The Day You Fell Apart

Dee and I walked into school with permanent frowns on our faces. Not only was summer over, but school was starting. It was like a double whammy straight to the face. No more lazy days, no more lying to my parents saying I’m spending the night at Dee’s when I’m really not, no more summer drama (that I don’t think I’ll miss much), no more sleeping in.... no more fun basically.

“I miss Brad already,” Dee muttered while opening her locker. I stood by her and leaned my shoulder against the locker right near her.

“He just took you out to breakfast and dropped you off here,” I replied while rolling my eyes. "How could you miss him already?"

“I don't know. I just do,” Dee remarked while piling books into her arms.

“You guys are inseparable and it makes me sick,” I responded bluntly. Dee just snorted in return, and once she realized that she couldn’t close her locker door with her hands which were currently loaded with books, she launched her head forward against the door, hit it with her head and made it snap shut.

“Oh my God, wow, that was such a bad idea,” Dee groaned.

“You know, if you just asked, I could have closed the locker for you,” I said while laughing.

“Whatever. It’s seven o’clock in the effing morning, don’t judge me,” Dee replied. I just laughed and shook my head at her.

"I love you Dee." I stated.

"I know," She replied. She nudged her shoulder against mine and we both began walking towards our first period class which we had with one another. “So, how are you and Tommy Pickles?”

“Fine,” I replied quietly. Tommy and I have been ‘dating’ for over a week now, ever since I called him after the IHOP incident. He picked me up from the bus stop, and took me out for ice cream. He opened my door for me, he laughed at all my bitter jokes. He was sweet. A little too sweet to be honest. But sweet nonetheless. But I did say that I wanted a nice guy, that I wanted someone who cared. And that's what I got. The night of our ice cream 'date', he asked me to be his girlfriend. I just politely declined, telling him that I wasn’t ready for anything exclusive, but that we could still hang out if he wanted. He was more than happy to oblige, which made me even more angry. First he was okay with having me use him to make that douchebag jealous, and now he doesn’t care that I’d rather not be his girlfriend? Like for real. Come on.

“Oh, well that doesn’t sound good,” Dee said to my meek response.

“We barely know each other, Dee,” I replied stiffly.

“Or maybe you just miss Jonah.” She suggested.

“Or maybe you just need to shush,” I responded defensively. Dee shrugged in response.

“Brad said he hasn’t even seen Jonah since after he stormed out after you at IHOP,” Dee said quietly. “You just disappeared, and then so did he. We all assumed you were off together, but then you texted me and told me you were with Tommy, so we had no idea where Jonah was. He wasn’t picking up his phone or anything. Brad said Jonah mentioned he was going to college this fall, but most don’t leave for another week or so. So maybe he left early? I don’t know. Maybe he-"

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, cutting her off as we entered our classroom. Everyone was slumped in their seats with depressed looks on their faces.

“I just thought you’d want to know,” Dee replied. I just shrugged indifferently as we both headed for two seats in the back of the classroom.

“I don’t want to know anything involving that boy,” I lied. I sighed and laid my head down on my desk, which I realized that every other kid in the classroom was doing. First days of school always suck. There definitely wasn't any 'first day of school jitters' left in me anymore. It's my senior year. What can I possibly be excited about?

I felt my phone buzz extremely annoyingly in my pocket, which snapped me out of my thoughts. I reached in to pull it out, flipped it open and frowned.

1 New Text Message From: Jonah<3

I gulped and opened the text message.

‘Come over after school.’

I snapped the phone shut angrily and looked over at Dee, who gave me a questioning look.

“Who was that?” She asked.

“Um no one," I replied. I lobbed my head back down on my desk and grunted. Why does he always have to do this to me?

It’s funny to think that in the beginning of summer, I was walking up this path nervously, ready to apologize to Jonah about yelling at him on the back porch of that one stupid party. That day was the day that Jonah had to ruin everything and kiss me. I didn’t even know why I had come over in the first place that time. And even this time I feel like I don’t even know why I’m coming over. He asked me to, yes. But aren’t I supposed say, ‘No, screw you!’ or something like that? I didn’t even text him back, but yet here I am, walking towards his house. I think part of me just wants an explanation. Something. Even though I keep saying that I don’t care about Jonah or what he does, I still want to know where he has been in the past week and a half. And to be honest, I still wanted to see him.

Why is it that he still has this like, ultimate control on me? Like the day he picked me up from school, all he had to do was give me this look and I was all his. He could tell me whatever he wanted, and I would do it. Now he has that power through electronics? What’s next? Is he going to telepathically tell me to rob a bank and I’ll just do it because he’s that good at persuasion? I don’t know. All I do know is that everything in me was telling me to turn and run away right now. But I wasn't going to, just because Jonah wanted me to come over. I'm so screwed up.

I finally reached the front door, but before I could even knock, it swung open, and a gorgeous Jonah appeared in front of me. His dark brown hair framed his face and his brown eyes looked down at me. I felt my heart drop, and all I could do was stare at him. After about twenty seconds, he finally broke the silence.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” He said quietly.

“I didn’t either,” I replied. Jonah widened the door and I stepped inside to his all familiar house.

“Jonah, Dad told me to have you call him and pick up and-" Heidi stopped mid-step in the hallway once she saw me. She looked over at Jonah and then back at me, as if seeing us together was some huge deal. “Jill… hey…” She finally said awkwardly.

“Um, hey.” I replied just as awkwardly, mainly because I had no idea why this situation was even awkward.

“Er, Jonah, can I talk to you in the other room for a second?” Heidi asked. Before Jonah could even answer, Heidi grabbed his arm and yanked him into his room, leaving me standing in the doorway.

“What is she doing here?!” I heard Heidi whisper sharply to Jonah. I heard Jonah whisper something back, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I curiously walked closer to the bedroom and leaned my ear against the door to eavesdrop.

“I can’t do this, Heidi. I can’t not be with her.”

“You’re going to have to, Jonah,” Heidi replied angrily. “I thought we agreed that having you stop seeing her would be for the best. For you to go flirt with other girls so Jill would think you were scum so she’d stop coming around here? We can’t have her here, Jonah. Any girl but Jill. Any girl!”

“She’s not just any girl,” Jonah responded defensively. I leaned in closer to the door and bit down on my lip until it was basically bleeding.

“Jonah,” Heidi replied impatiently. “She’s a nice girl, and that’s exactly why you need to stay away from her. I’m trying to look out for you. Her and you. If she only knew what you did. You know how she’d react if she found out.”

“She’s not going to.” Jonah whispered harshly.

“You’re going to keep something like that from her?!” Heidi asked. “That’s just as bad! You might as well just tell her and have her hate you because if she found out... Jonah if she found out-”

I couldn’t take it anymore and swung open the door quickly. The two siblings snapped their heads in my direction with surprised reactions.

“What?” I asked frustratingly. “If I found out what? What is this big secret that would ruin his and mine’s relationship? What did Jonah do?! Please, I’ve been dying to know ever since I met the boy! I already know that there is something. Just tell me.”

Heidi just looked at me sympathetically before basically booking it out of the room, leaving me facing Jonah with my hands on my hips like some angry mom.

“Jill, I-“

“No,” I responded. I raised my finger and shook it aggressively. “No, no no no no. Just tell me what is going on.”

Jonah took a shaky breath and stepped closer to me. I looked up into his eyes, which were beginning to get that glassy look to them. He was upset. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, and I could see some stubble on his chin. His eyebrows were scrunched together as if he was angry, but his eyes, they were so, so solemn. Nothing about this was right. Nothing about him was right right now. Jonah reached forward and cupped my face in his hands. He moved his lips to my forehead and kept them there. I bit down on my lip again, and let out a hollow, shaky breath.

“I’m so sorry,” He whispered against my forehead. “Jill, I-I’m so, so sorry. You're going to hate me so much."

“What did you do?" I asked as tears freely fell down my face. “What did you do?”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated.

I pushed Jonah away from me and wiped the tears from my face.

“Stop apologizing! Just please tell me what you did. What is going on?!” I whimpered. Jonah sat down on his messy bed and placed his head in his hands. I walked over timidly and sat down by him. I reached my hand to his chin and moved it so that he was looking at me eye to eye. “What did you do?” I asked in the quietest whisper I could manage.

“I..." He begun, and took a deep, long, agonizing breath. "Jill, I..."

"What?" I asked and scooted closer to him.

"I killed Evan."