Take your Hand in Mine

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I reach over to my alarm clock and after a painfully long search, I shut it off. I flip the covers off of me and walk over to my mirror. Since I only sleep in my boxers, I can easily see the scars that litter my body. Some are just lines, some are words, but one in particular stands out to me: the name "Ashley". I've been crushing on him for years, but he won't ever like me. Let's face it, he's straight, popular and hot while I'm gay, unpopular and hideous. I don't blame him for not liking me.

I walk over to my closest and pick out my clothes. I choose a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, black converse and a tight v-neck sweater. I put on my layers of makeup to hide my face. I check over my appearance and poke my belly. I'm fat too, I forgot to mention that. No matter how many times Jinxx and Sammi assure me I'm skinny, I always see a fat boy in my reflection. And no matter how many meals I skip, I stay fat.

I cautiously walk downstairs to see if my stepdad is awake. I see him passed out on the couch and relief floods over me. I sidestep al the beer bottles on my way out so he doesn't wake up. Unfortunately, I step on one right as I reach the door. I cringe and hear him wake up. I bolt for the door but his hand grabs a fistful of my hair.

He pulls my face right up to his. "Is that makeup you're wearing?" he slurs. The stench of alcohol on his voice makes me gag. I open my mouth to answer but I moan from pain instead. He had kneed me in the gut. "Don't let me catch you in makeup again, fag!" he yells. He lets go of my hair and mumbles incoherently befre passing out on the floor.

I run out the door and get into my car. I start it up and drive school. When I get there, I see Sammi and Jinxx sitting in our usual spot under a big oak tree. I rest my head in my hands for a few moments, trying to forget what happened this morning. Yeah, they don't know that I'm abused at home. They also don't know about the fucked up things I do to myself or that I'm gay. It's for the best that they don't know, that no one knows.

Finally, I step out of my car. I grab my things and walk towards the tree with my head down. I'm almost there but I run into someone and drop my book bag.

"Sorry" I almost whisper. I'm not good at talking to anyone except for Jinxx and Sammi.

"Just watch where you're walking!" they snarl. I look up and I see Ashley. My heart starts racing a million miles an hour and my cheeks are red, I'm sure. Surprisingly, his face softens slightly and he bends down to pick up my stuff. "Be more careful, ok?" he says in a nicer tone. I give him a confused look. Why is he being nice to me? He never talks to me and his buddies, Jake and CC, bully me.

"Uh, sure?" I mumble. I grab my stuff from him and powerwalk over to our tree.

Sammi attacks me as soon as I get there. "Andy, why is you're face all red? Is there a girl you like?" she asks. I reach up to touch my face. It feels hot.

"Uh, n-no, not really..." I trail off, looking over to Ashley.

"C'mon, Andy, we're your best friends. You gotta tell us" Jinxx chuckles.

"Um, I-er" I stammer, feeling my face heat up more. How would I explain this to them? If I tell them I'm gay, they'll leave me for sure. If I tell them some random girl's name, they'll try to set us up. I try to figure out what to say, but the bell rings. "I'll tell you guys later, gotta get to class!" I run off. By now, they know something is up. How am I going to explain this one?