Heartkiller

Chapter Eleven: Venus Doom

Leave all behind now to watch her crawl through our dark gardens of insanity
She'll be the light to guide you back home, just give her a kiss worth dying for
And open your arms

June 17, 2007

In late June, Ville had just about finished the album. After a full year of trying to record it in the midst of touring and press, the tracks had finally been laid down, and Tim Palmer, the producer, was almost done mixing it. Because of how long it had taken to finish the album, it seemed like the most rewarding one yet for Ville. He was happy to finally be able to listen to it. The whole band was meeting up to listen to the final cut today, and everybody was just arriving to the studio.

“Hey,” Gas said as he walked through the front door.

He was the first one of the band to come in, and Tim was working on some last minute changes. He turned to see Gas walk through the doors and waved to acknowledge his presence.

“Hey, where’s everybody else?” he asked Gas as he gave him a side-hug.

“Close behind. They should be here soon.” he took a seat on the couch. “How are you?”

“Tired.” Tim admitted. “How about you? How’s everything?”

“Good, good. The wedding is almost here, so I’m a little nervous about that.”

Gas was marrying his girlfriend Natali in two months, and she was overwhelmed with preparations for the ceremony. Since Gas was off touring and recording, most of the planning fell into her hands; he doubted that much would have been different had he been home during this time. Natali was very particular about the ceremony and had a clear vision of what she wanted. He didn’t mind that he didn’t have to do much because it meant that there was less for him to worry about. Aside from preparations, Gas was awfully nervous about the actual ceremony because of all the attention he would be receiving on his wedding day. He felt most calm on stage with drumsticks in hand, and the wedding would be a little out of his element. He had no doubts about his love for Natali, though; that’s not what he was worried about.

“Ah, you’ll be fine. It’s--”

“Hey, anybody here?” Mige asked as he walked inside.

“Yeah.” Gas called back.

Mige walked through the soundproof doors and into the studio with Linde and Manna close behind. Mige was the most talkative of the bunch, and he immediately launched into a conversation as soon as he was through the studio doors.

“How is everybody doing? Hey, Tim, what’s up? You enjoying this freezing weather any more than I am? I think it’s so wretched. I can never be comfortable here.” Mige said.

“I’m doing well, and no, the weather doesn’t bother me much.” Tim said with a chuckle.

“I grew up here and I still can’t stand it.”

“The freezing temperatures aren’t meant for everybody.” Tim shrugged.

“You said it.” he agreed.

Not long after, Burton joined the group and everyone waited on Ville, who arrived a few minutes later.

“Ah, there’s the diva.” Mige proclaimed at his entrance.

“Very funny. I overslept a little, sorry about that.” Ville explained.

“Were you up late talking to your girl?” Burton asked.

“No, she wasn’t answering my calls.” he admitted.

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Don’t jinx it! He’ll have a whole album written out by the time this one is even released!” Mige interjected jokingly.

“Shut it, you little rascal.” Ville replied with a smile before answering Burton’s question: “No, not that I know of. I don’t know, she’s probably busy with a case or something.”

He took a seat on a beanbag chair that was at the end of the couch; it was the last open seat in the room, and it left Ville a little lower than everybody else. The rest of the band was on the couches against the back wall of the studio, and Tim was at his chair in front of the sound controls.

“Alright, we ready to start?” Tim asked.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. Let’s do it.”

“I have it all set up and ready to go.” Tim said and started the first song, the title track. It started with the sound of a match being struck and alighting with a fire.

“I like it,” Burton commented.

There was a murmur of agreement amongst the group. The song continued, and everyone seemed to be enjoying it. They made comments every now and then as to how the song progressed, but kept their voices low so as not to interrupt the song. Once it finished, Tim turned eagerly to the group to hear their collective thoughts.

“It sounds good. I like it.” Gas said.

“Yeah, me too.” Burton said.

“So far, so good.” Linde remarked.

“Let’s hear the next one.” Ville directed.

“Alright.”

Tim hit the next track, Love in Cold Blood. Remembering the time he played it for Avery, he smiled. Thankfully, he had been able to get it finished in time to be put on this record.

“What do you guys think? I think that second verse turned out quite nicely. I know we were worried about the music being too bare for the vocals, but...” Ville trailed off.

“I think it worked out fine.” Mige said.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Here’s the next one,” Tim introduced as he started Passion’s Killing Floor.

The song was much deeper than the first two. Everyone grew engrossed in the music. After the second chorus and a brief instrumental piece, Ville whispered something unintelligible in a baritone voice in the song.

“Ooh, I love that part.” came a voice from behind Ville.

He turned to see Avery by the door staring back at him with a wide smile. His mouth fell agape as he was shocked to see her in front of him. She waved a quiet hello to everybody without interrupting the song and settled into Ville’s open arms. Avery had brought her duffel bag with her and set it on the floor beside them as she listened to the sweet music with everybody else. She sat in his lap, and he held her close, letting the smell of the jasmine flowers from her hair permeate his senses. He kissed her hair and continued to listen to the song till it finished.

“I think that’s the best one yet.” Mige said.

“Yeah, I really like that one,” Burton agreed.

“Me too.” Avery said.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have to work?” Ville asked.

“I did, but you said you were listening to the album today, so I flew in. I wanted my own sneak preview.” she replied with a smile.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.” He said and kissed her.

“Me too.”

She turned to everybody else and asked, “Can we listen to the next one?”

_________________________________________________

Once the band and friends listened to the entire album, people started to make their way out one by one. Linde and Manna remained quiet and kept to themselves while Mige, Gas and Burton talked amongst themselves as they left the studio. It was mainly Mige doing the talking as he discussed some new psychedelic movie he had just seen with the other two, who listened to him excitedly. Ville and Avery stayed behind as he gave some last minute instruction to Tim.

"I'll finish up that last one and add in the notes we made." Tim said. “It shouldn’t take long. Maybe a day or two because there isn’t much work left to do.”

"Yeah, it sounds really good so far. You’ve done a great job. Then we'll send it out, right?" Ville asked.

"Yeah, we're on track."

"Okay, then, sounds good. Thanks."

"You got it."

"We'll see you later." Ville said.

“Alright then, see you.” Tim greeted.

The couple left the studio, and he hailed a cab for Avery and him to take. He put her duffel bag in the back and got into the cab alongside her, making sure to give the driver his destination. Ville and Avery sat beside each other in the backseat, and she settled into the cab by resting her head in her hand, which was perched against the window. The time difference was wearing on her slightly, and she could feel her eyes drooping, though she tried her best to stay awake.

“You know, we’ve been dating nine months, and I still haven’t seen that blessed tower of yours.” she teased.

“Darling, I’ve stayed in any given hotel longer than I have in my own home over the past nine months.” he reminded.

"That's a shame. From what you’ve told me, the tower seems like a lovely place, Ville.”

"Indeed it is... How was your flight?"

"Good,” she sighed, “I took the red eye after work yesterday. I came straight to the studio from the airport."

"Tired?" he asked, although he could already tell she was desperately fighting the urge to close her eyes and drift off.

"A little. I tried switching over to Finnish time as best as I could so that I wouldn’t be too exhausted."

"By doing what exactly?" he asked skeptically.

"I slept once I got on the plane, which was like 11pm, I think. But I woke up at 7am Finnish time, which is… hmm, 2 o’clock in the middle of the night back in New York? Something like that."

He pulled her close to him so that she leaned against him. Her torso curled to fit his frame, and she rested her hand on his chest, feeling his heart pulsate faintly underneath the many layers of clothing he wore. His chest rose and fell with every breath he took.

"That’s hardly 3 hours. Do you wanna take a nap when we get home?"

"No, that's okay. I wanna spend time with you." She answered, looking up at him.

The cab stopped in front of Ville's house, and he paid the fare while she got her bag out of the trunk. She got onto the sidewalk and stopped in her tracks upon seeing the tower. It was beautiful. It was a tall brick building, but the vines growing on it helped to blend it with the greenery surrounding the tower. It must have had at least three stories and seemed like a pillar of light in the otherwise desolate neighborhood. Ville opened the black iron-gate, the only visible security he seemed to have protecting the fortress, and led her through the garden to the mahogany front door of the tower.

“Home sweet home,” he said after opening the door.

“And what a sweet home it is.” she added as she gawked at the interior.

The home reminded Avery of a castle because of the brick materials and open spaces. To the left of the doorway, on the first floor was the kitchen and spacious living room, both sparsely decorated. The kitchen didn’t have many materials as Ville hardly cooked. In the living room, there was a brown leather couch and a vinyl player on a bookshelf, which was overflowing with records. A few paintings hung on the walls but due to the dim lighting, Avery was unable to distinguish the subject matter of the already dark works. A Maya Deren poster hung on the wall by the staircase, which clung to the wall of the living room, and there was an archaic television set against one wall. The whole house seemed straight out of an '80s movie, making it all the more fitting for Ville. Behind the staircase was the laundry area and a shoe closet. The first floor was rather clean as he maintained it well in case of surprise guests.

The couple slipped off their shoes, and he led her up the spiraling staircase to the second floor, which contained the bedroom, bathroom, office, and library. After reaching the landing, Ville flicked on a switch to turn on a light that barely illuminated the corridor. He then continued down the hallway towards the bedroom, and Avery trailed behind him. She took the time to look at the various nuances of his home whereas Ville simply zoomed to his destination. Most of what she observed seemed to be fairly standard of any home; she paused but for a second to peer into the library, which had several shelves stocked teeming novels of the psychedelic nature. That was to be expected.

What particularly caught her attention was the office-cum-studio. The door had been left open, and she could see that the room was a bit of a mess because of the music sheets sprawled everywhere; to a passer-by, it would have appeared chaotic, but Ville didn’t mind the clutter as it was his workspace. In fact, he had learned that his creativity was spawned by the haphazard environment. Ville was a few paces in front of her but noticed that she had stopped in the doorway to study the office. It was a very personal space for him because this was where he spent his days writing songs; it was his inner sanctum, the heart of his home. Only a select few ever came up to see this side. Without hesitation, he returned to where she stood to take her hand and lead her inside.

Avery let out a soft gasp as her bare foot touched the hardwood of the room. The floor was cold compared to the warmth of the rug in the hallway. He let go of her hand to allow her to roam through the room, but her feet were firmly planted in the floor. Avery knew the significance of the room and that she was given a rare opportunity to be past the doorway. Not many people were allowed this far. She was careful about touching anything in the room, not wanting to disturb the magic of music that radiated throughout the office. She simply gazed at everything with a wondrous look on her face; Avery was fascinated, humbled even.

The windowless room was rather dark without so much as a poster on the burgundy walls. This room was all about the music. Ville had created a makeshift studio in order to listen to tracks from the rehearsal space and make notes for any necessary changes. There was a stereo on a table in the corner of the room that was hooked up to a surround sound system. A Mac computer was next to the stereo. There were crumpled balls of music sheets scattered sporadically throughout the area. Avery’s eyes scanned the room, absorbing the various intricate details no matter how trivial, from the care with which he had taken to mount his guitar on its stand to the disposable coffee cups that remained on the floor. He was scrupulous with the things that mattered to him.

While Avery looked around the room, Ville had his vision focused on her curious eyes. She looked so fascinated by the room, and it warmed him to see her this way. He felt accepted. To a stranger, the scene may have been silly, trite even; To Ville, this meant a lot. This room was the very physical representation of what Ville thought to be the purpose of his existence. This man from the land ‘behind God’s back’ existed to create and to share music. This room is where he was able to do that, regardless of the size of his audience. Avery’s presence in the room and her acceptance of his obsession was bigger than just the music; it was an acceptance of him, the wretched, godforsaken Finn that Ville saw himself to be.

The corners of Ville’s mouth tugged upwards, itching to smile. Avery finished scrutinizing the room and her eyes met his. He stared back at her with warm, green eyes piercing into her soul. It was a look that he’d given her many a time before, and it never failed to make her blush. Avery felt so special; he looked at her like she was the most beautiful person in the world. One look, and he had her bubbling with a schoolgirl anxiety.

“What?” she asked with a nervous giggle.

He shook his head with a grin to dismiss her worries. “Nothing, doll. Nothing at all.”

Ville bit the side of his lip as he took a moment to think. Avery stared back curiously, waiting for some indication of his wishes. A few seconds later, he pulled out of his trance and walked to the stereo to put in a demo track into the player. She tilted her head to the side, befuddled by what he was doing. What did he have to show her so arbitrarily?

“Close the door,” he directed.

She turned and gently shut the door closed; he hit play on the stereo, but she didn’t have a clue as to what he was playing for her. There were a few moments of silence, then some indistinguishable chatter in Finnish before the track finally played music. A light drumming started off the song, but it was the opening lyrics that clued her in: it was Venus Doom, the title track of the album. In this stage, the details were still being worked out, so it didn’t quite sound like the final product she had heard earlier in the studio.

At first, it seemed a little out of place to be standing there listening to a rough cut of a song. What did she know about music? Not much, other than what she liked or didn’t like. The song reached the first chorus, and it struck her. Not quite the same version as that of the final, the chorus was in a much lower octave, and she was surprised by the deep register of Ville’s voice. It was quite low, possibly lower than his tone in It’s All Tears. Hearing the unforeseen tonality, Avery closed her eyes and let the music consume her. She didn’t think about the slumber that was desperate to befall her from the long flight or the three million things she needed to do at work. She didn’t think about the cold chill that travelled her spine or her excitement from seeing Ville again. Avery didn’t think about anything else but the sounds that she heard; it felt like all the wind inside her lungs were knocked out, and her grip loosened on the duffel bag she held, letting it fall softly to the floor without disrupting the music.

She was frozen in the middle of the room. The room was quite small and seemed to pulsate with fervor; it’s red walls closing in. Avery got lost in the music and hardly noticed Ville wrap his arms around her waist. Her hips slowly rocked with the beat, and in that moment, all she knew was the music. All she knew was the song. His song, his creation. Her eyes remained closed, and Ville started to sing the lyrics in her ear along with the song.

“Watch me fall for you, my venus doom,” he sang, holding out the note.

He paused to let the song play freely, before continuing on to finish the final lyrics, “All tears are of you, my venus doom.”

The track finished, but the couple remained in their embrace. Avery started to smile, but her eyes remained closed as she let the song resonate. It was a live, bare-bones version of Venus Doom; she was grateful to have been allowed the chance to listen. He unravelled his limbs from hers and walked away to turn off the stereo, which was playing white noise after having run out of material.

Avery opened her eyes and shot him a sheepish grin. “Thank you for that.”

“Of course, Ave,” he replied with a smile.

He picked her bag up off the floor, and they left the office, continuing down the hallway to finally reach the bedroom. Ville put her duffel beside the bedside table; he fell on the bed, pulling Avery on top of him by her waist from behind her. She fell onto his chest with a giggle and turned to face him to place a kiss upon his lips. They settled into the bed beside each other and took a moment to relax.

“So what did you think of the album?” he asked her now that they were alone. “The final product, I mean.”

“I thought it was really good. I think it’s your best so far.” she replied.

“Your favorite?” he inquired with his eyebrows raised.

“No, my favorite has to be Razorblade Romance.” she said with a smile.

"And why's that?"

"Mm... I don't know. I like the pop side that it has, but it’s harmonized by the grungy grit of the guitar and the bass. It's very balanced, I think."

"And what about Venus Doom? What kind of feel does it have for you?"

"From what I sampled, you can really hear the more metal side of things. Still very HIM, but just a different angle of the same brand."

"Hmm, I see." he replied, zoning out in his own thoughts by what she had said.

"Something wrong?"

"Hmm? Oh, not at all. I was just asking in case there was something about this album that you didn't like in particular. Perhaps something that could be changed to make it better."

"You're such a perfectionist... like me. No, of course there isn't something I dislike about it! I love it. It's just that Razorblade Romance is more something I can dance along to. That’s all it is."

"I see." While smoothing her hair lightly, his eyes widened with an idea. He wasn't entirely convinced she would like it, however. “Do you want to sing a couple bars for me from Razorblade, Ave? Whichever song you'd like. You’ve never sang for me before, and I’d love to hear you.”

“Do you want to keep your eardrums?” she countered, amused by his odd request. She sighed and disclosed, “I really don’t think I should be embarrassing myself.”

“There’s no one else here around whom you need to be embarrassed, darling.” he coaxed. “I won’t judge you, certainly.”

“Ville, it’s really not a good idea, trust me."

"I trust you, but that's got nothing to do with this, Ave." He said, smiling as he knew that his normal pleas would not be fruitful.

There was an entirely different tactic he needed to employ for him to even have a chance at convincing her. He unwrapped the thick grey scarf that was around her neck and threw it on the ground over his shoulder. Ville started kissing her jawline, burying his face into the crook of her neck.

"Ah ah ah, don't try that. Kissing isn't going to convince me." She said while wriggling underneath his grasp, causing him to only hold her tighter.

"You sure?" he mumbled with a smirk playing upon his lips.

He dappled kisses all over her neck, and she attempted to brush him off; he was relentless. She burst into laughter and squirmed in his grip. The couple twisted and rolled throughout the bed as she tried to get away. Ville wasn’t giving her much room to break free and continued to sprinkle kisses down her collarbone and chest. Avery put her hands against his chest and thrusted him away. Ville rolled his eyes at her meager efforts and grabbed her hands to hold them behind her. In the awkward position, she didn’t have much control and was unable to free herself. She knew there was only one way out of it.

"Okay, okay. I surrender. I surrender!" She said and he finally stopped with a smug grin plastered on his face. "What would you like me to sing for you?"

"Hmm. A few lines of something off the album. Anything you'd like, Ave. I’m just curious to hear what you sound like.”

"Two lines." she said, holding up two fingers.

"Fine, two lines." He reluctantly agreed. He grabbed her fingers and kissed them.

"Now, remember that you brought this upon yourself." She warned.

Ville accepted and tilted his head forward to signal her to continue. She inhaled a deep breath to prepare herself. He waited expectantly with his eyes wide open; she took one last look at him before closing her eyes and opening her mouth to start singing.

"We’ve been slaves to this love from the moment we touched and keep begging for more of this resurrection." She sang.

While her voice was even, it was evident that the only key of which she knew was that which opened a lock. The woman didn’t know anything about a musical key or holding a note. Avery tried her best, but she was not meant to sing. She peeked one eye open to look at Ville, who stayed quiet and was unsure of how to express himself. Opening both eyes, Avery waited for him to say something. He opened his mouth but struggled to find the best words.

"On the bright side, you did get all the words right... which is more than I can say for myself, at times." He finally decided to say.

"I told you." she said and stuck out her tongue.

"Well, it's not the worst I've ever heard--" He tried to comfort.

"Oh sweetie, stop. You should quit while you're ahead. Besides, it doesn’t bother me in the least that I can’t sing. That’s your department, and you do it so well that I don’t think I’d ever need to do that singing thing again.”

"Very well then." He accepted and started kissing her again.

"Okay. So now, what are we having for dinner?”

She changed the subject while his mouth made its way towards her ear. It didn’t seem like he had registered her words, but after working the area of skin for a few seconds, he pulled away and his eyes lit up.

“You know, I know just the place we can go. Let me--um, let me call and make reservations.”

“Okay.”

She dismissed the mild hesitation in his voice and watched him pull out his phone from his jeans to make the call. Taking this moment to explore, Avery regressed to the staircase and ventured further upstairs into what seemed to be a storage area of sorts on the third floor. There were various odd and end items, mostly in boxes. At a glance, it seemed like Ville hadn’t bothered to unpack once he had moved in. Not wanting to sift through the items, she went out the French doors and into the terrace at the top of the tower.

When she went outside, she was greeted by the chilly Finnish air and forlorn dark clouds looming over the city. Looking around, she saw a picnic set complete with two wooden patio chairs in one side of the space. Otherwise, the terrace was rather empty, devoid of any potted plants or other usual accessories for such a space. All around the tower were numerous large pine trees, further isolating the edifice from its surroundings. Avery took a seat on one of the chairs to admire the space.

Because of the large trees around the tower, there wasn’t much she could see. It was, however, incredibly peaceful with nothing but an occasional bird chirping to disturb the silence. It was in stark contrast to her surroundings in New York City where she was inundated by various sounds from the passing traffic honking their car horns to businessmen and women talking speedily on their cellphones. It truly lived up to the name of the City that Never Sleeps. Helsinki was different; it reminded her of a countryside because of both its beauty and its peace. A slight breeze passed and Avery shuddered, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm. Within a few minutes, Ville joined her outside and sat in the other chair.

"The reservation is in two hours." He informed.

"Sounds good... It's breathtaking out here, you know."

"It is."

"I wonder what it looks like when it snows out here."

"Oh, it's amazing. It's like a white blanket over the city."

"I bet!"

“Come here,” he said. "Let me show you around."

Ville stood up and walked to the edge of the terrace to lean against the wall. Avery went to him, and he enveloped her in his arms, keeping her between himself and the wall. He leaned so his mouth was just against her ear as he whispered.

“That dome-shaped building way over there is City Hall and just past those trees is Finnvox.” he said as he pointed out the locations.

“The studio looks so closeby.”

“Yeah, it’s not too far. A short ride away. And then, Mige lives way past there. Linde lives next to him, but you can’t really see his house from here. It’s hidden past those hills over there.”

“Oh. What’s going on with Linde, by the way? Is something wrong?”

“How do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I felt like he was really quiet today. Moreso than usual, if that was even possible.”

Ville sighed. “He and Manna are going through something, I think.”

“But she was right there with him in the studio to listen.”

“Yeah, well…” he trailed off. “I mean, I think he’s just putting up a front for us. He thinks the boys and I don’t know that something’s wrong with him, but… you know, after all these years, we know everything about each other. We know what makes someone tick, and we know when to just back off and leave someone alone. I think it’s just one of those things. Linde will tell us when he’s ready.”

“If you say so. Now…” Avery turned in his grasp so that her back was against the wall and she faced him. “...what exactly are we doing while I’m here? You have to show me around Helsinki properly. Last time I was here, we…” she smiled, “we spent our time indoors. This time I want to explore. Helsinki is so beautiful and I wanna see everything.”

Ville beamed. “I just love the way you say Helsinki. Can you say it for me again?”

“Helsinki?” she replied, unsure of what was so interesting.

“Oh, yes. I love that little drawl you have at the end there when you say ‘sinki.’ It’s just so… endearing.”

Avery burst into laughter. “You’re such a dork, sometimes.”

Ignoring her playful insult, Ville kissed her lips. Thinking it was just a peck, she started to pull away, but he gingerly held onto her bottom lip with his teeth, keeping her closeby. He wasn’t quite finished yet. He slithered his tongue into his mouth and leaned her body against the terrace wall, causing her back to arch behind her. She chuckled in the midst of the kiss at his actions, but the light mood didn’t last long. The couple heard voices yelling from the streets and looked down to see a group of men pointing up at the couple. They had cameras flashing at the couple, and Avery was mortified. Paparazzi. Immediately, she backed away from the edge of the terrace, brushing past Ville. He caught her arm and pulled her back toward him, although he stepped away from the wall as well.

“Hey, it’s okay.” he soothed.

“Are you sure, Ville? They probably saw us together. The cameras were flashing away, and from what I saw, they were using pretty high-end equipment. I'm sure someone got a clear shot of us.” she rambled.

“Yeah, they probably did, but it’s okay.”

“But the pictures…” she insisted. Her nervousness caused her to fumble through her words. “The pictures will be out and--”

“And what? People will know that we’re together? So what?”

Avery hesitated. “Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Ville rolled his eyes. "Of course, it is. You’re my girlfriend; I don’t want to hide you away.”

"Okay. Can we go inside, though? The idea of seeing my photo everywhere-- it’s, um, it’s a little disturbing.” she said.

“Sure. Come on.”

Ville took her hand and led her back inside. They regressed down the steps to the bedroom; Avery picked up a guitar off its mount in the corner of the room and sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard. She offered the instrument to Ville.

“Will you play something for me?” she asked sweetly.

“What would you like to hear, Ave?” he asked, taking the guitar from her.

“Mmm... something relaxing and soft. Whatever your heart desires.”

He took a moment to think before he started strumming the guitar. She watched him play a pleasant tune with a look of utter admiration both at him and at his skill. Ville was multi-talented in a world she knew nothing about. Aside from writing heart-wrenchingly deep music and lyrics, he played a wide range of instruments. She found his patience to develop such skills to be quite remarkable, especially given her own experience with music, or lack thereof.

The tranquil melody he played caused her eyes to slowly droop, and she couldn't stop herself from falling asleep. Ville finished out the piece softly before putting the instrument against the wall next to him and covering Avery with a blanket. Knowing how exhausted she must have been, he let her sleep peacefully and picked up a book from his bedside table to read. Holding the book with his right hand, Ville soothingly stroked the side of her body with his left hand.

_______________________________________

Avery woke up to Ville gently shaking her shoulders. She hadn't realized that she ever fell asleep. It took a moment for her to shed from the slumber and to become lucid again; when she did, she recognized that she was on Ville’s bed, and he was sitting cross-legged next to her. Avery was annoyed at herself for having fallen asleep; she had flown all this way to see him and now that they were together, she was wasting time. She groaned.

"How long was I out?" She asked while rubbing her eyes.

"An hour or so." he answered.

"I’m sorry, baby."

"It's quite alright.” he said with a chuckle. “You’re just jetlagged. Dinner is in about 45 minutes... Do you wanna freshen up?"

"Yeah, do you mind if I use your shower? I just wanna wash all the 'plane' off of me and hopefully wake myself up a bit."

"Not at all, dear."

She stood and stretched before walking to the bathroom. When her bare foot touched the cold linoleum floor, her body jolted awake. After turning the faucet as far as she could, she stripped off her clothing and waited for the water to heat up. She felt the stream of water, and when she was satisfied, she stepped into the shower. Avery didn’t want to take too long getting ready, so she quickly washed herself off. Taking the towel that was available on the rack, she dried off and wrapped the towel around her body while going to the bedroom to find an outfit to wear.

When she got to the bedroom, Ville was no longer there. She opened up her duffel and looked through the clothes; she hadn’t brought much. She took out a long turquoise maxi dress and pulled it over her head, letting the material fall to her ankles. Avery added a leather jacket to ward against the evening air. Keeping her makeup rather light with some concealer, eyeliner, and powder, she pulled her hair back into a high ponytail. Returning to the bathroom, she looked at her reflection to make sure everything was in its place. Once she was content, she went downstairs to find Ville on the couch with a book in hand.

"What are you reading?" She asked as she came down the last steps.

Avery went up behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck to look over his shoulder. Ville looked up from his book after placing a bookmark. He set it on the space beside him and kissed her lips.

"The Rapture, by Liz Jensen… Are you ready?"

"Yeah... are the photographers still outside?” she asked timidly.

She pulled away to allow Ville to stand up. They started walking towards the front door, while they double-checked to make sure they had all the necessary belongings.

“Unfortunately.” Avery started fidgeting with her hands and he noticed. “It’ll be fine. I called a taxi already, and it’s waiting outside. We just have to walk across the sidewalk, and you’re in the clear. If it’s really uncomfortable, you can look at the ground, if you want. It's usually what I do to try and ignore them.”

“Okay.”

She bit her lip, and Ville opened the front door, letting her out first. She could hear them asking questions in Finnish as soon as the door cracked open, but she couldn’t understand anything because of how fast they were speaking. Ville closed the door behind him and took her hand in his to lead them to the cab. Once they got past the gate, Avery was blinded by the flashes of the camera, and she looked toward the ground as Ville had told her. They got in the taxi without saying a word to the paparazzi, and Ville gave the address to the driver. He squeezed her hand in reassurance.

“Not so bad, right?”

“Yeah, but still not very fun.” she admitted.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned toward him. The whole experience with the paparazzi was downright mortifying. Avery found it creepy for a group of grown strangers to follow and to take pictures of famous people; even worse, these photographers--if they could even be called that--were taking pictures of Avery simply due to her association with Ville. What was so interesting about their lives that required daily documentation? She couldn’t understand it.

The ride felt rather short since she was so consumed by her thoughts; the cab stopped in a residential area in front of a home, and Avery was confused. As far as she knew, they were going to a restaurant for dinner, and it didn’t appear as though they were in front of one. She quickly scanned her surroundings to check if she had missed it.

“Where are we?” she asked.

Ville didn’t answer and simply paid the driver for the trip and got out, making sure to help her as well. The house they were in front of was a small two-story home with a large garden in front. The exterior was painted a pale blue color and had big windows on the front. It certainly didn’t seem like a restaurant.

“Where are we, Ville?” she asked again.

Wordlessly, Ville took her hand and they walked up the brick steps to the front door where he rang the doorbell. He turned to her with a giddy smile on his lips.

“We’re at my parents’ house.” he said calmly and her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

“You--what--we--” she stuttered, the hysteria overwhelming her.

She was not nearly prepared enough for this encounter; Avery was about to meet Ville’s parents, and, though she expected this to happen at some point, she was hoping for some warning instead of being blindsided like this. She wanted to make a good impression on them, and she wasn’t sure that was possible given the current state of confusion and anger she felt. Her mind was still reeling from her encounter with the paparazzi, and she was nowhere near as ready as she wanted to be. Unfortunately, there was no time to back out now; the door opened to reveal a short woman with long red hair. She and Ville shared many similar features from the high cheekbones, the pointed nose, and the thin lips. Upon seeing her son, Mrs. Valo smiled widely.

“Ville! Come in, come in,” she said in Finnish. “You must be Avery.”

He led them inside the house, and his mother pulled them each into a hug. Although she heard her name, Avery didn’t otherwise understand what she had said and turned to Ville for help.

“I thought you said you were learning Finnish a few months ago?” he asked, surprised by her clueless reaction.

“Yeah, but I’m not nearly fluent enough to understand a native speaker!”

Ville smiled; he spoke in English to Avery and in Finnish to his mother to make the introductions.

“Ma, this is Avery. This is my mother, Anita. She doesn’t speak very much English.”

“I gathered that, thank you.” she said between her grit teeth, trying to conceal her anger with a smile. Turning to Anita, she said, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Dinner’s ready.” her mother informed.

While his mother walked away to the kitchen, Avery turned to Ville with a scowl. Her eyes were wide in disbelief that she was actually standing in his parents’ living room and that he hadn’t bothered to tell her beforehand. As much as she wanted to throw a fit then and there, she was interrupted by two figures entering the room. Ville’s father came down the stairs after hearing their voices in the foyer. He was a tall man with shocks of graying hair and was dressed in a dark plaid shirt and jeans. A younger man came barreling down the stairs behind him.

“Hello, Ville,” his father said in Finnish as he came up in front of them. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Avery.”

Again, she turned to Ville, but this time his father was able to discern that she didn’t understand.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn’t know you didn’t speak Finnish. I said it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Kari.” he introduced himself in English and shook her hand.

“I’m Jesse, his brother. I hope he’s mentioned me at least once or twice.” Jesse chimed in with a jovial grin.

Avery laughed. “Of course he has. You’re a Muay Thai boxer, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Ville talks about you all the time, and we can finally put a face to the name.” Kari continued.

“It’s nice to meet you as well.” she answered with a broad grin.

“We could have used a little bit of a heads-up so we could prepare a proper dinner, ah Ville? Calling us two hours before you come, what were you thinking? We’re meeting your little lady for the first time; you know your mother would have prepared something grand for her.” Kari berated as he walked towards the dining area.

“Sorry.” he said, trying to hide a smile.

He was really enjoying himself knowing how uncomfortable Avery was in this situation. Kari’s words weren’t going to bring Ville down from the high he was riding on from seeing Avery squirm at the idea of a surprise dinner with his parents. Jesse clearly noticed.

“No, you’re not.” Jesse revealed with a whisper.

“Quiet!” Ville admonished.

“How’d you get her to go out with you in the first place? She’s too good-looking for you.” he teased before turning to Avery. “What’d he do? Drug you or something? There’s no way you willingly went out with this blabbering asshole.”

“Language, Jess!” Kari called from the kitchen.

“Twenty-three years old, and they still treat me like I’m twelve.” Jesse groaned with an eyeroll.

“Maybe that’s because you act like you’re twelve.” Ville replied smugly.

“Shut up, will you?”

Avery laughed at the brotherly banter. “No, no, he didn’t drug me or anything. Although, I agree with you that Ville can be a bit of an, um…” she whispered so Kari wouldn’t hear: “a-hole.”

“What did I ever do?” Ville asked, thinking he was innocent.

“What did you do? Hmm, let’s see. You brought me over to meet your parents without giving me so much as a warning.” Avery replied.

“I did too give you a warning!” he protested.

“Yeah, about thirty seconds ago.” she scoffed. “I don’t think that counts.”

Jesse snorted. “I knew it.”

“Knew what?” Kari asked, walking into the dining area with a pot of food in hand.

Before Ville could assure him that it wasn’t an issue, Jesse interrupted. “Ville only told Avery that she was coming to visit us when they were on our doorstep.”

“No,” Kari tried to deny, not wanting to believe his son would have done such a thing.

“Yeah, so I’m sorry, but excuse my bewilderment while I try to get used to this.” Avery said timidly.

“It’s okay, honey, you’ll be fine. We’re not that scary, I promise. I can’t believe Ville would be so rude.”

“Dad, I--” Ville started to protest, but she cut him off.

“Really? Are you gonna try and wiggle your way out of this one?” she asked impassively in a hushed voice.

Kari went into the kitchen to help his wife bring the rest of the dishes to the table.

“I was just trying to avoid making you nervous for days and days.” he whispered to her, a smirk practically stapled to his face.

“By ambushing me. Yeah, good plan, babe.” Avery murmured sarcastically.

“You’ll be fine.” he assured.

“I sure hope so, for your sake.” she muttered.

When she saw Kari walking back, she decided to shake off the tension and try to make the best first impression possible.

“Here, let me help.” she offered.

“Don’t be silly; sit down, sit down.” Kari said, walking out of the kitchen with a bowl.

After setting it on the table, he sat down and so did Avery, Ville, and Jesse.

“How do you like Finland so far?” he asked.

“I haven’t seen very much of it, but what I have seen is very beautiful. I was telling Ville that the city must look marvelous in the winter when it snows.”

“It does, it does! You should come to see it.”

“I’m going to try to be here for it. We’ll have to see.”

Anita came and sat at the table as well, and everyone started eating.

“How long are you staying?” Kari asked.

“Until the weekend; I have a video shoot on Saturday in LA.” Ville answered.

"Yeah, I'll be flying out around the same time." Avery added.

"Why so soon?" Kari asked.

"I've got a lot on my plate." Avery explained. “I really only came by to listen to the album that Ville just finished. And even that was… difficult to schedule.”

"Yes, yes, Ville tells us that you're a lawyer at a big New York firm."

"Yeah, I am. I'm slowly trying to work my way up the ladder."

"And your parents?"

"My father owns a marketing company, and my mother is a doctor. She’s a cardiothoracic surgeon." Suddenly, an idea sprung to her mind. "Speaking of, actually, when Ville and I visited my parents, they shared some embarrassing stories about me when I was younger. I was hoping you had some about Ville that you could tell me."

Ville widened his eyes in surprise. This was not the way he was hoping the conversation would go.

"Papa, you really don't have to--"

"Of course we have stories about him," Jesse interrupted. "Did he ever tell you about how he used to think he was gonna grow up to become the David Beckham of his day?"

Avery's eyes lit up. "You know what? He never got around to mentioning that. Whatever happened to that dream?"

"It was squashed by what happened at my first--and only--soccer game.” Ville explained, hoping to end the story there. Jesse didn’t have the same intentions.

“Actually, it was a soccer practice, not even an actual game. And it’s not really what happened so much as it is what he did.”

“What did he do?” Avery asked.

“I was determined to get it in the goal, but someone took the ball off me. You know, as it happens. But I was a child, and I got really upset, so I was taken out of the rest of the game. Er, practice, whatever. It was then I decided team sports weren't for me.” Ville woefully said.

“That’s not how I heard it.” Jesse said, shaking his head.

“You were like three years old. How would you even know?”

“Papa told me.”

“Oh yeah? What did he tell you?” Ville asked, hardly amused by Jesse’s claims.

“That when the other guy took the ball from you, you punched that fuc--I mean, you punched that guy on the nose and then climbed up a tree and wouldn't come down until Mum and Papa picked you up.”

“That’s not true.” Ville said.

“Yes, it is.” Kari corrected without so much as glance in the boys’ direction, and Ville knew he could no longer argue.

“Oh, that’s gold.” Avery commented with a wide grin.

“Alright, alright, I think that’s enough.” Ville tried to deflect.

“Then another time, he--”

“Jesse,” Kari said in a warning tone, immediately quieting his younger son.

In response, he rolled his eyes and slumped in his seat. Avery let out an amused sigh, trying to conceal her mirth.

_____________________________________

“Dinner was amazing. You’re a great cook.” Avery complimented Anita in Finnish as she helped clear the table.

At Avery’s broken Finnish, Ville’s mother was ecstatic that she was making such an effort. She had followed the dinner conversation; as it turned out, she had the same problem with English as Avery had with Finnish: they could understand the gist when someone spoke but had trouble replying. Still, the two connected as much as possible in the given circumstances. It seemed like Anita really liked her, and Avery was glad. This had been the first time she had met a boyfriend’s parents in a long time, and she wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea, especially given the way Ville sprung this on her.

“Thank you!” she replied.

Avery brought the last dish to the sink and assisted in cleaning the dishes. She liked Ville’s parents. Kari was much more talkative than Anita, though the language barrier between her and Avery may have discouraged any possible conversation. Jesse seemed to be like his father, both in looks and behavior, while Ville resembled his mother. Throughout the dinner, Kari and Jesse were in animated conversation while Ville jumped in wherever appropriate. For the most part, Ville kept his gaze on Avery and watched her interact with his family. It wasn’t long before everyone was talking like old friends catching up; the anxiety Avery had felt quickly dissipated.

While the guys watched an ice hockey game in the living room, Ville’s mother and Avery cleaned the plates in the kitchen. Avery could hear Jesse and Kari yelling at the television set, urging the players to steal the puck; she expected Ville to be moseying in the corner of the couch as she doubted he had any interest in the game. Meanwhile, there was a silence between the two women in the kitchen. Neither knew what to say; Avery waited for some question from Anita. Where do you plan on taking this relationship? Is there marriage in your future? Will I ever see grandchildren? These were all possibilities, and Avery tried to mentally prepare herself for possible answers.

“He looks happy.” she stated in English, and Avery was caught off guard.

“Who? Ville?”

Anita nodded and replied in Finnish, “Thank you. Thank you for bringing my son back to me.”

Avery’s knowledge of the foreign language was not comprehensive enough for her to understand what she meant. She stared back at the older woman with a confused look, pressing her to explain. It took a moment for Anita to gather her words.

“Before you, he have other girls.” she said. “Ville always drink, drink, drink. They no say… uh, to him ‘stop.’ I try to tell him ‘no more,’ but he didn’t listen to me. He say ‘it’s part of my job.’ he say. So me? I couldn’t do nothing.” she croaked, threatening to start crying. “I see him hurt himself with the drink, the blades, the drugs. I see him come home with blood on his…” she said and pointed to her left wrist, struggling to find the English word.

“Wrist?” Avery suggested.

She nodded. “Yeah, and he no look… he no look like my son. I didn’t know what to do, to say to him. I didn’t know how to help. For some time, I no speak to him. Maybe I was selfish, but I couldn’t bring myself to see him hurting like that. He was in such pain.”

Anita set the dishcloth down and braced herself on the counter. Not knowing what else to do, Avery wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled Anita into a hug. They held each other in a warm embrace, and it seemed like Anita would fall apart if Avery were to let go. Jesse burst through the kitchen doorway, a goofy grin on his face and unaware of the tension in the kitchen.

“Ah, Ville is such a pussy.” he said with a chuckle as he went to the fridge. “He’s keeps trying to make excuses to leave the room, but Papa isn’t having it. It’s just hockey! The guy can write love songs like no other, but he’s there squirming at the sight of grown men barrelling into each other with a puck. I don’t get it.”

He took out a carton of orange juice from the fridge and turned around. With the carton at his lips, Jesse noticed the two women, and his eyebrows raised.

“What’s going on? Is something wrong?” he asked with concern written all over his face.

Avery loosened her grip on Anita, but kept her arms around her shoulders. She reassured, “It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like ‘nothing.’” he pointed out. “Tell me. Ma, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Avery insisted.

“Shall I call Ville over here?” he threatened. Jesse was a smart fellow; he knew what he needed to do in order to get what he wanted. Ville and Jesse had that in common, and she rolled her eyes.

“No, fine, I’ll--um, we were just talking about Ville, that’s all. Your mother was saying how hard it was for her when he was drinking himself sick.”

Jesse huffed a sigh and capped the orange juice. “Don’t I know it?” he deadpanned. “I’m glad that side of him is gone.”

“What’s taking so long, Jess? You getting squeamish too?” Ville called from the living room. He tried to feign interest in the game now, but Jesse wasn’t convinced.

“You wish! I’ll be right there.” Jesse yelled back.

Avery removed herself from Anita and leaned her back against the counter. She wanted to know more. She wanted the whole picture. What exactly had Ville done? How bad had he let it get? How desperate was he? She didn’t doubt for a second the truth of everything that Ville’s mother had told her, but the language impediment had muddled a lot of the details, and she had only been able to explain so much. She and Ville had talked about their pasts before, and they hadn’t kept any secrets from each other. However, he had never mentioned the self-harm with a blade. That was alarming. Avery exhaled deeply and nibbled her bottom lip out of stress.

“Your mother said that he, um, he used to cut his wrists. Was it--how bad did it get?” Avery asked.

“It got… really bad. He was depressed. And not just ‘I’m having a bad day.’ No, Ville was likely clinically depressed. I mean, if he had bothered to go to a therapist, he probably would have been diagnosed and given medication. Anyway, it was to the point where… apparently, it took him at least three beers just to leave the house. He didn’t eat often, and when he did, it wasn’t much. He was imprisoned in his home by his own mind; he knew that people depended on him and that he had things to do, so he would drink himself silly just to get out of the house and handle his business.”

“That’s not the way you handle business. He should have gotten help.”

“You know how stubborn he is. We tried. We all tried to help, but the fucker wouldn’t listen. Then it got to a point where we had to accept that he had to come around on his own. I felt bad, sure, but I couldn’t really do anything. But my mother… you know, he is her son, so I obviously understand why she felt the way she did. It sucked to see her like that, though. Ma felt so guilty, like she hadn’t done enough.” Jesse rolled his eyes to express the absurdity. “Anyway, yeah, we found out that he had started cutting himself, and--”

Anita turned away from Jesse, unable to hear and to relive the memory. In turn, Avery gestured to him to stop. She had heard enough.

“How long did this go on?”

“As far as I know? It went on right up until the day he met you.” Jesse said, and Avery felt a pang in her chest.

“What are you little gossipers chit-chatting about?” Ville said, walking into the kitchen.

Anita was facing away from him and was washing the rest of the dishes, while Jesse shrugged lackadaisically. Avery, on the other hand, was reeling. It seemed like an oxymoron to be looking at Ville’s bright smiling face and trying to picture the same person doing everything that Jesse had detailed. It ached her heart to imagine. She knew she couldn’t confront him about this right now, not when the knowledge of his behavior was still so fresh. Besides, this wasn’t the time, nor the place. Instead, Avery put on a plastic smile on her face.

“Nothing,” she reassured.

“Hmm, I know a liar when I see one.” Ville teased and walked over to her. He pulled Avery into his arms from behind her, and she turned to look up at him. Jesse took this as his cue to leave the room, not wanting to be present in case the cat was out of the bag.

“You caught me. I was hearing all about your sleepwalking days when you were a child.” she fibbed.

“Ah, but I’d already told you about that!”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to hear twice.” she said with a smile.

Ville narrowed his eyes. He was suspicious. “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm? What do you mean?” Avery replied nonchalantly.

“You don’t seem like yourself. Is something bothering you?” he pressed.

“Oh, no. I, um, I’m just tired, that’s all.” Avery said. It felt awkward to lie to him like this; she’d never kept anything from him before. Hopefully, he’d believe her.

“Let’s go home then. I don’t really want to stay much longer anyway; I can’t sit through anymore of the wretched sports game.”

Avery threw her head back and genuinely laughed. “I know, sports aren’t really your thing.”

“Indeed.” Ville looked up and raised his voice so his mother could hear over the rushing water in the sink, “Alright, I’ll see you later, Ma. We should get going.” Ville said.

“Why? Stay a little longer.” Anita insisted.

“No, we can’t. She’s really tired from flying in this morning; we should probably get to bed.”

“I’ll try to stop by before I leave for the States again.” Avery convinced.

“Okay.” Anita said and led them out of the kitchen to the living room. “Kari, they’re leaving.”

“Huh? Oh, okay.” he said and stood up to walk them out to the door. “It was nice to meet you, Avery. Do come again.”

“I will try my very best to do so. Like I said, I want to see all that Finland has to offer.”

“In due time.” he reassured as he held the door open for them. “Stay safe.”

“We will.” Ville replied. “Bye.”

“Bye. Thanks again for the lovely dinner, Mrs. Valo. Bye Jesse!” Avery called.

“Bye!”

The couple retreated down the brick steps to the sidewalk. Ville caught a cab to take them back to his tower, while Avery waved a final goodbye to the Valo family. The cab pulled up to the curb, and they both got inside. After Ville gave the address, the car pulled forward on their journey.

“So I was going to be really upset about the way you went about having me meet your parents, but after how well that went, I’m going to decide against it.” she said.

“It was supposed to be a lot more fun for me than it turned out. I didn’t expect you turn the conversation to my childhood nightmares.” he said solemnly.

“Oh, honey, you should know better.”

“I should.” he admitted.

“Call it even?”

“Sure.”

He was a little wary of the answer; she kissed him to seal the deal.

“It was with good intentions.” she comforted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He dismissed.

She giggled and there was a short silence. She couldn’t stop herself from bringing the topic up again, though.

“David Beckham, really?” she asked. “He wasn’t even famous when you were a child; he’s hardly a couple years older than you.”

“The point is that I wanted to become some world-famous football player, Ave. Would you even know any of the players from thirty years ago if I were to mention them?” he mocked.

“Fair enough.” Avery replied with a final chuckle as the cab pulled to a stop in front of Ville’s tower. He paid the fare and they got out to a flurry of camera flashes. Avery was still coming down from her good spirits, so she didn’t even mind the paparazzi this time, even letting a smile slip through.

Of course, the positive mood was all for show. For Ville. She didn’t want to make him suspicious of her thoughts. The truth was that it scared her to know what effect she had had on his life. She had never meant as much to someone as she seemed to mean to Ville. Only three weeks ago had she feared that he didn’t love her. Then, she had wondered if she meant as much to him as he did to her. Now she had the answer.

She meant more.

She was his savior, pulling him from an abyss of darkness. It scared her to know that he was ever in such a broken state of despair; she never wanted to allow herself to be the cause of such misery.

♠ ♠ ♠

1) I didn't want to use the Finnish translations whenever the characters were speaking the language for the simple reason that I don't know it. I could have used Google Translate, I suppose, but I've seen that the tool is pretty terrible for some languages that I DO know, so I didn't want to bother. What's the point in using Finnish if it's not even correct?

2) The next chapter is not a flashback. I'll probably have a quick, short scene in there, just for continuity's sake, but most of it will be what Ville is doing now that Avery died.

3) I didn't intend on this chapter being so long. Then things came up, and I ended up writing in scenes that I absolutely fell in love with (e.g. the office/studio scene), but I didn't want to split this chapter in order to keep it coherent and cohesive (since it all happens the same day). I'm so incredibly proud of this chapter, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.