She's Not Afraid
One Month
I woke up in a cold sweat. I hadn’t had a nightmare about him in a long time. I ran my fingers through my tangled hair and tried to relax. The shaking continued though. I reached for my laptop and decided to see if Louis was online. The boys had been gone for a week now and it already felt like forever. Luckily, the green symbol next to Louis’s name popped up. I hit call and waited.
“Hey babe!” He beamed.
“Hi!” I forced a smile. He obviously wasn’t buying it.
“What’s wrong?” His eyes and voice were filled with concern.
“Nightmare.” I sighed and looked down, playing with the hem of one of Lou’s shirts.
“What about love?” He asked.
“Him.” You whispered.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay baby.” He tried comforting me.
“I know…but it’s just so…difficult.” I felt tears brimming my eyes. I wanted him to be holding me. Not in America.
“Just try and breathe love. Hey, Niall’s being a dick and wants to say hey.” Louis chuckled, hoping to make me crack a smile. It worked.
“Nialler!” I beamed.
“Anna banana! We miss you!” Niall smiled. I felt myself near tears once again.
“I miss you guys too.” I smiled. The sound of Hailey crying filled my ears.
“I guess that’s my cue to leave. Love you guys. Text me.” I smiled.
“Love you babe.” Louis blew me a kiss. I smiled and ended the skype call.
Louis’s P.O.V
It had only been a week and Anna already looked skinnier. That worries me. I know you lose the baby weight quickly, but I couldn’t help but feel as though she’s not okay. She’s been distant. The doctors warned me about the “baby blues”.
“Lou, you alright?” Harry asked me. We were okay right now. I knew he was still pissed, but he was trying to make everything right again.
“Just worried. Bad feeling that Anna’s not okay.” I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose.
“What do you mean?” He asked worriedly.
“She’s a lot skinnier, more distant.” I sighed.
“Maybe she’s stressed out. Don’t fret too much. Have Adri check on her if need be dude.” He patted my back and got up. I just nodded. My phone buzzed in my pocket.
Anna: She’s finally asleep.
Me: Ha, is she falling asleep easier?
Anna: No, she misses your singing, and I miss my teddy bear.
Me: Awww, I’ll be home before you know it =)
Anna: Not soon enough =( I’m going to sleep, goodnight babe, I love you.
Me: Night beautiful, I love you more
Anna’s P.O.V
I sighed and lay back down in the bed. I hadn’t been able to eat much recently due to Hailey consuming all of my time. I’m not complaining, I missed the feeling of being…empty. I closed my eyes and soon my nightmare returned;
*“YOU FUCKING WHORE!” He screamed smacking me hard.
“Stop please!” I sobbed. My cheek was throbbing.
“YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING MARRY ME! YOU HEAR ME?” He kicked my ribs. A harsh crack and searing pain. My vision was blurred by my tears. He growled and kicked me again and then left, slamming the door.*
I woke up to Hailey’s cries. I practically jumped out of bed to get to her. She looked flushed. I picked her up gently and put her on the changing table. I changed her quickly, unlike Louis, and brought her downstairs to warm her bottle. I placed her in her little play crib thing. To think she was a month old today. She had Louis’s eyes for sure. My nose apparently and Lou’s mouth. I smiled inwardly and grabbed her bottle, testing if it was too hot. I then picked her up and cradled her and began to feed her. I sadly couldn’t breast feed due to my medications and my disorders.
“I love you baby girl.” I whispered. She looked up at me slightly and then went back to her bottle. My phone rang, I groaned and looked at the caller ID. It was my mum?
“What mum?” I answered, still feeding Hailey.
“How’s my granddaughter?” She asked.
“Perfectly fine. Why are you calling me?” I asked.
“I just wanted to say hi.” She mocked offense.
“Well I don’t want to talk w’ ya.” I snapped and hung up. I then burped Hailey and laid her back in the crib thing. My phone buzzed again. It was once again my mum.
“What?” I asked, flustered.
“Listen, I’m sorry.” She said flatly.
“Wow, so convincing. Please stop calling me. She will never meet you, nor will you be a part of her life. You made my life hell, you’re not making hers hell too.” I furrowed my brows.
“I don’t want her t..”
“To be a fuck up like me? Yeah mum, I get it. Bye.” I slammed my finger angrily on the end button and sighed. Why was she so irritating.
Me: Lou…she won’t stop ugh!
Louis: Who babe?
Me: My mother.
“Hey babe!” He beamed.
“Hi!” I forced a smile. He obviously wasn’t buying it.
“What’s wrong?” His eyes and voice were filled with concern.
“Nightmare.” I sighed and looked down, playing with the hem of one of Lou’s shirts.
“What about love?” He asked.
“Him.” You whispered.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay baby.” He tried comforting me.
“I know…but it’s just so…difficult.” I felt tears brimming my eyes. I wanted him to be holding me. Not in America.
“Just try and breathe love. Hey, Niall’s being a dick and wants to say hey.” Louis chuckled, hoping to make me crack a smile. It worked.
“Nialler!” I beamed.
“Anna banana! We miss you!” Niall smiled. I felt myself near tears once again.
“I miss you guys too.” I smiled. The sound of Hailey crying filled my ears.
“I guess that’s my cue to leave. Love you guys. Text me.” I smiled.
“Love you babe.” Louis blew me a kiss. I smiled and ended the skype call.
Louis’s P.O.V
It had only been a week and Anna already looked skinnier. That worries me. I know you lose the baby weight quickly, but I couldn’t help but feel as though she’s not okay. She’s been distant. The doctors warned me about the “baby blues”.
“Lou, you alright?” Harry asked me. We were okay right now. I knew he was still pissed, but he was trying to make everything right again.
“Just worried. Bad feeling that Anna’s not okay.” I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose.
“What do you mean?” He asked worriedly.
“She’s a lot skinnier, more distant.” I sighed.
“Maybe she’s stressed out. Don’t fret too much. Have Adri check on her if need be dude.” He patted my back and got up. I just nodded. My phone buzzed in my pocket.
Anna: She’s finally asleep.
Me: Ha, is she falling asleep easier?
Anna: No, she misses your singing, and I miss my teddy bear.
Me: Awww, I’ll be home before you know it =)
Anna: Not soon enough =( I’m going to sleep, goodnight babe, I love you.
Me: Night beautiful, I love you more
Anna’s P.O.V
I sighed and lay back down in the bed. I hadn’t been able to eat much recently due to Hailey consuming all of my time. I’m not complaining, I missed the feeling of being…empty. I closed my eyes and soon my nightmare returned;
*“YOU FUCKING WHORE!” He screamed smacking me hard.
“Stop please!” I sobbed. My cheek was throbbing.
“YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING MARRY ME! YOU HEAR ME?” He kicked my ribs. A harsh crack and searing pain. My vision was blurred by my tears. He growled and kicked me again and then left, slamming the door.*
I woke up to Hailey’s cries. I practically jumped out of bed to get to her. She looked flushed. I picked her up gently and put her on the changing table. I changed her quickly, unlike Louis, and brought her downstairs to warm her bottle. I placed her in her little play crib thing. To think she was a month old today. She had Louis’s eyes for sure. My nose apparently and Lou’s mouth. I smiled inwardly and grabbed her bottle, testing if it was too hot. I then picked her up and cradled her and began to feed her. I sadly couldn’t breast feed due to my medications and my disorders.
“I love you baby girl.” I whispered. She looked up at me slightly and then went back to her bottle. My phone rang, I groaned and looked at the caller ID. It was my mum?
“What mum?” I answered, still feeding Hailey.
“How’s my granddaughter?” She asked.
“Perfectly fine. Why are you calling me?” I asked.
“I just wanted to say hi.” She mocked offense.
“Well I don’t want to talk w’ ya.” I snapped and hung up. I then burped Hailey and laid her back in the crib thing. My phone buzzed again. It was once again my mum.
“What?” I asked, flustered.
“Listen, I’m sorry.” She said flatly.
“Wow, so convincing. Please stop calling me. She will never meet you, nor will you be a part of her life. You made my life hell, you’re not making hers hell too.” I furrowed my brows.
“I don’t want her t..”
“To be a fuck up like me? Yeah mum, I get it. Bye.” I slammed my finger angrily on the end button and sighed. Why was she so irritating.
Me: Lou…she won’t stop ugh!
Louis: Who babe?
Me: My mother.