Believe in Skin

He stood there, behind the legendary Hollywood Sign, looking through the O at the twinkling lights of Los Angeles, California. He thought about all the times he walked on the curbs, partied in the clubs, and the hands he held along the way. So many were meaningless compared to the hand he held just a mere six weeks ago. He was shocked to think he'd never hold that hand again. He felt his stomach grumble, begging for something to sustain him. He knew the battle waging inside his stomach would end him if the fall wouldn't.

The deep breath he took held all sorts of memories. All of them held the faint scent of her. He wanted nothing more than to hold her again. But he knew that wasn't possible anymore. She ended up falling forever with angels, gouging a pit of despair in his heart. To him, life was meaningless without his future fiancee.

He climbed up the O, taking the same steps she did four weeks ago. He drew in a breath as he looked at the dazzling lights and the shining stars. He wondered if this is what she saw when she stood here. Then he looked down. He saw the semi-dry grass flow in the wind, as if begging to fall into the blades. He took one last deep breath, letting the tears he'd been holding in for so long fall down he cheeks. He spread his arms, and looked at the sky.

“I'm coming. Just hold-”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MATT?! DON'T JUMP!” A tatted man screamed as he ran up the dirty path. The curly haired man looked toward the other, then back at the lights. “MATT, I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU JUMP, I'LL FUCKING HAUNT YOU!” The man screeched.

“You can't haunt me if you're not the one about to die!” Matt chocked out. He didn't want to the other man to see his tears.

The man finally reached the spot were Matt stood. His breathing ragged, his gasped, “Why are about to fucking jump? There's no fucking point to it! Just get down!”

“No! I've made up my fucking mind! I'm jumping!” He said, tears freely falling, not caring who saw.

“Matt, for fuck's sake! Get down and let me beat some fucking sense into you!” He persuaded.

“No, George! I can't live like this anymore! It's not worth it!” Matt tipped his head back farther and his feet swayed. His body began to tip over, precariously over the beckoning grass.

“NO!” George rushed through the letters of the sign to the other side. Breathing heavy, he ran up under Matt and caught him in his tired arms. They fell to the grass just below the sign, not enough to kill either of them, but enough to cause scars and bruises. George grabbed Matt by the waist, then hoisted him up on his right shoulder, carrying him back to where he stood previously.

“Damn it George, PUT ME DOWN!”

“If you say so.” Then he unceremoniously dropped him to the dirt.

“Ow...”

“Now listen to me, Matt. I-”

“I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!”

George sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he had recently developed, because of the man in front of him. Matt had become a living nightmare to deal with. George knew why; if he was in Matt's position, he probably would want to jump of the Hollywood Sign, too. Losing your future fiancee, for no reason at all? Hell, he'd be upset to. But someone had to stop him; it wasn't worth it. He had to move on.

“Matt... I know... ugh... how to put this...”

Suddenly, Matt stood up, getting in George's face. “Don't you DARE tell me you know how I feel! You don't! Now leave me to rot and die!”

“Matt, rotting and dieing is not the way to go. It's-”

“Yes it is! Now GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!” Matt pushed past him, but George grabbed his upper arm, making him stumble back. “What?!”

“Are you just gonna jump and die? Leave all the people who care about you behind?”

“Nobody cares about me, George! Not my parents, not my relatives, and CERTAINLY not you or the guys. The only person who gave a shit about me was her! And now she's gone!”

“Did she really care about you if she just committed suicide?”

“She left me her suicide note, George! For me! She said she loved me and that she'd be waiting on the other side! She knew I'd be the only one to follow her up here!” Matt slid down to his knees, tears running down his soft cheeks. “She really loved me...” He sobbed.

George calmly walked over to Matt, and knelt in front of him, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Matt...”

“What?” He barked.

“We care about you, Matt. Don't ever think any different.”

“What complete and utter bullshit,” Matt spat with venom.

George leaned forward and their foreheads together. “Matt, we all have different ways of showing it, but we all care about you. Please believe that.”

Matt scoffed. “Prove it.”

“If we really hated you, we wouldn't be friends, would we?”

“I'm just your guys' amusement.”

“That's not true-”

“Shut up George! You're such a liar! Everyone just laughs at me. It's so pitifully obvious!”

George just swung his head in disappointment. “We laugh to have fun, not to make fun.”

“At my expense.”

George didn't want it to come to this. He didn't want to admit his real feelings. “Do you remember what happened? Four weeks ago?”

Matt just stared at him, dumbfounded. “Well duh, dipshit, my girlfriend killed herself! It's what we've been-”

“Not that. What happened after that. Just a few days after.”

Matt stared into George's blue canvas eyes, hoping that what he was thinking wasn't what he was thinking. But his skin betrayed him, and he blushed. “N-no.”

“Yes, you do. It was the only thing from that night that either of us remember. I know you remember.”

Matt's skin from his eyes to his chin turned dark red. “N.... no.”

George cocked his head to the side. “And you call me a liar.” He leaned in ever so closely, and their lips were half an inch apart. “You remember the closeness. The heat. The noise. The lonesomeness... you remember the fact that we were together.”

Matt gulped, and finally nodded.

“I remember, too. I kinda liked it.”

~~~Flashback~~~

Matt pushed and bumped his way through the small yet rowdy crowd of people. He knew he shouldn't have come to this party, but his friends dragged him. George was hosting it at his house. Which was a fucking mistake, considering his neighbors and the size of the house. Nobody even knew why he was throwing it; it was a spur of the moment thing. He invited the band over for drinks, Jordan ended up calling his brother, Dylan ended up calling his cousin, Danny called his former Lorene Drive band mates, and they ended up calling a few chicks, who ended up inviting some other friends, and viola, George had a fucking indoor riot to contend with. Though George was nowhere to be seen; Matt was glad. George had been a little more personal with him than ever. And when George got personal, normally it ended up with someone either a) in the hospital, or b) someone revealing a secret.

Matt stumbled about the thrashing people, trying not to fall over. But the alcohol he consumed wasn't helping; he was seeing double/triple of everything. The only thing he was sure of was that George's house was gonna be demolished when he woke up from his hangover. Whenever that would be. Matt was sure he drank about six bottles of everything. Okay, maybe not that much, but close to it.

Matt saw what he thought was the guest bathroom, and began staggering faster towards it. He didn't give a shit if somebody was in there, he needed to get away from the thumping music and the dancing bodies.

He grasped the knob drunkenly, turned it clumsily, and stepped in, turning around to make sure he shut the door. Then he locked it, so intruders would have to go somewhere else. He turned back around and slid down to the floor, his back up against the door. It was then he realized he wasn't alone.

There was a form in the shower. A steamy shower at that. Fog was everywhere. Matt felt hot, but he didn't shrug off the jacket he forgot he was wearing. He wasn't sure who was in the shower, but he didn't care. He wanted the naked person to come at him and fuck him, so he could forget the pain building in his chest, not only from alcohol, but from her fall earlier.

Soon, the water shut off. Matt quickly stood up, wanted to greet the fine lady who was on the other side. He kinda felt like a creep, but then again, it was her fault for coming to a party that was obviously going to hold a shit load of guys. Then the curtain opened.

“AH! FUCK! MATT! IF YOU HAD TO USE THE FUCKING BATHROOM, YOU SHOULD'VE GONE SOMEWHERE ELSE!”

It was George behind the curtain. Matt mentally kicked himself, then mentally fell over laughing.

George rushed the curtain back into its place, with a metallic shiiiiiinck as it closed, hiding the person behind it. “Can you haand me meh fucking.... toweeel?” George slurred.

Matt looked around the dizzying bathroom, finding the towel on the dry sink. He grabbed the long light blue towel and handed to George's waiting arm. Soon his hand disappeared, and the sound of a towel being wrapped around a body filled otherwise silent room. Other than the water being drained.

The curtain was moved to the right once more, revealing a now covered George. “Whhhhyy ar-are you heeeere?”

“To hide from the thuuping baaass.”

“Fair enough. Now can you-” He hiccuped. “Get the fucf out?”

“Nooooo,” Matt responded, slurry.

“Fune. What dow you... want?”

“Baaaaaaaass,” Matt replied.

“Whateveeer, bitch.”

Matt leaned his back against the sink. “Lonely.”

“Hmm?”

“Lonely sense... she fell. Neeeeeeed-” A hiccup. “A friend.”

“E'm game. Wonts on... mind?”

Matt just stayed silent for a while, conjuring his words. “I feel... lonely. Up...set. No one to love.” He looked up at George. “Why in shower?”

“A few-” Hiccup. “Girls were worsted, and blew chucksss of throw up on meh. A few champean showers. I smealt horribleeeeeeeee.”

“Fu... sucks.”

George came closer to Matt, seeing as his clothes were blocked by him. “No one toooooo love?” He questioned.

“Yeah. Just want... to be loved. Zat's all.”

George gawked at Matt. Secretly, George felt the same. He and his ex broke up on mutual terms, but now he felt lonely. No one to hold, no one to say 'I love you' to, no one to say 'I love you' to him... it felt like a prison, and he was his own jailer, but with no keys. Only someone else had the keys. All George wants is to be loved. That's all. Now that he knows Matt feels the same... an idea, a wild, crazy idea, came to him.

“Do you want to be loved?” George said, surprising himself when it came out crystal clear.

Matt blinked as he considered the question. “Yes.”

George moved to stand in front of Matt, placing his hands on the sink behind him. “I'll love you.” George moved like a snake, striking Matt's lips with his own. He twisted them with his, tasting the alcohol and the regret lingering upon them.

Matt felt the tinge of sadness on George's lips first before he even realized that he was kissing him. He didn't back out, he just charged through, making it hard for George to slip his tongue inside his mouth.

Before dominance was decided, George broke the kiss off. “Will you let me love you?” He asked, a hopeful gleam in his glazed eyes.

Matt internally said no, but his head nodded, slow, making his small curls shake and shiver. George smiled at Matt's tentativeness. He liked that about Matt. He took things cautiously, even though he was made fun of for it. Well, most things.

George ran his hands up Matt's arms as he leaned in for another kiss. Their lips connected, giving into the temptation that had appeared out of nowhere. He ran his tongue across Matt's lips, tasting the shock and want in every crevice. Everything about the kiss made George's skin crawl with anticipation. And made him grow with hunger. George reached down and untucked the corner of the towel from the other edge, and let the light blue rectangle fall into a puddle at his feet. His body free of constriction, his libido grew even more, and that libido felt the barrier of Matt's dark-colored jeans. George knew what needed to be done.

Matt felt George's fingertips find his zipper, and soon he heard the agonizing ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppp as George led the zipper downward. The edges soon past by his shoulders, and the black jacket made a puddle at his feet. George's hands found the hem of Matt's shirt, his fingertips tantalizing Matt's skin with goosebumps, and soon it, too, made a puddle on the floor. Matt fought the urge growing down below; he didn't want George to have satisfaction in knowing that his touch and his kiss sent fireworks popping off inside him. But it was hard to do when George's fingers found his belt buckle, and started working to take it off. And then his fingers found the zipper; that sound rung through the almost empty bathroom, the sound of the jeans hitting the floor booming even though the music on the outside was almost deafening.

George grabbed Matt's thighs tightly, picked him up, and set him on the edge of the sink. The kiss intensified as George bit Matt's tongue; his whine of protest causing George to grow even more. To George, foreplay was the most important part. But he didn't want to waste anymore time: he couldn't hold on to hardness much longer without stimulation. So he decided to play with Matt a little more.

He reached down to Matt's basic black boxers and unbuttoned the button. He slowly moved his hand into Matt's boxers, and gently pulled him out, excited to find him hard. And very ready.

“Do you want me?” Matt lightly whispered.

“You have no idea,” George whispered seductively. Fiercely he grabbed Matt's thighs again, digging his nail in this time, and put him back on his stumbling feet. He then grabbed the hem of his boxers and roughly pushed them off. He locked eyes then lips with him, lips together, like their bodies, pressing into each other like it was the last thing they'd ever do.

~~~Flashforward~~~

Matt's entire body blushed. He remembered being with George in that bathroom. The kissing. The touching. The biting. The licking. The fucking. He thought he had the world figured out, but George turned everything upside down. The only thing he knew was that he was no longer an ass virgin.

George thought about the same moment. They stayed locked in that bathroom, all night. George never felt a hole so tight. Even his first girlfriend couldn't compare. He came so much faster than normal, but he pushed himself to cum around three times. Matt, he wasn't to sure about. All that George remembered was waking up alone. And satisfied. And most of all, guilty.

George now stared at Matt's blue pools for eyes, lost in a memory that was all to clear for him to admit. He wanted to know why Matt left him alone.

“Why did you leave? Before I woke up?”

“I was fucked by my best friend, and you expect me to stay and say “good morning”?”

“I was hoping that you'd stay...”

Matt's blush came back full force. “Why?”

“Because I'm in the same boat as you. I want to love. To be loved. You do too. I wanted to make you feel better. Make myself feel better.”

“All I need is-”

George refused to hear protest and leaned in to kiss Matt's lips. It felt more desperate then before, more needy, more meaningful. George wanted it all. All of Matt. He needed all of Matt. But first, he needed to know if Matt wanted the same.

George rose his hands up and placed them on Matt's pecks. Matt didn't flinch, didn't back away; he leaned into George's hands. Secretly, he was eager to feel that sensation of being gay again. He... enjoyed it. It hurt like a mother fucker, but past the pain, was a pleasure he'd never experienced before. He wanted that again. He wanted George again.

George slid off Matt's jacket, letting the dirt wear it for a while. Matt did the same to George's. Matt felt the muscles in George's arm, the roughness, the tattedness. Matt found the hem of George's shirt, and with no hesitation took it off, reconnecting the kiss as soon as he could. George's nipples hardened immediately to the cold, but he didn't care. His body was warmed by Matt's natural heat. But George knew Matt wasn't the full-clothes type, so he took off his shirt, as well.

Their lips twisted and twisted into the others, licking and biting becoming a habit. Soon tongues were fighting for room, trying to make the other submit. But hands were more impatient, tussling with the belt buckles to rip them off. The clanks and ziiiips filled the silent air between them, making them eager to feel the bumps in their jeans. The cold bit at their exposed skin the jeans left behind, with only boxers as barriers against the wind.

George immediately grasped for the lump in Matt's boxers, the foreplay making it harder on both of them.

“Mmmm...” Matt whined, biting George's lip in protest.

“Don't worry-we'll get there,” George said huskily, with just a hint of need.

Before Matt could blink, George had him naked on his knees him the dirt. Matt could feel the cloth of George's boxers getting in the way of what he wanted, so he took them off, finally feeling George's hard-on against his own. His hardness must have hurt, being suppressed for so long. Suddenly, George broke the kiss.

“Turn around Matt.”

Matt did as told, horny and ready to be fucked, but a little nervous all at once. His breathing heavy, his cock hard, his body ready to be fucked by a man equally needy.

“Matt, this may be harder than last time. Please let me know if you feel unbearable pain, okay?” George breathed, which surprised Matt.

But he nodded. “Okay.”

George did it slow, kissing his the crook of his neck, his shoulders, his back. Matt could feel him wanting him, but he also felt the restraint. George's tip rubbed his lower end, finding the hole that it needed to fuck. Matt found himself on his hands and knees, his 'beautiful backside' bared for George. George found what he wanted, and readied himself. “Are you ready, Matthew?”

Matt knew this was more serious than before by the way George said his full name. But he was ready. “Yes, George. I'm ready.”

George took a deep breath, then gently pushed himself inside of Matt, making him whine. George moaned at the noise; he loved to hear Matt whine.

“Oh... fuck... G-George... fuck...”

“Matt...”

George grabbed Matt's tender hips, pulling his body towards his hardness, making him groan in delight. His body pounded against Matt's so deliciously he thought he would ejaculate right then. But he held it in. He wasn't just pleasing himself, but Matt as well.

He enjoyed the pleasure, even if it was painful. Soon the pain would be gone, and all he would feel was the pounding pleasure and the rising orgasm. His breath caught in his throat when George sped up his pace, trying to reach his special spot. He was almost there, he just needed more leverage.

George couldn't think straight, and his vision was faded. He knew he couldn't be close this early, but he was. The thought of Matt beneath him sent chills down his spine and pleasure through his penis. He needed Matt. Plain and simple.

George thrusted faster and harder, his climax approaching quickly. The burning desire singed his penis, and that white ball of fire was pushing, bumping, grinding its way to be free. The slapping of skin louder than their beating hearts, the heat rising in both of them, their climaxes couldn't be closer. They held it in as long as they could, moaning and whining how good it felt. But they couldn't hold it in for very long.

“OH FUCK!” George screamed as he finally released his needs. Matt wailed as the liquid inside of him came rushing out, and as George's liquid ran into him. He continued to drive their orgasms out then finally he gently pulled out, doing his best not to cause Matt pain. George quickly grabbed their jackets and laid them out, to form something to lie on. He took Matt's shoulders softly and laid him on the makeshift bed, laying beside him. Then he placed a soft, feather-lite kiss on his left shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He asked quietly.

“I feel wonderful,” Matt replied.

“I'm glad.”

“What about you?” Matt asked abruptly.

George smiled. “Yeah. I'm just perfect now.” It was Matt's turn to smile.

They laid there, near each other, with the cold surrounding them, but heat filling there bodies. The silence was beautiful to them. Until George remember something he had to say.

“Matt... I'm sorry... about-”

“George.”

Matt looked at him with revealing eyes. That stopped him in his tracks. It wasn't a question, it wasn't a statement, it wasn't an exclamation. It was just his name. But it sounded beautiful to George. “Yes?”

“I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me.”

George grew wide-eyed, but happy as well. He didn't expect Matt to be so... forward. But he like it. A lot. He felt himself smile aloofly. “I'll always crawl into bed with you.”

Matt smiled back. “We should-”

“HEY FUCK FACES! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!” They heard Jorel shout from a very disconcerting distance away.

Matt chuckled at Jorel's timing. “We really should get back now.”

George sighed. “Yeah.” He looked down. “But I think we should dressed first.”

Matt blushed, just a little bit. “I think you should shout back first.”

George did a short eyebrow raise. “WE'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE! HOLD YOUR FUCKING TROUSERS!” He turned to Matt. “Better?”

“Better.”

They proceeded to get dressed, minus their jackets. Every time their eyes met, they blushed, and smiled like fools. When they were finally dressed, they looked each other in the eyes, and then kissed. “Let's go!” George said, excited. But Matt lingered behind. He had a expression on his face George couldn't read. Stepped to him, and grabbed his hand. “What is it?”

Matt looked into George's blue eyes, like his own. “I was wondering... are we together now?” Matt cocked his head to the side, with a look of slight worry on his face.

George smiled, and backed up, still holding Matt's hand. He gave a very mischievous grin. “I'll let you decide that tonight. When I sleep in your bed.”

Matt grinned from ear to ear, happy that George would be right beside him. Inwardly he thanked himself for going into an occupied bathroom.

As he and George made their way down the winding path, holding hands, they each thought the same thing:

I'm so not going to behave tonight.