Louder Than Thunder

“Thanks,” Michelle said, blushing slightly.
“Well, I like the way it reads. How does it go?” Mary asked.
“I’d like to show you, but we have to wait for our new producer to get back,” Michelle said with a chuckle.
“Right, Paul. Can we call him Paul Two? I keep thinking we’re talking about Paul our old manager,” Darlene said.
“I don’t know if that will go over with him very well. I mean, how would you feel if you had to be Paul Two? Why couldn’t Manager Paul be Paul Two?” Mary snickered.
“Because Producer Paul is the second Paul we’ve met, hence Paul Two.”
“Maybe there are too many Pauls in England,” Michelle joked as she began heading out the room. “Come on, then. Let’s just go start practicing.”
“Alright.”
The girls went into the booth with the instruments and Michelle began playing through the song, showing them the chords. Mary grabbed her bass and picked up a rhythm and Darlene began lightly tapping her drums, trying to find a beat that worked with it.
Eventually, Paul returned to the studio. He was a well dressed man, much younger than their first producer, and he was much more open-minded as well. He jumped at the idea to work with such an innovative girl group that it was hardly as question as to whether he wanted to. The girls were proud to be able to work with people legitimately interested in them and their music.
Maybe it was the idea that attracted certain people to work with them. It was rebellious, which of course teenagers liked, yet could easily be marketable if done right so that teenagers of any kind could like it – even the band knew that. Mods could easily love their music as it was easy to dance to, and their parents would think odd of it. Rebellious girls would love how it opened new doors for their gender and boys would warm up to it eventually.
Paul returned with Kim while they were learning the song.
“Looks like you got busy, girls. Care to record that?”
“Sure,” Mary replied.
“I think the engineer’s almost done setting up the equipment,” he said, looking over at another man who was playing around with plugs and wires.
“Almost. . .there!”
“Alright, thank you.”
With that, they started recording. They finished the first song in time to make it to the first club they were playing that evening. They then went halfway across the city to play their second show for the evening and then returned to their hotel, where they were staying until they could buy a nicer place and move out of their old one. They returned only to pay the rent they missed (having warned the landlord they were taking a leave and would be late during that time).
The next evening was their three show night. They recorded another song that didn’t make the cut for the album and then went straight to their gig, and then the other three. Their playing improved with the experience of touring; however, they were tired by the time they arrived at their third show. Michelle ran into the crowd of club-goers before the show to find anyone who had some pills.
She ran back into the dressing room and quickly straightened up her black trousers and sweater. Mary and Darlene, who were grabbing their bass and drumsticks respectively, turned to watch her fix herself, flustered, and grab her guitar.
“Alright, time to play again,” she said.
“Look, I know we agreed on not meddling in parts of each other’s lives that don’t affect us, but I’m worried about you when you take pills. You’ll end up with some sort of heart problem, you know?” Mary commented.
“I know, but it’s not all the time. I just need it tonight.”
“I know it’s not all the time for now, but, I mean, Chell, we’re about to make it. When you make it, you get busy; even if it’s once in a while now, we may as well double it in a year or two. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Will you?”
“I don’t know, I just want to go on and play,” Michelle whined, stomping her feet.
“Look, I just-“
“Let’s play!”
“I just don’t-“
“Come on, they’re waiting for us!”
“I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you, alright? Have you forgotten what happened to Keith? I don’t want that to happen to you, alright? I don’t want us to have these problems as we go on, that’s why I’m trying to deal with them. We never deal with anything and that just leaves us with the problems. They don’t go away when we don’t deal with them.”
It went quiet for a moment as a sad and fueled tension floated about. Darlene threw out an attempt to mediate the tension.
“You know, she’s right. I mean, we don’t want to end up like them.”
“Well, no,” Michelle said.
“So, maybe you need to find another way to deal with your stress. I’m drinking less. Look, I was reading in this magazine and, I mean, some of it was conservative bullshit that no mod would ever hear, but it did bring up the issue of heart problems and they are very real. We can’t have you getting a heart problem at your age and while we’re in the middle of making it for two reasons: one, it could bring down our careers and if we don’t have that, we don’t have money and we can’t do anything; I mean, we can’t live our lives in a place like we have been. Two, we especially can’t do it if you, say, die.”
Michelle stopped and stared at her for a moment. She shook her head as she wiped her eyes, though they were dry.
“I don’t want to make you feel bad; I want you to stop of your own accord if you want to. I’m saying this just so that you know how I feel.”
“Well, how am I supposed to go on when I know it makes you feel bad?”
“Because it’s what you want.”
Just then, Kim entered the room.
“Girls, you were supposed to go on five minutes ago! Get out there!”
“We’re having an important talk! Chell, even if you know how I feel, within a few days, will you really think about this if you need a pick-me-up? You won’t care about this moment by then.”
“Well now, that all depends on how this ends.”
“Don’t give me that! Don’t get snappy with me!”
“Well, what do you want me to do?”
“Just listen! You won’t care about this if, by tomorrow, from the interviews and the first show, we arrive at the second one dead tired. You won’t care! You’ll say you need something, you’ll go out and, you won’t come back with coffee or a drink, you’ll come back after taking some pills and it’s a cycle! We’ve seen it first-hand with Keith. I can’t believe that, of all people, you – the smartest of us, who reads the most and knows a little about everything – didn’t learn anything from seeing Keith go into the hospital, not once, but twice. I honestly can’t believe that.”
“Well, maybe that’s not it then. Maybe I do it so that I don’t have to worry about it while it’s happening, eh? Don’t you think? You think I want this?”
“I know you don’t. That’s why I needed to do this now. I know you don’t want this. You don’t need to be drugged to feel better about it, though. I mean, if you need help, we’ll help you deal with it. We both will, won’t we, Mary?”
“Of course we will.”
“So, please, just promise you won’t take them when you feel like you need them. That’s the worst time to take them because that’s how you start going to them each time you get that same feeling. Promise you’ll let us help you if you need us.”
Michelle gazed at the ground as they stared at her, waiting for her to make her decision. Her eyes were shiny with tears, sitting patiently until she spoke and lost control over her emotions. Mary noticed and smiled at Darlene, thinking that it was working. Darlene didn’t take notice, however. She watched Michelle for an answer.
“Fine,” she said, breaking out into tears. “Fine, I won’t do it anymore.”
She began sobbing into her hands. Darlene and Mary shared a smile before hugging their friend, who was still sitting in the dressing room’s chair.
“It’s okay. We’re here,” Mary hushed.
Meanwhile, they could hear Kim outside the room, arguing with someone.
“That must be the manager,” Darlene said.
“Alright, let’s go play.”
Michelle removed her hands to reveal wet eyeliner and mascara streaked all over them.
“Let’s just fix that first.”