Yelling Through

“Koraline?” Oli called from the opposite side of the bathroom door.

I was currently soaking in the tub. All of the lights were off, and I had Paramore playing through the speakers. I felt like I was floating, as if I was lost in space. Of course, the second I heard Oli’s voice I came crashing back down.

●●●

“Do you want me to get Jordan to take you home?” Tommy asked.

I nodded. The Bring Me boys has decided to go out. They had also decided to “bring the birds” with them.

It had started off okay, but I had forgotten my board and wasn’t comfortable enough around the other girls to speak. I had been pretty reliant on Oli, but Oli was at this point completely and totally plastered, leaving me stranded, for lack of a better word.

Of course Matty was equally as messed, up and those two only fed off of each other’s drunkenness.

That wasn’t even really the main problem. The problem was that their drunken antics were drawing a massive amount of attention and I was trapped in the booth by a very clingy Oli.

Fortunately Tommy was pretty sober, and Jordan and his wife hadn’t touched a drop.

“Oi! Sykes!” someone yelled.

‘Damn it,’ I thought.

“Rodney!” Oli called back, raising an arm in a wave, the other still wrapped around my shoulders.

Tommy groaned slamming his head onto the table. “Fucking hell.”

“Oli!” the guy greeted, walking over.

“Where the hell have you been mate?” Oli asked.

“Been working. Got a real job, unlike you sods,” the guy said. He was obviously as drunk as Oli and as Matty.

“I have a job. We’ve been touring our asses off.”

“Sure you have. Is that little Tommy Sykes?” he asked, looking at Tom, who had removed his face from the table. He must of hit it with some real force, because here was a bright red mark on his forehead.

“Been a long time, Rodney.”

“It sure has. I hear that you’re a photographer. Retty cool..”

“Yeah. It’s a sweet deal.”

Rodney switched up again.

“Oli, is this your bird?” he asked, looking at me.

I looked at the table, but gave a slight wave.

“Yes, she is,” Oli said happily.

“You’re this sod’s bird?”

I nodded.

“No need to be like that, love. I don’t bite.”

“She’s quite bashful,” Oli said.

“She looks to good for you,” Rodney said.

I didn’t like that comment, but I was entirely too uncomfortable to do anything other than silently disapprove.

“She is, but if she’s willing to be with me, I’m not going to question it.”

“Is Syko in love?” he asked.

“And if I am?

“Jaxx,” Tommy said, sliding out of the booth, practically pushing the others out.

“I can’t believe it. Are you serious?”

“Do you need an declaration?” he asked. Oli stood up. “I, OLIVER SCOTT SYKES-“

“Jaxx!” Tommy grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the booth.

“-AM IN LOVE WITH KORALINE ANNE JAXX!”

●●●

I didn’t respond. The door opened, and a small sliver of light cut through the darkness.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” he asked.

“Feels like space,” I answered.

He pushed the door open further, just enough to slip in, before shutting it.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yes.”

I couldn’t see him. I knew he couldn’t see me, and that I was thankful for. Not only did I not want him to see me naked, but I also didn’t want him to see how rattled I really was. I wasn’t even sure if I was allowed to be upset. It wasn’t like this was a regular thing for me. I avoided people, especially boys, and the ones I did interact with were either family, fans or deaf, not someone that I had feelings, very new and confusing feelings for.

We lapsed into silence, until finally, he broke it.

“Koraline?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry I got pissed. I’m sorry I put all of that attention on you. I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it. I’m sorry it was so hard for you to get away. I am sorry that the first person that I told that I love you wasn’t you. I’m sorry that it came out before you were ready. But, Koraline, I am never going to apologize for how I feel about you.

“I know that everything is new to you, and that you’re scared, because for the longest time, you though that you were invisible, and that love is only something that you right about. You’re not, and it’s not. I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to return anything, because you don’t. I owe you an explanation, and I don’t want to keep this to myself. I love you, Jaxx. I love you to death, whether or not you feel the same.”

I didn’t know what to say. I soubted that I could have made myself talk if I wanted to. I was afraid to mess the moment up, so I simply moved, wrapping my arms around his neckand squeezing him tight.

“I’m not going to pretend that I’m okay. I can feel the demons clawing their way to the surface. I don’t want to fight them. It’s easier, just to let them win, but my mum, my dad, the guys, the fans and you, you don’t deserve that.

“And when you’re here. It’s easier. I still feel them clawing away, but it’s not as bad.

“I need you, Koraline.”

“I love you, Oliver.”