In His Shadow

I remember when we first met. He was in my shadow. Now I am in his.
1,000,000 subscribers. It made me happy to see him smile, but then I remembered. I am still in his shadow. When we first met, he was in mine. He adored me, back then. But now I am in his shadow, and he doesn't care. It's like he's the puppet master, telling me what and what not to do. I listen, I obey. It's like I can't break free of these strings, joining him with me. It's like I don't want to.
Another day. Another trip from Katie. I can hear them making love through the walls, and it pains me. He'll never love me like that. Not anymore.
I check my channel. The number of subscribers has gone down, but Dan's continues to go up. I know why. I know exactly why. He's hot, everyone loves a guy who's hot. Society is cruel. Cruel to me. I'm nothing anymore. Nothing to anyone. Not even anything to Dan. I used to be. Times have changed.
I can hear crying. Katie crying. Dan broke up with her, and she storms out of the house. I go into his bedroom. He has a sour look on his face. A cruel, twisted look that I've never seen before. I don't want to see it again.
Time passes, and we still don't speak. He only speaks to me when he's asking me to make food. Months. It's been months. He's still sour. Sour like lemons. He refuses to talk. I don't know why.

"Phil I love you."
I gasp. Then I smile.
I wake up. Oh. Just a dream. I cry. I sob. He'll never love me, he always denies being gay. He doesn't even look at me anymore. he hates me, I know he does.
I go downstairs. I'll talk to him today, I know I will.
"Hi Dan." I smile at him, but he doesn't smile back. He gives me a dirty look. I bite my lip, stopping the tears rolling down my cheeks. He calls me a baby. I cry even more.
I wake up to the sound of moaning. Dan. He got a new girlfriend the other day. I sigh. He's a monster. But I love him. I'm in love with a monster, and I can't help it. But he'll never love me.
I go to the bathroom. Dan's fucking his new girlfriend, he can't hear my sobs. He can't hear me cry out his name in pain as I drag the knife across my wrist. He can't hear my pain. He'll never feel my pain.
I wear jumpers. It's summer. I'm dying from the heat. But I have to. Dan wouldn't care if he found out, but I have to hide my scars. They're ugly, like me. Nobody should see them.
He speaks to me. For the first time in... I can't remember how long.
"Phil, I'm sorry."
That's all he says. Silence. I break it.
"For what?" I ask.
"Everything." He looks at me. He stares deep into my soul. My heart flutters. I mentally slap myself.
"I'm sorry Phil. For everything. I love you, and I know you hate me. I thought... If I stayed away from you, that love would die down. It hasn't. I'm sorry." He looks to the floor. He's crying.
"I love you too."
His head snaps up, we're both in a pool of tears now. He smiles. He leans in and kisses me. It was worth the wait.
I stop harming. I don't need to. I have Dan. Dan wants me, not just as a doll. Dan wants me. I am no longer in his shadow. Nor is he in mine. We are equal, we are one. Two broken hearts, together at last. I love him, and he loves me. And that is all I need.