Oneshots

ONCE UPON A TIME, there was a young boy that went by the name of Zeus. Zeus was a short, white, skinny, dorky, and bitchy young boy. He was rather smart, however; he had his own scientific theory. His theory was that there were three types of people in this world: dumb, anorexic, and The Almighty Ruler. Zeus fell under The Almighty Ruler category. However, even though he was The Almighty Ruler (and a tad bit on the fruity side), he needed some love in his life. That is where Meaghan comes in. Meaghan was this pretty young lady in his science class. She excelled in many subject areas. She was also quite the athlete. She played soccer so well, that once, her mother asked her to “accidentally break” a squirrel figure, she “accidentally” hit a live squirrel. She has quite the kick, though; she killed the squirrel. Zeus, of course, was attracted to this.

“Haiiii Meaghan,” Zeus greeted her one day, at the end of science.

“Hi?” she replied.

“What’s up, sexy?”

“EXCUSE ME!?!” she demanded.

“What’s…up…sexy…?” he said, with an emphasis at the end of each word.

“You fucking jerk! Only MY boyfriend, Aaron Carter, can call me sexy. WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU CAN CALL ME SEXY, HO!?!?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Because you are,” he whispered after that.

“YEAH, JACKASS!” she shouted, before storming out of the classroom, as the bell rang.

“Aw, poor Zeus,” Autumn took pity on poor Zeus.

“DO NOT CALL ME ZEUS, YOU ANOREXIC FREAK!” he shouted at her.

“ASSHOLE!” Autumn shot back.

“Now, dear children,” Pekarek started, “Please do not use hurtful words. They will not be tolerated.”

“Sorry Pekarek,” Autumn apologized.

“Apologize too, Zeus,” Pekarek asked.

“SHUT…THE…HELL…UP.” Zeus replied in such a vicious voice.

“FINE!” Pekarek and Autumn both shouted.”

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While on the way to his next class, Zeus saw Meaghan and her boyfriend Aaron holding hands, walking together. “I have to do something about that,” he said to himself. And he thought about it. He could just kill Aaron, but then Meaghan will definitely not want to date him. He pondered this over and over and his mind. He decided he was just going to talk to Aaron. Aaron Carter also happened to have the same class as him next, English. Meaghan, however, had her favorite class, newspaper, so Zeus decided he would talk to Aaron then.

After Aaron and Meaghan decided that their publicmakeoutscene was over, Aaron stepped into English class, while Zeus followed behind.

“Hey, Aaron, can I talk to you for a sec?” Zeus asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Aaron replied.

“Will you break up with Meaghan?”

“Um, why?”

“Because I like her alot. And you’re kind of getting in my way,” Zeus explained.

“But she’s so hot,” Aaron whined.

“But you’re so hot!” Zeus announced.

“What?”

“I kind of have this issue,” Zeus explained, “where I say things that are honest. And I mean them.”

“You think I’m hot?” Aaron asked.

“Yes.”

“You’re pretty sexy yourself,” Aaron admitted. “I’m quite attracted to your leg crossing.”

“Oh really?” Zeus questioned.

“Yes really,” Aaron responded.

“You know, you’re quite the young lad, Aaron.” Zeus told him.

“You’re quite the sexy beast, Zeus. Actually, I think I will break up with Meaghan, but not for you,” Aaron explained.

“Then for who?” Zeus wondered aloud.

“I’ll break up for Meaghan,” Aaron stated, “so I can date you.”

Zeus was actually ecstatic. During this small conversation, he realized he, in fact, had a crush on Aaron. He was never jealous of him, he found out. He was jealous of Meaghan for dating such a sexy beast like Aaron Carter.

“Look,” Aaron said to Zeus, “I see Meaghan in the hallway right after this class. I’ll break the news to her then.”

“Alright,” Zeus replied, barely containing his excitement. Because let’s face it, everyone: Aaron Carter is so dreamy. Actually, Aaron was everything Zeus wanted in a significant other: he was cute, he was funny, he was smart, he was sweet, and he was gay.

Gay.

Just how Zeus liked his significant others.

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Zeus and Aaron made annoying romantic eye contact at each other for the rest of class. When English was over, Zeus and Aaron held hands while walking out the door.

Meaghan began running to Aaron, until she noticed Aaron had a Zeus on his hand.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?!?” she screamed.

“I LOVE ZEUS!” Aaron cheered.

“Fuck you, fuck Zeus, fuck this. We’re over.” she made herself very clear.

“IT’S OKAY TO BE UPSET!” Meaghan’s friend, Ryan Ross, came over and comforted her.

“I’m sorry, Ryan,” she cried, “It’s just, ugh. Fucking Aaron and his queerness.”

“It’s okay,” he said, while embracing her.

“What if this is emotionally scarring?”

“I’m here for you, though,” he assured.

“Aw, thank you, Ry-Ry,” she thanked him, using his pet name.

“You’re welcome,” Dearest Ry-Ry let her know. “Wait, Ry-Ry? People call me Ry-Ry when they like me…”

“Well, Ryan,” Meaghan started, as they walked down the stairs to lunch. “See, I almost knew that he was gay. Actually, I was almost positive. When I would go over his house, he had pictures on his wall. OF GUYS. LOTS OF GUYS. It was most unpleasant.”

“Go on…”

“And I got to thinking, that I didn’t want to date a gay guy. And Ryan, you’re just damn hot.”

“Oh really?” he laughed.

“Yeah really. Well then. Where do we go from here?”

“How about we start off with a kiss and go from there?”

“I’d like that,” Meaghan smiled.

And so, Meaghan and Ryan were happy together, and so were Zeus and Aaron. What about Pekarek and Autumn? They were not together, and were perfectly content like that. They still got a laugh out of Zeus every now and then, and everything was just so god damn fabulous.

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END.