How I Learned to Love the Apocalypse

At some point, we’d all fallen asleep. I didn’t know how long it lasted or when it had started, just that it had happened. The bang of another impact had woken me up. Michael and Gavin were up as well, quietly listening to the radio in the corner of the room, eating the melted ice cream that hadn’t been able to fit in the cooler. Ray and Ryan were snuggled up with each other on one of the couches, a blanket wrapped around them both. I was in between Jack, who had his arms wrapped around me, and Geoff. I had my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. We had a sheet thrown over the three of us. I quietly slipped out from between them to join Team Nice Dynamite and find out what was going on.

“Your house is probably underwater.” Michael said. “The tsunami hit like twenty minutes ago. A fuckton of people died.”

“Also that Africa meteor hit, but as it turns out it wasn’t bad enough for another ice age, so that’s a happy thing.” Gavin smiled.

“But a fuckton of Africans died, so it’s also not a good thing.” Michael added.

“The estimated death toll so far is three billion, though that does not include the two billion people that are missing and assumed dead.” The radio cut in. “As meteors continue to fall…” There was a pause, followed by a bang. “… it is estimated that as much as 80% of the human population of the Earth could be wiped out.”

“Well, fuck.” Michael turned off the radio. “Everyone we know is probably dead or dying, we’re trapped in a basement, and there’s only one girl.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I scowled

“We’re dudes, kid. Ever seen what happens out at sea when there’s only dudes around?” He reasoned.

“True… but I’m off limits. Nooo. No no no. Not unless I eventually end up dating one of you, which will not happen.” Not that I would mine it.

“Whatever. I’m going to shut up now, ‘cause this conversation is getting awkward. I regret starting it.”

“This didn’t happen.” I said.

“Good.”

“What time is it?” Gavin asked.

“About three in the afternoon.” I replied, checking my watch. So I’d been there for a day. I finally joined their melted-ice-cream-eating, then we cranked the radio back up and waited for the others to rise. It would be a long day.

Three days. It had taken another three days for the meteors to stop falling. We’d had an eerily quiet morning. Breakfast had been two cookies and cold chicken nugget for each of us. We listened to the last broadcasting news station left, where the man said that everything was finally clear, as far as he could see, but to still be careful. He was the last person left at his station, and he’d lost contact with many sources of information. The final death tole he’d been able to give, yesterday evening’s, had the death tole at 6,587,212,311 people. Ninety two percent of people were gone, but we were alive. We were surviving on luck alone. We could’ve been hit, we could’ve ran out of food, the roof could’ve collapsed, we could’ve all been killed back by the hotel. It seemed so long ago, all of that shit. My memory was now filled with the people who were formerly known as Achievement Hunter and the one tiny room of Jack’s house.

“I say we try going outside today.” Geoff suggested. We collectively decided that it was a good idea. We hadn’t heard an impact since the day before, and it seemed that other disasters had stopped as well. It seemed that the apocalypse was over, and we’d lived through it. We all borrowed some clothes from Jack. I looked like a kid trying on its parents clothes. It was a bit big on everyone else as well, but not nearly as big as it was on me. I grabbed the first aid kit, and Ryan and Jack got the handgun and baseball bat respectively. Geoff, Michael, and Ray carried snacks. Gavin got the water.

“Everyone ready?” Geoff asked. We all nodded.

“Three… two… one…” Ryan counted down to open the door. It opened with ease, and we found that at least half of Jack’s house had crumbled into the basement at some point.

“At least we’re alive.” Ryan patted him on the back. We found the stairs, which was only covered with minor bits of debris. It was almost as though a giant had stepped on part of the house. There was a gaping hole where the bedroom, kitchen, dining room, and bathroom had been. The house next door was completely destroyed. As we stepped carefully outside the safety of the house that had protected us from the apocalypse, we took in the destruction. There were surprisingly few houses left standing, and craters all over the place. It was all you could see for miles. There was, however, one car coming down the street. As it stopped in front of the house, relief washed over all of us. A familiar face stepped out.

“Gus!” I shouted, running up to hug him. Someone else from RoosterTeeth had survived.

“Uh, hey guys, who the fuck is this?” He asked.

“This is Jill. She made it through the apocalypse with us, because she helped with my computer.” Geoff explained.

“What the fuck does one thing have to do with the other? You know what, I don’t even care. I’ve been checking up on everyone, seeing who else made it. Jack was the last on my list.”

“Hey!” Jack exclaimed.

“Whatever. The fact that I cared enough to put you on the list to check up on should be enough. But yeah, a lot of them are dead.” Gus shook his head.

“Burnie?”

“Dead.”

“Matt?”

“Dead.”

“Joel?”

“Dead.”

“Monty.”

“Dead.”

“Miles?”

“Dead.”

“You know what, name the people who aren’t dead. That might be easier.” Ryan suggested.

“Us, Lindsey, Griffon, Millie, Kerry. Oh, and Esther.”

“That’s it?” Jack asked.

“Yeah. That’s it.”

“It sounds like you guys did fairly well… I mean, six and a half billion people died.” I pointed out.

“We should meet up with them. I want to see how our apartment faired…” Michael said.

“I want to be with Millie and Griffon.” Geoff added.

“I say, we have a big RoosterTeeth-Apocalypse-Survival-Group.” I suggested. A very good suggestion indeed.