Heartkiller

Chapter Ten: I Will Be the End of You

Love's screaming,
"I will be the end of you!"
And I'm pleading, "Don't you stop now.
Go on and tear me apart.
Show me all you have got.
And I will be so free from all that has been."

June 3, 2007

Avery was sitting at work looking through some files. She had a major case involving patents and copyright infringement of one of her clients' works, and she was set to go to trial in a few days, so she was preparing her next plan of action. Her office was rather small; it had glass doors so there wasn’t much privacy from passers-by. There was a bookshelf against one of the walls, although it had yet to be filled with much. There were some volumes of law, but other than that it was bare; she had moved into the office months ago but was too preoccupied with her work to be decorating. Her college diplomas hung on the opposite wall. Avery’s desk was in the middle of the room; there were stacks of files and other papers neatly organized on the surface. Behind her desk were two large windows overlooking Central Park.

Ville was coming by for lunch, and it was the first time she was seeing him--or talking to him--after he had first decided to attend rehab. That was a month ago. On his way to Finland to finish the album, he was stopping by New York for a quick visit. Avery missed him dearly and excited to see him again. She couldn’t wait to find out how he felt now that he was clean and to make sure he was okay. Knowing that the decision to enter rehab wasn’t initiated by his own accord, Avery was anxious to see if he regretted it. What if Ville wanted to continue his habits and all she had done was push him away? That would be painful for her to find out.

Avery had her nose buried in a case file when Ville knocked on her office door. She looked up to see his smiling face in the doorway. As per usual, he had a purple beanie over his head and some stray curls peeked through. His complexion, while still white as snow, was brighter; his happiness was practically radiating from within him. Avery's eyes lit up when she saw him and a broad smile found its way onto her face.

“Hey! Come on in.” she beckoned.

"Hello there, Ave."

She motioned for him to come inside and walked over to give him a kiss. She gave him a hug and squeezed him tightly. Because of his height, his chin fit just over her head as she buried her face into his neck, nuzzling her nose into his skin. They held each other close for a few seconds before letting go.

“I’m so glad to see you. How are you feeling?” she asked, holding his arms.

“Good. I feel really good. Even better now that I’m here with you, sweetheart.” he said warmly.

Avery grinned. “I’m happy you’re here, too. I’ve missed you so much, Ville.”

He hugged her tighter. “I missed you, too. Are you ready for lunch?”

“Yeah! Well... Do you mind waiting here for a second? I have to ask someone for a favor.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Go ahead.”

“Alright, I’ll be quick!” she said as she rushed out with a file in hand.

There were two chairs for guests to sit at, but Ville chose to take a seat on the couch in front of the bookshelf as he waited for her. Avery had brought in the sofa for late nights when she needed to nap between working, which she did often.

Ville sat and tapped his fingers on his legs to a beat. He was itching to get back to the studio. Now that he was clean, he had a different perspective; he felt brighter and more uplifted without the beer weighing him down. Although he was the same person as before, it was his disposition that had changed dramatically. He had found a way to be happy without being dependent on any substances. It was Avery that had helped through it all. She had helped him face the harsh reality of what he was doing to himself and to those around him; he knew his behavior was bad, but he needed her wake-up call in order to push him to do something about it. Seppo was thrilled that he had finally gotten some help, and now Ville just wanted to get to work and make music.

Someone came into her office, interrupting his rhythm, and he looked up to see a brunette woman with a stack of files in her arm. By the pantsuit and stern demeanor, Ville deduced that she was a lawyer as well. She looked very commanding and somewhat intimidating. Paige wasn’t at her desk in front of Avery’s office, so the lawyer freely walked inside without anyone to stop her. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for some response from her. When her gaze landed on him, the woman was confused.

“Where’s Avery?” she asked.

“Um, I don’t know. She just went down the hall to run an errand, I think. I-I don’t work here.” he explained.

“I’d hope not," she scoffed. "… Are you a client?”

Her eyebrows were raised in curiosity. Her eyes ran over his appearance, and he could tell that she was less than impressed by his band tee and jeans. Ville presumed that the woman was much more accustomed to seeing high-brow clients in the office, and he clearly didn’t fit the bill.

“No, no, I’m her boyfriend.” he clarified.

“Oh.” Her mood turned and she suddenly had a big smile. “Oh. You must be...”

“Ville.” he finished.

“Veal, right, veal. Nice to meet you. I’m Sabrina Mayweather, and I work for Franklin & Associates.”

Ville became uneasy at her sudden change, not to mention her blatant disrespect for him. Sabrina had gone from being less-than-enthused by Ville to being fascinated by every little thing about him. He was suspicious of her tone; she seemed conniving and sketchy. They exchanged an awkward handshake, but he didn’t move from his seat much. He remained cautious of the way she spoke.

“I didn’t know Avery was seeing anybody. How long have you been together?" she asked, inviting herself to sit in a chair next to him. She leaned in and seemed like a gossiping teen interested in the next big scoop.

“Um, about nine months now.” he answered.

“Oh, I see. And-and you guys are doing well?” Sabrina asked and he nodded. With a devious grin, she continued, “Hmm, that’s nice. I, uh, you know, I’m surprised to see that she’s with you. I mean, I never thought she’d ever find someone who would forgive her.”

It was clear she was only trying to start trouble. Ville was in no mood to entertain whatever fantasy she was going to spit out for him, but seeing as he didn’t have a way out of this conversation, he reluctantly asked, “Forgive her for what?”

“Oh, you must not know! Of course!” She had an overly saccharine voice that oozed with artificial kindness, and it sickened him to have to hear it. “I’ll tell you, but I don’t know if she’d want you to know. This isn’t exactly something she’d want to brag… Well, anyway, when she was in law school, she dated this guy who was already married. Tsk tsk. Avery was the other woman, and--”

Rolling his eyes, he held his hand up, urging her to stop. He said, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I already know about that.”

“You do?” she asked incredulously.

Ville nodded.

“Oh.”

Her expression changed, and she was suddenly judgmental again, as if to suggest that it was absurd to be with a person who had done such despicable things. His confession had also ruined whatever fun she seemed to be having with breaking the news.

“Gossiping is very unbecoming, might I add.” he continued.

Sabrina gave a meek smile in response. “You must have your own skeletons, then.” she muttered under her breath.

Ville gave a polite smile, hoping she would leave. She cleared her throat and awkwardly excused herself.

“Well, anyway, it was nice to meet you, Veal. I’ll, um, see you around.” she said and walked out of the office.

“Yeah, see you...” he murmured once she had left. “in hell.”

Ville rolled his eyes at the interaction. What a woman. Meanwhile, Avery went to the associates’ wing of the office and approached her favorite associate, Mariah. Now that she was junior partner, she had the free reign to assign projects to the associates. Mariah was a second-year, and Avery connected with her because of how much she reminded Avery of herself. She was driven and intelligent, making her more than willing to take on a heavy workload in order to make a good impression on her superiors.

“Hey, I need you to do something for me.” Avery said as she neared her cubicle. “For the Jackson case, I need you to look up case law for the circumstances that would allow an injunction to be granted for us. We need to prevent Hessington from going into production before trial starts so that they can’t use it against us.”

“Got it.” she said and took the file that Avery handed her. She flipped through its contents quickly to orient herself with its length.

“I’ll be gone for lunch. I need an answer by the time I get back.”

Avery was stern but friendly with her request. She hadn’t been in the same position that long ago, so she sympathized with the associates; she tried her best to be as amicable as possible whenever she approached them.

“Alright, I’ll get to work.” she said with a smile.

“Thanks.”

Avery rushed back to her office with her heels clicking on the floor. When she got to her door, she found Ville looking at her diplomas on the wall opposite the couch. He stood with his hands in his pockets as he skimmed through the details of the documents in the frames.

“I haven’t seen these before.” he informed when she walked inside.

“Yeah, I used to have them up in my study in the apartment, but then my boss told me to bring ‘em into my office. She said it increases credibility with clients to see diplomas hanging on the wall.”

“Especially one from Harvard.” Ville added.

“Yeah, especially one from Harvard.” she agreed with a light chuckle. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” he said.

Avery got her purse, and they took the elevator down to the ground floor. Since they were going to a nearby cafe, they decided to walk there. Avery interlaced her fingers with his and leaned into his shoulder, inhaling his scent of light cologne and cigarettes. He kissed her forehead affectionately as they continued. It was hard to speak over the noise of the streets, so they held off conversation until they reached the cafe two blocks away. They went to the counter and ordered; Avery got a salad and a lemonade while Ville ordered a sandwich and coke. They stood against the wall and out of the way of other patrons while they waited for their food. She played with his hands and noticed metal rings around his left middle and ring fingers.

“When did you start wearing these?” she asked.

“I used to wear them all the time back in the day, but I stopped. I found them a while back. I just wore the one on the ring finger at first to cover the tattoo, but it looked strange so I added the ring on my middle finger.” he explained.

“Oh.”

“The tattoo is almost gone at this point, but it’s leaving a nasty scar.”

“You mean the cigarettes you keep putting out on the tattoo are leaving a scar.” she corrected.

“Yeah.” he smiled.

“Avery!” the barista called her name, and she picked up the order from the counter.

The couple sat a table in the corner of the cafe and started eating.

“So, how are you feeling? How was, you know… how was rehab?” Avery asked.

“I’m feeling really good. It helped a lot. It was nice to take a vacation for once and stop travelling and working and writing for a decent period of time. The first week was difficult, though.”

“Really?”

Avery was listening along, but she was nervous. As much as she supported him in his decision to attend a facility in Malibu, California, there was something about their conversation in London that left her feeling uneasy. She wanted to know the truth and whether Ville meant what he said. Avery had told him 'I love you,' and he had said it back to her. However, she couldn't help but wonder if he had felt compelled to say it. Was it the alcohol talking? Was Ville’s forgiveness about Michael contingent upon his addiction and knowing that he had deadlier secrets? Worst of all, if he had meant it when he said he loved her, would he fall out of love with her after seeing her again now that he was sober? What role did alcohol play in their relationship?

For a full 28 days, she was left with such doubts swirling in her head. She had no means of contacting him, and, even if she did, she wasn't sure that she would use them. She was afraid of the answers, and, if they were disappointing ones, she would rather hear them face-to-face rather than so impersonally as through a phone call. Now that he was here in front of her and apparently doing well, Avery wanted to clear the uncertainty that swarmed her.

“Yeah, I had to detox, so I had to quit completely.” Ville replied to her question. “I’d never been sober for that long at a time. Then, there was the therapy and trying to confront the addiction and blah blah blah. I’ve been in rehab for a month without seeing you; I don’t want to talk about me and what I’ve done. It’s boring. I wanna know what’s going on with you. What have you been up to?”

“Work, bills, the usual…”

“How are your parents?”

“They’re good. They asked about you a lot, actually, and I told them what you were doing. They’re really proud of you, too, for getting help.”

Ville smiled. “Well, tell them that I appreciate their support.”

“I will.” she beamed, though the smile quickly faded. She hesitated, “I, um, I wanted to ask you something though.”

“What’s that?”

“When I was in London, the last time we saw each other... we said things, and I was, you know, I was wondering... I know I meant it when I said that I loved you--Did you mean it when you said it to me?”

Ville looked up from his food to meet her gaze. He had a mouthful of sandwich and a dazed expression on his face as he tried to read her. She looked afraid of the answer, almost like she thought he’d say no. Her eyes were big and staring right into him, waiting for an answer; she had paused eating and her lips were in a half-pout.

“Of course I did, Ave. Why wouldn’t I have meant it?” he answered, his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“I don’t know. The whole time we’ve been together, you’ve been drinking, so I didn’t know if that was clouding your judgment.”

“I never drank around you. Maybe a little, but not nearly as heavily as I did when I wasn’t around you, at least.” he pointed out.

“I know, but--actually, why is that, Ville? Why didn’t you drink around me?”

“One minute, it’s a good thing I’m not drinking around you and the next, it’s a bad thing, huh?” he joked but her expression didn’t waver. Seeing that he couldn’t do anything to lighten the mood, Ville gave a serious answer: “Because I never needed to drink around you in order to be happy. Just being around you made life so... exhilarating. I didn’t want any alcohol to obscure that and make me forget that. The rest of my time, when I’m on tour or recording or whatever, it’s all been a blur because I’ve always been drinking. I didn’t want the same thing to happen when I was with you; I wanted to remember everything about you."

She sighed. "Okay… But, you know, the last time we talked, I--I said that this was about you and your drinking. I said that I didn't want to listen to your explanations of how you would never treat me like a rebound because I didn’t care then. Whatever. Now I care. Now I'm asking you about me. Do you--do you really love me, Ville? Or was I just a fling to get your mind off Jonna?"

He took her hands in his to comfort her. Avery looked like she would fall apart any second because of the topic of the conversation. It was unsettling and uncomfortable but these things needed to be said. She needed to know the truth, but he could see her squirm in her seat from uneasiness.

Ville looked her in the eyes and saw past the brave face she was putting on for him. He saw past it all to find her trying to stop herself from breaking down at the near thought that he didn't love her. For the first time in their relationship, he saw Avery being insecure. He was so used to seeing her being assertive, and now she was second guessing herself. She was unsure of whether she was worth being involved with a person as amazing as she thought Ville was being to her. Avery kept her eyes low and struggled to release the tension within her; since her hands were in his, she settled with chewing the inside of her mouth subtly, hoping to hide it from him.

"Of course I love you, darling.” he confirmed. “I love the way you dance with your shoulders when you eat something you like. I love your confidence and your conviction in-in your work. I love your unwavering support in whatever I do, and you don't stop for a second to think about yourself. It's quite frustrating, that last one." He said with a chuckle. "I love the way you pout your lips when you don't like something. I love every little thing about you. This particular moment, I'm in love with the fact that you are letting me see this soft side of you... Come here."

He beckoned her to come closer and she did. Ville placed a kiss upon her lips before letting her settle back into her seat.

"I love you." He reaffirmed. "I don't know what happened to make you question that, but I do.”

“Okay. I know.” she heaved a sigh and smiled. “I know now.”

“What happened to make you doubt yourself? Is this about Michael? Did you think--did you think I could never love you after I found out about that?”

Although he made the suggestion, his tone signaled that he thought the idea was absurd. There was no way he would hold that against her. They had both had their issues in the past and their secrets. She was wary about Michael, and he had been an alcoholic. Now that everything was in the open, he thought the air was clear. Ville was surprised to find out that she still had her doubts about herself. Avery removed her hands from his.

“No, it’s not..." She sighed and twisted her salad around with a fork. "Okay, maybe a little about him.”

“I told you before that didn't bother me. It doesn't matter that that happened. You're an amazing person, and everybody makes mistakes. You couldn't have known about him, and I told you that. Please, I don’t want you to ever impugn that again, okay? Believe me when I tell you that that doesn’t matter to me.”

She nodded to show that she understood, and he took a swig of his Coke. Remembering what had happened earlier in Avery’s office, he told her what had happened.

“It's weird, someone else brought that up to me while you were gone.” Ville continued.

“Gone where? At the office?” she asked, bringing herself out of a reverie of questions and uncertainty. She focused on his words and looked up from her plate to see him.

Ville nodded. “Sabrina, uh, Something-or-other.”

“Sabrina Mayweather?” she suggested.

“Yeah.”

“What did she say to you, Ville?” her tone hardened at the subject.

“I don’t know. She was just trying to get a rise out of me, I think. She mentioned the whole Michael thing, thinking I didn’t know. When I told her I did, she got really judgmental. Hahha, I honestly don’t know what she expected me to do. Maybe more theatrics than I was willing to give her,” he said lightly without realizing how angry Avery was.

“That little bitch.” she muttered.

“It’s no big deal, Ave. Really. Don’t let it get to you.”

“No, no, I’m not letting it get to me. I’m just annoyed that she would even bring it up… that she would stoop so low.” she said. Ville looked at her quizzically and she continued. “She’s the opposing counsel for the case I’m working on right now. I think she saw you and stole a moment to try and get to me through you. Maybe she thought you’d find out about Michael and confront me so I’d get flustered and screw up the case or something. I don’t know. Something fucked up like that. Where was Paige? How did she come into my office?”

“I don’t know. She wasn’t at her desk... How does she even know about Michael, by the way?”

“We went to law school together. We weren’t rivals per se, but we certainly didn’t get along. She and I were actually really alike. We’re both go-getters, but the difference is that Sabrina is willing cross any line to get what she wants. She’s conniving like that.”

“Yeah, I could tell.” he agreed.

“Yeah, that’s why this sounds a little suspicious. She’s putting up this whole act trying to pretend that she’s trying to help when she could actually just be trying to sabotage my case.” She paused. “You know, hold on, lemme call the office really quick. I’m sorry, babe.”

“It’s okay, go ahead.”

She took her phone out of her purse and dialed the number for Mariah’s desk. It rang a few times before she answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mariah. It’s Avery.”

“Yeah, I’ve got your report right here. I found the case law.”

“Okay, fantastic. Can you go to court and file the injunction? I’ll be done with lunch in a little bit, and I’ll come by and pick up the copy on my way.”

“Yeah, I can do that. I don’t think it’ll get approved that quickly, though.”

“Talk to Judge Tristan and tell him I sent you. He owes me one. I need this within the hour.” she said sternly.

Avery was adamant on delivering the court order to Sabrina today so that she could give her a piece of her mind. Who does Sabrina think she is to be meddling in someone else’s relationship? That minx.

“You got it.”

“Alright, thanks.” She said and hung up the phone, putting it away in her purse.

"What were we talking about?" Avery asked him.

"Love." he replied while sipping his drink.

"Right."

"I just have one last thing to say and that is perhaps the most important thing to remember from all this, Ave. I would never throw that word ‘love’ around. I would never have said it to you if I didn't mean it. You have to know that."

"I understand, but once the thought came up, I couldn't let it go. It just--you know, thinking about the whole conversation we had in that hotel room, I thought maybe you had been pressured into saying it to me because I felt like there were other issues that we were talking about. I don’t know, really. Once the idea crept up, it was just the reasonable doubt that I couldn’t shake. It's been eating away at me all month."

“Reasonable doubt? Are you trying to use courtroom logic here?” he asked with a smirk.

“I can’t help it.” she shrugged and beamed.

“Oh, how I’ve missed that smile.” he said, causing her to grin even bigger.

“I love you, Ville.”

“I love you, too, Ave.”

Once they finished their lunch, they left the cafe and Ville walked her back to her office. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind her as she led the way. Avery held onto his hands as they hung over her chest, and her skin tickled wherever it touched his. The butterflies in her stomach she had had upon their first meeting ten months ago in an alley behind some club returned with a vengeance. Their wings beat against her insides, and she couldn’t wipe her grin off her face. There was a tingling sensation that reached all the way down to her toes at the thought of just being around him. It was an utter state of euphoria to finally be with the man she loved after a full month without contact, and it helped to know that all her doubts were unfounded. He peppered kisses along her cheek as they walked, and she erupted into giggles every time.

They occasionally got a few dirty looks from the people on the streets around them, who were annoyed by their very public displays of affection, but Avery and Ville didn’t care. They continued to smile like nothing was wrong because finally everything was right. Finally, she was able to break from her insecurities and her past and allow her heart to be possessed by a tall Finn whose deep harrowing voice sent her over the edge. Finally, he was able to rid himself of a nasty habit and to move on from his own past to let himself fall in love again. Love was a familiar place to him, but still, there was something different about this time. There was something about this time that felt like it was right, like it was the final time he would need to trust his heart in another person's hands.

They stopped in front of the building to the law offices, and she turned to face him.

“I’ll see you at home tonight?” she asked.

Her eyes were hopeful, and her eyebrows were raised eagerly. Her mouth was twisted away to hid her smile, but it was no use; it still peeked through. Ville kissed her lips and held her close.

“Of course, my dear.”

“Hehhe, okay.”

She placed a few short pecks on his lips before they parted ways. He went toward the streets to catch a cab to her apartment, and she went inside the building to the 17th floor for the Sterling-Ellis offices. While a big smile was plastered across her face, it disappeared the second she set foot onto the office floor. It was replaced by an authoritative, grave look on her face as she remembered what Sabrina had done earlier. The nerve that she had was remarkable. Immediately, Avery went to Mariah in the associates’ wing of the floor

“Hey! Okay, I filed the injunction... heeere you go.” Mariah said as she found the paper showing approval.

“Thanks for this.” Avery replied.

Without stopping by her own office, she hurried back down to the ground floor and caught a cab to Sabrina Mayweather’s office. Her foot tapped against the car floor during the ride in order to release the tension caused by her impatience. She couldn’t come to grips with what Sabrina had tried to do; if she had said anything different and actually succeeded in ruining Avery’s relationship with Ville, she had hell coming her way. It was literally Avery’s worst fear to lose Ville because of Michael, and Sabrina was going to exploit it for her professional gain.

The cab stopped in front of the building, and Avery paid the driver and got out. She strutted her way into the building and took the elevator up to Franklin & Associates, Sabrina’s employer. Once she was there, she briskly walked towards Sabrina’s office. Her assistant tried to interrupt her from going inside, but Avery waved her away. By the look on her face, the assistant was terrified and sat back into her seat helplessly. Sabrina was at her desk filling out some paperwork, and Avery slammed the paper onto her desk, causing her to look up.

“Avery, hello, what a--” she started to say.

“Save it. This is the injunction on the Jackson case. If your client so much as tries to formulate a marketing plan, I’ll have him arrested for violating court order.” She started to leave but turned on her heel to face Sabrina again. “And by the way, come after me all you want, but attack me through my boyfriend again, so help me, God, I will re-dedicate my life to ruining yours.”

“Is that a threat?” she responded with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh, don’t be mistaken. That was a promise.” Avery confirmed defiantly before storming out.

♠ ♠ ♠

Super important chapter in the grand scheme of things, both thematically and plot-wise (if that's a word...)