With Me Tonight

What the hell am I supposed to wear?!

I kept telling myself that this wasn't a date, just dinner with an interesting guy, but I am failing at fooling myself... I looked at the text from Norman that he sent last night after he gave me his number at the store, it read:

'I'll pick you up at 7 tomorrow.
Nice meeting you babe. x'

So here I am; 6:30 p.m. and in only my underwear. I was staring at my closet which was wide open and I felt nervous. I wanted to look nice for him, wanted to actually try, but at the same time I had the urge to just hide in my bed and stand him up.

I decided to just put comfort first, my normal style. If he didn't like it than that was a good clue that he wouldn't like me. I grabbed one of my favorite dresses and slid it on without a second thought. It wasn't too fancy or too casual, so I would be good either way, and was also long enough to cover up my big disgusting scar on my thigh and my few tattoos. It was a orange-redish color and has a scoop neck line that leads to the short sleeves. It wasn't too tight, providing me with that comfortable flow feeling and it made me smile whenever I wore this.

I put in some earrings and adjusted my necklace that I always had around my neck before I looked at myself in the mirror and touched up my little makeup and hair. I was satisfied with the way I looked, even though it was easy to pick out my flaws. I sighed and walked away from the mirror and left my bedroom, shutting the lights off on the way.

I checked my phone and saw I had another text from Norman.

'Address?'

I quickly typed in the address to the building and my apartment, then nervously waited for a response. He responded telling me that he was on his way and we would be taking a cab there. I had only taken a cab on a few occasions, most of them I was too wasted to walk, but I had no problem with it. What I was having a problem with was the fact that he was on his way... I was nervous and scared.

A knock on the door made me nervously jump out of my thoughts that I was just buried in for the past 10 minutes. I walked over and looked through the peep hole, it was Norman. I let out a shaky breath, this was happening.

I slowly opened the door and his face instantly lit up when he saw me. "Hey." I said when I saw his full appearance. He looked amazing and I couldn't help my eyes from taking a once over of him, even though I'm sure he was doing the same thing to me. "Hey. You look great." He had a slight smile on his face and I couldn't help but blush a bit. "Thanks. You don't look to bad yourself." I said, trying to summon my confidence. This was just dinner; nothing to be worried about. "Uh, I need shoes." I stated and then quickly looked behind me for my shoes.

I saw them and quickly made my way over and slid them on. I looked back and saw Norman was now leaning against the door way, looking around. "Nice place." He said as I walked back over to him and threw my jacket on. "Thanks, it's really nothing special, but if I tell it that then it gets mad at me." I joked lightly and grabbed my bag, putting my phone inside. He let out a chuckle and rubbed his chin before he stood up straight. "Ready?" He asked and I nodded.

We made it out of the building and into the cab. Norman told the driver where to go and it was only about a 10 minute ride, which was spent with us making small talk and me getting more and more comfortable around him naturally.

"Hungry?" He asked when the cab stopped.

"Starving." I stated as we both got out of the cab. "I had to convince myself not to fill up on pretzels before you got here, and that was one of the hardest things I've ever done." I teased as we walked up to the door of the restaurant.

"Well I'm glad you did because this place has the best chocolate cake you will ever come across, and that means we need room for dessert." He opened the door for me and came inside right after I walked in.

"I don't think I could ever turn down chocolate cake, stuffed or not." I told him, making a small smirk appear on his face, "I completely agree."

The hostess seemed to recognize him, actually a lot of people seemed like they did, which confused me, but I let it slip my mind when we were led to a table near the back of the restaurant. She handed us our menus after we sat and then walked away after giving Norman a flirtatious smile. I rolled my eyes at her and looked down at the menu, everything looked absolutely amazing. "How am I supposed to decide? Everything looks so good.." I muttered to myself. "Do you think I could order one of everything?" I looked up at Norman who's eyes met mine immediately. My little joke fell out of my mind and my nerves came back up, when I took in his bright eyes and small smirk. This man made everything in me become alert and giddy.

"Can I start you off with anything to drink?" The same girl from earlier asked Norman, pretending I wasn't here. I looked away from Norman, blush creeping up on my cheeks from whatever weird moment we just had. I pushed away the giddy feelings and reached back down to grab the confidence as I heard Norman order a class of wine. "I'll have the same." I told the girl with a fake smile, making her acknowledge me.

When she left I looked back over to Norman who had that same smirk on his face. We both looked down at our menus, trying to decide which delicious looking meal we should get. I was deciding between pasta or fish when a waiter came up and placed wine in front of us.

We both then ordered; me getting the pasta and him getting some weird sausage thing that I'd never heard of. I must live in a nutshell or something. We thanked the waiter and he took our menus, leaving us with a basket of bread and wine.

"So, tell me about yourself." He said.

"What do you want to know?" I asked playfully as I grabbed a piece of bread.

He thought about it for a moment, contemplating all the things he could ask me. "How long have you lived here?"

I had to think about that for a moment, doing the mental math in my head. "A little over two years, I think."

"Where did you move from?" He asked.

"Scotland."

He lifted his eyebrows in shock and interest. "You lived there long?"

"My whole life, actually." I informed him.

"Wow. I would have never guessed you were Scottish." He seemed to be growing more interested by the second.

"Yeah, you just haven't heard my real accent yet." I teased and a sly smile came across Norman's face while I took another bite of my bread.

"What's it like? Scotland?" He asked

"It's beautiful. And the people are great, basically one big family, especially at the bar." We both chuckled a little.

"What made you move?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "just had to get away. Can't always live stuffed in one house with your family, you'll go crazy." I would have taken going crazy over what I got from moving away any day, but it was too late for that. He nodded and thankfully the waiter brought over the food before I had to continue with the topic anymore.

The food looked absolutely delicious and neither of us hesitated to dig in. "I can't believe I've never been here before, this is some of the best fucking pasta I've ever had." He chuckled at me.

"So it's obvious what I do for a living, but what about you? What do you do?" I asked him before I took another bite.

He shrugged. "I like to act, but I'm also in to painting and photography, all that art shit."

This man had me hooked and I couldn't help it, but I know its a bad thing, because when he leaves me or decides he doesn't like me, it will just bring pain.. "Really? That's awesome. What kinda art shit do you paint and photograph?" I asked him, interested and pushing aside my thoughts.

He smiled, flashing his perfect white teeth and then let out a chuckle, making my breath catch in my throat at the sight. "I kinda like dark stuff. Like, the dark aspects of the world or just the horror and gore of it all, ya know?" It was almost like he was afraid telling me would scare me off.

I guess you could say I was amazed by this man? "Yeah.. I'd love to check out your stuff sometime, sounds cool."

He rubbed his chin and chuckled while he looked down for a moment. "You're like a breath of fresh air." He said when he looked back up. I didn't really know what made him say that, but I couldn't help the small smile that perked up my lips when he did. We just looked at each other, both interested and amazed by the other. At least I knew my feelings were mutual... Well, most of them were... I'm sure he wasn't as scared as I was about the feelings running around inside.

We spent the rest of dinner chatting about random stuff, but I loved talking to him about nothing. Just chatting away and enjoying each other. When we both finished he ordered that chocolate cake that he was raving about.

My mouth drooped open when the waiter came back and put it in front of us. It was probably the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, if we were counting out Norman. Oh my god.. I mentally slapped myself for thinking that, embarrassed even though I hadn't said it out loud. "This is pornography... Food porn." I said as my mouth started to water.

"I think that describes this perfectly." Norman said with a chuckle and handed me a fork. I took it from him and we immediately both got some on our forks. We stopped before putting the bite in our mouth and looked at each other. "Are you ready for this?" He asked.

"Fuck yes." I responded and we both smirked before eating what was on our forks. "I think I just died and went to heaven." I said as I swallowed and went for another bite. Norman chuckled, "it's really fucking good isn't it?"

I nodded and smiled as I ate more, it melting in my mouth. We both had our eyes on each other as we ate the delicious cake and I couldn't help but watch his lips or how his eyes would occasionally twinkle a little from the glare of the light. And every time our eyes met, my heart would start to beat faster.

When we both finished, not being able to eat anymore, Norman called over the waiter and paid. After a little waiting and more chatting, the waiter returned and we said our thanks to him before walking out. We both wrapped our jackets tight around us as the New York chill hit us. "Thank you for dinner. It was great." I said, honestly.

"You're very welcome, babe." He said, making my heart start to pound fast again. He grabbed my hand and led me to a cab that he called over and was waiting for us. He opened the door for me and let me get in first. It was dark in the cab as the driver drove off to my address again, but Norman and I were still looking over at each other. We were lost in the trance of each other, barely even realizing that we had arrived to my building until the cab driver announced it.

"Keep it running, I'm going to make sure she gets in safe." Norman said and then we both got out of the cab. He put a hand on the small of my back as we made the way up to my apartment in silence. His touch on me was all I seemed to be able to focus on, until his hand went away when we reached my door. I unlocked it, but turned to face him as I held onto the handle. "Thank you again for tonight." I said, not really knowing what else to say.

"It's no problem, babe." He took a small step forward. "I'd love to see you again."

I felt nervous with him this close to me. I could hear his smooth breaths and my shaky ones as we looked into each others eyes. I so badly wanted to jump into his arms and taste his lips, but I couldn't. "I-I.." I stuttered and looked down at my feet, freaking out.

"Did you not have a good time?" He asked, sounding a little hurt. I felt like shit for making him think that, but I couldn't rack my brain for words to explain what was going on in my head. "Is it me?" His voice was quiet, insecure, and it instantly made me wish I could make him feel better. "No. No. God no. You're great and tonight was so amazing... It was so amazing that it scares the fucking shit out of me." I spit out. I let out a sigh and ran a hand through my hair. "I really did have a terrific time."

The sound of my neighbors door slamming shut made us both jump a little and look over. I scoffed when I saw my neighbor wearing as little clothing as she could manage to go out in and look over to us with a bitchy smirk. "Who's this?" She asked flirtatiously as she walked over to us. Great.

"Don't worry about it, Karen." I snapped at my bitchy neighbor, looking away from her.

"Oh, but I'm just so curious." She continued her walk over to us. Why couldn't she just leave me the fuck alone? I wasn't in the mood to put up with her. "The fuck do you want?" I asked her in an annoyed voice as she got closer. Norman was just looking between the both of us, a little confused and I don't think he was really sure what to do.

"I don't know.. Maybe a date to come with me to the club tonight." She said looking over to Norman and winking at him.

"Can't you just go be a whore somewhere else? He's not gona fuck you."

"Oh, sorry, is he your boyfriend?" She asked in a fake voice that made me want to punch her.

"No, he's not my boyfriend." I said, giving her a nasty look. "So what's the problem here?" She asked, making me laugh.

"He's not going to fuck you because you're a raging bitch that fucks anything that walks and is on every drug known to man." I snapped at her, pointing my finger in her face. I was so past annoyed and angry at her.

"That didn't stop Eric." She stated and then turned away, walking down the hallway. She tells me all the time that she slept with Eric. That he would just come over before he came to see me and she'd give him the ride of his life. I didn't know if she was telling the truth or not, but I really didn't give a shit anymore.

I ran my hand over my face and leaned against the door, trying to keep it together.

"Babe.." Norman's voice was soft as he talked.

"I'm sorry. I just..I just.." I took a deep breath and looked at him. "I'll see you around, Norman." I flashed him the best reassuring smile I could before I walked into my apartment and shut the door behind me.

I felt the urge to break down and cry. I felt like shit. I debated going out into the hallway and chasing after him and telling him how I'm falling for him and how that scares me beyond belief. Because, it does... I'm living in the constant fear that I'll lose someone again because I always do... I always seem to get fucked whenever I have something good. So, I did what I do best; pushed him away so he couldn't hurt me and I couldn't hurt him, but I feel like I already hurt him and that just made me feel worse.

I broke away from the force that was dragging me to him and made my way away from it.

*

"Belle!" Gus called out as he knocked on my door, he must have just gotten done closing up the store for today. I sighed and set my bowl of mac n' cheese on the table next to me and got up off the couch. I opened up the door and Gus came inside instantly. "So I couldn't help but pass by the bitch today and have my ear chewed off by her yells about you and some guy last night." He said as he went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. "I wanted to come over and talk to you about it then, but I didn't want to interrupt..." He trailed off with a sly smirk.

I went back and sat back on the couch, not really wanting to talk about Norman, but knowing Gus wasn't going to let him go. "So who was he?" He came and sat down next to me.

I picked up my bowl of macaroni and shrugged. "Just some guy I went to dinner with." I forked a bite into my mouth, looking at the TV.

"Wait. Wait. Wait! Are you telling me that you went on a date?!" He asked, a little too excited. I swear he was like a girl with me some times, but I didn't mind.

"It wasn't a date."

He must have seen my frown because he shifted so he was facing me better. "What happened?" He asked and I looked down at my bowl and started playing with my food. "Was he an asshole? Because I swear I will go find him a-"

"No, he wasn't an asshole." I cut off his little rampage. "He was great... Too great."

Gus sighed, knowing what was going on in my head. He knew me too well, so there was no way to hide from him. "Belle, you can't let your past experiences haunt you like this. What if this guy really likes you.. Really cares about you? You can't let fear run your life." Gus went on. I just looked down at my food, chasing a noodle with my fork.

"He's just some guy I met at the bar, nothing else." I muttered.

"I don't think even you really believe that." He stated. "You have to give people chances, Belle... Give him a chance. Not everyone is out to hurt you."

I guess he was right, fear was running my life and I was getting sick and tired of it, but standing up to it wasn't just the easiest thing to do either...