I Will Always Be Yours Forever And More

Vic's POV

I had grown tired of waiting for Kellin to get out of the bathroom since I came home about half an hour ago, so I stood up of the couch and went to check on him.

“Kels.” I knocked on the door. “Are you ok?”

“Y-yeah, Vic.” He answered with a shaky voice. Something was definitely not fine.

“Kels, open the door.” Eerie silence followed after my sentence.

“Just go away and leave me alone!” He said with an annoyed tone.

I sighed and went to look for the spare key of the bathroom, I knew it would invade his privacy but I needed to know if he was all right. I started to pick the door and I heard him mutter a “shit”, followed by his feet shuffling against the white tiled floor.

When I opened the door, I saw him sitting on the toilet looking at me with a frown on his face and even though he tried to look away from my stare, I noticed his eyes were red and a little bit puffy, signaling he had been crying.

“I told you I was ok, so could you please leave now? I want to be alone.” He said in a whisper while looking at his lap and played with the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Please tell me what’s wrong, babe.” I said, moving closer to him but he tried to walk out of the door, causing me to grab his wrist to stop him a little bit roughly. He winced in pain and tried to break free from my hand but I didn’t let him. “Lift up your sleeve.” I said with a blank stare, he looked at me and shook his head.

“Drop it.” He said in a whisper, looking at me with those big blue eyes filled with pleading.

“Please don’t tell me it is what I think it is.” He looked down and I sighed. Then proceeded to lift up the sleeve myself and sure enough, underneath the fabric of the hoodie, his wrist lay with fresh new cuts that were covered with the familiar crimson liquid still leaking a bit.

I looked up at him, and although his head was kept low, I could see tears falling from his eyes and into the floor, ashamed of what I had discovered. I finally let go of his wrist and he brought it close to his chest, pulling down the sleeve with his other hand in the process. “For how long have you been doing it?”

“Since high school.” He answered in a small voice while his black locks covered most part of his face.

“Why?” I asked and he shrugged, still looking down. I sighed, annoyed “Tell me why the fuck would you do this to yourself.”

“Want me to tell you why?” He asked, furiously whipping with the back of his hand the big fat tears that were falling down his cheeks. “Because I’m worthless, because I’m a fuck up who doesn’t deserve anybody’s love, because I’m a failure to my family, because it takes away the numbness I feel all the time.” By that time, his voice was cracked and I could see he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it refused to leave. “Because I need it.”

I looked at him astonished, not knowing what to say after his little outburst because I knew there was nothing I could say that would make him believe otherwise.

“You know what?!” He said, starting to walk to the bedroom we shared and I followed him. He went straight to the closet and opened the door, getting my clothes off the hangers, throwing them at me. “Take all your stuff and leave… just like everybody else does.” He whispered the last part as his voice cracked a bit.

I sighed and tried to calm down myself, getting mad wouldn’t solve a thing. “Babe…” I called and picked up my stuff, getting closer to the raven-haired boy, but he wouldn’t turn to face me. “Stop.”

It was only when I wrapped my arms around his waist that he acknowledged my closeness. He squirmed in my arms to try and break free away from me, but my grip was tight, so eventually he gave up.

Somehow I managed to spin him in my arms to make him face me, but he was looking at my chest instead. Carefully, I took his chin between my thumb and index finger, making him look straight in the eye.

My heart twitched a bit at the sight. Tears were still falling from his aqua eyes that were looking grey that day, mirroring the clouds’ color when a storm was approaching. His nose was slightly red from all the crying and his skin was paler than it already was.

How could I let this perfect human being know how perfect and worthy of everything he was?

“I’m never gonna leave you darling. I’m never gonna go regardless all the mistakes you make.” I said staring deeper into his eyes. “Everything inside of me is living in your heartbeat. I don’t think I could keep going if anything ever happened to you.”

I rested my forehead against his as I walked back to the bed and sat on the edge, pulling him down so he could sit on my lap and I gripped my arms around his waist. He snuggled closer to my chest and I could feel my shirt getting soaked with his tears, but I didn’t mind. Feeling his warmth close to my body was enough to keep me calm.

“Even when all the lights are fading, even then if your hope was shaking… I’m here for you. So don’t ever doubt of talking to me again if you feel the urge to do it.” I rested my chin on top of his head. “You’re better than that Kellin. You don’t need it.”

“I do, Vic. I need it so bad.” His voice muffled against the fabric of my shirt but still I perfectly understood every single word.

“No, you don’t.” I pulled away from him and stared right into his eyes again, before sighing and rolling my sleeves up. He looked questioning at me and I smiled at him, then the old white faded scars that covered my upper arm were revealed.

He looked down and gasped, then met my eyes as if he were asking for permission, I nodded. His bony fingers traced every single scar I made a few years back, and it arose goose bumps in my spine.

I remembered every single name that was thrown at me, and every single time I cried in the emptiness of my bedroom while the razor brought comfort to me but I brushed those memories away when I realized I had someone sitting on my lap who was worth living for.

“I know what it’s like Kells.” He looked up at me and I lift the corners of my mouth into, what I hoped, was a smile. “I know it’s hard but I need you to bear with me. I need more than if's and maybe's.”

“I don’t know what I did good in life to get someone like you Victor. I really don’t know.” He said while he cupped my face into his slightly little hands and brought our lips together for a long innocent kiss. Our lips fit so perfectly that I was afraid they would melt into each other’s at any second.

“I will always be yours forever and more, through the push and the pull.” I said, when we pulled apart and our foreheads rested together. He let out a content sigh and I could almost hear the smile on his lips.

When I opened my eyes, I instantly met Kellin’s big blue eyes staring at me while a huge smile was plastered over his face.

I observed him for a while, taking in every single feature. His slightly long black hair was sitting messily on his head, pointing in odd angles and making him look adorable despite what he thought he looked like. His perfect little nose was still a little bit red because of all the crying he had done, and his lips were rosier.

But those eyes, those big blue eyes that were looking at me were the ones that caught my attention when I saw him for the very first time.

“I love you so much, Victor.” He said, looking into my brown eyes and I swear I felt my heart melt.

“I love you too, Kellin.” I answered truthfully.