Heartkiller

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Dr. Ashbury walked down the sidewalk with her heels clicking with every step. She drew the coat tighter around herself to ward against the gentle breeze. Jenna had been looking forward to this day for the past week. After the tantrum Ville had pulled last Tuesday, she had called Dr. Moore, Ville's family physician in New York, and set up an appointment. She didn't know what to expect from this meeting, but it was the only place to which she could turn for some guidance. In their session last week, Ville had hinted that there was something wrong with Avery's health, but he wouldn't tell her exactly what it was. In addition, he had said in one of their first sessions that Avery had made a decision for his benefit even though she wasn't ready. Although she didn't know if these things were related, Dr. Ashbury hoped that she could discern the details in her meeting with the physician and that she could use this information to help Ville. After his dismissive attitude in yesterday's session, she could only guarantee that he would come for two more meetings, and only because of the deal he'd made with Seppo, before he flew out to Finland for his concerts. After that, she didn't know if he would return to New York or to therapy.

When she came to the correct building, she went into the lobby and stopped in front of the elevator with a throng of others. Everybody pressed a floor number on their way inside and the doors closed. The manila folder with a copy of her credentials crinkled slightly in her left hand as she squeezed into the car with other passengers. It was a tight fit and everyone held their breath until they got off on their floor. Once the elevator reached the 23rd floor, she got out.

The hallway was quiet, and she looked from side to side, unsure of which way to go. Referencing the slip of paper with the address, Jenna noted that it was office number 2342. Seeing that the offices to her left were lower than 2335, she followed the hallway on her right, looking at the signs to note the office number. Once she rounded the corner, she saw the sign “Sampson Medical Group” engraved in the frosted door, and she pulled open the door to walk inside. There were a few patients sitting in the chairs of the spacious waiting room. The blue carpeted floor was kept spotless, and there was sparse decoration to adorn the room. With confident strides, Jenna went to the nurse's desk to check-in.

"Hello," she greeted with her forearms resting on the tall wooden counter. "I'm here to see Dr. Moore."

The nurse looked up, and her face was clearly overrun with signs of fatigue from the long day. Her blonde-brunette hair was long overdue for highlights, and her pink scrubs were wrinkled from her activities. She sighed and tried her best to put a smile on her face before replying, "Alright, can I see your photo ID and copy of your health insurance?"

"Oh, I'm here for an office appointment, not a checkup."

"Hmm." she said unsurely. "What's the name?"

"Jenna. Jenna Ashbury." She replied as she handed the nurse her identification card.

The nurse took it and checked her photo to ensure it was the right person. With a few keystrokes, she looked at the appointment book on the computer to confirm what she had said and checked her in for the meeting. “Alright, you’re set. The doctor is with a patient right now, but he’ll see you when he’s finished. Have a seat.”

"Thanks."

She walked back to one of the soft blue chairs and took a seat. Her purse rested beside her and the manila folder lay in her lap. She glanced at the clock. It was 2:50 so she had at least a ten minute wait. There were magazines on the table in the center of the space; a few about the latest in celebrity gossip, some Highlights volumes for kids, and a couple magazines on health to add to the variety. Reaching over, she picked up one from the last category to peruse and to occupy her time.

There were some articles on healthy heart habits that she read to keep her mind busy. When she checked the time a few minutes later, she saw that it was about 3:05, and she still hadn't been called. Jenna pursed her lips and turned the page of the magazine. It was a doctor, after all, and she didn't expect him to be prompt.

She sighed. She was going through a lot of trouble for Ville, and, though she cared for all her patients, she had never been one to go the extra mile, not like this. There was something different about Ville, however. She had had troublesome patients in the past, but most would succumb to the idea of therapy after a few sessions. In this case, Ville had been seeing her for several sessions now and still hadn’t changed his stance. Dr. Ashbury wanted to help him, and she knew that she didn’t have many opportunities left to change how he felt about therapy or to help him grieve. This was a hail mary pass, and she was crossing her fingers that she’d get lucky.

“Jenna Ashbury,” a nurse, standing at the door leading to the offices, called out.

She looked at the time: it was almost 3:20. She set the magazine back on the table, gathered her belongings, and went up to the nurse.

“Follow me.” the nurse said with a smile.

The two walked down a long, narrow hallway past three or four rooms for patients. They rounded the corner and past two more doors, which led to other doctors’ offices, until they finally reached Dr. Moore’s office. The door was slightly ajar, and the nurse knocked twice before going inside.

"Dr. Jenna Ashbury, here for a meeting." the nurse introduced and closed the door behind her as she left, leaving Jenna to stand awkwardly at the entrance.

The doctor, a rather old fellow with white hair and a full beard, was in the middle of filling out some paperwork. He looked up at her over the top of his glasses and gestured to the chairs in front of his desk, "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you." She smiled and sat down in front of his desk. "I brought a copy of my credentials just like you'd asked."

She handed him the folder. He looked through at the copies of her degrees and her license to practice. They seemed valid. He looked up at her. "What's this about again?"

"Your patient.... Ville Valo. He, um, is grieving the death of his wife who died in a car accident and, as his therapist, I can't seem to find a way to connect with him. He doesn't seem receptive to the idea of therapy..."

"But what do you want me to do?" He asked as he handed the folder back to her.

"I was hoping you could tell me about their situation a little more. He alluded that there was some medical condition or something that the couple had been dealing with in the months before her death, but he's never said much more than that."

"Well, if he hasn't told you anything, I don't think he would really consent to me telling you what was going on." he said easily.

"I'm not asking as his concerned friend, I'm asking as his psychiatrist. I'm asking for some professional courtesy from you so that I can do my job as best as possible." Her tone hardened at his obstinacy. “I need to know the complete situation before I can help him.”

Dr. Moore bit his lip. "Fine."

He turned to the computer and pulled up a database of his patients. It was a quick way to look at the details without having to search for physical files, which could easily be misplaced. With his glasses at this tip of his nose, he typed his username and password to enter the system. Then he searched for Ville's file, taking care to type each letter.

"Let's see, Ville has asthma... a history of drinking. His bloodwork looks about average. He really ought to stop smoking those cigarettes though."

Her eyebrows perked up hopefully when she asked, "Anything else?"

"No, not about him…”

“What about Avery, his wife? Is there anything about her?” Dr. Moore glared at her, annoyed by her request. He had a full docket of patients to examine today, and he felt like she was wasting her time. She insisted, “Please.”

He sighed as he typed ‘Avery Valo’ into the system, pulling up her records. Muttering under his breath, he read the information, “She was of average health… well, better than average, I suppose. Took really good care of herself. She had a miscarriage at the beginning of this year.”

Dr. Ashbury’s eyes widened. “Wha-what? A miscarriage? Ville’s never insinuated anything so drastic…”

“If you don’t believe me, see for yourself.” He turned the monitor towards her, and her eyes skimmed the screen until she found the notable words.

“I don’t believe it.” she exclaimed incredulously. “It says she was only about eight weeks pregnant.”

“Yes, about 25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage within the first trimester.”

Jenna started to sit back in her seat when something on the screen caught her eye. When she saw the words, her jaw dropped. “Oh… my God. Does that--does that mean that--”

“Yes.” Dr. Moore replied definitively.

She sat back in her seat, clearly shocked by what she had seen. This changed everything.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Avery walked past the groups of people huddled together, following Seppo as he led her across the festival grounds to a large white tent. He lifted the flap of the entrance to allow her to walk into the entryway and went inside after she did. She could see most of the band sitting on a few lawn chairs. Though Gas and Burton were in the middle of a heated chess game, Linde, who was merely a spectator, looked up and smiled when he saw Avery.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Just missing you boys. Besides, it's been a while since I've been out here in Germany and for a music festival, no less. How are ya?" She asked, wrapping her arm around his shoulders for a side-hug.

"Ah, not too bad. Kinda tired from back-to-back shows every night, but it's been good. What about you?"

"Same old thing.” Avery said with a shrug. “Where's Mige?"

"He went to go see some band play."

"And you lot aren't interested in 'em?"

Burton shrugged. "We can hear the music just fine from here... We're not too crazy about it."

Seppo got a phone call, so he excused himself out of the tent to answer it. Avery continued, "Mm. And I assume Ville is out doing interviews?"

"Yup." Gas replied. "Check."

Burton widened his eyes. "What?! I only looked away for a second!"

"You gotta focus!" he teased.

“Here, sit down.” Linde offered as he got up from the chair.

“No, no, it’s okay. Sit, sit.” she insisted. “ I just wanted to see where you were hanging out. I’m gonna go get something to eat. I’m starving after the flight.”

“Okay.”

“You guys want anything? How about a round of beers?” Avery asked politely.

“Yeah, sure.” Linde replied.

“Sounds good.” Gas answered while Burton bit his lip while keeping his eyes focused on the game, having recovered from a close-call.

“Alright, then. I’ll be right back.”

“Here, I’ll come to give you a hand.” Linde said, ever the gentleman.

The two left the tent, which was towards the back of the festival grounds and alongside tents of other bands. A row of food vendors were lined up against the left side of the grounds. On the right were the tents of press, who were busy conducting interviews with the frontmen of the various bands that were performing later in the day. Linde walked beside her as they headed towards food vendors.

“How are things, Linde? Did you and Toni finally decide to get married?”

He smiled at the mention of his love. “No, no we haven’t. We’re not--well, I’m not really into the whole marriage thing.”

“What about Toni? What does she think?”

“She… I don’t know. She isn’t in love with the idea of marriage either. She’s seen her father bounce from one marriage to the next, so… I guess, it’s kind of lost meaning for her, too.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I love her and she loves me. I don’t really need a piece of paper to change that, and we’re not gonna have some big ceremony. I just don’t get it, personally.”

“Fair enough.” Avery said with a grin.

“I hope that I don’t offend you by saying that. You know that I thought your wedding ceremony was really gorgeous, but--”

“Don’t worry about it, Linde. Why would I be offended by that? We’re all different… we’re all into our own things, you know?”

“Yeah… What about you? How are the States?”

She sighed as they stopped in front of an appealing vendor selling nachos. They stood in line before she answered, “The States are good. This year has been difficult, but--”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” he murmured.

“Yeah, thanks… I’m happy that I’m on the other side of things, though… Hopefully, things will start to look up.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” Linde offered with a small smile.

“Words to live by.” Avery grinned, thankful that he didn't realize how close to the truth he was.

The line moved forward quickly, and they were soon at the front. The attendant asked, “Hi, what can I get ya?”

“Hi, can I get an order of nachos, a Coke and…” she stopped to count how many people there were. “Four beers, and a non-alcoholic beer, if you have it.”

“Yeah, we got that.” he said as he started ringing her up. “Anything else?”

“Nah, that’s it.” she said and handed her credit card to the attendant, pushing away Linde’s hand that offered his card instead. “No, no, Mikko, this is on me.”

By the time he finished the payment process, a few of his coworkers were able to get her order ready, placing the beer cans on top of each other into two stacks. While Linde got the beers, she took the food, remaining drinks, and some napkins.

"You don't want a beer?" Linde asked as they started to walk back.

"No, no. I'm good. I don't like to drink around Ville, and plus, a non-alcoholic beer defeats the purpose of drinking beer at all. I don't know how he enjoys this fuckin’ shit."

"Yeah," he agreed with a laugh.

They got to the tent, and he allowed her to walk inside first. She saw that Gas and Burton were still playing their game of chess and Ville, having returned from his interviews, was watching from the third chair. He looked up when the two walked in.

“Hey there, darling.” Ville said and stood to give her a kiss. “How was the flight?”

“Not too bad. How are you?” she said as she handed him a drink.

“Good, good. We’re playing in like half an hour, so I have my usual pre-show jitters. Here, sit.”

“No, no, I’m gonna sit on the grass. It’s more comfortable that way, especially with the food.”

Avery sat down in front of the chessboard and crossed her left leg towards her body, letting her right leg remain sprawled out. She placed the food on the grass in front of her and opened the takeout box. Ville sat down beside her and grabbed a tortilla chip.

“Anybody want some?” she asked. There was a resounding no from the boys, leaving Ville and Avery to share the food amongst themselves. Linde took the empty chair and continued to watch them play while occasionally sneaking a peek at his phone, probably texting Toni.

"When did you get in?” Ville asked.

“My flight landed about an hour and a half ago. I went to the hotel to drop off my stuff and freshen up, though.”

“You couldn’t get an earlier flight out of the City?”

“No, I, uh… I had to meet with a new client last night," she said tentatively, knowing Ville would be upset that she was working late.

“On a Friday?”

“I know… I know.” she said regretfully. “He was having a busy week… it was stressful and messy, and I wanted to make things as easy for him as I could. He said that Friday wasn’t too hectic, so… we met last night and I left this morning from New York.”

“I understand that you were trying to help him, but you have to take care of yourself, too.” Ville reasoned, smoothing her hair down. “If you'd left earlier, you may have had a chance to take a nap before coming to the show. Aren't you jetlagged?”

“A little, " she admitted and changed the subject to shift the focus. "Have you had like back to back interviews all day?"

"Pretty much. It's all the same questions though, so it becomes somewhat mechanical."

“What kinds of things have they been asking you?”

“Ah, well… You know, stuff like: am I excited to be here; do I prefer clubs or festivals; the inspiration for the music; the influences for the band in general… Stuff like that. It’s mostly about the music, but occasionally people will ask me about you.”

Avery raised her brows in surprise. “Really, Ville?”

“Yeah.” he replied with a smile as he took another piece of food. “It’s hard to answer because of course I wanna talk all about you, but… then people will just fixate on that and they’ll forget all about the music.”

She giggled and teased. “I get it, I get it. You’re embarrassed by me, aren’t you?”

“No! No… nothing like that, Ave.”

“Yes, you are. You’re blushing like mad.” Avery said as she snuggled into his neck, a laugh erupting from her lips.

“Only ‘cause of the attention from you.” he conceded and looked down at her.

“Fair enough.” she replied, kissing him. She looked towards the entrance of the tent to see Mige coming inside and asked, "What's up, Mige? How was the show?"

"Oh, it was..." He said slowly, still recovering from the energy. "Good. It was really good. I haven’t seen them play live in a while, so I was excited."

“I don’t know, they sounded like a fucking garageband of prepubescent boys to me.” Burton jibbed jovially.

“Oh, shut up. At least, I don’t listen to your electronica garbage.” Mige poked back.

“I bet those fangirls that think so highly of you would love to hear you going at it like little teenage boys.” Avery smirked, joining in on the fun.

“Yeah? Let ‘em. I have nothing to hide.” the bassist continued, unfazed by her threats.

“Yeah, well, just you wait. Those fanboys and fangirls are abound out there.” Ville reminded. “Get ready because we’re on in twenty minutes.”

“Oh. We should probably start heading over then, right?” Linde asked.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Mige added.

The couple got off the grass, and she brushed the grass off her black romper. Avery tried to look behind her to make sure she got it all, but she couldn’t turn that far back.

“Am I good, babe?” she asked.

Ville looked at her and brushed it off some more, taking care to give her butt a quick squeeze. He winked playfully, “Yeah, you are.”

Seppo popped his head into the tent and warned in Finnish, “Alright, we should get going to the stage.”

“Yeah, we’re coming, we’re coming.” Gas said.

“Aha. Checkmate!” Burton exclaimed happily.

“Fuck. Alright, let’s go, let’s go.” Gas said grumpily and stood, downing the last of his beer.

The group left the tent one by one. Avery carried the trash from her quick snack and threw it in the bin that was nearby. When she returned to the band, she grabbed Ville’s hand and walked alongside him. She brought their hands up so that she could peck his knuckles several times. It had been a while since they’d seen each other again; once Ville left the city to go record Drawn & Quartered, he was busy with the promotion for the album release. Though she was able to fly out to Finland once to listen to the completed record, she had yet to see them live on this tour, meaning it had been close to four months since they’d been with each other last. Wanting to take full advantage now that they were together, the couple showered each other in kisses and hugs, practically attached at the hip.

The rest of the boys were a few paces ahead of them. Although it seemed like it was to give them privacy, it was more than likely that they just didn’t want to witness all the PDA. Ville had his right arm around her shoulders, and she held her right hand up so that he could clutch it tightly. She looked down at herself, comparing her attire to Ville’s. While she was wearing a black romper and sandals, her husband was dressed head to toe in black: his Deathcard tee, cardigan, pants, high tops, and beanie.

“Aren’t you burning up in that, hon?” Avery asked.

“No, why?” he replied, looking down to meet her eyes.

“Because it’s like seventy degrees out, and you’re dressed in all black. I know it’s late in the evening, but… still. It must be hot under all that.”

Ville shrugged. “I don’t mind it.”

“We’ll see about that. Once you hit the stage, you’ll be peeling your clothes off, layer by layer.”

“Oh, you’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you, Ave?”

“Mm, well, I certainly wouldn’t complain.” she said demurely and giggled, leaving Ville to respond by kissing her cheek repeatedly.

The group approached the staircase that led to the back of the stage, and they went up slowly, cautioned by the squeaks of the flimsy frame. Once they got up to the stage, they saw the confusion and chaos that occurred behind-the-scenes as roadies and festival staff scrambled to keep the show running on time. The Arch, a post-punk band from Belgium that was performing before HIM, was playing their last song, and it would be a few more minutes while the roadies prepared the stage. Ville had his arm around his wife’s waist, holding her close to him to ease his anxiety about performing.

She squeezed his hand that was on her hip and reassured, “You’ll be great, Ville. Don’t worry.”

“You could tell him a thousand times and he still won’t believe you.” Mige chimed in.

“Oh, I’m not that bad.” Ville defended.

“Not anymore.” he murmured softly.

The Arch finished up their performance and said their goodbyes to the fans, walking off-stage while throwing guitar picks and drumsticks out to the crowd. The roadies swapped out the instruments onstage and quickly set everything up per the standards of HIM. They were very adept and were able to get it ready within a few minutes, already used to the routine. Two roadies came up and set up earpieces for the bandmates. Everybody had to be hooked up in a specific way so that they could hear the music without the distortion of the crowd’s uproar.

When they finished, it was finally time for HIM to perform. Avery looked outside and saw that the sun had fallen behind the mountains, leaving the festival grounds dark and perfectly setting the scene for the ‘doom-y, gloomy, music,’ as Ville liked to put it. A pre-recorded version of Unleash the Red played as the rest of the boys crept onstage. Though it was fairly dark, the fans went wild as soon as they saw the shadows move across the stage while the members got to their positions. Linde and Mige strapped on their instruments while Burton and Gas took a seat in front of theirs.

There were a few bars left of the intro before it was time for Ville to take the stage, giving Avery just enough time to remark, “Good luck out there, mmkay?”

“Thank you, darling,” he replied.

He pulled away and stood with his arms by his side. When Unleash the Red slowly started to fade, he walked out and heard the roar of the crowd greet him. He walked to the drum set and picked up his acoustic guitar, strapping it over his shoulder. At last, the stage lights turned on in shades of blue, illuminating their faces.

“Greetings, M’era Luna Festival.” he said, rolling the Rs, and chuckled.

He stooped in front of the nearest speaker and held his guitar out to create some feedback, letting the sound linger in the air. Then, Gas started the drums and the rest of the band joined in with the beginning of All Lips Go Blue A broad smile spread across Avery’s face when she heard the grit of the music. It had been a while since she’d seen them on tour and revelled in the way Ville played with the mic and made faces at the crowd. Though she’d seen them perform many times in the past, Avery enjoyed every show, each with a different energy and a new setlist. This one was no different.

“That was a great show, babe.” she said as they walked into the hotel room, Ville a few paces ahead of her. “Everybody was great, but you… you were the best. I don’t think you’ve ever sounded better before in your life.”

Ville laughed as he replied, “I think you’re biased.”

“Maybe a little,” she conceded with a pout. Once she closed the door behind her, she slipped the sandals off her feet. When she turned around, Avery could see his eyelids falling and asked, “Tired?”

“Yeah.” he said, shrugging the cardigan off his shoulders. Ville fell back on the bed with a groan. His arms were spread out, and he closed his eyes, ready to go to sleep.

Avery, however, had other ideas. She stood at the foot of the bed and cocked her brow, “Too tired for…”

He lifted his head to see her slowly unbutton her black romper, unveiling the lacy lingerie underneath. Immediately, he perked up at full attention.

“Oh, never.” he said and pulled Avery closer to him. She bent down to kiss him, and he muttered, “I’m all sweaty, though. Lemme go shower first.”

“That seems counterintuitive, Valo.” she said as she pushed his shoulder back towards the bed and straddled him.

“If you’re sure.”

Avery stopped kissing his lips and moved to whisper seductively in his ear, “Oh, I’m sure.”

She could feel him tremble from her voice. She wiggled out of her clothes so that she was bare in her bra and panties. Avery grinned before latching onto the soft spot of his neck, setting to work to leave her mark. Ville held onto her waist, bringing it closer to his. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her.

The last time they had had sex was when Avery wanted to try for a child again the day before he had left New York to finish up the album. Things had been better since then, emotionally speaking, and as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. When he saw her earlier today in the black number, showing off her lean olive legs, Ville would have taken her right then if he had had half a chance. There was a lot of sexual tension brewing between them lately, and they finally had the opportunity to exhaust themselves. As if he didn't love her enough already, tonight it was amplified.

There was an unspoken intimacy between them that had his heart racing. He could instantly feel himself arouse from beneath her. Reaching around, he squeezed her bottom tightly and heard her take in a sharp breath against his neck. Avery lifted her head to look him in the eyes with a grin and planted a passionate kiss upon his lips that Ville hungrily returned.

She sat up, allowing Ville to lift himself enough to take off his slightly dampened shirt. With a smirk, he flipped her over to regain control, giving her sweet kisses across her jaw line to her neck. She began working on his belt buckle before feeling him shoo her hands away to do it himself. After shimmying out of his jeans and boxers, he kicked them away.

He continued his trail of kisses down her neck and past her collarbone, inhaling the unmistakable aroma of the jasmine emanating from her skin. Ville’s hands reached around her to unhook her bra, and she slipped the straps off her shoulders and threw the garment over his shoulder. He pressed on and, despite the fact that he wanted to ravish her right then and there, kissed down in between her breasts and toward her belly button. He wanted to tease her just a while longer before ingratiating their desires. Once he’d reached his destination, he raised his gaze from between her legs to meet Avery’s eyes, which were wide with anticipation as she looked back at him. A playful smirk danced on his lips as he pulled the sheer lace panties from her body with his teeth, flicking them onto the floor to join his trousers.

Without further warning he began to pleasure her with his mouth, causing Avery to gasp loudly and grip the sheets tightly between her fingers. Her eyes shut tight as she felt euphoria sweep over her body. It had been four months since they’d last been together like this. Four. Long. Agonizing. Months. She had missed this immensely.

A hand left the rumpled sheets and found its way into Ville’s dark, curly locks, urging him on. His beanie fell off his head as she tangled her fingers in his mane. Ville smiled against her as he kept up his patterns, driving her to the point of breathlessness. He didn’t want to completely exhaust her arousal on foreplay, so he let her catch her breath and made his way back up to eye level with her.

“You’re amazing.” She whispered between gasps.

Ville smiled pridefully at the compliment and gave her a final kiss. Looking into her eyes and without words, he understood he was permitted to continue. Avery braced her fingertips upon his shoulders, maintaining her stare into his lively green eyes as he entered her. He broke the gaze and closed his eyes, overwhelmed with ecstasy and adoration for his wife. Knowing he was already exhausted from the show, Avery assisted in moving her hips along with his. She began to lead him into a faster pace as she bit her lip, digging her nails into his shoulders in orgasmic agony. A low moan broke in Ville’s throat as she fueled his fire.

His second wind hit, and he hastened his movements, causing the mattress to shake violently. Her eyes shut as she gasped and called out his name, her body tightening around him. Ville grinned at the way she screamed and watched her expression as she succumbed to her orgasm, crying out for him. He latched his lips to hers, continuing his pace until it became too much. His body shook with a tremor as he released himself into her, a groan escaping through grit teeth. Ville’s arms gave in and he laid himself down on her. His chest heaved as his body relaxed.

Avery kissed his dampened temple as she herself caught her breath. “I love you.” She spoke softly breaking their silence.

“I love you too. So much.” Ville breathed and rolled off of her. He felt his eyes closing involuntarily, his fatigued body unable to stay awake.

"Go to sleep, sweetheart. I can see you fighting it."

"No," he denied, gasping once more. It took him a while longer to catch his breath than it did her due to his asthma. "I wanna talk to you. I missed you, Ave."

"I'll still be here in the morning." She giggled. "We can talk tomorrow."

"No, I have interviews and shit.” he said and swallowed. His breathing was even now, and he crawled closer to her. “I just want a minute with my wife."

"As you wish, babe." Avery replied, tucking a curl behind his ear. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"Well... How do you feel?"

"Like the luckiest girl on the planet." she said with a wide grin.

He smiled. "Atta girl."

“Why? How do you feel, Ville?” she countered.

“Good. Happy.” he replied. She saw his beanie laying in the small space between them and picked it up, placing it on her own head. He reached over and adjusted the placement before remarking lightly, “Looks better on you than me, Avie.”

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Jenna Ashbury sat frozen at her desk. She had her session with Ville today, and he was due any minute. She was perplexed at the thought of having to bring up what she had learned. From the moment she had walked out of Dr. Moore’s office last week, she was scrambling to figure out a way as to bring up the miscarriage to Ville. She could understand that it affected his conscience in a way beyond his comfort, and that that was the reason why he had gotten so frustrated with her a couple of weeks ago; she was too close to the truth, and he couldn’t keep the secret any longer. It was very likely that the miscarriage is what Ville meant when he insinuated that Avery had had some medical trouble a year ago; this had to be it. And then there was the other thing.

She wanted to talk about it all openly. She wanted to have a discussion about the struggles and conflicts Ville and Avery had encountered in the past year and what they had done to resolve it. She wanted to understand his mindset moving forward from that unfortunate event. Maybe it could help Ville to talk about it. Even if it didn’t recover his memories, she hoped that it could help him grieve and move forward from the accident, which was her main goal.

However, she didn’t know how to bring up the topic. An innocent question may seem manipulative to Ville, who already didn’t trust her. If she came forward and told him that she’d gone to see Dr. Moore, he may not see it as the helpful maneuver that it was and rather as a conniving tactic; she’d lose any trust she had from him. She looked at the clock: he would be here within just a few minutes, and she still didn’t know what to say. She sat and stared at the chair across from her, picturing Ville to be sitting down in the hopes that it would inspire a positive approach.

Meanwhile, Ville was walking down the New York street heading for the office. The spirit of Christmas was all around him as the city prepared for the holidays and the horde of tourists who would be flying in from all over the world to see the ball drop on New Year’s. Times Square would be more crowded than it ever is during the rest of the year. Already, there were ribbons and tinsel hanging from the streetlights as the city slowly readied. In contrast, Ville was a dark cloud amidst the colorful displays in the shopfronts.

‘Two more meetings. Two. More. Meetings.’

That’s all that Ville repeated to himself as he dragged his feet to the therapist session. After this week, he would have one more session next week before he flew out to Helldone. He only needed to hold out until then. With his hands tucked into his coat and a cigarette hanging from his lips, he approached the door to the office. He dropped the smoke and stamped it out before walking inside.

“Hi, David.” he said, greeting the receptionist.

“Hi, Ville.” he replied, looking up from his work. “She’s ready in there for you.”

“Thanks.”

When he rounded the corner, he noticed that Dr. Ashbury was ready and waiting for him. Usually, she’d be engaged in some paperwork or still with another patient, but today, her door was wide open and she sat waiting patiently. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Something was wrong. He cautiously approached her door, and his unsteady hand reached out to knock on the door so as not to interrupt her. She looked away from the point at which her eyes were fixated and saw Ville.

“Ville! Hi, um, hello.” she spoke uneasily. “Come in. Have a seat.”

He did as she requested, making sure to close the door behind him. He took his regular seat in the plush chair opposite the therapist. Ville was still cautious of her behavior and her words, not knowing what was on her mind. He didn’t know what could be bothering her, whether it was something about the session itself or not. It was clear, though, that she wasn’t herself.

“Hello.” he greeted.

“Hello, how are you?”

“Um, better. This week was good, I suppose.”

Her face brightened at the words. “Really? How so?”

“Well, I, um, I wasn’t as depressed as I was last week. Things are still bad, obviously, but not nearly as they were last week. I didn’t do anything stupid. No sleeping with assistants or throwing tantrums.” Ville joked lightly.

“That’s good to hear. Every little step counts…” She paused before tentatively asking, “Are you…. Are you still drinking?”

“Yeah.” The corners of his mouth twitched. “You told my manager about that, didn’t you?”

“I--I’m sorry.”

His left brow raised ever so slightly as he took notice: she’d never before said those words to him. Whenever she asked him questions he clearly didn’t want to answer, she seemed aggressive in her approach. In fact, the last time he confronted her about cavorting with Seppo, she had tried to justify her actions. Ville had always been on the defense, warding against what he perceived to be combative demeanor. He noted her response but didn’t say anything about it.

“S’okay. I received a lecture, but… what’s new these days? Wherever I turn, someone tells me what I should or shouldn’t be doing as I cope with all this. I’d be a fool if I were still surprised that people thought they had a say.”

Dr. Ashbury stayed silent, instead looking to the floor. Her mouth twisted away in regret. She didn’t mean to come off that way. She was trying to help, really she was. Even after all these sessions and after all her attempts to convince him otherwise, he still believed that she was the enemy. She wasn’t the enemy. She was the only help left for him. She was the answer.

He was attentive to her stillness, markedly different from her tendency to probe him with leading questions. Something was different, and Ville couldn’t remain observant any longer. He had to ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” she looked up at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I just told you something. Usually you’d jump at the chance to put in your two cents, and today you don’t have anything to say. You’ve been quiet and distant since I walked through the door.”

“Let’s not forget who’s the therapist and who’s the patient here.” she deflected and shifted uneasily in her seat.

“What’s wrong?” he repeated and narrowed his eyes. She was behaving suspiciously, like she was hiding something. He probed, “What do you know?”

Dr. Ashbury sat still for a moment, avoiding eye contact. Although she wanted to discuss it, she didn’t want to bring it up like this. However, she couldn’t pull one of his moves and divert the conversation; she’d be a hypocrite. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, bracing herself for an argument, and asked, “Ville… why didn’t you ever mention that you and Avery had a miscarriage this year?”

His jaw tightened. Oh. He tensed in his seat and looked away from her. Ville didn’t know how she had come upon the information, but he wasn’t willing to let her onto the fact that she was right. He didn’t want to talk about that to anyone.

He tried to fib, though poorly, “I don’t know who told you that, but that’s inaccurate. No such thing ever happened.”

“My source is reliable.”

“I doubt it.” he countered matter-of-factly and returned his gaze to her eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dr. Ashbury insisted in a harsh tone.

In return, Ville sneered, “Why do you need to know?”

“So that I can help you.” she looked between his eyes, trying to figure out why he seemed to think that she was the enemy.

“Really? Are you sure that’s the reason?” he asked mockingly. He started to raise his voice, “Because I’m pretty sure it’s for you to run off to Seppo and tell him everything.”

She relaxed in her seat. “Is that it? You think I’m some sort of double agent, reporting everything to your manager?”

“Clearly. Every time I tell you something, it isn’t long before I get a phone call from him wanting to know why I’ve done this or that. I don’t suppose he’s just magically gleaning this information. Someone has to be telling him.”

“Ville, I’m not the one you should be fighting against. I’m on your side here. I found out about the miscarriage last week before I even called Seppo to tell him about the drinking. If he didn’t already know, I didn’t think it was my place to tell him.”

“Then why the other calls?”

“It was in your best interest, Ville. Please understand that.”

“Oh, stop trying to feed me that bullshit!”

“Ville, I care!” she said, raising her voice. Tired of her fruitless efforts, she had reached her breaking point. “I care about you. I want you to be able to move on from this! I can understand that you don’t want to be around people right now, much less telling your secrets to an absolute stranger, but I’ve had enough. We cannot go back and forth like this every time. It’s counterproductive. It’s wasting time that could be spent helping you, and if you don’t want my help, well then--” her voice dropped. Jenna was speaking angrily and getting carried away. She didn’t want to finish the sentence; she didn’t mean it. When she saw the look in Ville’s eyes, she knew that it was too late for her to eat her words.

“‘Well then,’ what?” Ville seethed.

“Then get out.” she admitted defeatedly in a weak voice. “...Stop wasting my time.”

Ville balked. He didn’t think she would ever get like this. Without hesitation, though, Ville started to leave, practically skipping on his way out.

His hand was on the doorknob when she spoke again, a last attempt to get through to him. “Please don’t go. I think it can help you. I just want to understand what happened in the miscarriage, and-and how you felt about the second time. There’s more to this story, and I want to help you.”

Ville furrowed his eyebrows and pushed the door shut. He turned around to see her. “The second time? What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t know?” she asked, surprised.

“Know what?” His heart was in his throat from the confusion. Suddenly, Ville forgot all about their argument and the annoyance he felt for someone claiming to fix his broken heart through mere words. All that he was focused on was her misleading words. What was she implying?

Dr. Ashbury hesitated, not knowing how to deliver the information. “I think you should sit down for this.”

His feet remained planted in the floor, and he repeated, “Know what?”

“Avery was, um… Avery was three months pregnant at the time of the accident. I thought that that could be why you were having such trouble coping… since the accident resulted in two losses. I was hoping that we could talk about the miscarriage first and slowly ease into this, getting to the root of the issue.”

“I don't know where you're getting this information, but--”

“I spoke to your doctor.”

He shook his head. No, she couldn’t have done that, he convinced himself. Ville thought she was lying trying to cover her tracks so that she wouldn’t lose his business. “Well, it doesn't matter because I lost my memory from that night… Maybe the day before, too, but there's no way I forgot three months of my life. I'm pretty sure I would remember if my wife were pregnant.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Ville. Maybe… I know this is hard for you to imagine, and again, I don’t know the situation, but maybe she didn't tell you.”

“That's absurd. After everything we’ve been through and after how badly we wanted to have children, there’s no way she didn't tell me. Why would she keep this from me? What--” he shook his head. “No, that doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t she tell me?”

“Then how do you explain this, Ville? Because I know what I saw when I met your physician. She was going to regular doctor’s appointments to her OB/GYN and to Dr. Moore to make sure she was at the best of her health.”

“You're wrong. Your sources are wrong. You say you went to see my doctor, but it's just not possible for her to keep something like that from me. There's no way Avery wouldn't tell me--"

"Ville, I saw the sonogram.” she deadpanned. Jenna practically scoffed at how stubborn he was, refusing to accept the truth. “Avery was definitely pregnant."

He hesitantly settled into the plush seat, overwhelmed by what she told him. He could no longer deny it; she was vehemently trying to convince him, and he didn't think she was so cruel that she would taunt him with lies. This was big news and his head hung heavily as he tried to process it all. The possibility that the couple had another chance at a family was a tantalizing offer, but it was inconceivable. Would Avery really have kept it from him? What had he done or said to make her believe that she needed to do that?

Ville could admit this much: he never would've known about the second pregnancy if Dr. Ashbury hadn't told him. Still, it didn't help him remember that night. There were still all these pieces Ville had swirling around his head. Between the painting in the study and the date on the calendar, there was still so much left unexplained. If he didn’t know about the pregnancy, what else had she kept from him? At the thought, he perked up.

"How many months was she pregnant?" he asked, his eyebrows knit together.

“I think it would have been three months on the Sunday after her death.”

Ville froze. Like the flick of a switch, his memories came rushing back to him. A hand flew to his mouth, and he whispered, “I remember.”