Never Gonna Leave This Bed

Kellin's POV

I watched Vic sleep next to me, his chest gently rising up and down letting me know he was still breathing. I couldn’t help but admire him. His long brown hair was scattered all along the pillow, while his soft pinky lips were slightly open, letting little snores come out. His eyelids were fluttering behind his long brown eyelashes, and I felt the need to watch his warm brown eyes staring right at my blue ones but I knew I couldn’t wake him, just not yet.

I was up thinking about all the things we had gone through, the good and the bad but I couldn’t stop my mind from drifting to the most recent argument.

We had gone out clubbing with our friends and at some point we had broken apart among the multitude. I shrugged and started dancing on my own when out of the blue a small pretty girl started to grind against me.

I let her be because, honestly, I was really bored and Vic was out of sight. We kept dancing like that when she turned around suddenly and kissed me on the lips. I have no idea what came over me but I kissed her back.

“I can’t fucking believe you, Kellin!” I heard Vic cry close to where we were and I pulled apart instantly, staring shocked at him.

“It’s not what it looks like…” I started to walk to him and but he immediately started to hit my chest with his tiny hands, trying to harm me in some way. I grabbed his wrists and looked straight into his eyes. “Stop.”

“Let me go.” He whined and I did, then he ran away and out of the club.

When I got home, I found him soon asleep in the bed and I didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He looked like he had fallen asleep crying and I felt guilty as fuck for doing what I had done. I was really stupid, I had cheated on him and I don’t even know why.

He was the only person who could make me really nervous. Like the first time we met. Usually I was a really cocky person but when he introduced himself to me with a huge smile plastered on his face, I suddenly became a bundle of nerves. I swear when he shook my hand I felt an electric shock travel through my whole body, sending shivers down my spine.

He was the most kind and charming guy I’ve ever met and to be honest, he was my very first crush when it came to guys. I was pretty sure I was straight before he arrived into my life, but when I saw him… dear Jesus. I knew I had to have him.

I came back to present time when he stirred in his sleep, mumbling nonsense stuff like he usually did. Not that I minded, because that was one of the small things I loved about him. Just like I loved the way his eyes always light up whenever he smiles and the way he scrunches his nose up when I make a stupid joke but he laughs anyway because he loves me. Or how when he’s uncomfortable he would look down and play with his thumbs over and over again.

It scared me to think I was falling this fast and hard for someone, so I constantly pushed him away and I knew it hurt him, but I couldn’t help but do that. It had always been my defense mechanism; when I become close to anyone, I push them away instantly. Over the years I've realized it's easier that way.

But for him, I had to stop doing it. I had to open up and let him in.

I gently shook him, earning a few baby dinosaur noises that left his mouth. “Vic, wake up.”

He rubbed his eyes with his hands while he stirred and turned to face me. When he barely opened his eyes, I saw him glaring at me with confusion.

“What do you want?” He asked, his voice still laced with sleep and I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander over his head. His hair was messy and pointing in different angles, causing a small grin to make its way to my lips.

“You’re adorable.” I said without even thinking, he rolled his eyes and then sat up, resting his back against the bed’s headboard and hugging his legs close to his chest, still with the blankets on.

“Seriously? That’s all you’ve got?” He asked with hurt in his voice and somehow it stung in my heart to know he was upset over some stupid action I had made.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled while I lowered my gaze, ashamed of everything I put him through. He sighed.

“You’ve said it a thousand times and I don’t even know if I should believe you anymore.” His voice cracked a bit by the end and I looked up to see tears starting to form in his eyes.

I instantly moved closer to him to try and comfort him, but he backed away, resting his chin over his knees.

“I think you should go.” He said after a few minutes of awkward silence. “This isn’t working.”

My heart shattered when those words left his lips, this couldn’t be happening. “No.” I sat in front of him, indian style. “Please don’t do this.” I looked into his eyes and I could feel tears picking on the corner of mine. “I know this isn’t perfect but I know we can make it work out. Give me one more chance.”

He sighed and I could see the hesitation on his face. I couldn’t blame him, I had behaved like an asshole to him and if it were me, I’d already be out the door in that instant, but luckily… he had the hugest heart I’d ever know of.

He looked into my eyes and opened his mouth. “I don’t know Kellin. I’ve always given you chances and you end up screwing up every single time.” He sighed. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I’d give it all away just to get you back.” I stared into his eyes pleadingly but his stare was blank. I knew he was trying to hide his emotions.

“You know it’s hard to forget everything you’ve done right.” I nodded. “Then why do you always do it again? Why do you hurt me like that? I just don’t get it.” His blank façade fell down and I could see his brown eyes full of hurt and desperation.

“I don’t know but I’m sorry.” I answered truthfully. “And I’m also sorry for pushing you away.” A single tear made its way down my cheek but I brushed it away instantly. “I’m just scared.” I whispered.

“Scared of what?” He asked, clearly interested into what I had to say so I took a deep intake of air and met his eyes, somehow letting him know I was being completely honest.

“I’m afraid because you’re becoming the most important person in my life right now. And I’m afraid if I let you in, you’re gonna end up leaving just like everyone else.” I could feel more tears threatening to fall from eyes but I didn’t let them run free. I hated when people saw me cry, even if they were close to me. “I don’t think I could stand losing you too, Vic.”

Vic was staring at me with such adoration in his eyes. “Kellin, come here.” He stretched his legs and spread them a little so I could sit in between them and rest my back against his chest.

I did as told and the moment I felt his arms embracing me, I knew I was home. The warmth of his skin seeped through me and warmed my being so much it arose goose bumps on the back of my neck.

“I know it’s hard to let people in, but I need you to trust me.” He whispered with his chin resting on top of my head. “I need you to stop walking away whenever things get too affectionate. I never thought it’d scare you that much.”

“I’m sorry.” I whispered back, snuggling closer to his chest. “I just need some time.”

“I’ll wait all the time I have to wait.” He sighed, moving his head to the side of mine. “Just, please don’t keep running away.” His breath tickled my neck, making me giggle a bit.

“I will never walk away again.” I could feel myself dozing off and the last thing I remember saying before falling sleep, cuddled in his arms was. “I'm never gonna leave this bed.”