The Day You Fell Apart

“Still hasn’t called, huh?” Dee asked me. I shook my head in return while chewing on my bubble gum furiously. It has been two weeks since the wedding. And two weeks since I had made love to Jonah.

I was so stupid.

I hate the fact that Jonah is so good with words, and I hate the fact that I gave away something to him that I thought would mean something. I hate the fact that he lied to me and I hate even more the fact that I need him more than he needs me. Waking up the next morning only to see that he wasn’t beside me already made my stomach drop, but the fact that he wasn’t even in his own house when I had woken up made me even more sick to my stomach. Nobody was home. Not Heidi. Not Jonah. Not even his dad (who I like, never see, by the way). I humiliatingly got up and tried calling Jonah, only to have him not answer. So I grabbed my things, walked out of his house and drove home.

Haven't heard from him since.

Dee scooted up from the edge of my bed and sat by me with her back to the headboard. She pulled her knees up to her chest and let out a heavy sigh before turning to me.

“I know that this isn’t going to be something you want to hear,” She began. I popped my gum loudly, turned my head towards her and raised my eyebrows.

“Nothing could make me feel like more crap than I do right now, Dee. So why not? Throw it at me.” I said in monotone. Dee sighed and bounced her chin on her knees a couple more times.

“Brad and I went to Joanna Leeron's party the other night,” She said slowly, as if she was watching every single word she was saying, making sure that if she were to say the wrong one, it’d be the death of her. “Jonah was there.”

“Oh really?” I asked, trying not to sound like I cared much, even though I really did. It’s kind of funny how you can act like you are totally through with someone, and act like what they did to you didn’t hurt you, even though it completely churned up your insides so much that it hurt. Your heart would be aching and your head would hurt twenty-four seven, but you’d act like you just got back from Disneyland and nothing could make you upset at the moment. Everyone acts, everyone pretends. If everyone were to be who they really were and say what they really felt, then the whole world would be so much less complicated. But I guess I’m being a hypocrite now aren’t I? I’m the one acting. I’m the one pretending like nothing Jonah does or did affected me. It’s like I’m a walking contradiction, and I’m walking straight towards a huge brick wall only to get my face smashed in, which would result in Jonah seeing me, and barfing from the site of my distorted face. Sadly, knowing Jonah had acknowledged me would have even been enough.

“Yeah,” Dee replied. “He was there with Jasmine Rodriguez, and they were pretty close. Okay, they were really close. I didn’t see them kiss, but he wasn’t treating her like a guy with a girlfriend should have. I didn’t know if I should of told you, and Brad said that maybe he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. I just didn’t know what to do. I knew what he did to you and I.. I just… he’s a jerk, Jill. He’s terrible.”

My breathing became heavy, but I tried my best to keep my composure.

“Whatever. He’s an ass. I’m over it.” I said quickly and got up off of my bed. I walked over to my dresser and ran my fingers through my now longer brown hair. I heard Dee sigh and she soon appeared right by me. We both tilted our heads in the same direction and surveyed each other. I had bigger eyes than Dee, but she had more full lips and kind of had this Victoria’s Secret model thing going on for her. She was tall and her dirty blonde hair fell down past her shoulders in wavish curls. I’m surprised Jonah had even looked past her to me. No one ever has besides Evan.

I knew Jonah was too good to be true. Actually, now that I think about it. Jonah was kind of a pain in my ass to be honest. Maybe it’s a good thing that he’s avoiding me. Maybe it’s a good thing that he is hooking up with stupid slutty Jasmine from my old sophomore math class behind my back. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself and I’m just trying to convince myself that I’m fine.

“Maybe instead of acting like you’re okay in front of me, which is like, super pointless by the way because I can see right through you, you should act like you’re okay in front of Jonah,” Dee suggested while running her fingers through her hair and struggling to get out a few tangles.

“And how can I do that?” I asked and propped myself up so I was sitting on my dresser.

“Well, since summer is going to be over pretty soon, there are a million parties,” Dee began. “And since I basically go to each one, you should come to Brad's party tonight. I’m pretty sure Jonah is going to be there, and you can show him how much of an ass he’s being. Maybe wear something revealing, I don’t know.”

“Dee, that’s a terrible idea. You know how bad I am at playing games. Remember when I tried to play hopscotch in the 3rd grade? I tripped over my own feet and almost got a concussion by hitting my head on the asphalt.” I responded.

“You’re comparing getting Jonah jealous with hitting your head on cement?” Dee asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “I can’t go, Dee. You know how uncomfortable I get when I go to parties. And to be honest, I don’t think I want to see Jonah right now.”

“So you’re going to sit at home and wallow in self pity instead of confronting the guy that caused that self pity and making him feel like shit for causing that self pity?” Dee asked.

“That didn’t even make any sense,” I muttered bluntly. Dee just sighed and grabbed my arm to pull me off of the dresser.

“I never make sense, idiot,” She replied. “But right now, we’re going to make you look hot and we’re going to make Jonah feel like the stupidest guy on the planet."

“Dee, hey!” Brad exclaimed while pulling Dee into a huge hug. She grinned like a madman and hugged him in return and then kissed his lips quickly. Once they were done being a couple, Brad turned towards me and raised his eyebrows, causing his brown hair to fall into his hazel eyes.

“Jill?” He asked in bewilderment. I just rolled my eyes at his surprised reaction. Yes, me, the girl who never wears anything too revealing or outstandish, was wearing a sparkly gold very low V neck top with tight jeans and black high heel boots. My hair was straightened and my side bangs were resting on my forehead above my green eyes. I had the ‘smoky eye’ look (as Dee liked to call it) for my make-up and to tell you the truth, I felt extremely stupid yet extremely brave. For once in my life, people’s attention were on me and not just Dee. I didn’t know how to react to it, but I did know that Dee had taught me just 10 minutes before this that this ‘look’ that I’m putting on was to make Jonah jealous, and that was the reason I was here.

“Yes, yes, it’s me,” I stated. Brad just grinned and swung his arm around Dee.

“You look great,” He responded. “So how have you..."

I didn’t even listen to anything else Brad said, because right at that moment, Jonah came into view and our eyes met. He was in a crowd of people, but it was as if all of the people weren’t there. All I saw was him in his stupid beautiful glory. His long hair curved at his chin, and his brown eyes bore into mine. His jaw was clenched and his hand shook nervously at his side. As hard as it was, I quickly unlocked my gaze from his and turned back to Brad who was still talking as if I was actually listening.

“So since this is my house, you guys can stay over tonight if you want,” He finished. I nodded and smiled before excusing Dee and I. I led her to the kitchen area where people were filling up drinks, leaned against the counter and took a deep breath.

“You can’t run away from Jonah if your goal is to catch his attention, weirdo,” Dee stated calmly.

“I know,” I replied. “But that was… hard.”

“It’s okay,” Dee said. “See that guy over there?” She pointed to a boy with dirty blonde surfer like hair with fitted blue jeans and a black shirt with a weird logo on it that looked like some horse playing the piano.

“Yes…” I replied.

“Go flirt with him," Dee stated. "I’ll go make up an excuse to get Jonah in the kitchen, and when he walks in, he’ll see you with him and practically poop his pants.”

“Okay um, ew,” I responded and then took a deep breath. “And alright fine.”

Dee squealed and walked back into the living room. I took another slow, deep breath and made my way towards the guy. Even though this was pretty normal (girl walking up to a boy and flirting), it was somehow extremely hard for me. I felt like Marie Antoinette walking up the guillotine when it was her time to get killed in the French Revolution, even though I knew that this situation wasn’t as radical. Or even close.

“Hi?”

A male voice suddenly broke me out of my daze and I looked up to see the blonde boy staring at me confusedly.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “You were just kind of standing there staring at me.”

I just laughed and shook my head.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I responded quickly and nervously. “I’m Jillianne.”

“I’m Tommy.” He replied.

Suddenly awkward silence overtook us, but I was too distracted to even notice because right then and there I saw Jonah walking through the door. His tight black jeans hugged his legs and his white shirt fit him perfectly. I was suddenly a bit in a daze staring at him until he once again locked eyes with me, and I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I turned towards Tommy and ran my hand up and down his arm sensually.

“Er…” Tommy said awkwardly.

“Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, but I need you to do me a favor right now. Act like you’re totally interested in me and that you think I’m hot.” I blurted out quickly. I could feel Jonah’s glare towards us, and a small smirk spread across my face. This was going to work.

“I don’t think I’ll have to pretend,” Tommy replied flirtingly.

Ugh gross.

“Please tell me that you’re joking,” I said and Tommy just laughed in return and rested his hands on my hips. I flinched at his touch but continued to act like I was enjoying this.

“Well I’m not going to sit here and say that you’re hard to look at,” Tommy stated. “But I am going to say that we’re obviously doing a good job at this because that guy over there looks like he’s about to kill me.”

“Good.” I replied. I smiled and leaned closer to Tommy. I turned my head slightly to see Jonah staring, and decided to give him the evilest and angriest glare I have ever given anyone. Jonah frowned in return, and I almost jumped for joy at how well this was working. This would show him that he shouldn’t fuck with a girl’s emotions. This would show him that screwing with me was a bad idea and that as much as he hurt me, I could hurt him just as much back if I tried. This would show him.

Suddenly, as if God has something against me, Jasmine Rodriguez walked into the kitchen. Her long brown hair fell down to her mid back and her big brown eyes caught Jonah into their view. Her tanned skin was practically glowing and I suddenly felt so small. Jasmine was the girl that hooked up with all of the boys, and wasn’t afraid of having everyone know. Besides the fact that she’s sexy (yeah yeah I’ll give her that), it doesn’t seem like she has anything else going for her. So why did Jonah betray me by going out with her? Every step she took towards him made my heart break even more. But I made sure not to look like any of this affected me. I needed to stop being so emotional. I need to be strong.

Jonah caught me staring and immediately caught on to my little game. He walked up to Jasmine enthusiastically and she grinned while wrapping her arms around him. He kissed the top of her head and let his lips linger, but kept his dark eyes on me. There was a mischievous glint in them and I knew right then and there that this was it.

This was war.