Forever and Goodbye

All I heard was voices as my mind floated into consciousness: a cacophony of loud, obnoxious voices, their meaning lost to my ringing ears. I could hear Callie, shrieking inaudible curses at Connor, as he yelled back, anger saturating his words. I could hear Jake laughing by himself in a corner of the musty church, his throaty chuckle echoing through the walls. I could hear the labored breaths of a woman whimpering near me, calling for a helping hand that would never come. Over all of those pitiful voices, I heard the chains of my shackles resonating through my blinding headache as I stirred; and above all, I heard my heart pounding in my chest as Connor’s bloodied face appeared before the blackness of my eyelids, only to fade a moment later, burned into my subconscious.
The yelling stopped at once as I fought to free my hands, my eyes still shut. I wanted nothing but to run from this nightmare, to forget all of this had ever happened, and to return home and resume my wondering about Callie’s whereabouts. I knew if I opened my eyes and saw them standing there with blood-drenched bodies, the nightmare would become my reality.
“She’s waking”. Callie’s clear voice rang out through the church, barely comprehensible as her high heeled footsteps drowned all other noise. She was coming closer, dropping to her knees in front of me. I could smell the sweet metallic scent coming off of her in waves; gone was the vanilla odors that used to permeate her skin.
Callie’s cold hand lifted my chin, only then did I notice the watery tracks of my eyes. I was cringing away from her hand as she tried to make me face her.
“Look at me, Tara.” She whispered; her voice deprived of a single wisp of warmth. I declined, jerking my head out of her hand, keeping my eyes tightly shut. In an instant, her hand was blocking my windpipe, tightening against my neck.
“I told you to look at me.” Her voice was calm as death and her hand ever so tight as I complied, gasping as she freed my aching neck.
“Open your eyes.”
Hesitantly I did as she asked, wishing my hands were not shackled to the wall above me, so I could stroke my burning throat. My vision was blurry as my eyelids struggled to open. Now I could see Jake sitting across the dank room, a simple smile playing on his lips; I could see Connor staring at me, arms crossed, his forehead creasing into a worried frown; I could see the woman beside me, lying on the ground, her blood slowly seeping from a deep wound in her torso. She didn’t even need my chains: this woman was too weak to run; she would never again have the chance to see the outside world. Above all, I could see Callie’s green eyes, pitying the gasping breaths I took: my chest weighed a ton. She was gorgeous, as always, except her beauty now held a hint of cruelty from the sharp angle of her jaw to the point of her manicured nails. Her lips, which were but a few inches away from mine, were so red they could very well have been dipped in fresh blood, and her eyes glittered with a hint of cruelty, seeming to demand my life.
She looked at me now, smiling, with those same cruel eyes. I wondered why I had never seen that glimmer before now: it was all too familiar, a look I had seen her wear a hundred times, but was never able to place. “Shame you didn’t sleep longer, darling, we weren’t quite done discussing your fate.”
“Yes, what a shame. You could have killed me while I slept.” I replied hoarsely.
To my surprise, Callie giggled. “Oh no, no, no, silly girl!” she explained, her stained hair bobbing up and down as she stood up and danced over to Jake, sliding into the comfort of his arms and leaning against his chest. “You see Jules, that would take all the fun away.” Jake nodded his approval and kissed Callie’s lips with such passion I had to look away. She was still laying there, the dying woman, staring at the ceiling as she wailed. I realized with a jump that this woman was none other but Angelika, the skinny Coke addict I had once encountered at Jake’s apartment. Her shirt was torn, exposing her from shoulder to waist, where her wound flashed an ugly shade of red. I began weeping again.
“Is this all too real for you?” Callie’s voice rang, mocking. “I thought you wanted to know my secret at all cost. Well, this is my addiction: watching the eyes of the damned as they fall into Hell. Is that so wrong?”
She untangled herself from Jakob, taking his hunting knife with her, and pushed the steel edge lightly into the bottom of my chin.
“Regardless, we were about to come to the conclusion of simply killing you, although that is a pity. I’d thought you to be better than all the other wretches we buried outside.”
Callie pushed unto the knife and a sharp pain bit into my senses, making me cry out. I could feel the light trail of blood dripping down my bruised neck. She then kissed me, digging the dagger a little deeper into my flesh, feeding off of my cry as she traced the contours of my mouth one last time. In a moment, her lips were gone, however, and were left with a vast emptiness. My eyes were swimming with tears, the taste of ash resting on my tongue, my whole being hating the woman who was now lying on the floor, wrestling with Connor, who up until now had not said one single word. I was alive. It was Connor who had pulled her off and taken the knife away from her; it was he who now stood between us, looping the dagger into his belt.
“That’s enough, Callie. She doesn’t need to die here.” His tone was almost pleading, trying to appeal to her better nature.
“Oh, but she does. She’s seen too much. She’ll definitely rat us out if we let her go.” Callie retorted, trying to shove Connor out of the way. He stood steadfast, and swatted her arms away like a child’s.
“You didn’t waste me, and I was in a far worse predicament than she is.”
I watched wide eyed as Connor fought for my freedom, hoping he would succeed, so I could run from his blood stained hands. I glance at Jake, wondering where he stood; but as always, he remained sitting on his perch, a grin on his face, not saying a word.
“That was different! You know it was. Just let me get this over with, mkay? You don’t owe this bitch anything, so stop trying to save her!”
Callie’s anger burned harder as Connor kept his body between us, pleading my case.
He was in no better shape. “How can you fucking say that? She’s your girlfriend!”
“You know very well, Connor, that ‘girlfriend’ for me is a word I use to brand my little whores. They are my toys, and I’ll do whatever I please with my toys until it’s time to throw them away. And it’s way past that this one hits the trash can! She’s a god damn nuisance!”
Connor paused, looked back at me and smiled weakly. Suddenly his eyes lit up and his smile became triumphant. “A nuisance she may be,” he uttered calmly, “but not completely useless. It’s hard running this gig with only the three of us. We could use the help. Give her the choice between life as one of us, and death.” He shrugged away from a furious Callie, who had aimed once more for the knife at his belt, and looked to Jake. “What do you say, Jake?”
Jake stared at me, his grin turning into a smirk as he sized me up. “This indeed could work,” he said, sauntering up to me. He looked down on me with his mahogany eyes:
“What do you say, Tara?”
It was unimaginable. I could not believe they would make me choose between a life of murdering and death. There was only one choice to be made; I spat blood unto his shoes, and replied with as much dignity as I could muster.
“I would rather die than be one of you.” At this, Jakob chuckled, and Callie exclaimed in triumph, shoving Connor. “Finally! Connor, get out of my way!”
Jake then turned to her and grew serious. “No. She will live: this one’s got spirit, and once we break her she’ll be quite useful.” He turned and faced Connor. “Since you graciously petitioned for her life, I’ll put her into your care. Make sure she doesn’t do something stupid.”
At that he began walking for the rotting double doors, only to pause and call out to my barely contained ‘girlfriend’. “Come on, Callie, we’re getting out of here. Oh! And one more thing Connor: take care of Angelika before you leave, okay?”
A few moments later, they were gone, leaving a chilling breeze to engulf the room. All was silent as Connor dropped to the ground and smiled. I could not be angrier.
“What the fuck did you do that for?! Do you hate me that much?” I began crying aggressively; his face became a stream of blurred features. He padded close to me on all fours, and held me by the shoulders. “I know it’s horrible, but you get used to it, trust me. I practically begged for my death when I was in these shackles a few years back. I don’t want to be here anymore than you do, but one day I’m going to break free, and when that day comes I’m taking you with me. Just promise me you’ll try your best to gain their trust. Jake may be naïve, but Callie is not.”
I began sobbing hysterically as my eyes came dry. “It wasn’t your choice to make!”
He nodded and whispered an ‘I know’ and then proceeded to open the locks at my wrists with a tiny silver key he had taken out of his pocket. I sat there afterwards, rubbing my throbbing wrists, watching his eyes as he bandaged my wounds and applied some sort of lotion to my throat. I remained silent, not saying a word more than was needed, until he made me stand and pushed the knife inside of my hands. I had half a mind of stabbing him, then and there, but he was my only ticket out of this nightmare. “What are you giving me this for?” I whispered meekly, staring up at his sorrowful face.
“This is your initiation. The newcomers all have to do it; I did, once. You have to kill your first victim, and stare into her eyes as she dies.”
Fear hit me like a punch to the gut; I dropped the knife, trembling. “I can’t kill her.”
“You have to. I’m sorry.” He bent down and grabbed the dagger, kneeling beside Angelika, whose breaths were becoming weaker by the second.
Connor reached for my hand and pulled me down next to him, directly in front of Angelika’s torn bodice. “Let me help you.” He said, tightening my shaking hands over the handle of the hunting knife. “Now,” he encouraged into my ear, “look at her. Study her breaths. Tara, think of it as if you’re doing her a favor; you’re ending her suffering.”
“I can’t!” I screamed, my eyes fixating her light brown ones as she saw her end approaching. Connor wrapped his hands around mine, so I held the knife steady. “Tara, they’ll kill you; look at her she’s already dead.”
Crying out in anger and trembling with fear, I let his strong arms guide mine above her exposed breasts, to her heart. Angelika begged for help until the last moment, until Connor’s hands gave a jerk and the knife came plummeting into her chest. Blood squirt from her heart as it took it’s last, painful pumps, covering my forearms and sprinkling warmly unto my cheek. Angelika gasped, and her eyes clouded over, staring into space forevermore.
I had watched her eyes from beginning to start; I had seen the life seeping out of them, and tasted the unspoken cry on her tongue. The fright they had held as she had died seeped within my bones, numbing my conscious until I could barely comprehend the events that followed afterwards. The only two things I remember after killing Angelika Reid were: a) my awful gag reflex as I emptied my stomach of chyme and bile, and b) Connor’s arms as he pulled my resilient body from the floor, into what seemed like a shower room. He had carefully undressed me then, and pushed me under scalding water, leaving me to wash the blood off of my hands. No matter how hard I rubbed, however, the red stains did not seem to come off. They seemed to be a part of me now, always present, even though they were invisible to the naked eye.
Before he had left, I had sat down on the bathroom floor and stared at Connor with unseeing eyes. I had asked him one question then, and only one.
“Connor… What did Callie mean when she said you were different?” I had cringed at my infantile voice: It had sounded weak and vulnerable, and most of all, numb.
Connor had looked at me with sadness and shaken his head.
“Callie’s my twin sister; and I guess you can say she still has enough humanity not to kill her own brother.”