worry about it for the moment. I had something else that was on my mind. Something a little bigger; something a lot better.
I fished a blue cardigan sweater with a light grey camisole and skinny jeans out of my closet, slipping on a pair of flats and pulling my hair into a casual high ponytail before skipping down the stairs. Jamie was waiting at the front door with a smile, clothed in the usual v-neck, jeans, jacket and boots. "Ready?" he asked me, opening the door and holding out a hand.
I gave him that same smile, taking his hand and walking out behind him. "So, do we have to make reservations for the cafe, or what?" I questioned, now walking next to him. He kept a gentle hold on my hand.
"Not this one, no," he replied. "But it does get busy rather quickly, so I figured we might as well head there now."
It was a bit of a walk, but nothing too bad. The weather was nice and it was an overall enjoyable time; just walking with Jamie as he held my hand. We had to cross the Towpath bridge to finally reach the cafe, and I smiled at the sight. It was a small little building with murals painted on the walls, and a few tables scattered around an outside patio. We sat ourselves down at a table near the fence after we went inside to choose our breakfast. I'd set down a little plate of toast and yogurt across from my seat and brought back a vanilla iced coffee before sitting back down.
"So, what song did you pick for this week?" I asked my companion after taking a sip of my coffee.
He started at me playfully, watching me take tiny little bites of my food. "I thought 'If I Can Dream' would be a good choice," he answered, "But that's just me."
I nodded, swallowing a small spoonful of yogurt. "That'll be a good song to see you sing," I told him honestly. I didn't have to lie to him about anything, basically. He was an incredible singer and pretty much everything he sang would be great. "Danni normally picks my songs. She gave me an old Dean Martin one this time."
He nodded at that, resting his chin on his hand. "I can already picture you singing that," he grinned. "Dancing on stage... fedora hat, black tailcoat, high heels and all." he finished that sentence with a wink.
The stare I gave him was accented with a roll of the eyes and a smile. "No being cheeky, Jamie Archer, or I might just have to deny your request and dress in something different."
"Is that a promise or a threat?"
I peered at him through the rim of my coffee cup. His grin extended from ear to ear, showing off his wonderfully white teeth.
DAMN IT STOP BEING ADORABLE.
Though, now that I thought about it, I might just have to take him up on his idea for my outfit this week.
Looks like I'd be going shopping later.

At that last day for Soundcheck, I ended up practicing backstage quite a bit while everyone else did their rehearsals. I'd actually have a band backing me up on the side this time, along with the orchestra, but nothing else added. Though I myself would be dancing a little, it wouldn't be anything too spectacular.
While practicing a little in front of a large mirror in the hallway, I looked over and saw Jamie sitting over by the double doors, though the expression on his face worried me. Normally he didn't look like anything was troubling him, but that was exactly the look on his face at this moment. Something was bothering him.
I made my way over to him, sitting down beside him on the floor. "Is everything alright?" I asked gently, placing a hand on his shoulder.
My friend let out a sigh, shrugging his shoulders. "Not exactly," he replied. "Feeling a little stressed right now."
I inched closer, blinking a couple times as an urge for him to continue.
He tilted his head up to make eye contact with me. "Simon wants me to change my song," he spoke in a whisper. "And strangely enough, I gave in."
"Wh...what?" I was in pure shock. "Why would he do that? The Live Shows are tomorrow; you barely have a day to learn and practice it!" I bit my lip out of fear that I might actually start crying. And he was the one in worse shape than I was.
Jamie stood up from the ground, pulling me up with him. "I know, Elise. I know the trouble I'm getting myself into because of it," During this, he'd linked our hands together and lightly swung them back and forth. "But the thing is, when I looked at the song he picked, I actually thought it was a little better for me."
My eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Really? Why's that?"
"Can't tell you yet," he grinned almost mischievously, leaning in and quickly kissing my nose. "But you'll see why I decided to change it. You'll probably like the song, too."
Though there was still a tiny sense of worry about the situation, I had a feeling he was right.
Hopefully, everything would turn out okay by tomorrow.

I hummed my song quietly, practicing in front of a mirror in the green room to make sure I had everything perfect at the last minute. I had- not surprisingly- gone along with Jamie's idea for my outfit tonight, and honestly, it actually looked really good. A soft, black tailcoat jacket over a ruffly white blouse with a little bowtie, high-waisted black shorts, fishnet tights, knee-length black boots with three-inch heels, and a black fedora hat. Once again, my hair had been left down, but it fell across my shoulders in loose waves. All I needed now was a little dancing cane and I could've looked like I'd just been brought to the future from the 1940's.
I'd been placed near the middle for the order this time, and quite similar to last week, Jamie and I were right next to each other- though he was after me instead of before me.
Speaking of Jamie...
I heard footsteps approach me from behind, then felt fingers weaving into my right hand and twirling me around a couple times. I caught a glimpse of the man I admired in a long sleeved, button-up white dress shirt and black slacks, a loose black bowtie hanging around his shirt collar. "Care to dance?" he spoke with a chuckle, winking once he'd stopped spinning me in a circle. I matched his grin, my eyes twinkling. "You look great," he added after a moment, staring at me.
"As do you," I whispered, averting my gaze to stare at his shoes. God, he was handsome.
He let go of my hand, only to loosely wrap his arms around my waist. "Everything performance-ready for you?" he questioned, his brown eyes shining.
My hands moved up to his shoulders. "I should be asking you that," I replied. "Are you sure that new song of yours will be good enough?"
Jamie let out a quiet sigh, bringing me closer so he could hold me in a hug; the way he wanted to. "I can only hope," he finally answered. "But for now, we should probably get you to the stage. You're on next."
I nodded slowly, and after he'd softened his hold on me, he once more took my hand and walked with me to the backstage area just as Danni was introducing me.
My companion glanced at me again, and still keeping a gentle hold on my hand, lifted it up to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles. I smiled softly in return, and he finally released my hand, I walked up to the door as the stage lights dimmed.
Time to shine.

The main stage entrance split open as the orchestra and band played the intro to my song side-by-side, and I slowly, delicately made my way down the steps, brushing my fingers across my fedora. Rich, bright golden lights accented the floor as a spotlight made its way over to me.
"How lucky can one gal be, I kissed him and he kissed me... like a fella once said, ain't that a kick in the head... the room was completely black, I hugged him and he hugged back... like a sailor said, quote, ain't that a hole in the boat..."
I took a few steps across the stage in time to the music, making sure my strides weren't too long and my legs didn't go too far. I had to keep a sassy, sophisticated image. Just like I practiced.
"My head keeps spinning, I go to sleep and keep grinning, if this is just the beginning, my life is gonna be beautiful... I've got enough sunshine to spread, it's like the fella said; tell me quick, ain't love a kick in the head...?"
With the little break in the song I had that lacked lyrics or singing, I tilted my hat down just a little more, dancing slowly across the other end of the stage and twirling my free hand around in a circle as if I actually was holding a little cane. The grin I needed was finally painted on my face, and I gave the crowd a wink as I flashed them my gleaming, playful smile.
"My head keeps spinning, I go to sleep and keep grinning, if this is just the beginning, then my life is gonna be beautiful... he's telling me we'll be wed, he's picked out a king size bed, I couldn't feel any better or I'd be sick..."
For added effect, I tilted my head back slightly and pushed up the rim of my fedora, raising one of my feet up off the floor for the last verse.
"Tell me quick, oh ain't that a kick... tell me quick, ain't love a kick in the head..."
As the song struck it's final note, I held the microphone to my chest and curtsied in an almost-bow, lowering my head with another smile and a wink. In response, the audience erupted into screams and applause, and when I finally looked up, Danni was on her feet cheering for me. I stepped down closer to the table, tilting my hat back up so I could actually look at the judges clearly.
Louis leaned forward in his seat to speak to me first. "First of all, Elise, I have to apologize for not being here last week; I feel horrible that I had to miss your performance. But boy, am I glad I didn't miss this one," more cheers and applause. "The look you have for the song fits so perfectly, you look like you're right in the mood and feel for it, and it was another great performance from you. Outstanding job."
"I couldn't agree more," Cheryl added next. "You were meant to be on that stage, Elise. You're a dynamic performer, though I could kind of see that there was a little hint in your eyes that showed that you didn't have the confidence you normally do."
Nodding, I picked up my microphone. "Yeah, I actually had no clue what 'big band' was until a few days ago, so I was pretty out of my element," I told her honestly. Even so, she still went on and told me that I did a great job, which allowed me to smile.
Simon was drumming his pen in midair, tilting his head up to look me in the eye. "You know what I like about you, Elise? You've got guts, you've got personality, but most of all, you've got charisma that most people your age-" he sat up properly. "-how old are you, anyway?"
That caused me to laugh a little. "Twenty-four."
"Well then, at twenty-four years old, you've got charisma that most people your age could only dream of having," he finished his sentence. "It poured out of you tonight, despite you knowing that this was a weak point for you. You kept your head up, you kept your mind in the game, and you pulled it off. Congratulations."
Instead of saying anything, Danni stood up again and held her arms out for me, to which I smiled from ear-to-ear and walked over to the desk, hugging her happily before scurrying as best as I could back over to Dermot in my heels.
"Gotta be feeling good right now, huh?" he started, "Compliments all around from the judges has to be nice." I grinned, nodding. "And also, from what I've been noticing compared to everyone else, despite never being in the bottom two, you're sort of an underdog, in a way."
Nodding again, I gave the crowd a sheepish smile. "Y'know, I'm not gonna disagree with that, because I actually do kinda feel like one," I answered. "It's like I said last week- though I do have my weak points, I'm capable of performing a lot of different styles. Some are probably just better than others." I rubbed the back of my neck. "And maybe this one might not be everyone's favorite, but honestly? I had fun, I pulled through, and that's what matters to me."
The show's host then bid me farewell, and I walked offstage with a smile and a wave, blowing a kiss to the crowd. When I emerged back in the wing, Jamie was standing near the wall, that nervous, troubling look once more on his face. I immediately ran back over to him, tilting his head up and holding his chin in my fingers. "Hey, hey... Jamie, you can't keep dwelling on this," I told him in a hush. "Everything's gonna be alright. I promise."
He said nothing, but after a two second pause, he pulled me off of my feet into one of those famous Jamie Archer embraces, holding my waist tightly. My arms found their way around his neck, and I stood there with him in silence, comforting him until he had to prepare himself to go onstage.
"Remember what I told you," I whispered in his ear, softly pressing my lips to his cheek and narrowly missing the corner of his mouth.
NO GOD DAMN IT WHY.
Even so, that gesture allowed him to smile again, and he stepped through the doors with a wave back at me. I ran back over to the edge of the right entrance, watching him grasp the microphone stand. That grin was still on his face.
"It was a cold and wet December day, when I touched the ground at JFK, snow was melting on the ground, on BLS I heard the sound of an angel... whole UK like a Christmas tree, tonight this city belongs to me, angel..."
He raised an arm up- the one on the side of the stage where I was, almost pointing in that direction. Pointing at me, maybe?
"Oh soul love, this love won't let me go... so long, my angel of Harlem... birdland on fifty-three, the street sounds like a symphony, we got John Coltrane and a love supreme, miles, and she's got to be an angel... oh, soul love, and this love won't let me go... so long, my angel of Harlem..."
He'd been walking around with the microphone still attached to the stand, but finally removed it for the next part of the song.
"Ohh, she says it's heart, heart and soul... yeah... birdland on fifty-three, the street sounds like a symphony, like a star exploding in the night, falling to the city in broad daylight, you're an angel in devil's shoes... there's salvation in the blues... you never looked like an angel... yeah, yeah, my angel of Harlem... my angel of Harlem... yeah, angel... you're my angel of Harlem, yeah..."
When he trailed out the last note, I couldn't help but scream in delight as I clapped for him. He did absolutely incredible! He pulled off a song he only had a day to rehearse, and pulled it off so well! The smile on his face was beautiful; his mouth was open, showing off those gorgeous teeth of his as he pumped a fist in the air.
Did I dare mention that the three buttons at the top of his shirt had come undone...?
Don't stare, don't stare...
FUCK YOU I'M STARING AS LONG AS I WANT.
When Louis started calling his name to talk to him, I instinctively leaned closer to the wall. "Jamie, I'm a little bit confused, because the theme this week is 'big band', and you came out and sang a U2 song. That's not 'big band'."
I blinked.
What.
"I know Simon changed your song last minute," he continued, "But I feel that it's cheating. I don't think it's fair for anybody else. The girls wouldn't have gotten away with it, I wouldn't have gotten away with it, so I don't know why Simon does."
The crowd booed so loudly that it was ringing in my ears. And I agreed with them wholeheartedly. Of course, Danni, Cheryl, and Simon gave him positive comments, but Louis continued to nag and nitpick about how it wasn't a 'big band' song.
If it wasn't for the fact that I had to stay backstage, I would've ran out there and given him a piece of my mind.
Even so, Jamie pursed his lips together and kept a smile on his face as much as possible. After he'd been shooed offstage, he walked off towards where I was standing. "What the hell was Louis thinking?" I snapped as he took my hand again and slowly began leading me back to the green room. "So what if it wasn't a 'big band' song or whatever, you managed to do something no one else probably could have done- learn and perform a song in twenty-four hours! And yet he has to nag about it not fitting the theme? Why's he only blaming you for it? What the hell?! What's his proble-"
He whirled me around to face him, trapping me against the wall with one hand. His free hand moved up to my face, and he lightly pressed two fingers to my mouth to silence my ranting.
I looked up at him and met his eyes, those dark brown orbs staring into my blue-grey ones. His gaze contained so many different emotions that I couldn't read at first, but after about a minute or so, they softened incredibly. They had this gentle look about them; so deep, so caring.

That look of his... he stared at me almost longingly... almost... lovingly.
But that couldn't be possible. It wasn't possible. Not this early.
...Right?