I'm Lost in Empty Pillow Talk Again

“Vic, what are we going to do?” Jenna asked trying desperately not to think about having to leave her boyfriend but failing.

“Jenna baby it’s going to be alright.” Vic promised kissing her platinum hair.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I believe in us.”

Jenna closed her eyes and nuzzled her head further into Vic’s chest to hide the fact that she was crying…again. It’s just this will be the first time the two will be separated for any length of time for a couple of months. They met a few years ago when Pierce The Veil traveled to Australia and Tonight Alive was able to open for them but they never thought they would have the chance to tour again or let alone be friends. However the two bands instantly clicked, especially Jenna and Vic, and anytime they crossed paths on tour they agreed to meet up or visited each other at their shows. About six months ago Pierce The Veil was heading to Europe for a tour and asked Tonight Alive to open for them which they happily agreed to do and that’s where Jenna and Vic’s relationship took off. Neither of them were the kind of people to shy from their feelings, both people wearing their heart on their sleeves. After an abnormally tough night for Jenna causing her to go to Vic for comfort the two discussed their feelings and the opportunity to be together. They knew it was going to be hard to maintain the relationship since they would have to be apart for the majority of the year but their feelings were so strong that they decided it was better to try than to not.

After the European tour they had a few months away from each other but Tonight Alive was simply recording whereas Pierce The Veil was on tour. When Jenna had a few days off she would fly out to stay with Vic on tour. Once Pierce’s The Veil’s tour was over each band had a few months off before Warped Tour started so Vic flew out to spend those few months with Jenna. Staying in Australia with Jenna and having the free time to go to the beach or skateboard or simply explore the country was exactly what the couple needed after so much time apart and they became even closer and their bond became stronger. The couple really needed that time to connect since both of their bands were going to get extremely busy after warped tour; Pierce The Veil already agreed to two tours and Tonight Alive is coming out with a new cd so they’ll be doing promos, an Australian tour and hopefully an American tour and if they’re lucky a European tour as well.

Being on warped tour and having to play a show every single day and having parties and fans to meet and spending so much time with Vic, Jenna was able to forgot about having to leave Vic for so long. And now that warped tour is winding down it’s all Jenna can think about. She hates that they are spending their nights held up in one of their bunks with Jenna crying but she just doesn’t know what else to do. She got so used to being with him every day that she isn’t sure how she’ll make it without him by her side.

“I believe in us too Vic, please don’t think that I don’t.” Jenna mumbled.

“Oh baby I know you do.”

“I’m so sorry for doing this, I’m so so sorry.” Jenna cried.

“Baby girl, come on it’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

“How am I supposed to go home and sleep without you? I don’t know how!”

“I’m not sure baby, I’m sorry I don’t have the answers. I’m sorry.”

“No Vic please don’t apologize I didn’t mean it.” Jenna said lifting her head to look at Vic.

“I know you didn’t. I just wish I knew what to do but I just don’t. We’re going to make this work though, I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t ever lose me. I love you so much Vic.”

Vic couldn’t help but smile, “I love you too Jenna, so much.”

Jenna smiled despite the sadness and stress she’s feeling and tilted her head so she could kiss her boyfriend. Although she hates that Vic is trying to grow out a beard or a mustache or whatever he calls it, she’s going to miss being tickled by it when she kisses him. She’s going to miss him randomly ranting in Spanish or making her try extra spicy foods. She’s going to miss absentmindedly braiding his hair or skateboarding with him. She’ll miss falling asleep with him and waking up with him. She’ll miss being able to see him perform every day and she’ll miss hearing him talk about how much he loves his band and his fans and how he never wishes to stop. She’s going to miss every little thing about him and not knowing when she’ll see him again hurts, it just hurts so much.

(+++)

“Don’t leave.” Vic whispered, his hands cradling Jenna’s neck, his forehead on hers.

“Don’t ask that of me, please Vic.” Jenna said tears already falling from her eyes.

“Okay I’m sorry.” Vic whispered shutting his eyes quickly to try and stop his own tears from falling. “I’m going to miss you so much.” He admitted.

“I know, I know, I’ll miss you too.”

“Call me whenever you want, please? I don’t give a fuck about time zones, I just need to hear your voice.”

“Okay yeah, I can do that. You too, yeah?”

Vic moved his forehead from Jenna’s, “Of course.”

Jenna smiled the best smile she could muster but it didn’t last long. Vic sighed and brushed Jenna’s hair from her face as he tried to smile at her but like Jenna, he couldn’t commit to it. Sliding his arms down Jenna’s, he held onto her hands tightly and leaned forward to kiss her lips, something he’ll miss greatly. Not being able to help it, Jenna started crying more at the feel of his lips against hers but she clutched onto his t-shirt and held him in place. They could hear one of their band mates calling from the background saying it was time to go, which only made Jenna cry harder.

“Fuck, I don’t know how to do this.”

“Baby I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“I just..I just need to walk away. I can’t watch you walk away. I can’t, please?”

“Okay okay, that’s fine. Kiss me again?”

Jenna nodded and kissed Vic, hugging him tightly and kissing her favorite spot on his neck.

“I love you.” she whispered.

“I love you.” he whispered right back.

They departed and Jenna kissed him once twice and three more times before walking away from him and not looking back.

(+++)

“Jenna, are you alright?” Whakaio, Tonight Alive’s guitarist asked.

“Yeah.” Jenna said simply continuing to stare out the bus window.

“You miss him, don’t you?”

Jenna bit her lip trying not to cry, “So much, it aches. It’s just so painful. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.”

“And you’re sure it’s worth it?”

“Oh god yeah, Whakaio, how could you ask me that? I love him.”

Whakaio smiled, “I’m asking to remind you that it’s worth it. I know it’s hard, I know you’re both trying your best and as long as you two remember that you love one another you’ll be just fine.”

Jenna smiled, “You have a weird way of lifting my spirits.”

Whakaio shrugged, “Isn’t that why you’re my best mate?”

Jenna smiled again, “I suppose so, yeah. Thanks man.”

“Anytime, Jenna. I’m going to get some sleep. I heard this next show is going to be a big one. You should rest up too.”

“I might try to call Vic but if he doesn’t answer I’ll definitely get some rest.”

(+++)

“Wow you guys are absolutely incredible.” Jenna told the crowd walking back and forth on the stage. “This next song is very near and dear to my heart and sometimes it’s hard for me to sing it but I think it’s therapeutic.” Jenna told the crowd honestly. “This song is for anyone out there with a loved one far far away from them. This song is called Breakdown.”

Jenna tried not to think about the song too much so she wouldn’t get too emotional but she didn’t know how, not tonight. It’s been a couple of days since she’s had a proper talk with Vic and she’s missing him more than normal. She’s also always felt like if she connects more with the song than the performance will be better. Though in this case she feels close to tears, she just hopes she can keep it together until the end of this song. When Whakaio was supposed to sing Benji Madden’s part in the song the crowd completely lost it and Jenna wasn’t sure why; no crowd has ever gone that crazy for Whakaio’s part before. Once she heard a very familiar voice though, she understood. Jenna immediately turned around becoming face to face with Vic who couldn’t look away from Jenna. Jenna was too stunned to sing on her part but Whakaio picked up where Jenna should have sung. Once Jenna seemed to have a grasp on what was going on and she realized she was supposed to be singing she jumped right in and sang along with Vic, their voices meshing perfectly. When the song ended Jenna didn’t even bother touching Vic because she knew if she did she wouldn’t want to let go.

“Everybody give it up for my boy, Vic!” Jenna screamed loving the way the crowd reacted. “Which was a huge surprise so I will be kicking someone’s ass after the show for pulling this on me.”

Jenna looked at Vic who gave her a blinding smile and pointed to Whakaio who just smiled and shrugged. Vic winked at Jenna before thanking the crowd and going to stand backstage. For the remainder of the show Jenna would glance at the side stage to make sure Vic was still there and that she wasn’t in a dream. Once their set was over Jenna literally ran off the stage and into Vic’s waiting arms.

“You’re actually here!” Jenna whispered kissing any available skin she could. “What are you doing here?”

“I had a few days off and I was missing you so much so I had to come see you.”

“I’m so happy you’re here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Oh baby, you don’t need to thank me. I’m happy I’m here too. It’s so good to see you and to hold you again.”

“Oh babe, please don’t make me cry. I’m tired of crying.”

“Okay, okay baby I’m sorry.”

“Kiss me.” Jenna said removing herself from Vic to receive the kiss she’s been waiting for since warped tour.

Although Vic would only be able to stay with her for a week, it was such a surprise to see him and knowing Vic would go to such great lengths to surprise her on tour and to be with her really gives her hope for the future. Their relationship may not be ideal but it’s perfect and it’s theirs and they couldn’t be happier.