With Me Tonight

"Belle?" A hand was waved in front of my face. Gus's hand as he tried to get my attention, but he didn't even phase me. My eyes didn't move from the splatters of pain on the wall across from me.

I was sitting cross legged in the middle of the floor of the empty building Gus had helped me buy out. A clear tarp was lined across the whole floor of the place, empty and full paint cans lying around. How long had it been since my brothers funeral? Since I came back from Scotland with Gus? Days? weeks? months?

I don't know how long it had been, but however much it was, I hadn't slept at all. I hadn't eaten. I hadn't said a word. I hadn't even shed a tear. All I did was come here, all day and all night, working on what will one day be my store. But, that was all wrong. It was supposed to be OUR store. It was supposed to be Cam's and mine. Not just mine.

I had lost enough weight that Gus was on the verge of shoving a tube down my throat to get something in me, but I didn't want it. All I had was this big void of emptiness that was my body and it was already filled to the rim with pain. If that made any sense?

I heard Gus try and talk to me some more, but I couldn't make it out. Everything I heard was like a big fuzz. I could see his lips moving, but I couldn't hear as I stood up with out a sound, grabbing a paint brush near me. I dipped it in some of the blue paint and stepped up on the step stool to the top, reaching up. I started to paint the very top of the wall, doing my very best not to get any of the paint on the white ceiling.

Nothing was going through my head as I did besides the thought that this store had to be perfect. Every drop of paint and piece of furniture will and must be perfect. Nothing less... For Cam.

The fuzz coming out of Gus's mouth was getting louder, so I could only assume he was shouting, but it didn't phase me. I couldn't even hear what he was saying. I just focused on the perfect streaks of blue paint I was leaving across the wall, not even feeling my own heart beating.

It wasn't until Gus accidentally bumped the step stool I was on, causing me to drop the brush I was holding, that I heard everything. It was like I gained some super-hearing power, letting the noise of the bristles that hit lower on the wall ring through out my ears, messing up a design that was already there. It was like it was slow motion that I saw the brush fall, messing up my perfect wall, and then fall onto the ground, knocking over a small cup of paint in the process.

I felt my eyes go wide and my breathing start to get heavy as I saw the mess that had created on my already designed wall. It was perfect. It had to be perfect!

Gus was letting apologizes flow out of his mouth as I raced down the step stool, everything almost in slow motion again when I frantically picked up the cup of paint that had spilled, trying to wipe up the mess.

"Let me help," Gus mumbled, stepping closer to me, but I was more worried about the paint that was messing up the one thing I needed to be perfect. I paid no attention to him and let my hands frantically work at picking everything up, my breathing hard.

"Belle, let me help." Gus stated, going to bend down and touch the mess, causing me to snap.

"NO! NO!" I screamed, holding my hands out. "I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO THIS!" I have to do this. I tried working faster, but I only caused my hands to fumble and knock something else over.

"Belle.." Gus started, but I cut him off, letting out a scream of agony as the pain I have been avoiding caught up with me. Gus jumped a little, but then his eyes widened and he knelt down by me, not knowing if he should touch me or not. Another scream cry escaped my lips and the tears that I had once been holding back flowed out of my eyes because I dropped the paint brush. "HOW?!" I screamed out, looking up to the sky. "How?.. How do they do it?!"

"Do what, Belle?" Gus asked, seeming like he was on the verge of tears as well.

"How... How do they wake up everyday?" I turned my face to him. "How do people wake up everyday, having to act like nothing is wrong when... when everything is wrong... when you don't want to even wake up in the first place?!" Tears were soaking my face. "How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to wake up, and for a second forget... Forget that I saw my brother die?... Then remember...?" My breaths slammed into my chest, causing me to wheeze out. "It's like I experience that moment all over again...when I wake up...when I remember..."

Gus just looked at me, his own tears now spilling a little. "It wasn't supposed to be this way... I was supposed to watch him get married, have kids, be an aunt.. I was supposed to see my brother and be by his side like I used to!! Not see him, hands folded, lying in a coffin.. being put into the cold hard ground.... It's not supposed to be this way!" I took a big, shaky breath in. "But, I have to get up. I have to go day by day, go through the motions... Even when I don't get to have my brother by my side anymore..!" That was it for me and it wasn't just tears anymore, it was sobs. It was wheezing and screaming and me burying my head in my hands, not caring that they had paint on them.

Gus immediately wrapped his body around mind, trying to comfort me as best as he could, but it wasn't the comfort I needed. And no amount of comfort could fill the gaping hole that was punched through my chest, making me wheeze and scream in the purest agony I have ever felt. A pain so much bigger than what I felt when I was getting my leg basically ripped of by a shark. A pain that broke you.. killed you in the purest way.

*

Before Gus could even say hi, I had lunged through the doorway, wrapping my arms around his neck, a big cheeky smile on my face. He let out a laugh and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. Today was an oddly emotional day for us both. We had become siblings almost and it was like I was sending him off to get married. Watching my best friend turn into the man he wanted to be. And this is a day for us only to spend together.

We broke the hug and I leaned back to look at him, remembering the first day we met over 2 years ago and all the things we've been through together. The happy and sad memories that we had. "Where to?" He asked.

"Can we get ice cream then just watch movies and hang out all day?" I asked. It sounded like the perfect day to spend with him.

"Perfecto!" He cheered and then grabbed my hand, lugging me out the door. We ran down the stairs and pushed open the door, luckily I was already wearing my jacket and shoes. When we got out onto the street, he draped his arm around my shoulder and we walked, trying to match our steps together. We walked in silence down to the ice cream place, enjoying each others company and comfort. We knew each other like the back of our hands, so no words needed to be said to express feelings. With one look into my eye Gus could figure me out with out even blinking. He could tell what I was feeling or what I was up too, just like he was my own brother. He knew he could never fill that role, but he took it upon himself to protect me, mostly from myself. And I couldn't thank him enough for everything.

There was no line at the ice cream place since it was really cold out today so Gus and I walked right up. "Two superman's, please," Gus stated, then turned to look bag at me real quick. "Larges."

"Gus, are you trying to get me fat?" I chuckled, "I'm never going to eat that all!" The large was seriously a mile high of ice cream on a cone.

"As a matter of fact I am," he stated and grabbed the ice cream from the guy who made them, not paying barely any attention to us after we paid. "I must stuff you up before you go into hibernation."

"What does that even mean?" I laughed, grabbing my ice cream from him and licking the sides that dripped. He draped an arm around my shoulder as we started walking back again, "it means that I'm going to be gone for a while with Veronica."

I groaned, "don't remind me." Gus was going on his honey moon for 2 weeks after his wedding and then was going to stay down at Veronica's parents for a while after that. The first two weeks they weren't going to be having any contact with the outside world, so that meant not even talking to Gus for that long. Whenever Gus and I are separated for a little, I will kind of forget to eat because he's been the one who has always made sure I don't just have lucky charms for the rest of my life. Or sometimes he will drag my lazy or "hibernating" butt out the door. I was so happy for him of course, and I wasn't going to bring him down in any way for going on his honey moon, but that long with out Gus? I might go insane. "I'll be fine, Gus," would I? "I have Norman and May to keep me company, too, now," yes that's right, I have Norman. My new found sun and happiness. I'd be okay.

"Which I am glad for," he smiled down at me, "but, don't miss me too much, I'm not gona let lover boy steal you away completely."

I couldn't help the chuckle that came out at that. When Gus had started getting serious with Veronica I felt the same way. I was afraid that he was going to replace me completely with her, and now he was in that same place. "No one can replace my knight in shinning armor," I joked and pinched his chest. We both laughed and turned the corner, arriving back to the apartment building.

When we got back inside my apartment, I went to my cabinet and pulled out a bowl, dropping my dripping ice cream cone into it. "You cheater!" Gus called out, "the point of it being on a cone is so you can hold it in your hand!"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a spoon, sticking my tongue out at him while I plopped down on the couch. Instead of following right away, Gus plugged his phone into my stereo and let music play out of it, not too loud that we wouldn't be able to talk, but loud enough that we could enjoy it. He sat down with a sigh and started to continue to lick his ice cream, basically inhaling it so nothing was left. "I love this song!" He called out, making me jump, then laugh as he shot up off the couch and turned the volume on the stereo way up. Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers started to come out of the speakers.

I let out a laugh as he grabbed my wrist and yanked me up, then he started to dance around me. I couldn't help but join him, breaking out our old silly dance moves we created on previous dance parties we've had. "I don't ever wana feeeeeel, like I did that day, but take me to the place I loooooove, take me all the way!" We both sang out over the music, me only knowing the chorus, but Gus knowing every word. The song wasn't that much of a dance song, but when it ended and more of Gus's up beat songs started to play, he was having a hard time not going full out dance party mode.

I would dance along with him, but most of the time I was just laughing hysterically at him. It wasn't until a slower song came on and we were both out of breath that we calmed down. "I'm going to throw up if I dance anymore," I laughed, placing a hand over my full stomach, heading to go back to the couch, but he grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Not before we slow dance, my lady," he bent over, holding his hand out for me.

"You're going to have a wife to slow dance with forever, so let me be lazy," I pleaded, but he just started to pout.

"But I wana dance with my BeeBee," he stuck his bottom lip out in a puppy dog face, making me roll my eyes at him. "It will be practice for Friday!" He chirped up.

"You're making me dance in front of everybody during your wedding?" I asked, already knowing the answer before he shook his head yes. I sighed and gave in, "fineee, only because I hate you," I joked and he laughed, pulling me into slow dancing position.

"Veronica made me take dance lessons so my moves will blow your mind, lady."

I yet again rolled my eyes at him, and then the next song came on. Turning Page by Sleeping At Last. It wasn't a song someone would picture Gus having on his play list, but it fit into his odd and wide taste in music. It was a beautiful song though. One that could even make you feel sad.

I rested my forehead down on his shoulder, looking straight down, letting Gus lead me in this dance, focusing on every step he made. It was obvious to tell we were both feeling a little emotional. Happy emotions, but also some sad ones. I knew he was nervous, but this also felt like it was our last day together as best friends, before he became the married man. I knew it wasn't our last day, but it was still emotional, ya know?

"Do you know who my best man is?" Gus asked, breaking the emotional silence.

I lifted my head up at him and furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Some guy that I met back in college and went out to drinks a few times with... that's my best man," he shrugged, not stopping the dance. "We were buddies, yeah, but it doesn't feel right... It wasn't his spot to take."

It hit me what he was talking about and squeezed my eyes tight, letting my head go back down to rest on his shoulder. "Cam and I..." he swallowed and I gripped onto him tighter at the mention of Cam's name. "I just wish he could be with me, by my side for this," Gus's voice was just above a whisper, cracking a little. It took me a minute to respond, to gather the words that I would say in this emotional situation. I knew what he was feeling, what was going through his head. One of the harder things about losing Cam was all the things he won't be here for. Like his best friends wedding, or seeing us grow older and happy. It's like there was this empty shadow that followed me around with everything I did...

"He'll be there. He's always here.. with us," I lifted my head back up, looking into Gus's watery eyes with my own. "He's always here," I repeated, placing my hand on Gus's chest, over the spot where his heart was located. We stopped our dance and embraced each other in a tight hug, squeezing the emotion in between us.

--

The rest of the day we spent on the couch, enjoying the time we had with each other, watching movies and eating take out. I was trying to help ease Gus' wedding jitters and nerves, which were cute because he's so nervous and wants everything thing to be perfect for Veronica. He even had got me to watch many of the Lord of the Rings movies with him, but then I got him to watch Toy Story 3. That ended up in him making fun of me because I cried at the ending. Any one with a heart gets emotional at the end of that movie! We then ordered some Chinese take out, which was our personal favorite, and ended up drinking beer and playing Sorry.

"Haha! What's that 3 wins in a row?" Gus cheered, landing his last Sorry piece in his home.

"I swear you cheat some how," I huffed and he laughed. "Wana play again?" He asked with a smirk on his face. "Nooo! Lets play Uno!" I said, getting my own smirk.

"You only wana play Uno because you kick my ass every time at that game," Gus argued.

"Now you know how I feel!" I laughed, and he had a hard time holding his pouty face when I did. "Fine fine, I think American Idol is on, anyways. And it's auditions," I said.

"Fuck yes!" Gus raised his arms up and we both got off the floor and back onto the couch. We used to watch the American Idol auditions all the time together and turned into the new judges of the show, normally harsh ones. Once I turned the TV on, something clicked in Gus's head and he shot up off the couch, running into the kitchen and starting to search through my cupboards. "Do you have any popcorn?" He called over to me, not stopping his search.

"Yeah, in the cabinet to your left!"

Once the sent of popcorn filled the place, Gus ran over with a big bowl just in time. "You should try out for American Idol," he said, stuffing a hand full of popcorn into his mouth.

"And why would I ever do that?"

"Because you can sing! And I would get to see you on TV and become your own personal judge, how awesome would that be!?" He used his arms to exaggerate.

"Oh shut up," I laughed, swatting my hand in front of my face as the first audition started to play.

"Belle," Gus started, turning to face me. I raised an eyebrow, signaling him to continue. "I know this is kind of last minute, but I was thinking..."

"What?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Would you possibly want to sing at our wedding..?" He asked it carefully, trying to use his best persuasive voice. They wanted me to sing at their wedding? I never thought of my self as that good, I just liked to have fun with singing along at the music, but I could never really do that in front of people without getting drunk first.

"..You want me to what?" I mumbled, not really sure how I felt about it.

"Just one song!" He shifted so his body was completely facing me. "Come on, Belle, you know I love your voice! Everyone else would, too, and it would mean the world to Veronica!" It would mean the world to them? I guess it is my best friends wedding, so I can see why, but do they really want me to sing in front of everybody? Maybe If I can get my hands on the booze...

He put out his bottom lip, "Pweaaase," he begged like a dog and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my mouth. "You really want me to?" I questioned, biting my lip and his face lit up.

"Yes! Yes yes yes!"

I sucked in a breath, and then released it in a sigh, debating it in my mind. I'd be doing it for Gus. "Okay.."

"Okay!? Okay?! Yes! Okay!" Gus cheered and lunged over, barely missing the popcorn bowl and giving me a hug. "I'm so excited!"