Something More Inside

(Time lapse- sophomore year of high school)

I stepped into my fourth period health glass, my eyes glued to the ground. I could feel all eyes on me as I slipped into a desk in the back, taking my notebook out of my binder.

There was really only one word to describe this school- horrible. For some reason, I thought high school might be a bit better than middle. But I was terribly wrong.

It's more than just not wearing the same clothes or listening to the same music, I don't feel the same things the others feel. Ever since middle school, I realized I didn't like girls. And that terrified me more than anything.

Why do I have to feel this? Anything but being a hetero..

If anyone found out, I'd have nothing. My family would hate me. I'd be kicked out of school. And I'd loose the only friend I have.. Forest.

"Hello class!" My teacher, Ms. Boyd spoke loudly, getting me to look up. "Today we're going to watch a short video about our life cycle. Now it's nothing you haven't heard about before, but it's good to hear clearly how our lives should, and will work."

My thoughts returned to my notebook once again as Ms. Boyd turned the lights off, the screen lighting up as the film started up.

She snapped her fingers in my face, motioning for me to put my journal away. I sighed as I put the prized possession back in my bag, bringing my attention to the film.

Two women appeared on the screen, smiling at each other as they kissed passionately. Both were wearing white dresses, a silver ring on each of their ring fingers.

"Love is a wonderful thing." The narrator spoke. "And it's a very important thing. You feel love when you meet that special person, the one you'll spend the rest of your life with. Every man has a man made for him, and every woman has a woman made for her as well. That's the only way love can occur; loving someone of the opposite gender is impossible."

"It's possible.." I thought to myself. My heart hurt as the slide changed to a shot of the same two women, this time one cradling a baby in her arms.

"In order for us to reproduce, we have to have breeders. Now, no one is fond of breeders because they have to have intercourse with the opposite sex." The class groaned as the narrator said this. "But they are vital to keep our population alive."

"These women have adopted a child from a breeder, and the child is now theirs. How beautiful."

I zoned out as the the film continued on about how we have to live or lives, the narrator's words stinging like blades.

Everything I felt, was so wrong. I'm wrong.. What the hell is wrong with my brain? Why can't I feel what every one else feels?

Finally the movie ended, just as the bell rang. I scurried to the door, blinking back tears as I ran down the halls. I sprinted out of the building and to the school's garden; my favorite place to eat my lunch in peace.

I sat down on the bench, burying my face in my hands as tears streamed down my face. Wonderful.. My makeup' s messed up too.

I was angry.. I was angry at myself. Why was I made this way? I'm going to be forever alone.. unhappy and unloved.

I heard footsteps next to me and then a warm hand on my shoulder, making me flinch at the touch. I jumped up to see Forest next to me, a concerned look on his face.

"Hey.. what's the matter?" He asked soothingly, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I relaxed slightly, wiping away a few of my tears. Should I tell him?

"Um.. It's nothing."

"Bullshit Opal. It's okay.. You can tell me.." He whispered, looking into my eyes.

"I don't know if I can.."

"You could try writing it." He suggested.

I nodded, shaking as I grabbed my notebook from my bag. Writing was so much easier for me, words aren't my thing.

Forest handed me a purple pen, looking away as I scribbled on the paper, "I think I'm straight.. please don't hate me."

My heart pounded in my chest as I handed the paper to him, my mind racing. What if he hates me? What if he tells the school and they all beat me up?

I watched his facial expression as his eyes skimmed the note, his eyes widening. I quickly looked away, cringing at the thought of loosing him.

Surprisingly, I heard the sound of a pen writing, and soon enough the note was back on my lap.

My hands were shaking so hard I could barely pick up the note, but I somehow managed to pick up the crumpled piece of paper.

I covered my mouth with my hand, holding back the gasp that desperately tried to escape my lips. Underneath my writing in small print read,

"How could I hate you when I'm the same way?"