A Drop in the Ocean

"You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." -Christopher Columbus

*

I let the sound of the waves envelop me. I didn't resist the rocking motion of the ocean. My arms were spread out on either side of me, caressing the warm water. The only thing supporting me was the board that pressed against my back. I didn't let a thought enter my mind. I knew if I did, I would start to bawl.

Because it was the last time I would get to do this. To sit in the ocean with the Hawaiian breeze caressing my skin. This was my home. Yet we were leaving. It was unthinkable, almost like a dream. But it was happening. And I hated it.

We were leaving for Santa Cruz, California- the states. Of course, a city on the shore, but it wouldn't be the same. Wetsuits would be a must. The tides were different. The people. Everything up the the very air in California is different from Hawaii.

I sucked in a deep breath, thinking of all of my friends I'd be leaving. Most I had known since kindergarten or before. All were avid surfers, like me. But none would be seeing me off. We had agreed on that. Too much trouble. Too many tears. I didn't want that.

I knew it was dangerous to be out on the waves alone. Sharks roamed the Hawaiian waters freely. The fear of drowning was imminent. But I lay there without the regret of bringing a buddy. Let the tides swallow me whole. I thought. That, at least, would be better than leaving.

Tears began to slide down my cheeks one by one, and soon I was all out sobbing. I was glad that no one was there to see me. Remember me like that. A weak, pitiful little girl who was afraid to leave the island that she grew up on. I was. I was afraid. Scared out of my wits. But I had made the decision to be strong long ago, to not let my mother down. After losing Daddy, I was her pillar to lean on. Or, rather, we leaned on each other. But Mom, I knew, wouldn't be able to bear seeing me cry. She'd break down, too. And that wasn't what we needed. No, we needed to be strong.

"I miss you, Dad." I whispered into the crystal clear water. "I wish you were here. Then none of this would be happening." Another tear dropped into the ocean. "Mom and I, we... We can't do it. We can't go on without you." I choked down a sob and turned over, sliding into the water. I sunk slowly, deeper and deeper. Bright fish darted around me. The sun shone through the water, a sight that I'd never forget. That's one more thing I won't be able to do in California. I thought, with sadness pushing against my chest. I wonder if the fish will miss me as much as I'll miss them.

When finally I couldn't ignore the bursting pain of lack of oxygen, I surfaced and sucked in the fresh air. My board had drifted closer to shore, and I quickly swam to fetch it. Mom was probably getting worried. I said I would only be out for a few minutes, but i was sure it had been more than an hour. I got onto my board and paddled for shore. A wave came up behind me and I caught it with ease. Cherish this. It will be your last Hawaiian wave in at least a few years, I told myself. The day I first learned to surf flashed back through my mind. The exhilaration of that first ride, my dad's triumphant yell... I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was six years old, and I had been nagging my father all week to take me surfing. He was an avid wave rider himself, so it's not that he didn't want to, he had just been busy. But finally, on an early Sunday morning, my dad practically tossed me out the door halfway into my wetsuit. "You won't need that," He chuckled, loading his old longboard onto the top of the truck. I groaned, peeling it off to reveal my favorite bathing suit. We sped off to the nearest beach, where the waves were about waist high and came in regular intervals. Dad and I studied them for what seemed like hours. I just wanted to get in the water. He finally let me. Of course, he wouldn't come in with me. He was the kind of guy that would rather me learn from personal experience and a few pointers rather than all out telling me what to do. So I lugged that large, heavy board into the water and did what I saw many others do. I lay down and faced away from the waves, looking behind me every few seconds and waiting for a wave. A huge one came, and I didn't know what to do as it crashed on top of me. I came up laughing, and my dad was doing the same. After roughly 50 more wipeouts, I managed to pull my feet up under me and stand up shakily as a feeble wave pushed the board forward. It was the best ride of my life, that small wave.

Remembering that day, I could barely hold back tears as I rode to shore and picked up my board, hopping on my bike and racing home.

-

Mom had been waiting for me. When I burst through the door, she practically bombarded me with luggage to haul into the car. I barely had time to shower and change before she was ushering me out to it and speeding off to the airport. I clutched the sides of my seat, glad we lived in a rural area where almost no cars were on the roads. Mom got to the airport in record time and showered me with bags to carry (again).

After what seemed like a billion security checks and re-checks, we were boarding the plane. I was glad that I was only bringing my two favorite surfboards, because it took about ten minutes for the people to check each of them. I mean, really, do I look like a cocaine smuggler or bomb terrorist? I guess those guys really don't judge books by their covers. Either that or I'm more sketchy looking than I thought.

I was really regretting that agreement that I made with the gang to not see me off. I really wanted to say goodbye one last time before leaving. I was in the middle of feeling sorry for poor old lonely me when I was tackled to the ground by a speeding blur. I looked up with fire in my eyes to yell at the person who had crushed me when Kaola flashed a wide grin from above. I shoved her of me and faked anger until I couldn't bare to see her ashamed face anymore.

"You stupid twerp! I thought we agreed on something!" I laughed, giving her the most crushing hug I could manage. She looked at me with big, sad, fawn eyes and pretended to wipe a tear from her cheek.

"Oh... Well, I thought you'd be glad to say one last goodbye to your Best Friend Ever, but I guess not." She said softly, turning around. Her mouth twitched, containing a smile. I grabbed her by the shoulders and hugged her again.

"Of course I want to say one last goodbye! I'll miss you guys soo much." I released her and pushed her away. "Now leave before it becomes an all out tear-fest in here. Go."

"Okay! Okay! But here's something from all of us." She handed me a box the size of my hand. It was shimmery, blue and green. Like the ocean.

"Don't open it 'till you get to Cold-ifornia, okay compadre? Remember to write!" She waved, heading towards the doors. "And I expect to hear about all the cute guys you meet, okay?" She called, giving me a grin and a wink. I laughed, and with that she carried away my life in Hawaii.