January 30, 2013
01/01
Smiles seem so far away without facades and faux realities, all because the throbbing pain He had thrust straight through my heart. Swollen skin stretched over my cheekbones from nights of crying alone over a person clearly not worth any of my time. Distractions coming and going, pulling me from the misery for moments here and again. Now someone new falls into my lap, bringing genuine smiles and blissful thoughts...
A gentle sigh falls from my lips, lungs squeezing all oxygen out. I pretend for a moment that tears haven't been shed, that happiness is how I truly feel, but pretending doesn't last forever; nothing lasts forever. Anything—everything could be blown away with just the simplest breeze, so I work my hardest to keep that which is of utmost importance to me. Tugging at the grass beneath my thighs, my knees bend, bringing themselves to my chest. My fingers loosen around the blades of green only to wrap around my shins, holding my legs whilst my face becomes hidden making me one petite blue blob. My mind swirls with thoughts of all the pain from within the last week, blocking out all of nature's sounds around me.
So lost within my own mind, I jump completely startled at the hand now resting upon my shoulder. Shyly I lift my head, my amber irises meeting a comforting pair of chocolate orbs. Tugging at my lip-ring with my teeth, I watch as the person behind the eyes takes a seat beside me. Soft, genuine smiles spread across his lips, his eyes watching me curiously while he makes himself comfortable atop the lush green blades. The breeze leaves the chilled January air swirling around the both of us, my hands moving to pull my coat closer around my person. His smile widens as he speaks, his voice sounding musical to my deaf ears, “What's got a cutie like you so tore up?” My face heats up, cheeks catching fire before a barely audible squeak is carried off with the wind.
Getting over fears, I speak to him, spilling out everything from the past week that has brought my mood so drastically down. He doesn't spew any harsh words over the irregular sound that is my voice. Neither does he voice anything poor about the way my hands move about, signing the words my mouth is speaking. He does the opposite all together, understanding without having to actually come out and say why the habit is there, he falls right in with me, his hands moving together with his mouth.
For the first time in quite a while I smile—a real true smile—because someone actually understands, and that is far more than anything I could ask for. The more we converse, about anything—everything, the more I know I want him to stick around. My smile growing wider with each passing moment, my stomach fluttering, my heart thumping erratically in my chest; I know what all this means, and though it scares me so soon after him leaving me over...sexual reasons, I find myself okay with my feelings, even if only because he makes me feel so comfortable—so understood.
If only I hadn't have been on the receiving end of him confessing his love toward another, the ache would leave, but friendship is enough, if nothing more is allowed. For now I can handle the title of friend, so long as my kind, comfort-eyed friend is in my life.
A gentle sigh falls from my lips, lungs squeezing all oxygen out. I pretend for a moment that tears haven't been shed, that happiness is how I truly feel, but pretending doesn't last forever; nothing lasts forever. Anything—everything could be blown away with just the simplest breeze, so I work my hardest to keep that which is of utmost importance to me. Tugging at the grass beneath my thighs, my knees bend, bringing themselves to my chest. My fingers loosen around the blades of green only to wrap around my shins, holding my legs whilst my face becomes hidden making me one petite blue blob. My mind swirls with thoughts of all the pain from within the last week, blocking out all of nature's sounds around me.
So lost within my own mind, I jump completely startled at the hand now resting upon my shoulder. Shyly I lift my head, my amber irises meeting a comforting pair of chocolate orbs. Tugging at my lip-ring with my teeth, I watch as the person behind the eyes takes a seat beside me. Soft, genuine smiles spread across his lips, his eyes watching me curiously while he makes himself comfortable atop the lush green blades. The breeze leaves the chilled January air swirling around the both of us, my hands moving to pull my coat closer around my person. His smile widens as he speaks, his voice sounding musical to my deaf ears, “What's got a cutie like you so tore up?” My face heats up, cheeks catching fire before a barely audible squeak is carried off with the wind.
Getting over fears, I speak to him, spilling out everything from the past week that has brought my mood so drastically down. He doesn't spew any harsh words over the irregular sound that is my voice. Neither does he voice anything poor about the way my hands move about, signing the words my mouth is speaking. He does the opposite all together, understanding without having to actually come out and say why the habit is there, he falls right in with me, his hands moving together with his mouth.
For the first time in quite a while I smile—a real true smile—because someone actually understands, and that is far more than anything I could ask for. The more we converse, about anything—everything, the more I know I want him to stick around. My smile growing wider with each passing moment, my stomach fluttering, my heart thumping erratically in my chest; I know what all this means, and though it scares me so soon after him leaving me over...sexual reasons, I find myself okay with my feelings, even if only because he makes me feel so comfortable—so understood.
If only I hadn't have been on the receiving end of him confessing his love toward another, the ache would leave, but friendship is enough, if nothing more is allowed. For now I can handle the title of friend, so long as my kind, comfort-eyed friend is in my life.