Suicide Diary

The Night Everything Changed.

Life ain't that great when you are the outcast at your school. It kind of sucks. Every one hates me. Im one of the few so called "emo" kids at my school. I realy dont believe in stario types. To me there are the ones like me, and the ones like them.
The ones like me are the ones that dont care about the world. Some of us have all the cuts on our arms and at lunch we talk about how we spent the privious night sitting at home staring at a wall till three in the morning. Or about how we got kicked out of the coffee shop for getting to loud about polotics. And then there are them. They are the ones that dont eat at lunch. They sit and talk about what they just bought at the mall last night. Or what they are doing this week end. And American Eagle this, or Holister that. Then there's their leader. Rebecca. She is the one all the girls want to be. And all the guys want to be with. Its discusting how people practicly drewl at her feet. And they make a fool of themselves just to hear her say hi to them. It's pethetic. We have good grades while they are almost failing but barly getting by because they are the "suck ups" that would do anything for a good grade. I hate those people as you can tell. I despise them more than life. They are the ones my parents say I can lear a leason from or that I should spend my Friday nights with, instead of reading a book or listening to music. Music is my life. And them telling me I cant have it just makes me want to cut more.
I gues you could say the cutting started in about the eighth or ninth grade. All beacause of this guy. He told me he wanted to hang out one night. He was the quiet guy who not many people knew, so I thought he woul be a pretty nice guy to hang out with. Well that Saturday night we went to Barns and Nobles. We drank the useul coffee. And things were great so far.
"So what books do you like?" he asked in the most mezmorizing tone.
"I like anything but Harry Poter," Ireplied with a smile.
We both giggles into our palms.
That night we decided to walk home. We went up the small allyway and took Liberty street all the way to mine. He walked m up to the door and asked if he could come inside. I pulled out my keys and to ld him to be quiet since my mom was probably drunk passed out on the couch. I was right. She was on the souch past out with the rum bottle still in her hand.
We went in and then we went to my room.
I was never the same again. He locked my door and the he proceded to throw me on the floor and rape me. Every time I tried to get away he would hit me so hard. I gave up trieing to fight him after a wile. I was to tired and my head and body started to hurt. It lasted for about an hour. He then left. His las words to me where, " I'll see you in school. I had a great time tonight. And if you tell any one I will cut your throat."
As soon as he left I ran to my room and grabbed a razor. I had no idea why I did at first. But then I realized what I wanted to do. I started going crazy on my wrist. It was not deep. But it took my mind off of realality.
From then on. All my problems were just cut out.