I Can Feel You in My Bones

I wake up to the sound of Craig’s voice, coming from somewhere else on this bus. I guess the guys are back now, I must have drifted off.

I go to stretch but stop as I notice TJ’s arms wrapped snugly around my waist. I forgot about him.

TJ stirs slightly before waking up.

“Sorry,” I whisper. I didn’t mean to disturb him.

“It’s cool,” he mumbles, taking his hands off me and rubbing his face. “What time is is?”

“Not sure, I fell asleep,” I tell him, as I reach around in search of my phone.

TJ groans and buries his face into my pillow. “I don’t want to get up yet, my head hurts,” he tells me. “Can we just stay here all day?”

“Don’t think your band would appreciate that,” I tell him, with a smile, as I pull my phone out from under me and check the time.

It’s only four, we were asleep for less than two hours. I slide my phone into the pocket of my jeans so I won’t lose it again.

“You don’t have to get up yet,” I say. “There’s some time.”

“Good,” he mutters, sliding his arm back over me and pulling me in closer.

That surprises me, I kind of assumed it had been a subconscious accident. Am I supposed to read into this, is he coming onto me?

He’s pressed right up against me, I’m pretty sure I can even make out his heartbeat faintly through his shirt.

I can’t say this isn’t a situation I’ve wanted to be in but now that it’s actually happening I have no idea what to do with myself. Do I cuddle back?

I feel my heart rate speed up a little, with nervousness. I keep my arms by my side, not sure what else to do.

“You okay?” asks TJ quietly, without opening his eyes.

He’s on to me. “Yep,” I tell him, but I don’t think it came out quite how I wanted it to.

I feel TJ loosen his grip on me before pulling back completely. My heart dips slightly as he does.

TJ sits up, as much as you can in a bunk, and looks over at me. “I’m sorry,” he says with a soft sigh. "If you're not into this that that's okay."

“No, it’s fine,” I assure him, but he shakes his head.

“No, I'm putting you in an unfair situation. I'll see you later, Ivy,” he mumbles, sounding conflicted.

TJ rolls out of the bunk and carefully closes the curtain behind him. As soon as he’s gone the bunk feels colder than it did before.

--
I think TJ is avoiding me, does that make me sound paranoid?

I mean he was in his bunk until the last possible minute before rushing off into the tonight’s venue, without saying a word to anyone.

I collapse down onto the couch, sighing loudly. There’s no one else on the bus. Everyone’s setting up for tonight’s show, I have to place to myself for a few hours.

The more I think about it the more I’m convinced it’s all in my head. TJ was probably just tired and catching up on some sleep. I’m reading too far into it.

This is why you shouldn’t be allowed to meet your celebrity crushes; it’s just makes you crazy.

My phone rings, interrupting my musings.

I pull it from my pocket and see my brother’s name lit up on the screen. I accept the call. “Hey, Trev."

“Hey, I thought I’d just check up on you,” says Trevor.

I shake my head knowingly smiling to myself. “You texted me an hour ago, I promise I’m still fine,” I tell him.

“Well, excuse me for caring about you,” he jokes. He’s trying to keep it light but I know he’s worried.

“Trevor, honestly, I’ll be at yours in no time,” I assure him.

My brother and I have always been quite close, he moved away a few years back but we still talk all the time. I’m really excited to see him face to face, we don’t get to visit each other all that often.

“As long as you’re okay. I will drive out there myself and pick you up if you need me to,” says Trevor.

I scoff. “Not necessary. I’ll see you soon.”