Princess Anna
Tears
The moonlight sprinkles shadows of snowflakes across my carpet and onto me. The shivering cold trapped outside makes me feel comfort in some sense. However, the thought of Madame, Maria and Adam sitting downstairs for prayer makes me uncomfortable.
Not that they had not asked me if I wanted to join them, but I prefer to pray at bedtime. To pray alone.
What was this connection that they just had to pray together? That they just had to have meetings three times a day? That Adam had to avoid me, never taking my hand, or taking me for a walk, or telling me how clever I had become?
My navy dress was almost black in the darkness of the room. Only the glints of moonshine lit it to show I was even there. Hidden in plain sight. Against the soft mauve expanse of carpet.
Knock. Tap. Knock. Tap.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The tears slip out of my eyes.
The door waves open and Madame stands in the door with her arms out and her eyes squinting.
"Anna? Dear what are you doing?" Madame slips to her knees beside me and pulls my head into her lap.
I sneeze. She can hear my laboured breaths.
"Anna darling, tell me what are you doing?"
"I- I'm crying." I hiccup and Madame catches me trying to hide the silly half-smile that has come onto my face.
I am caught like a child.
She gives me the parent smile. The knowing look of understanding. Her silver eyes darken as she keeps serious evaluations running over me. She holds me up to rest her hands on my shoulders.
I look away. Unsure. Caught. Upset. Jealous. Tired. Unloved. Troubled. Tears dripping out of my heart.
"You know, life was different in my younger days. When I was married I stayed with my husband in our home with his parents here in the North Kingdom. We would take small trips and stay the winter at our friend's home. These were Maria's parents. When Adam was young he was quite a handful, and when I had my second child I was in need of a friend to help me along." Madame wipes stray tears from my cheeks and takes my hand.
"When I had my Isha, Adam was five years old and full of energy. Maria's mother would keep him busy while I was with the sleeping Maria and Isha. One day I picked up a crying girl and began to feed her my milk. Little did I know it was little Maria this time rather than Isha. I felt her bite me as she was a bit stronger than my Isha I was rather surprised. My milk finished quickly. I knew that Isha always drank slowly. I let out a yell of shock and Maria's mother came running. She laughed that I fed the wrong baby. From then on Maria became my daughter as well. So think of her as the sister of Adam. And soon she will be your sister as well. "
My mouth had an unladylike expression on it. Total surprise. So this was it? She was his sister in this way. Such interesting people. I suppose they have the same mother in some sense.
"What happened to Isha?" A tear drops from Her Majesty's eye.
She smiles beneath the rogue tear streak.
"That girl, she has a pair of wings rather than arms."
"Is she-" I catch my breath.
"She is studying in Gransder with the tutors there. My two brothers teach there as well and keep an eye on her."
"Oh," She's alive. "Has she many years more to go?"
"Yes, many. She plans to be the first princess doctor. No proposal or trip to Enawe will capture her fancy. But I like it. She studies and then when I am old she can care for me best."
"Her husband will have to be quite knowledgeable as well." I say.
"Most certainly. Now come Anna, we will put you to bed." She says sweeping me up.
I change into a long white gown and Madame waits outside the door to give me a kiss on my forehead.
I rest in the plush mattress with the wool upto my chin.
How strange how things work out.
My dreamy mind catches the last glimpses of the last snowflakes of the storm. They slip and dance around the window as I sink into sleep.
Not that they had not asked me if I wanted to join them, but I prefer to pray at bedtime. To pray alone.
What was this connection that they just had to pray together? That they just had to have meetings three times a day? That Adam had to avoid me, never taking my hand, or taking me for a walk, or telling me how clever I had become?
My navy dress was almost black in the darkness of the room. Only the glints of moonshine lit it to show I was even there. Hidden in plain sight. Against the soft mauve expanse of carpet.
Knock. Tap. Knock. Tap.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The tears slip out of my eyes.
The door waves open and Madame stands in the door with her arms out and her eyes squinting.
"Anna? Dear what are you doing?" Madame slips to her knees beside me and pulls my head into her lap.
I sneeze. She can hear my laboured breaths.
"Anna darling, tell me what are you doing?"
"I- I'm crying." I hiccup and Madame catches me trying to hide the silly half-smile that has come onto my face.
I am caught like a child.
She gives me the parent smile. The knowing look of understanding. Her silver eyes darken as she keeps serious evaluations running over me. She holds me up to rest her hands on my shoulders.
I look away. Unsure. Caught. Upset. Jealous. Tired. Unloved. Troubled. Tears dripping out of my heart.
"You know, life was different in my younger days. When I was married I stayed with my husband in our home with his parents here in the North Kingdom. We would take small trips and stay the winter at our friend's home. These were Maria's parents. When Adam was young he was quite a handful, and when I had my second child I was in need of a friend to help me along." Madame wipes stray tears from my cheeks and takes my hand.
"When I had my Isha, Adam was five years old and full of energy. Maria's mother would keep him busy while I was with the sleeping Maria and Isha. One day I picked up a crying girl and began to feed her my milk. Little did I know it was little Maria this time rather than Isha. I felt her bite me as she was a bit stronger than my Isha I was rather surprised. My milk finished quickly. I knew that Isha always drank slowly. I let out a yell of shock and Maria's mother came running. She laughed that I fed the wrong baby. From then on Maria became my daughter as well. So think of her as the sister of Adam. And soon she will be your sister as well. "
My mouth had an unladylike expression on it. Total surprise. So this was it? She was his sister in this way. Such interesting people. I suppose they have the same mother in some sense.
"What happened to Isha?" A tear drops from Her Majesty's eye.
She smiles beneath the rogue tear streak.
"That girl, she has a pair of wings rather than arms."
"Is she-" I catch my breath.
"She is studying in Gransder with the tutors there. My two brothers teach there as well and keep an eye on her."
"Oh," She's alive. "Has she many years more to go?"
"Yes, many. She plans to be the first princess doctor. No proposal or trip to Enawe will capture her fancy. But I like it. She studies and then when I am old she can care for me best."
"Her husband will have to be quite knowledgeable as well." I say.
"Most certainly. Now come Anna, we will put you to bed." She says sweeping me up.
I change into a long white gown and Madame waits outside the door to give me a kiss on my forehead.
I rest in the plush mattress with the wool upto my chin.
How strange how things work out.
My dreamy mind catches the last glimpses of the last snowflakes of the storm. They slip and dance around the window as I sink into sleep.