Thinking of You
1/1
I stood in front of the grave of my once lover; my hands clasped over my heart and tears burning eyes dark brown eyes. It had been almost an entire year since his death, but time didn't heal the large hole in my heart. There were nights when I would just lock myself in my closet with a bottle of vodka and cry, or drink, myself into an unconscious state. It felt as if no one was there for me, no one could understand me like he did; although, I had to admit that one person knew how I felt. After several months we somehow ended up together through our pain and the small step to recovery was all thanks to him.
George…
He and Fred were almost exactly the same on the outside, yet inside they couldn’t have been more different. Fred was a loud, dreamer with goals set higher than Heaven; George, on the other hand, was a bit more reserved and preferred to keep his head down to Earth. To everyone else they were the same, but they weren't to me.
I smiled mournfully and leaned down to rub the dark, cold marble with his name, birthday, and death date engraved in strong French cursive. As I opened my mouth, the wind blew and I knew he was with me to hear my words.
The words I had tried so hard to think of without crying.
"Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection," I whispered in a dry voice as I tried to look toward something other than his gravestone. My eyes landed on a small apple tree just a few feet away and tears brimmed my puffy eyes, "Like an apple hanging from a tree, I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed."
As I poured my broken heart out, I remembered his last words to me as he died in my arms. The smile on his face was still there even as the life faded from his forever shining eyes. "You said move on, where do I go?" I asked his presences as the tears fell, "I guess second best is all I will know."
Fred's face came to in mind as I tried to think about my future with George. It wasn’t what I had planned on those starry nights laying in the field with Fred holding me tight, but it still looked better than suffering alone; much, much better. “'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you, Thinking of you, what you would do If you were the one who was spending the night. Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes"
I smiled shakily as I thought, once again, about the last moment Fred looked into my watering eyes. I could almost feel him go limp in my arms once more and feel his life slowly die out slowly. With his last breath, he told a joke.
His last joke.
"You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter, like a hard candy with a surprise center. How do I get better once I've had the best?You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test..." My tears began to fall harder, and I continued to try and think about George instead. I thought about our first tearful kiss and our first drunken time together, but that didn't help, "He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh! He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself."
I was supposed to give my virginity to Fred the night we got married, but instead I gave it to his brother while we were both after Fred’s funeral. I wanted to ease the pain that night, but somehow brought more onto myself when I got the aching feeling of betrayal.
"'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you, Thinking of you, what you would do if you were the one who was spending the night. Oh, I wish that I was looking into-" A sob interrupted the rest of my sentence and I had to wait a couple of minutes to calm down. Tears poured down my once glowing mocha skin and my hands shook as I tried to dry them away quickly.
"You're the best, and yes, I do regret how I could let myself let you go! Now, now the lesson’s learned
I touched it, I was burned! Oh, I think you should know!'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you. Thinking of you, what you would do if you were the one who was spending the night." Images of me and Fred's faces played in my head. The smiles we had when we snuck out of Hogwarts and then the giggles we exchanged in detention the next day. "Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes! Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes! Oh, won't you walk through, and bust in the door and take me away?"
After several minutes of sobbing uncontrollably, I calmed down a little and leaned down to kiss the marble tomb that held my dead lover six feet below, "Oh, no more mistakes..." I said with a forced laugh and shook my head tiredly. "'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay.I'd like to...stay..."
After I finished my small rant/temper tantrum, I stood in silence to compose myself. When I was finished I looked at the kind words written on his grave header for a long moment before walking to the gates where George was waiting for me.
He pulled me into his usual tight embrace and I cried harder.
"I miss him so damn much, George," I sobbed.
George’s body started shaking a few seconds later and he held me tighter. At that moment I knew that, instead of Fred, I'd be with George for the rest of my life. He wasn't my first love, but he was the one that helped me glue the pieces of my heart back together and fill the gaping hole in the center of it.
.
.
.
Good-Bye Fred
George…
He and Fred were almost exactly the same on the outside, yet inside they couldn’t have been more different. Fred was a loud, dreamer with goals set higher than Heaven; George, on the other hand, was a bit more reserved and preferred to keep his head down to Earth. To everyone else they were the same, but they weren't to me.
I smiled mournfully and leaned down to rub the dark, cold marble with his name, birthday, and death date engraved in strong French cursive. As I opened my mouth, the wind blew and I knew he was with me to hear my words.
The words I had tried so hard to think of without crying.
"Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection," I whispered in a dry voice as I tried to look toward something other than his gravestone. My eyes landed on a small apple tree just a few feet away and tears brimmed my puffy eyes, "Like an apple hanging from a tree, I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed."
As I poured my broken heart out, I remembered his last words to me as he died in my arms. The smile on his face was still there even as the life faded from his forever shining eyes. "You said move on, where do I go?" I asked his presences as the tears fell, "I guess second best is all I will know."
Fred's face came to in mind as I tried to think about my future with George. It wasn’t what I had planned on those starry nights laying in the field with Fred holding me tight, but it still looked better than suffering alone; much, much better. “'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you, Thinking of you, what you would do If you were the one who was spending the night. Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes"
I smiled shakily as I thought, once again, about the last moment Fred looked into my watering eyes. I could almost feel him go limp in my arms once more and feel his life slowly die out slowly. With his last breath, he told a joke.
His last joke.
"You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter, like a hard candy with a surprise center. How do I get better once I've had the best?You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test..." My tears began to fall harder, and I continued to try and think about George instead. I thought about our first tearful kiss and our first drunken time together, but that didn't help, "He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh! He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself."
I was supposed to give my virginity to Fred the night we got married, but instead I gave it to his brother while we were both after Fred’s funeral. I wanted to ease the pain that night, but somehow brought more onto myself when I got the aching feeling of betrayal.
"'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you, Thinking of you, what you would do if you were the one who was spending the night. Oh, I wish that I was looking into-" A sob interrupted the rest of my sentence and I had to wait a couple of minutes to calm down. Tears poured down my once glowing mocha skin and my hands shook as I tried to dry them away quickly.
"You're the best, and yes, I do regret how I could let myself let you go! Now, now the lesson’s learned
I touched it, I was burned! Oh, I think you should know!'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you. Thinking of you, what you would do if you were the one who was spending the night." Images of me and Fred's faces played in my head. The smiles we had when we snuck out of Hogwarts and then the giggles we exchanged in detention the next day. "Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes! Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes! Oh, won't you walk through, and bust in the door and take me away?"
After several minutes of sobbing uncontrollably, I calmed down a little and leaned down to kiss the marble tomb that held my dead lover six feet below, "Oh, no more mistakes..." I said with a forced laugh and shook my head tiredly. "'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay.I'd like to...stay..."
After I finished my small rant/temper tantrum, I stood in silence to compose myself. When I was finished I looked at the kind words written on his grave header for a long moment before walking to the gates where George was waiting for me.
He pulled me into his usual tight embrace and I cried harder.
"I miss him so damn much, George," I sobbed.
George’s body started shaking a few seconds later and he held me tighter. At that moment I knew that, instead of Fred, I'd be with George for the rest of my life. He wasn't my first love, but he was the one that helped me glue the pieces of my heart back together and fill the gaping hole in the center of it.
.
.
.
Good-Bye Fred
♠ ♠ ♠
Please do not steal.