Princess Anna
Thunder
Now I see they were praying together, not three, but five times. Now I know that they were waiting for more than just a wedding date but something deeper. They wanted me to twist, well turn, or what I can really only state as that they wanted me to understand.
Understand something inside me, something I always feared.
When they spoke to me these last few weeks at first I wanted to leave, play my instruments-piano, flute, chello, anything to drown out their voices. But I could not. The fact that life was occurring, almost without me, terrified me.
Without me understanding it. Without me acknowledging it. Without me knowing myself. My beliefs. My God.
Just one God that created mankind. He who made the heavens and the earth and sent down prophets for us to learn how to live. How to live. How to live. How to live.
How to live.
He did not give birth, and neither was He given birth to. God is one and we ask Him for everything. He provides everything.
Not even a leaf falls, not even a snowflake comes down without His knowledge.
And at long last I feel like I can hear. At long last I can hear the thunder. I can hear what it is blocking. I was so fearful. So worried. When truly, it was more than I could hope for.
I understand that inside of me there were always fears.
The storm was inside me all along, the thunder was my fears trying to block out the light. The guidance.
I wish I could tell every person, every being here with me on earth. I finally found the truth. The truth. God guided me. God brought the truth to me.
He sent down prophets and Holy Books to teach me how to live. He sent me perfect examples. Perfect examples.
Perfect role models. Those that spoke only truth. Those that relayed the truth.
They were not liars and power-seekers and crazy. They were truthful, strong, and guided.
They did not seek any reward except from God.
They did not seek any worldly reward.
Perhaps this is what made me wake up.
I speak of dresses and fine gowns constantly, I want to be the most beautiful, most admired. But I never said I wanted to be the most truthful, the best role model. What legacy will I leave on this earth with my dreamy thoughts of luxury? If people follow that self of mine, they will end up tormented.
Tormented and deaf by thunder as they search the world for treasure.
And now I can speak of how I cried. I cried until my tears dried out and Madame Asmara worried that the Angel of Death would take my weak soul. I let the tears flow.
I did not even allow it! But what can I do? The tears flew down and I apologized to Maria for making her feel the need to wipe my tears and hold my trembling hand. And I looked up to Adam. His eyes wide with worry.
"Everything will be okay Anna. Mother will take care of you." He says.
"Adam, I-I'm so sorry you are stuck with me." I breathe.
"No-"
"Adam, please. Understand me. I didn't know that I was so ignorant. Like an ignorant crying child!"
"Anna! You accepted Islam, you've been guided by God. It's okay to cry." Adam falls to his knees nearby and Madame Asmara takes his hand.
They glance at each other and Madame smiles lightly. I stare at the red tinges at the ends of her grey eyes and am reminded of the glowing Northern Lights Maria and Adam showed me a few a days ago.
"Anna?" Madame breathes.
"Yes?" I say.
"One should spend time with those who always repent because they have the softest hearts. And one that can shed tears also has a soft heart. That means they are close to God. So don't worry, you have a soft heart, not a hardened heart."
"You really think I have a soft heart?" I say.
Madame pulls her arm around me more tightly and kisses my head. I push my arms around hers and take comfort in her presence.
"The sweetest heart. And as a Muslim Anna, you will be an even better person."
"Madame, I can't bare to think that," I glance at Adam and stare down into my own palms, "that Adam is stuck with someone as sinful as I am."
"You're a new Muslim Anna, do you know what that means?" Maria stares me down.
Her beauty, her delicacy, her intelligence. How can she even stand me?
"Wh-what?"
"It means that all your past sins are forgiven."
"All of them? Really?"
"Every single one. That means, right at this moment you have become better than us all!" Maria says loudly.
The sound of her voice in the empty house lightens me to understand the unique situation.
Here I am, a new Muslim. Finally I have accepted that God is one and that all the prophets sent down to the nations were truthful and that the Prophet Muhammad is the last and final prophet. Here I am accepting the truth. Understanding.
And I cannot help but laugh! This is brilliant!
I giggle at Maria, and they all begin to look at our states and grin.
"Just look at us, we are in a state." I say.
Unsure of this new perspective on my life, I glance at Madame.
"Anna you fit right into my home." Madame says and kisses my forehead.
Adam glances at me and grins.
"Shall we take a walk Anna?" He says.
I nod and rise with Madame to lean on.
"Come Maria, let's three go together. Mother we will be back soon."
At long last, I am invited on a walk with my future husband. How, strange? But how fluid in this turn of beliefs.
Understand something inside me, something I always feared.
When they spoke to me these last few weeks at first I wanted to leave, play my instruments-piano, flute, chello, anything to drown out their voices. But I could not. The fact that life was occurring, almost without me, terrified me.
Without me understanding it. Without me acknowledging it. Without me knowing myself. My beliefs. My God.
Just one God that created mankind. He who made the heavens and the earth and sent down prophets for us to learn how to live. How to live. How to live. How to live.
How to live.
He did not give birth, and neither was He given birth to. God is one and we ask Him for everything. He provides everything.
Not even a leaf falls, not even a snowflake comes down without His knowledge.
And at long last I feel like I can hear. At long last I can hear the thunder. I can hear what it is blocking. I was so fearful. So worried. When truly, it was more than I could hope for.
I understand that inside of me there were always fears.
The storm was inside me all along, the thunder was my fears trying to block out the light. The guidance.
I wish I could tell every person, every being here with me on earth. I finally found the truth. The truth. God guided me. God brought the truth to me.
He sent down prophets and Holy Books to teach me how to live. He sent me perfect examples. Perfect examples.
Perfect role models. Those that spoke only truth. Those that relayed the truth.
They were not liars and power-seekers and crazy. They were truthful, strong, and guided.
They did not seek any reward except from God.
They did not seek any worldly reward.
Perhaps this is what made me wake up.
I speak of dresses and fine gowns constantly, I want to be the most beautiful, most admired. But I never said I wanted to be the most truthful, the best role model. What legacy will I leave on this earth with my dreamy thoughts of luxury? If people follow that self of mine, they will end up tormented.
Tormented and deaf by thunder as they search the world for treasure.
And now I can speak of how I cried. I cried until my tears dried out and Madame Asmara worried that the Angel of Death would take my weak soul. I let the tears flow.
I did not even allow it! But what can I do? The tears flew down and I apologized to Maria for making her feel the need to wipe my tears and hold my trembling hand. And I looked up to Adam. His eyes wide with worry.
"Everything will be okay Anna. Mother will take care of you." He says.
"Adam, I-I'm so sorry you are stuck with me." I breathe.
"No-"
"Adam, please. Understand me. I didn't know that I was so ignorant. Like an ignorant crying child!"
"Anna! You accepted Islam, you've been guided by God. It's okay to cry." Adam falls to his knees nearby and Madame Asmara takes his hand.
They glance at each other and Madame smiles lightly. I stare at the red tinges at the ends of her grey eyes and am reminded of the glowing Northern Lights Maria and Adam showed me a few a days ago.
"Anna?" Madame breathes.
"Yes?" I say.
"One should spend time with those who always repent because they have the softest hearts. And one that can shed tears also has a soft heart. That means they are close to God. So don't worry, you have a soft heart, not a hardened heart."
"You really think I have a soft heart?" I say.
Madame pulls her arm around me more tightly and kisses my head. I push my arms around hers and take comfort in her presence.
"The sweetest heart. And as a Muslim Anna, you will be an even better person."
"Madame, I can't bare to think that," I glance at Adam and stare down into my own palms, "that Adam is stuck with someone as sinful as I am."
"You're a new Muslim Anna, do you know what that means?" Maria stares me down.
Her beauty, her delicacy, her intelligence. How can she even stand me?
"Wh-what?"
"It means that all your past sins are forgiven."
"All of them? Really?"
"Every single one. That means, right at this moment you have become better than us all!" Maria says loudly.
The sound of her voice in the empty house lightens me to understand the unique situation.
Here I am, a new Muslim. Finally I have accepted that God is one and that all the prophets sent down to the nations were truthful and that the Prophet Muhammad is the last and final prophet. Here I am accepting the truth. Understanding.
And I cannot help but laugh! This is brilliant!
I giggle at Maria, and they all begin to look at our states and grin.
"Just look at us, we are in a state." I say.
Unsure of this new perspective on my life, I glance at Madame.
"Anna you fit right into my home." Madame says and kisses my forehead.
Adam glances at me and grins.
"Shall we take a walk Anna?" He says.
I nod and rise with Madame to lean on.
"Come Maria, let's three go together. Mother we will be back soon."
At long last, I am invited on a walk with my future husband. How, strange? But how fluid in this turn of beliefs.