Let Them Control You

Jack's ears perked up as he heard a sound coming from the bedroom. He looked at the clock and noticed it was eight in the morning, his best friend would be getting up soon but he didn't expect it to be this early. Usually, Alex woke up around ten.

I'm gonna take you, hold you there then make you stay with me until we die. Until we die, until I lie, I'm gonna break all the rules for you.

Jack loved Alex of course, but he always felt this strange craving for his best friend. It could never be lifted and it always stayed when he was near Alex. Of course, they lived together and have been ever since they graduated from high school so it was a never ending feeling of emptiness that he just couldn't shake. But lately, the craving has changed to something more... sadistic. The need to make Alex suffer.

Why did I make you? Too good to be true. You have obeyed few, we cannot redo.
Let them control you! I'll never let you go. Think about yourself! I love you from the inside. I don't love you! Is it so true? Stay away! I'll always be there for you.

As Alex walked from their bedroom - they always shared, they didn't feel awkward about sharing a bed. Plus it was a one bedroom apartment - into the kitchen, Jack tried to point out why the sheer hunger for his best friend was even there to begin with.

Sure, he loved Alex. He has always loved Alex, ever since he met him in middle school. Throughout high school, the hunger delved into a deep desire to be with his best friend. He never understood why but when he looked at Alex he just knew.

I don't want to change, everyone's the same. Greed and lust, oh where's the trust? Being human is not what I thought, all these people need to be taught.

Alex Gaskarth was just pure perfection in Jack's eyes. Everything was just right about him.

Although, some perfection needs to be tainted and the desire was masked with need.

Forgiveness! I'm sorry? Repent this. I'm needy... Help me! Please don't kill me! Please help me.. Please help me!
Let them control you! I'll never let you go. Think about yourself! I love you form the inside. I don't love you! Is it so true? Stay away! I'll always be there for you.

Jack was terrified of where his emotions were leading him. He just couldn't fully grasped the concept of emotions and feelings, he never has. Alex knew this of course, and just welcomed Jack to talk to him and hopefully lead his best friend in the right direction. Although, Alex knew that all this was limited and never knew what exactly Jack wanted, neither did Jack.

Until we die, until I lie, I'm gonna break all the rules.. Until we die, until I lie, I'm gonna break all the rules.. for you.
The way I feel I could never show, in a world I would rather go. If I died would you love to pray? Or just walk by and never stay?
One step closer..... to... my... master!

Jack walked into the tiled kitchen, Alex's back was to him, leaned out on the counter eating a bowl of cereal. God, Jack loved Alex so much. The elder may not fully grasp how much Jack did love him, although the younger has always said it to him. He never fully understood why Alex was his best friend, basically his brother.

Alex has always been the charming one,he had a great way with words. He never really used them on girls, per say. He used them on Jack when he was having a bad day, he had quite a lot of them. Because of his weird mood swings, he was only liked by Alex.

Some days, he was happy. But on days like this, he hated himself and didn't want to live. The voices in his head had told him that the world is just wrong for him, Alex didn't really like him, although all the time together and the moments between the two said otherwise, Jack listened to them.

"Alex," Jack softly said, the elder jumped a little bit before swirling around looking at Jack.

"Jesus Christ, Jack," Alex chuckled a bit, "Hey."

Jack just smiled softly, Alex is certainly something in his eyes. "I uh, just wanted to tell you that I love you and stuff, I guess." Jack blushed a bit and looked down at the floor a bit before Alex's feet were in his vision.

"I love you too, Jacky," his best friend had engulfed him into a hug. He always knew how to make Jack feel so.. wanted.

Let them control you. I'll never let you go. Think about yourself. I love you from the inside. I don't love you! Is it so true? Stay away! I'll always be there for you.

* Four hours later*

Jack was sitting in the room crying loudly. Alex had left two hours ago for work, leaving Jack alone with his thoughts on a bad day.

He couldn't blame Alex, really. He didn't know, Jack doesn't really tell Alex when he's on his bad days, he didn't want to worry him at all. Jack could take care of himself, he didn't need Alex. But as of right now, he knew that his thinking was irrational and just stupid, without Alex, Jack can't function properly.

In the heat of the moment, he grabbed some paper, writing the things running through his head. The louder and stronger ones were large and childishly wrote. His tears mixing with the ink of the pen, smearing it on the page. He wasn't thinking when he abandoned the paper and dashed out of the apartment, running to the corner store.

After spent 20 minutes of walking from and to his apartment, he found himself in him and Alex's bedroom with a rope. He knew how to tie it, for he had always practiced it just in case he would tell himself over and over. You never know when he's finally going to leave you and you know you would have no reason to live.

Even though Alex was fully functional and sticking by Jack's side throughout the year, the voices just would not go away, saying Alex will eventually leave, you can already tell how tired he is of you. He just doesn't love you like you love him. That part always hurt, and it always lingered in his head.

Tears cascading down his face and he tied the rope effortlessly and hanging it by the hook they had hung there for the fan that was in the bedroom was ridiculously low for two men over six feet tall. Jack knew it was sturdy enough to hold his weight, this isn't the first time he has done something like this.

Let them control you. I'll never let you go. Think about yourself. I love you from the inside. I don't love you! Is it so true? Stay away!

With one final deep breath and looking at the piece of paper that he had scribbling on, he climbed onto the chair and hook the rope around his neck. He didn't want it to be messy for Alex, he loved him too much for him to clean up the giant mess Jack would have left behind.

He kicked the chair, and that was that. Although, one thing ran through his mind as he fell the small distance. He knew it was in the letter and was addressed to Alex, specifically. Along with small apologies for everything and the confession for his undying love for his best friend.

I'll always be there for you.