Heartkiller

Friday, November 22, 2013

Ville woke up on his birthday to the sound of his phone ringing with people trying to wish him. He groaned and rolled over in the bed. Covering his ears with his palms, Ville tried to drown out the noise of the ringing phone. He didn't have the energy to reach for it and turn it off, nor was he in any mood to answer the calls. More than likely, it was a ploy to ask Ville how he was doing over the past few weeks and similar questions that he had no interest in discussing.

Deciding the best way to avoid the unwanted conversations was not to answer the phone at all, Ville begrudgingly stuck his arm out and felt around the bedside table for the cold metal. Once he found it, Ville stuffed his cell into a pillow so that its sounds would be muffled by the feathers--all without lifting his head or opening his eyes. He then tossed in the bed, trying to find a comfortable position to lay in for the day. He had no intentions of moving from the bedroom as he had nothing planned for his birthday. It would have been special only under the condition that Avery was around to celebrate with him; as that obviously wasn’t going to happen, he was content in his place between the sheets yearning for a deep slumber to knock him out for the day.

The couple usually spent birthdays with each other. If Ville was on tour, she would generally fly out to see him, but otherwise, they would spend the day either in NYC or Helsinki. Usually, they would go out to dinner or a movie, but never anything extravagant. Valentine's Day of the year 2008, however, was an exception to the rule. It was the first holiday after their brief breakup earlier in the year, and it was quite extravagant. Avery wanted to do something to show how much she truly cared about the relationship; she took a full week off work to spend with him at her parents' cabin in Aspen, Colorado. A simple dinner would not be enough for the holiday; she was determined to give him a week of time and attention and to enjoy the festivities. Little did she know, Ville had a surprise of his own planned for her.

Tuesday February 12, 2008

"You ready, Ville?" Avery asked.

She was standing by the doorway of the apartment with her suitcase by her foot. In her hand, she held her phone and scrolled through her emails for work. Avery was just catching up on any last minute issues that she needed to handle before she and Ville left for their flight.

“Babe?” she called without looking up from her phone.

"Yeah!" He answered and soon appeared in the hallway with his suitcase in tow.

"Alright, we should get going." She said, quickly stuffing her phone into her pocket and turning to see him. He looked a little apprehensive. "You okay? What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, um...it's nothing." He said and shot her a charming grin, but she wasn't convinced. Without giving her time to continue, he changed the topic. “Avery… Is that your phone I just saw?”

“Um… maybe?” she replied, shying her body away and her mouth twisting into a smile.

“You promised no work things this week! We both did.”

“Technically, we said no work things while on this trip, and by the looks of it…” she glanced around the room to emphasize her point: “...we’re still at home.” she said with a grin.

“I accept this technicality. But once we get to the airport--”

“I will put it away. Promise.” she said, sticking out her right pinky finger for him to grasp.

Ville intertwined his pinky with hers to signify his acceptance of her words. He let out a hearty chuckle and wrapped his arm around her shoulders to bring her into a hug.

“Let’s be on our way, darling.” he said as he ushered her out the door. The two pulled their baggage down the hallway.

“Are you excited?” Avery asked as they got into the elevator car.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“Are you excited for this week? I hope it’s snowing nice and we can go out on the slopes. It sure would be a shame to go all the way out there and not be able to try our hand at some snow sports.”

“Oh, I’ll leave the sports up to you, Ave.”

“What? You won’t join me? I’m sure you can handle it.”

“I’m sure I can, as well; I just don’t think you can. I would need to be ready for whatever injuries may come your way.” Ville teased.

Avery jabbed his side with her elbow, though not hard. “Asshole.”

He chuckled at her feeble attempts to hurt him. “I’m right, you know.”

She rolled her eyes but reluctantly agreed. “...Yeah. Hand-eye coordination is not my strong suit. Still, it’s unnecessary to point that out.”

“I disagree. I think it’s very necessary.” Ville continued as they got off the elevator and walked through the lobby to the streets.

“Hmph. Whatever.” she said and stuck out her tongue at him in defiance.

Ville simply laughed as he hailed a cab for them to take to the airport. It pulled up to the curb, and the driver opened the trunk to allow the couple to put their belongings inside. Ville went to the back of the cab and put his suitcase in, while Avery joined him by his side. She gave him her baggage which he put into the trunk as well.

“I’m only telling you the truth,” Ville assured with a smile as he closed the trunk.

“I know,” Avery reluctantly accepted.

She opened the cab door and got inside while Ville climbed in after her.

“Hi, JFK airport please, Southwest terminal.” Avery instructed. The cabbie nodded to express understanding and pulled into the traffic. “Still, we have to go out into the snow. Maybe just the shallow slopes at first until I get the hang of things.”

“Sure, sure. Is the cabin on the mountain?”

“Sort of. It’s part of a group of other cabins and things, and they’re on the mountain, but the part where you actually ski is a short walk away. It’s really nothing fancy. Not a log cabin, certainly, but it’s not like a room at the Hilton, either.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Yep.”

Ville had his hand over hers, which rested on the leather seat between them. He curled his fingers to interlace them with hers, and she squeezed his hand to reassure him she wasn’t going anywhere. She was glancing out of the window at the buildings and passers-by on the street. Meanwhile, Ville was observing her. It wasn’t something he did often, but on this particular day, all he could do was look at her and think about her. His mind was entranced with thoughts of the proposal and how she would react.

Marriage wasn’t something they had discussed quite yet. Occasionally, they had had conversations of things they wanted to do years into the future, and it was implied that they would be spending the rest of their lives together. They wanted to have memories of grand trips around the world. They wanted to try authentic exotic cuisine. They wanted to travel to the deepest depths and the highest heights the world had to offer. They wanted a family; they wanted a home with kids bustling throughout and perhaps fighting about some toy that the other had stolen; meanwhile, Avery and Ville would give them disapproving glances as they made dinner together at the stove. They had all these plans, hopes and dreams of things they wanted to do together.

Nonetheless, they hadn’t yet had an explicit discussion about either’s plans for marriage, so Ville wasn’t clear on how she felt. Admittedly, it was a bit of a hasty decision to propose without having any idea of what Avery thought about the subject. His actions were coming from a place of love, but it caused him to be rather foolish and somewhat capricious. It was a very real possibility for this to backfire on him; she could end up pushing him away. What would he do then? They’d be stuck on a mountain miles away from home and forced to play nice until their flight back to the city.

“Avery?”

“Hmm.” she replied, without peeling her eyes away from the window.

“I love you.” he said.

Immediately, she turned to face him with a broad smile on her face. Her body coiled against his side and she kissed his lips. “I love you, too.” Caressing his cheek with her hand, she kissed him again. “I’m glad we’re doing this trip.”

“Me too.” he replied.

The cab pulled up to the curb of the terminal, and Ville got out to help take out the baggage while Avery paid the driver. After thanking him, she got out as well and gestured for Ville to hand him her suitcase.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll bring it.” he said.

“Don’t be silly, I can take it.” Avery claimed and continued to reach for her suitcase. They walked into the airport, and she doublechecked her purse for their tickets.

“Which airline are we going to?” Ville asked.

“I think it’s that one on the end. Lemme check…” she quickly scanned the ticket. “Mm… yeah, it looks like it’s that last one on the right side. Southwest.”

They rolled their belongings to the travel desk to check in their baggage.

“Hi, welcome to Southwest Airlines. Tickets and photo ID please.” the service attendant greeted.

“Hi, here you go,” Avery said as she handed her everything she’d asked.

“One moment please.” she said before her fingers flew across the buttons on the keyboard as she confirmed the information.

“Did you pack your thermal, Ville?” Avery asked suddenly; she turned to face him and put a hand to his chest, which faced her.

“Yeah, I packed the blue one that you got me.”

“Will that be enough for you?”

“I’d think so. It shouldn’t be less than minus 5 or something, right?”

“In Celsius? That sounds about right.”

“Yeah, the one thermal should be enough. You think we need another?”

“I packed two for myself because I wasn’t sure… I’m sure they’d be selling some nearby, so we can get another if you need it.”

“Okay. Are you checking in baggage today?” the attendant asked.

“Yes, one suitcase each.” Avery answered.

“Go ahead and put it on the scale,” she instructed and the couple followed her directions. “Okay, then you’re all set. Your terminal is to the the left at the fork at the end of this corridor. Enjoy your flight!”

“Thanks, have a good one.” Ville greeted and the two went to the terminal to go through security.

Much later, they were sitting in the airport lounge, and Avery rested her head on his shoulder. He looked down and kissed her forehead. She could see his leg bouncing up and down, and she put her hand on his knee to steady it.

"Ville... Why are you acting so weird? What are you nervous about?" She asked, bringing her head away to make eye contact with him.

He faked a broad smile. "Nothing."

"Ville." She warned.

"Nothing, really. I'll be fine. I'm just--" he started.

"Flight 436 to Aspen, now boarding." The intercom cut off.

"That's our cue." He said, relieved to have found a way out of the conversation.

They stood and Avery grabbed her purse, the only carry-on luggage she was taking. They went to the counter and handed over their tickets. The flight attendant looked at the information and ripped off the stubs before returning the remainders of the tickets.

"Alright, enjoy your flight.” he said with a polite smile.

“Thank you,” “Thanks” The couple replied and walked past him down the corridor to the plane’s entrance.

Because it was a domestic flight, the plane was rather small. The seats were rather close together, and there wasn’t very much leg room. Both Ville and Avery were annoyed by the seating arrangement, but only she chose to voice her opinion.

“Oh, this is going to be uncomfortable,” she groaned as they walked down the aisle.

“It’s only six hours. It won’t be too bad.” Ville tried to help.

“Mmm… doubt it.” she commented, eyeing the narrow spaces. She muttered, “As if there weren’t already enough reasons to dislike flying.”

“What are our seat numbers, again?”

“16F and 16G.” Avery replied as she continued forward.

“Ah, here they are.” he said, reaching the seats. The two got into the row to allow those behind them to keep moving. “Do you want me to put your bag up there?”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll just keep it under my seat.”

“No checking your phone, though.” he reminded.

“No checking my phone.” she agreed. “As of this moment, we are officially on vacation… no distractions.”

Ville and Avery settled into their seats; she sat by the window so she could look outside. He was more likely going to keep his nose buried in the novel that he had stuffed into her purse. They put on their seat belts and waited for the plane to take off.

“So… are you gonna tell me what’s got you so rattled?” she asked as they waited for the other passengers to board the plane.

“Oh Lord, I thought you’d let that go.” Ville said with a friendly eyeroll.

“Baby, have I ever just let something go?”

“No.” he admitted and sighed. “Ave, it’s nothing. I swear. I'm just, you know, trying to get used to the idea of having a vacation. I don't usually do this, that’s all.”

“I know, that's why I wanted this for us. You need some time to get away and unwind every now and then." she said, placing her hand over his comfortingly.

"That doesn't sound quite like you." Ville replied smugly with a grin.

"It's not like me! Those were my mother's words." She agreed with a laugh. “She told me to get away from the City and relax for a while. ‘Quit being such a damn workaholic!’ were her exact words, I believe.”

“I don’t doubt that Grace would have admonished you so. You do work extremely hard.”

“As do you. You travel around the world, sure, but I don’t think you get much time for yourself.”

“Hmm.” Ville sighed.

“Babe?” He turned to look at her with his eyebrows raised. “Kiss?”

Ville smiled and obliged her request with a small peck.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Captain Gregson, and I look forward to flying us out to beautiful Aspen,” said a cheerful voice over the intercom. “I’d like to welcome you all on this flight. The skies look bright and clear on this February morning, so that’s good news. Please have your baggage properly stowed away and your seatbelts on. We have an amazing flight crew with us today, so if you need anything, be sure to let them know and we’ll do our best to accommodate your needs. We are scheduled to leave on time, so we should start taxiing in about 15 minutes.”

The voice, muddled by white noise, went away and the passengers returned to their conversations.

“This is our first real vacation together.” Ville commented. “If we don’t count our visits to Finland.”

“The first of many, I’d hope.” she replied, looking at him. He smiled to denote his agreement.

The cabin was tucked away in the mountains and hidden amongst a cluster of similar structures. The nearest cottage was a few acres away, allowing privacy for the different buildings while keeping them close enough to human contact in case of an emergency. Large aspen trees were all around; just past a clump was a clearing near which the ski and snowboard trails were. Inside, there was a bedroom, living room equipped with a fireplace, and a kitchen; still, the home was noticeably smaller than Avery’s apartment.

Ville was sitting in the bedroom quickly preparing the area for his surprise, though he didn’t have much time. He had convinced Avery to stop by the pharmacy to pick up some cold medication. Ville needed to get her out of the house while he readied the area, so he faked some symptoms so that he could prepare the room while she ran the errand. The town wasn’t far and the weather was rather calm, which kept the roads clear; he wasn’t sure when she would be returning, maybe half an hour, at best.

Ville had already told her parents of his plans. Wishing to be a part of the surprise in some way, they had gotten him what he had asked for: 30 white candles of various sizes and two dozen red roses. The white and red colors contrasted well and he knew it would create the perfect setting. The items had been kept ready for him in a cabinet out of Avery's sight so she wouldn't accidentally stumble upon them.

As soon as she was out the door, Ville took the candles out and interspersed them throughout the bedroom. Carefully lighting each one, Ville illuminated the room with the romantic dim setting and spread some rose petals throughout the room, concentrating on the bed. He finished and took a good look around to doublecheck everything. It was simple. It was personal. It was very ‘Avery’-esque.

It seemed perfect.

Ville sat on the edge of the mattress with his guitar leaning against the frame of the bed. His legs bounced up and down with nerves as he waited for Avery to return, and he drummed his hands on his thighs to a simple beat to keep himself preoccupied. Every once in a while, he would reach into his pocket to ensure that the small velvet jewelry box was still there. He ran his thumb over the material before clutching the box tightly. He didn’t want to lose it. He heard the front door open, and his heart raced in his chest; it fiercely beat against his ribcage, and Ville thought it would create a gaping hole in his torso due to the force.

“Honey?” she called out to him.

He opened his mouth to answer but no sound escaped. Ville cleared his throat and tried again. “In here!”

Avery’s footsteps clicked against the wood floors. With every step she took towards the bedroom, Ville’s heart only beat harder and harder. Now he really did feel sick. Sick with nerves. It seemed like everything was in slow-motion, and he was dreading the moment Avery would finally walk through the doorway because that meant it was showtime. He needed to impress her, and the spotlight would be shining brightly on him. He could hear her; she was mere feet away.

“I didn’t know what you wanted, exactly,” she said as she rustled through the shopping bag. “I got a night-time drowsy one, and a--”

Avery was stopped at the entrance to the bedroom, and she looked astounded. A whoosh sound escaped her lips as all the wind was knocked out of her due to surprise. Her eyes flit about the room and absorbed the sight of the luminous candles. Immediately, tears were forming in her eyes, and her hand flew to her mouth gracefully to muffle her gasp.

“Wha…” she breathed, unable to form full words. “What is all this?”

Ville smiled and held back his own tears of joy. He needed to get through this, and he needed to do it right. It was the least he could do because he knew she deserved the world and more. Her body swayed to the bed, and she was stuck in a trance unable to believe the sight around her. Everything about the scene seemed transient; she could blink and it would all be gone, as though it were a dream. She sat down while Ville moved to the chair he had placed across from her. They sat at eye level across from each other. The scene looked straight out of a movie.

"Ville, what is all this?"

Wordlessly, he took the guitar in his hands and started to play the opening chords of the song. The music was soft, serving as the backdrop to the message he wished to convey. His mouth opened and a breathy sigh was released before he could start singing.

“Lately I been, I been losing sleep/ Dreaming 'bout the things that we could be,” he sang. “But baby I been, I been prayin' hard/ Said no more counting dollars/ We'll be counting stars/ Yeah, we'll be counting stars…”

He kept his eyes low and focused on the guitar strings; he was too nervous to look up at Avery’s face, which was beaming with small tears flowing down the cheeks. She let him continue without saying a word, not even breathing a sigh. She didn’t want to do anything to interrupt the moment.

“I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told
I, feel something so wrong
But doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming 'bout the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars,” Ville sang, holding out the last note.

After finishing out the final notes of the guitar, he rested his hands on the instrument, pausing to gather his words. She looked at him with expectant eyes. Her chest heaved as she gasped for air, realizing what Ville was doing--what he was about to do. It scared her.

“Ave…” he croaked. “Avery Louise, you are the light of my life. You have changed me in ways you’ll never understand and I can’t imagine a day without you. You are my sacrament: you are my God, you are my love, you are my everything. I've spent my whole life searching for someone to-to trust with my heart and keep it safe; and I think," he wavered. "I know that I've found that and more in you. When I’m with you, I feel… excited but terrified at the same time. You are my strength; you are the best part of me, and I don't want to ever let you go. And I hope that you would do me the honor of spending the rest of our lives together, as One.”

He pulled out the ring from his pocket and opened in front of her; she gasped at the sight and blinked away tears.

“Avery Louise Wentworth, will you marry me?” Ville asked.

Looking into his eager eyes, she knew that she couldn't let him go. He had let her inside his heart; he trusted her with everything and she him. Despite her reluctance into a marriage so soon, she didn’t want to sacrifice all that. The proposal didn’t fit into her timeline the way she had planned, but it didn’t matter. In that moment, all that mattered was Ville. She wanted this. She wanted him.

She whispered. “Yes.” Immediately, her hands gripped Ville's face and pulled it close. She feverishly kissed him, and stopped to whisper, “Yes, yes, I’ll marry you, Ville. God, yes.”

Birthdays had always been special, but even more so because Avery was there with him. Now, she was gone. How could he bring himself to celebrate his growing older when she wasn’t here? When she wouldn’t be able to do the same? He would grow older and older, one day becoming an octogenarian with wrinkles and white hair, but Avery would be preserved in time at the ripe age of thirty five years old. She would remain but a glimmer of the past by the time Ville left this world. If he were to celebrate his birthday, he would only be accepting the growing distance between himself and the Avery he knows. He couldn’t let himself do that; he wanted to stand still in time and be forever preserved in this moment. He would never age, and neither would she. They’d remain One.

That’s what he wanted.

Just as Ville was nodding off to sleep, the cellphone rang again and he groaned.

“Little fuckers,” he muttered.

Knowing he wasn’t likely to get much shut-eye today, he begrudgingly crawled out of bed, leaving the ringing phone behind. He went to the living room and his eyes squinted from the sunlight that poured into the windows. He slouched his way to the windows so that he could draw the curtains shut. Next, he went to the landline that sat on the kitchen counter and disconnected the telephone jack, interrupting the phone mid-ring.

“Peace, at last.” Ville said, only to hear his cellphone ringing in the bedroom.

He rolled his eyes and went to go turn it off. When he reached the bedroom, he pulled the phone out of the pillowcase and saw that there were six voicemails. Knowing he’d have to listen to them sooner or later, he put it on speaker and went through the messages.

“Hey Ville, it’s Lee. Just calling to wish you a happy birthday, man. Hope you’re well. Call me when you’re in town, and we can go grab a drink. See you around.”

He hit the number seven on the dialpad, and a voice notified him that he’d deleted the message.

“Hey, it’s Kat. Whattup? Happy Birthday!--”

“Message deleted. Next message. Beep.” the voice barked.

Ville hit the number seven repeatedly to skip through all the new messages. It was all more or less the same, and he wasn’t going to answer any of them. The voice notified him each time that he had deleted something before finally saying something different.

“Previous messages.” it said, and Ville scrunched his eyebrows. He didn’t have any recollection of archiving any important messages.

“Hi, honey, it’s me.” Avery’s voice said.

Immediately, Ville sank in his seat on the bed and was in utter peace. His body relaxed at the sound of her voice, so gentle and sweet. It was the first time he’d heard her speak in almost a month, and to hear that amazing sound again was remarkable. He didn’t even realize the smile he had on his face. A genuine smile.

“I just wanted to let you know that I got off the plane in Helsinki and that I’m coming to see you. Listen, I know that you’re working and that I may not have a chance to see you, but I wanted to try anyway. Besides, I have some really good news to share with you. I hope you’re excited! I’ll see you soon. Happy Birthday, Ville! Love you.”

Ah, yes. He remembered that day clearly. It was exactly a year ago, and the news that she’d deliver had been incredibly special, indeed. It came with its own losses, though; another hurdle for the couple to surpass. He wasn’t sure if they’d even been past the ordeal at the time of Avery’s passing. At the painful memory, Ville was brought back down to reality and the smile was wiped off as quickly as it had appeared; Avery had been reduced to a memory.