Beauty and the Bastard

I fix my hold on Jax and carry him out of the RV. I could already hear a loud southern voice shouting but I can't really tell who it is. I walk to the fire pit and sit in between Chris and Spencer with Jax in my lap and Ryker sitting in front of us. Carol hands us a bowl with rice and vegetables. I thank her and only eat half before I was full. I split the rest of my food with the twins. They need the food more than me anyways. I bury my face in Jax's hair as he ate quietly. I felt eyes on me but I refused to look up. Mostly because I was scared at whom I would see looking at me.

"Mommy, I'm done." Jax's soft voice broke me out of my thoughts. I look down at my son and smile before kissing his forehead. "Can we go lay down?"

"Yeah, Mama, can we?"

"Sure Babies, let's go." I stand up with Jax in my arms. I know it looks really weird that I'm always carrying my seven year old son but it's more of a comfort thing for me. I always need to know where my sons are and if one is in my arms I only have to worry about one. Call me over protective, I don't care. My sons are the last things I have left of Merle and Daryl besides my memories. My sons are the only ones I always make sure are perfect before looking for everyone else. My sons and Bullet are the three most important things in my life besides the rings Daryl gave me.

I was three months pregnant when Daryl walked into the house after being gone for two days. I was worried but once he walked in and I saw he was fine, I became pissed. I screamed at him, cursed at him, I even hit him a couple of times. All he did was reach into his front jeans pocket and hand me two rings. An engagement ring and the match wedding band. "It was my Ma's, wanted ya to have it." That was all he said to me about those rings until I found out he knew where Merle was, then I learned the real truth. Merle told Daryl to find those rings and give them to me. He wanted people to know I was taken, even if he didn't want me.

I still wear those rings. Hell I don't take them off at all. Afraid that if I do, I'll lose them. Lose Merle. Only Lilly knows the truth about the rings. She thinks its sweet but she still hates Merle. I don't blame her. She saw me when I found out he was gone. I was a mess. Always crying, not eating, about to quit school. Talking about taking my life. She will never forgive Merle for living me the way he did.

Ryker ran before me and crashed into Bullet's sleeping body. That poor dog barely gets breaks from all the kids. I feel so bad for my dog. All the kids always want to play with him when all he wants to do is sleep or lay down. He would play with the twins or Kane but if another kid comes up to him while he is lying down, Bullet would ignore him or her. Bullet is a very smart dog and knows that the kids only want to play with an active dog, so he pretends to be a lazy one. Gotta love my mutt.

I place Jax on the ground once we are close to the tent. I sit down next to Bullet as my sons lay down with their heads on Bullet's side. I smile at my three babies before leaning back on my hands and letting my head fall back.

"Darlina! Where did ya go?"

My eyes shoot open. I know that voice. That voice that haunts me day in and day out. In my day and night dreams, that voice follows me. I've been haunted by that voice for the past eight years.

I stand up, making sure I don't wake up the three sleeping babies. I walk over to where I think I heard the voice and stop short when I see a man sitting with his back towards me. He was built with short whitish gray hair. He had a black leather vest on with dark jeans. He was carving a stick with a buck knife. I don't have to see his face to know that this is the man I've been looking for.

"Merle?" I called out softly and watch as the carving stop immediately. His whole body tenses before he shakes his head and continued with his carving. "Merle?" I call out once more. He stops again and this time turns around.

I gasp softly as his cold sharp gray eyes landed on me. He looks the same, maybe a few more wrinkles here and there but that's it. He was always dirty even after a shower. It was like the dirt stained his skin.

"What?" His voice was colder than his eyes.

He doesn't remember me or at least doesn't recognize me.

"Chloe, when did you get here?"

Our staring contest broke when Daryl came out of his tent with his crossbow in hand. He hugs me but I keep my eyes on Merle. I watch as his face changed from its harsh glare to the soften look I always got before it went back to the glare. Merle spits on the floor and stands up.

"Go away, little brother. Me and Chloe here need to talk."

I frown at the use of my name. I wasn't Chloe to him, I was Kitten. Why wasn't I Kitten anymore? I want to be called Kitten again.

Tears come to my eyes as the last thought popped into my head. I really did want to be his Kitten again. That was all I ever wanted since the day he left.

Daryl looks at me and frowns. He's not gonna leave me and Merle alone. "Daryl, please go to the blue tents. The boys are over there alone." Daryl nods reluctantly and walks away slowly. I turn and watched as he sat in my old seat by Bullet's head before turning back to Merle.

"I'm not Chloe to you." I tried to sound angry but I sounded just like I was, broken.

Merle looks down at the ground before looking to where his brother is. I knew he was staring at our sleeping boys. "They look like ya."

"No they don't. They look like you. Ryker acts just like you while Jax is Daryl." I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. Merle looks down at me before looking back at the twins.

"I ain't a fatherly type."

"I was 19 when I gave birth. I was 19 when you left me pregnant and alone. I was 21 when I found out you knew all about the boys since I found Daryl and you still made me go through that alone and scared. Terrified actually. I was going to school while trying to find a baby sitter for the twins that was cheap. I was working my ass off so me and the twins can have a roof over our heads while you got drunk and high every night. While you were banging some unwashed whore, I was trying to feed your family. Your sons and your brother. I had to take care of all three while you had the time of YOUR FUCKING LIFE, MERLE!"

I slapped him across the face as the camp walked closer to us. I turn around when I heard a laugh. I saw Lori standing there with her hand over her mouth.

"Hey, slut. Why don't you go off into the woods and spread your legs for my brother once again?" Lori stops laughing to look at me shocked. "Bitch, you know nothing about keeping shit a secret. So, just turn around and walk your sluttly ugly ass away from me." I smirked as I saw tears come to her eyes as she turned and ran away. I saw that everyone was looking at me in surprise. "How about all of you just mind your OWN FUCKING BUSINESS! This doesn't fucking involve you, so just leave!" I shouted and watched as everyone but my family and Daryl walk quickly away from me and Merle. I turn back to Merle who was just staring at me.

"I told you at Jade's shop that there was going to be someone who wanted to have kids with you. I told you that and you still walked away from me and our sons. I wanted to have a family with you and you just walked away. Is that what you do, Merle? Is that how it goes? Something becomes too tough or makes you feel happy and you need to walk away? Is that why you walk away from Daryl? Is that why you walked away from me? Is that why you hid from our sons?" I watch as his eyes turn darker and darker as I call him out but he still doesn't say anything. I know that when I'm not pissed anymore, I really am going to regret this but I'm still gonna say it.

"I loved you, Merle. I loved you with all of my fucking heart and you didn't give a shit about me. You got what you wanted and bounced, right Merle? You fuck then leave. But this time you didn't leave the woman you were banging, Na you left your kids too. Real man you are."

I turned and walked away from him with tears rolling down my face. Someone grabbed my arm but I pulled free and ran into the woods. I ran for a while until I tripped over a branch and fell to the hard ground. I sat under a large oak tree and brought my knees up towards my chest and let the tears roll down silently. I heard a branch snap and it was snapped loudly so it's a human that alive. I heard the leaves being crunched on by the boots stepping on them.

"Ya right, ya are and always will be my Kitten. I shouldn't have left and stayed away. Should've came back, helped ya with the boys. 'Stead I sent my brother to stay with ya." I felt Merle sit down next to me before I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders. I curl myself closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist. "Gonna say this just once, better listen. I'm sorry for leaving ya alone. I won't leave again."

"Promise?" I said looking up into his now soft gray eyes.

"Promise."

I smile and hold out my pinkie. "Pinkie promise?"

He lets out a loud laugh before wrapping his large pinkie around mine. "Pinkie promise, ya little brat." I giggle as he pulled me closer by our tangled pinkies. Merle's lips landed on mine. This kiss was so much different than all the others. This one was actually soft and sweet. Not rushed or passionate like they usually are. He took his time and let me feel what he can't say.

That he loves me just like I love him.