Forever and Goodbye

I woke the next morning utterly dazed, and frighteningly alone. Connor had gone and hadn't even left a trace of his passing, nor a hint of warmth for my frozen body. The house resonated with hollow sounds as one abandoned might make: the lonely cries of rusty beams and bickering bricks yearning for a heartbeat, any form of happiness, a touch of laughter... As I sat in Jake's chilly living room, I could feel my bones creak as the beams were wailing; I could feel my skin burn with the frost of loneliness. From the moment my eyelids fluttered open, I knew the house was not the only one deprived of attention: Jake, Callie, and Connor were nowhere to be seen - naturally.
I shrugged myself out of bed, draping my thin forest green blanket around my shoulders, and looked outside. The beauty of the sight shocked me, seeing as I had become accustomed to New Haven from this window view; it had always been the same: Marie, Jake's neighbour, would walk her Golden Retriever every morning and stop in town for a coffee. Her husband, Reginald, would leave about half an hour later in his silver Volvo, flyers in hand and half-eaten bagel hanging out of his mouth. But today, things seemed different: it was snowing.
I often wondered what phenomenon makes the first snow of the season seem so hopeful, but the answer had always eluded me. It was this fact, however, that pushed me to run to my duffel bags and scoop up my fall jacket. It had been a gift from Callie once upon a time, when Callie deigned to be in my presence...
I pressed my jacket into my face and began to sob. No matter how hopeful the beginning of winter appeared to be, there was none left for a little fool like me. I had escaped from home to begin again, and yet here I was, stuck in space, waiting once more for people to accept me for who I am. Except this time, I was truly alone.
''Oh, come on... Get your act together, Tara! Quit being such a baby!'' I muttered angrily under my breath; it was high time I stepped out of this apartment, and having another fit over last night was not going to help my situation. I pulled on the soft red fabric, as well as my grey crocheted hat and matching scarf. I was ready to defeat this Cabin Fever, once and for all, but first, a cigarette, my purse, and perhaps something other than Mario jammies and slippers. Sigh...
Ready to hit the road, I stepped out into the crisp air and felt the soft combination of withering grass and frost under my flats; those were the only pair of shoes I had brought with me when I had left home. I guess it was just about time to go shopping, if this place actually had a mall, just not today. A walk and some decent coffee would satisfy me for today: there was also no need to cause a scene with the gang if they showed up before me. Wouldn't Callie just love that one?
I sighed to myself and grabbed the spare key under the entrance map, closed Jake's door and stepped out into the falling snow. It was beautiful, but somehow it also seemed menacing, as if advertising the horrendous storms brewing for this season. The streets were barren save piles of dead leaves freezing under the snow, there was no soul in sight, and I could see the convenience store from here. Looking around, I realized that I was free. Everything I saw seemed insisting, gasping for me to leave this ridiculous place... But I couldn't leave Callie; I loved her, and she loved me. She was just really busy these days; she simply lost her patience with me. I shook my head, all this thinking, these choices; it was hurting my head.
''Oh quit it. You know you would never have the guts to leave. Besides, you have nowhere to go. Your parents would crucify you the minute you even so much as dared to step inside. You have no friends, no other close relatives... All you had was Callie; it was always about Callie. And look where you are now: a strange town in the middle of nowhere, completely alone.'' I laughed bitterly at how pathetic those words were, yet how true they rang. I was alone in the world, and no one was coming to save me.

I lit my cigarette with a heaviness in my heart, and began wandering into the small town. If no one was waiting for me, who cared if I was late?

I hadn't gone home that night at all, loving the crisp, clean air filling my lungs. I had rented a motel at the other side of town, smoking my cigarettes and eating my first decent meal in a couple of weeks. Being away from Jake’s stagnant, pot-smelling apartment was a relief that I barely understood. Perhaps it had become something of a cage for my soul, closing in until I could hardly breathe. But two nights ago, the Nightingale had broken free. When Callie had hit me, she had meant to reign me in; however, in doing so, she gave me my wings to fly away. Except these wings were bruised and bloodied, making flight unbearable on my weak heart.
I was lying in bed still; thinking of a flight, dreaming of the day Callie would embrace me and become the woman I had thought to know all these years. I lay there for hours, wondering if my parents cared that I had ran away at all. Slowly, I fell asleep under the moon’s sweet caress, and I dreamed of iron bars, melting away under the moonlit night. I dreamed my wings, black as ebony, reached into the skies, and flew away. As I ascended into the cloudy heavens, another bird joined my flight: a dove as white as snow, its wings tainted with scarlet drops. This dove, she had eyes the color of reborn leaves in the spring, and a soul as dark as a cloudy night sky. Finally, the dream receded, and I slept like I had never slept before; only waking in the late morning, feeling new, ready to take on my return to Jake’s apartment, and to my love’s cold embrace.