Catching Heart-Beats In A Dead-Beat Town.

The first time Ryan decides to tell one of his secrets, it’s to Brendon.

He doesn’t know exactly why he chose Brendon. Maybe he felt that with Brendon’s sweet and innocent demeanor, it would be impossible for the other man to tell his secrets. Or maybe he was just dying to get the words to tumble off his lips; he needed to let people know exactly what was going on in that confusing head of his before things took unrecognizable shapes.

Ryan wrings his hands in his lap, watching them twist, before he works up enough courage to tell Brendon why he’d come into his room.

“I’m in love,” he finally managed to spit out, even though it seemed like strings were tied to the words, clinging to the back of his throat and holding on for dear life.

Brendon’s eyes widened at this, leaning back on his bed a little, looking at Ryan in shock and awe.

“I...” Brendon started, shaking his head, a small smile on his face. “Why did you come to me? Like. It’s—it’s never me. It’s always Spencer.”

Ryan looked back down at his hands, his fingers running through the thin layer of sweat on his palms, dirt and grime rubbing off too.

“I’m in love with Spencer.”

Brendon goes dead silent. So silent it’s almost as if Ryan can hear the imaginary crickets in the room, chirping, never stopping. Ryan’s thankful Jon’s at the bar with Spencer.

Brendon opens his mouth and closes it several times, like a fish out of water.

Finally, he says, “For how long?”

Ryan’s throat closes up on the words and his voice squeaks when he mutters, “a long time.”

Ryan had figured out his admiration for Spencer a long time ago, and had kept it a secret for just as long. It ate at his every thought.

Now he’d told Brendon. It’d been so long since he’d even admitted it to himself that the words didn’t want to leave the warm safety of his mouth.

Sometimes Ryan would wish that he’d fuck up so bad that Spencer would hate him forever, just so he wouldn’t have to hold this heavy weight on his chest for so long. He was drowning.

But every time they fought, Spencer would come back and tell Ryan he was sorry – even if it wasn’t his fault. He would sputter and say he never meant anything he said and they were meant to be best friends, and who was Ryan to deny those tear-filled blue eyes?

That was another thing Ryan loved about Spencer; his eyes. He loved the way his eyes matched the sky perfectly, and the middles had little eclipsed suns of their own.

“Don’t tell Spence, please,” Ryan pleaded, “he can’t ever know. Please, Brendon.”

Brendon licks his lips and Ryan knows he’s going tell him that it’s wrong, it’s so wrong, but Ryan cuts him off instead.

Ryan’s eyes are squeezed shut when he speaks. “He shows me beauty in places I never thought I’d look.”